evile | 1740 $ - hitting the wall

14 Nov. 9:29 am

Here I am, once again getting to the point where I realize that I
will NEVER be able to afford new furniture, masonry repairs, a new
roof, rewiring the house, and/or Chenonceau for my 35th birthday.

I am 10 grand in debt. I'm never going to get out of debt. It's never
gonna happen. I'm never going to be able to pay cash for the things I
want/need in life.

At this point, I usually say 'fuckit' and go charge a bunch of little
crap that adds up to a couple hundred dollars. and feel even worse
about things once the initial 'I got new stuff' thrill goes away.

I am hoping/trying not do do that this time.

:(

I hit the wall in similar fashion with food from time to time, but I
think I'm in better control of that. I could just be lying to myself
however.

And it's not like the house needs to look like shit just because we
have no money. It doesn't take any money to trim hedges, mow the
lawn, pick up brush, sweep, mop, scrub, and put shit away.

So...I may spend a good bit of this weekend doing those things.
Poverty need not equal living in filth, clutter, and mess.

Resenting the Sweetie soooooo much right now. For being NO help on any
front, for always putting his own wants first before the house, etc.
But, know what? I do it too.