evile | 3366icq w/A

Jul. 13, 2005

evile: hi :)
SkyeDS: hey :)
evile: I spent a good bit of this a.m. thinking it was Thursday.
Imagine my disappointment.
SkyeDS: I bet.
SkyeDS: last week was just a 4 day week and it dragged on forever.
This week is worse.
evile: *nod* I'm so glad I'm taking off lots of time later this month.
SkyeDS: I told you that I figured out that while we will always have
differences in backgrounds and styles, that I've figured out that
most of the adversarial-ness between Bridget(Jen) and I was
perpetrated and perpetuated by Karen Randy's wife right?
evile: wow..that sucks! What an unhappy person Karen must be.
SkyeDS: so I downloaded all her papers on ballet to start working on
about half a dozen different exercises, and I emailed her and told
her what I wanted to do and asked if we could have private
instruction over and above official practices which have been
cancelled until fall anyway
SkyeDS: and I offered my place for practice if the new barn wouldn't
allow it (I can't imagine why they wouldn't but just in case)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and so B/J writes back and says she's going to write a ballet
JUST for us, spend 15 or more hours teaching it to us
evile: nice!
SkyeDS: and the only recompense she wants is that we perform it at BG
Baronial
SkyeDS: I'm like omg omg omg yes yes yes
evile: that's really awesome :)
SkyeDS: the new water filter came yesterday. the first of the two
bows came today.
SkyeDS: like Xmas every day here now :)
evile: cool :)
SkyeDS: now I need to order my vitamins and figure out what Saturday
I want the fast to be on, so I can figure out when I need to go
shopping and start the 7 day prequel
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: sineater agreed that knowing both our natures that we'd rather
just buy all organic than deal with buying and using food wash or
making our own out of clorox and water.
evile: yup.
evile: I had a good time skating last night. I really need to make
exercise a more regular habit.
SkyeDS: amen sister
evile: A lot of emotional problems can be solved by taking better
care of ones physical body.
SkyeDS: indeed (looks sheepish, I know this, even though I'm bad
about it)
evile: I don't know why I keep being surprised every time I discover
this again.
SkyeDS: I can't even claim to be surprised every time I experience
it. I'm just bad about doing what I damn well know I damn well need
to do.
SkyeDS: self discipline is not my middle name
evile: *nod* me too.
evile: It's possible htat I just need to take a break from people for
a while and work on me. I keep letting other people's flaking out on
me keep me from doing my own work. (e and onyxlynxx both flaked on
Yoga Saturday a.m.) The only person that punishes is me. It's
senseless. So I just need to focus on taking care of me and doing
what is best for my self.
SkyeDS: nods, sounds wise.
evile: I will put it out there that I'm going to do A thing at B
time/date, and if people want to jion me, fine, and if not, fine. But
I am not going to let my felings about being 'ditched' cause me to
hurt my own body.
SkyeDS: for a week or so we were riding every night after work, that
was nice.
SkyeDS: but I need to do more than that.
evile: *nod*
evile: a little effort every day. I did best when I was doing Ana
Caban's little 20 minute Pilates daily.
SkyeDS: hopefully a couple of weeks of eating right will be a good
first step and increasing activity will be a good second step
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: tricktraining every night ought to count fer somethin at least
evile: definitely :)
evile: Did you get the Pirate Queen part, or whatever, BTW?
SkyeDS: I have no idea.
SkyeDS: they said the audition was good. they have received the
character study and background I wrote.
SkyeDS: Neither Dani nor Joe has said anything past that.
evile: That event is not until late next month, I guess they'll let
you know soon enough so they can set up the rp and whatever.
SkyeDS: and once again I suspect I bit off more than I will be able
to chew with my grandiose plans for these little faires who couldn't
care less one way or the other what we do
evile: *nod* it happens.
SkyeDS: so like I don't have time to sit around agonizing, pondering
and probosculating on wtf these different little cliques are doing
with t heir rp. Not Dani/Joe/Iron Cloud RP, not even wth Chris and
Jubi think they're doing without asking me first when it involves my
character and sonar0m's too.
evile: It's just a game, isn't it?
SkyeDS: exactly.
SkyeDS: and w hat I want to do at faire isn't.
SkyeDS: so I'm g oing to give the best I've got to give everyone rp
wise, and that either suffices or it doesn't, but I'm not going to
waste time worrying about it
evile: *nod* that's exactly right.
evile: I hate it when people misuse the word 'ironic'.
SkyeDS: where?
evile: in my LJ. someone said it was 'ironic' that we had both been
at skate night last night.
evile: was so tempted to post the dictionary.com definition of ironic.
