217 last nites dreams

 

• Dec. 31, 2001

   

  I dreamt about getting together my applications to join CMA and PACT.
  As if it was a good thing, as if it was important to me to get these
  done. Looked at PACT's web page today--they 'vote' on whether or not
  you get to be a member.
  
  And Aradia is their newsletter editor or some shit. She of Austin
  Pagan Pride Day 2001 non-organization. I really don't care to belong
  to a group in which she plays such a large role. Then again, maybe
  it's not as big as it looks? Or, dare I think it? It's a role I could
  play, given sufficient immersion in the community?
  
  Then again, I tend to join things and then have them fall apart just
  as I'm getting excited about being there (Explorer Scouts, PDAP, I
  suppose I could think of others if I got excited about remembering
  that crap).
  
  So...If I did join, I can't picture myself being some big dynamic
  pagan leader/organizer. I am just not into beating my head against
  walls that way. I like doing what I like doing and if other people
  like it, too, then okay. And I'm a good organizer. But it ain't
  gonna happen that I'm going to be any kind of leader in a community
  as fucked up and disorganized and generally disrespectful of
  authority figures as the pagans.
  
  But I guess I should do as my dream dictated & fill out the
  applications & mail them off. Money orders, not checks, for the
  membership fees

  217last nites dreams

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  • eekatfreaksdotnet

    Dec. 31, 2001

     

    I dreamt about getting together my applications to join CMA and PACT.
    As if it was a good thing, as if it was important to me to get these
    done. Looked at PACT's web page today--they 'vote' on whether or not
    you get to be a member.
    
    And Aradia is their newsletter editor or some shit. She of Austin
    Pagan Pride Day 2001 non-organization. I really don't care to belong
    to a group in which she plays such a large role. Then again, maybe
    it's not as big as it looks? Or, dare I think it? It's a role I could
    play, given sufficient immersion in the community?
    
    Then again, I tend to join things and then have them fall apart just
    as I'm getting excited about being there (Explorer Scouts, PDAP, I
    suppose I could think of others if I got excited about remembering
    that crap).
    
    So...If I did join, I can't picture myself being some big dynamic
    pagan leader/organizer. I am just not into beating my head against
    walls that way. I like doing what I like doing and if other people
    like it, too, then okay. And I'm a good organizer. But it ain't
    gonna happen that I'm going to be any kind of leader in a community
    as fucked up and disorganized and generally disrespectful of
    authority figures as the pagans.
    
    But I guess I should do as my dream dictated & fill out the
    applications & mail them off. Money orders, not checks, for the
    membership fees

214 bla

 

• Dec. 31, 2001

   

  I feel like crapola, still. Really really don't want to do anything,
  but Tom won't go out if I don't, and then he'll be a penis about it.
  So we will go to Jaime & Kathleen's lame New Years Eve thing and it
  will suck and then I will have to drive us home. "Oh, wah, we never
  get to see Jaime & Kathleen, we haven't seen them in such a loooong
  time, wah wah." Not like Jaime wasn't playing the Sky Lounge on the
  28th and doesn't play Rover's every month, or anything. It's not like
  you couldn't see him any old time you wanted to if you'd get off your
  lazy ass and make some effort. Fuck.
  
  Well, every time I (singular) go out with them, they pester 'wheres
  tom wheres tom wheres tom" so I am sick of that and I won't bother
  going out with them ever again, unless Tom's there. Heaven fucking
  forbid that I have my own car, my own job, my own money, and can go
  places my own self.
  
  So...fuck it. I will go out even tho I don't want to because it's
  better than watching Tom whine/mope/carry on. Maybe I can be sick
  enough that we can leave early. If I spin it like "Oh, we can get out
  of this party early so you and Max can go get a beer". Yeah, that
  might work.
  
  Tom says he hates being manipulated but he gets so fucking babyish
  whiney when I just say up front that I don't wanna do what he wants
  to do and why doesn't he just go by himself? No, honesty never
  fucking works. EVER.

 

215 ABC's of Me

 

• Dec. 31, 2001

   

  Tera's ABCs o' Me
  
  
  A) Animal: Solitary hunter type critters: cats, betta fish, hedgehogs
  
  
  B) Buddy: Jen. always :)
  
  
  C) Cereal: ?? Cap'n Crunch, maybe
  
  
  D) Dream: To travel the world
  
  
  E) Emotion: Angst. Comes of wanting everything and knowing that I'm
  just a brat.
  
