231 life & stuff

 

 

• Jan. 9, 2002

   

  Skate nite wasn't too great, I didn't get much exercise out of it, I
  don't think. Janet and Demi from Austin No Kidding! came, which is
  cool. I don't think Demi liked it, but Janet did. Janet is a member
  of PACT. She says she & her husband aren't very active, but it's a
  good bunch of people. That's good. I'm going to send off my
  application for PACT and CMA after the new moon on the 13th. I guess
  that's a little superstitious, but new moons are good for new
  beginnings. And anyway I'm trying to be a pagan, and it's all about
  silly superstitions, right.
  
  Skimmed thru Scott Wetzel's crappy book _Living with the Passive
  Agressive Man_. His theory is that only flawed women are attracted to
  PA men, and that these flawed women enable the PAs to continue
  misbehaving. His whole book was all these very dead-on descriptions
  of passive agressive men & their behaviors, then these very
  unconvincing, false-sounding explanations of their motivations &
  backgrounds, then blaming the women who allow them to be PA, then the
  conclusion "Normal people can't do anything to change PA behavior,
  only a therapist can." Well thanks a fucking lot. No practical advice
  whatsoever. So many of the PA behavior was TOM, and the "manager"
  woman was a sort of cartoon of me
  ==========================
  "Women involved with passive-agressive men tell me they wish their
  partners would feel comfortable enough with them to speak their minds
  openly and honestly. Sounds reasonable, since openness impllies total
  freedom to agree or disagree with each other. "Let him assert himself
  more," they say. "How about less dodging the issue, less of a need to
  diminish everyone's feelings, including his own? How about more
  decisiveness?" Those terms sound fair and even magnanimous, but, I've
  discovered along the way, the interest some women actually have in
  open communication is NOT always genuine. Unspoken fears &
  reservations get in their way too and they're often as timid about
  intimacy as the men they want it from. They're women I call Managers,
  who cannot take no for an answer. Since the suggestion of openness to
  them is as threatening as an approaching fist, the Manager squelches
  intimacy and turns to control. What happens? A passive-agressive man
  may at first be willing to assert himself or tell you how he feels
  [NO-E], but communication stops, ironically, with you. Possibly
  afraid of what you might hear, you interrupt himn, subtly letting him
  know that you disapprove. Later, he won't go on, and you can't pry
  the words out of him. In another scenario, the PA man goes so far as
  to tell you no, he wont' do what you want, but you can't or won't
  accept his answer,and keep pushing for a "yes". The conversation
  trails off, and he becomes sullen; he may even capitulate, but resent
  it for long afterward. For the Manager, getting her way is much more
  important than hearing what the man has to say."
  ==================================================================
  
  Such crap. It's not that I don't hear it or refuse to take no for an
  answer. Nobody likes to be told NO. What irks me is that Tom wont'
  tell me NO until it becomes a last minute issue. Or he won't tell me
  NO at all, he will just drag his feet and be a pooty head in such a
  way that I know that he feels I am FORCING him to do whatever it
  is....I could take a NO much better than I can take the bullshit. I
  hear no, and I may be sad or disappointed, but that's my tough shit.
  I will live. I can deal. I will get over it. What I can't stand
  is "mumble,shrug" up until two minutes before we're leaving to go do
  whatever it was, and then "Oh, you didn't expect me to come did you?"
  or wahtever the fuck.
  
  I wrote an ugly review of his book on amazon.com
  ===========
  Jen says that the pictures of Unohoo from Xmas remind her of Kenna.
  I disagreed: UB is Round and would be small if she was thin and Kenna
  was/is Square, and would still be big even if she was thin.
  
  Plus, Kenna washed & wore perfume, also attempted to put togethe
  r clothing & accessory ensembles that were not always flattering, but
  at least worked with one another.
  
  Wheras UH is pretty dirty, wears dirty clothes, and doesn't seem to
  have any fashion sense whatsoever.
  
  But as far as personality goes, yeah, Kenna and UH could be psychic
  twins
  ===============================
  I am getting all curious about Finches these days. I think it might
  be nice to have a couple. I dunno. It will be one of those things
  that stays on the back burner for a long time before I make any
  decision on whether or not to add another responsibility to my life.
  
  I need to clean the fish bowls tonight, BTW.
  
  I should also do my Pilates video & go for a little outing on my
  inline skates. I spent a few bux on the skates & a few more on the
  pads & helmet. So I should use 'em.
  
  anyhoo...Nothing really thrilling.
  
  My one new years resolution isn't going so well. I am still talking
  crap about UH. Not nice. But ...*sigh* whatever. I'm not a nice
  person. May as well get used to the idea.
  =================================================
  
  On nonBP nook, someone suggested The Rules as a way of dealing with
  BPs. I thought The Rules was some shallow thing about how to catch a
  man. Hmm.
  ==============================
  I have the new Bud K catalog. They have lighters with compasses in
  them. Pretty good for camping, which I may do alot of with the pagans
  this year. I might order one or two...but I might feel bad about
  spending $ when I am in credit card debt. I got some extra $ at Xmas
  time, though. It's something to think about I guess.
  
  Also, I want to order a cherry tree from Gurney's and some essential
  oils from Pinetree Garden Seed catalog.
  
  I need to find some way to balance the I wants and the gotta pay the
  bills thing. And try to keep myself from feeling poor & deprived.
  Because I'm not.