SkyeDS: hadn't read LJ yet, looking f or it
SkyeDS: you were very good
SkyeDS: <tongue in c heek, my own>
evile: He was one of hte people who said something nice to me, so I
resisted the temptation to be snarky. roninjedi does that a
lot. Posts something miserable, is comforted, and then finds a reason
to snarl at the comforter. "aren't you stupid for caring about me?"
kind of thing. When he is really just feeling stupid for needing it
in the first place.
SkyeDS: words mean things, you are a wordsmith, the irksomeness is
understandable. and it is laudable that the thought did not run
through your head and out your mouth unfiltered.
evile: I really am trying hard to be better about that.
evile: especially with people who either don't know me well enough to
know when I'm playing around, or people who are too fragile to take
my verbal roughhousing.
SkyeDS: you done good :)
SkyeDS: faint praise from t he queen of no filters, I know.
evile: Well, thank you. :)
SkyeDS: 42 responses to a post, wow. I can't begin to imagine.
evile: half of them are other people, half are me writing back.
SkyeDS: ok 21 responses, I still can't imagine
evile: *nod* it's a lot, and I'm very grateful, even though I feel
horribly stupid for being such a whiney ass.
SkyeDS: you're allowed.
evile: Intellectually, I know this. Emotionally, I don't feel like I
have any right to ask.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: Kulilinei says avoiding the situation with Niki will just make the
situation crop up somewhere else, with someone else, later on. So I
have to face whatever it is in my self and the situation and figure
out whatever it is I need to learn.
evile: I really didn't want to hear that. But I know she's right.
SkyeDS: nods, I think so too
SkyeDS: but knowing and feeling and doing aren't easy to connect
evile: No they are not. I like things to make sense. And
emotions...they just don't.
SkyeDS: you're no doubt better at them than I am. although that's
truly not saying much.
SkyeDS: I had channels of Empathy blown wide open working for Miss
Cleo that I didn't know were there and didn't particularly want or
need blown open. I don't want to be an Empath.
evile: *shrug* I really don't know. Everyone has their own baggage to
deal with in life.
evile: Everything happens for a reason, so they say.
SkyeDS: if I had acquired the ability to successfully deal with
emotions, it would be fine. but it's like having responsibility and
no authority.
evile: *nod*
evile: I've gotten further w/Niki than I have with other people in
the same situation..she told me what, exactly, I'd done & said to
offend her. I'm still not sure WHY she chose to take offense, but at
least I know now. I am just not sure how I can give her what she
wants without doing/saying the same or similar things again. She
wants to hang around and be buddies, well, I tease people and I tool
on them.
SkyeDS: well, either you don't do t hat to her, or she learns to let
it roll off like water on a duck's back because it's just you
SkyeDS: the only thing under your control is whether or not you do it
around Nikki
SkyeDS: the only thing under her control is whether or not she lets
it bother her
evile: Well...that' sjust part of who I am...I so I don't know if I
can be affectionate with someone without teasing them a little.
SkyeDS: ~ pronounced by the Mistress of the Obvious (DUH) Statement.
evile: I am really not very good at kissing ass or tiptoeing around.
When I like people, I tend to kiss/hug/make fun all at the saem time.
I don't know how to turn one off and keep teh rest on.
SkyeDS: from Niki's standpoint, she shouldn't expect you to. She can
only control how she reacts or whether she reacts
evile: *nod* I guess some people just don't understand that if I
didn't like them, I wouldn't bother even talking to them, let alone
poke fun at 'em.
evile: I guess I am just going to have to find out exactly what
topics are not appropriate for humor.
evile: Apparently her sexuality is one of those.
SkyeDS: that would be because she's deeply insecure about it
SkyeDS: I draw fire over mine all the damn time and I couldn't care
less.
evile: and hopefully she'll get better at telling me at the time it
happens, that I've done or said soemthing wrong, and specifically
WHAT I did/said.
evile: Because this 'you were shitty to me all weekend' stuff is NOT
gonna fly.
evile: Because to my mind, very logically, that translates
as "feeding me, spending time with me, hugging me, kissing me, going
naked hot tubbing with me, are all unacceptable and I did not enjoy
them"
SkyeDS: that makes me want to laugh.
evile: well, what would you think in that situation? Like if we'd
come back from Ingleside, say, and I'd broadsided you with "You were
awful to me all weekend!"
evile: When, to your memory, we had a nice time, enjoyed one
another's company, and managed to make it through without any obvious
misunderstandings or ruffled feathers?
evile: I mean...I just don't deal well with blanket statements like
that.
SkyeDS: that is indeed a WTF moment
evile: well, crud. Time for me to break on outta here. Sorry to get
back on the stupid topic. I just need to let it go and if it's gonna
work itself out,it will.
SkyeDS: hugs, wind to your wings :)
evile: *hugs* take care :)