evile | 664deleted from diaryland

Jun. 28, 2002
Too melodramatic for words. Even the title "Take this cup from me, I
cannot drink this bitterness anymore" EMBARASSING

I don't think I really want to talk about this in public, but do you
ever have one of those really extremely unpleasant epiphanies where
you realize that something terrible has been going on for a very long
time and someone you love is not the person you thought they were or
need them to be or even a person you want to be with anymore?

Well, yeah. I had one of those. And I am praying with
all my might that I shall be returned to my original state of
ignorance and bliss.

Flowers For Algernon is me.
I just want to be the happy idiot who thinks everyone is laughing
with me instead of the genius freak who finally figures out they were
laughing at me the whole goddamned time.

I like
to think I'm so cool, so tough, so smart.Nobody can put one over
on me. I know the score, baby. I can tell when someone's on the make.
I can spot a con a mile away. Nobody can make me feel inferior
without my permission. I kick ass and take names. I'm a jaded,
cynical, independent New Woman of the Millenium. Yeah, that's me. I
know what's what. I am large and in-charge.

All so
very false. Except maybe the large part. *sigh*