evile | 2400sad- mom thoughts

Jul. 29, 2004

It occurred to me last night that my mother does not like me very
much as a person. She may love me as her child, but I don't think she
likes me.

My CF views offend her.

Me taking Krav Maga distresses her.

It must be rough to have a kid that you don't like. You must end up
feeling like you've done something wrong to create this monster thing
evil negative hateful beast.

I hate feeling like I'm a disappointment to my parents.

But...I am not going to be a battered corpse. I will fight for
myself. I may end up being beaten, robbed, raped, killed ANYWAY, but
I am not going to be an easy victim. If you cry over my grave, mom, I
want you to know that I fought for my fucking life. The life YOU gave
me.

*sigh*

I want to be dead so very much.