An earthy meditation on "equanimity"

[evile]

I've been trying to get my head around Maitri, which is, in a nutshell, wishing for myself and others: "happiness and the root of happiness," "freedom from suffering and the root of suffering" "Joy" and "Equanimity"

Equanimity has been a tough one. I've been hit hard and often in the last few months with thoughts and feelings of "If Thax doesn't love me, I'll die" and "If Thax leaves me, I'll die,"...and that grasping, clinging, panic, and holding on so desperately and miserably, ironically, LIMITS the love that Thax and I can share. It limits us, period.

I don't know what Pema Chodron would think of this, but I like it.

Thanks to turbojj for the linky.

Comments

[goudananda.livejournal.com]

I do not feel it's the easy path. It would be far easier to exclude romantic relationships all together and being poly, Buddhist leaning and involved in romance is something the Buddha himself probably never contemplated. I do feel that those I've met in the community who embrace some degree of Buddhist spirituality have been the most balanced and secure folks in the community.

Feeling like you will die? Oh, trust me, I've been there before and we'll both be there again. The trick is to embrace the death until there no longer is any pain, nothing to hold onto and no image to maintain. Ego takes a long time to die. Dealing with relationships with equanimity to me means that you accept that any relationship will someday end.

Andrea, as we often have conversations about, will someday grow tired of me sitting on the couch and farting. She will finally be fed up with paying the bills and having me complain about the house clutter. She will one day decide she no longer appreciates my humor and will oust me like the poop that gets stuck on your shoe...by scraping it off on the steps.

One other possible options is that Andrea and I will grow old together and watch each other live, grow old and then physically wither. We may be with each other until one of use takes our last breath. The sadness I could eventually see at my partner taking her last breath is not a happy thought. The more I embrace life, the more I embrace it's impermanence and dissolution. The more I realize she will not be with me always, the more perspective put on our relationships, the more we can love those chosen partners fully without boundaries and regret. Impermanence and its grasp allow me to develop more equanimity.

Living and loving in the present is the best way to go. If Thax left, Thax would do what was best for him. If Thax stayed, Thax would do what was best for him. The real measure of our relationships is the degree to which they allow us to grow and work out our own enlightenment. We've chosen paths of romance. It's not an easy path to work these things out in but not impossible.

One must be able to fully love oneself before you can love another. All love comes from that place. We all have Buddha nature.

Good luck. I hope that made some sense. I was touched by what you'd written. A pain shared is a burden made lighter.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

Thank you for these long & thoughtful replies. You've given me a lot to think about.

The real measure of our relationships is the degree to which they allow us to grow and work out our own enlightenment.

Exactly! You said this so well. Ego is such a killer...of everything good in ourselves, our relationships and what they could be.

*hugs* Thank you :)

[maevemacaraab.livejournal.com]

Brilliant article, A, and what a beautiful comment Goudananda. do you always write such poignant entries? If so, may I friend request you?

[goudananda.livejournal.com]

You're welcome to add me. Usually my comments have someone wanting to put a garden trowel through my forehead but...you may be one of the ones who get's me. :P

Also, if you use facebook like Robert Gardner Wellness, it's my work page and concerns my dealings with health oriented things like bodywork, food and yoga.

http://robertgardnerwellness.com/