Innocence by association.....

[evile]

I'm seeing a tendency, in myself,and others, to exonerate a person for their bad behavior, poor choices, and general nasty lying, simply because they're spending time with someone who is evil, and presumably under the influence of that evil person.

But...at what point do you say "Look, Joe chose to stay with his lying, cheating, abusive spouse and chose to call me a bunch of ugly names when I pointed out the fact that she's a lying, cheating, abuser. HE called me the names. SHE didn't."

Sure, it's EASIER for Joe to take an agressive stance against people who speak and act against his abuser, and heck, it probably earns him brownie points or perhaps even a brief reprieve from his abuser. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have a choice.

It's sadder when I see kids being encouraged to be dishonest by one or the other (or both) of their parents...but at some point, didn't the kid learn something, somewhere, about telling the truth and being honest? At some point, doesn't the kid have a choice as to whether or not to lie? So, at some point, it's time to stop blaming the parent and hold the kid accountable, show them the consequences of their behavior.

It's sad that maybe they weren't raised right, but the world at large isn't going to excuse or forgive them so the sooner they learn that, the better off they'll be in the long run.

This isn't really about spreading 'blame'...it's about holding people responsible for their choices in life and not shielding them from consequences because they 'can't help' who their parents are or 'can't help' who they're married to. Well...yes, and no.

Comments

[interactiveleaf.livejournal.com]

Children generally do what they can get away with. They're looking for boundaries and consequences, and the more those are NOT set/enforced, the more they will lie or act out.

That's what I remember of being a child, anyway.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

Thing is, people can "help" who they're married to a lot more than they can "help" what parents they got stuck with.

(This is the only point on which I'm disagreeing with you right now.)

Some people can overcome the crappy parenting they get, for others, it's harder. But

It's sad that maybe they weren't raised right, but the world at large isn't going to excuse or forgive them so the sooner they learn that, the better off they'll be in the long run.

is absolutely true.