  
  F) Food: chocolate. Grits. seafood. bagels & cream cheeze
  
  
  G) Gem: birthstone=Emerald. But ...?
  
  
  H) Hottie: Dunno. I don't really think like that anymore. Maybe the
  guy who played Boromir in Lord of the Rings.
  
  
  I) Interests: Lots. Reading, mostly. Traveling. Costuming, sewing,
  etc. Losing interest in renfaire.
  
  
  J) Junk food: pringles
  
  
  K) Kool-aid: Good for hair dye. Bad for drinking.
  
  
  L) Love: Just a miserable lie.
  
  
  M) Money: Want more than I have, have as much as I really need for
  day to day survival.
  
  
  N) Name: Duh.
  
  
  O) Outfit: Jeans & henley shirts. Docs or dreamshoes
  
  
  P) Pizza toppings: Canadian Bacon & pineapple
  
  
  Q) Quote: "Magic is the art & science of causing change in accordance
  with the Will" - A. Crowley
  
  
  R) Radio station: 107.7 The End, 80s station
  
  S) Sport: Bleh. No sports.
  
  T) Television Show: Dark Angel, Futurama, The Simpsons, 3rd Rock from
  the Sun.
  
  
  U) Unattractive sight: Fat people dressed badly. &/or exposing too
  much flesh.
  
  
  V) Video: Got Slacker for Xmas!
  
  W) Wish: US out of afghanistan, US gov't to be non corrupt. Heck, as
  long as I"m wishing, may as well wish big
  
  X) ?
  
  
  Y) Year Born: 1970.
  
  
  Z) Zodiac: Taurus/Gemini cusp, but it doesn't mean much

216 Reflections & resolutions

 

• Dec. 31, 2001

   

  Um...2001 is about over. Not much of a year. I turned 31. I made
  contact with an old Tulane buddy. I saw a friend I hadn't seen since
  High School. Made my sis in law mad at me. Went on a couple of
  diets, lost 19 lbs, gained ....20 or so. Joined a gym. Quit the gym
  (as of 4 days ago). Went to a couple of renaissance festivals.
  Started skating on Tuesday nites. The City started fixing our back
  yard. Tried gardening. Gave up gardening. Took a couple of classes.
  Saw the Asylum St. Spankers once. Got the coworker harassment
  stopped. Went to 6 Flags. Went to Indiana. Went to a party on a boat.
  Went to Lanigan's Ball. Gave up caffeine a couple times. Our next
  door neighbor died. I got poison ivy on my foot. I got sunburned.
  Did a couple of craft shows. Bought a ton of stuff on amazon.com.
  Bought dumb stuff on eBay. Sold dumb stuff on eBay. Lost $2500 on
  chartering bus trips to faire. Made some Xmas presents for people.
  Sold a picture of my anatomy on Ebay for less than $3. Got sick. And
  thats...it. Didn't go to the beach. Didn't go camping, except in
  conjunction with Excalibur Faire. Didn't get anything from last
  year's resolution list done, as far as I know.
  =================================
  Here's the part where I say I'm going to be a better person in 2002,
  stay in better touch with my friends, kiss my sister in law's heinie
  and make peace in the family, lose 50 lbs, learn a foreign language,
  be a nice person, go vegetarian, solve the worlds' problems, vote
  republican, give up caffeine for real, etc. ....
  
  But fuck that.
  
  I am going to be the same nasty lardass bitch that I always was, and
  if anyone doesn't like it, they can kiss aforementioned lard-heinie.
  
  I have one resolution, actually. I am not going to talk about people
  behind their backs. So my Diaryland diary will become pretty fucking
  boring in a hurry. Ah well. It's no good for my karma and it solves
  no problems, and it doesn't even really make me feel better to say
  nasty shit about people. So I'm going to cut that out.
  
  Also, I might tackle all the unfinished projects that are in my work
  room.
  
  Additionally, I might learn to use my inline skates and tootle around
  the neighborhood...
  
  And if I did lose 40 or 50 pounds I wouldn't cry about it.
  
  And I am really going to try and get out of credit card debt hell
  this year.
  
  But no pressure. No lists. No "I will do these things or else I am a
  bad person"
  
  I am a bad person. Whether or not I accomplish these things. It won't
  make me any better or any worse than the rest of the creeps crawling
  around on the planet's surface.