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evile ([personal profile] evile) wrote2020-10-23 05:56 pm
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Quora: How does one determine if they are a closet narcissist?

How does one determine if they are a closet narcissist? I have been to a therapist but my ex tells me I just manipulated them and that only she can see the real me.


I would not put a lot of stock in anything an ex says about you. First of all, they are an ‘ex’ for a reason—incompatibility, cruel behavior, a history of misunderstandings or disagreements, etc. They may be speaking from anger or bitterness about the breakup. Take anything negative an ex says with a large grain of salt!

Secondly, I would not trust any person who says they are the ‘only person’ who knows the truth. In fact, often narcissistic people or abusers use this line in order to bamboozle their targets. It is a common trait of abusers and cult leaders to make statements along the lines of “I am the only one who knows the truth.” Distrust anyone who claims to be the only person who knows something; Facts and Truth are not that elusive. Seek reality checks from multiple trusted sources if you have been placed in a position where you doubt your own eyes, ears, or subjective experience.

Finally, in my experience, narcissists do not question whether or not they are the toxic person in their relationships. Narcissists believe that they are correct and innocent, and others are the ones who are harming and persecuting them ‘for no reason.’ So if you are questioning your mental health, it is very likely that you are not a narcissist.

I hope you will continue to see a therapist. Whether your ex is right or wrong, being in therapy will be helpful to you in the long run. 


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