evile

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 21:38:27 GMT

bombed another job interview, just heard back today that I didn't get the job I interviewed for earlier this week. I knew I was fucking up as I was sitting there fucking it up...which probably made it worse. Just...babbling. Irrelevant stupid panic bla bla. God I hate me . So so much. why can't I just stfu and fucking die.

Oh well. Onward.

Put in for another job at a place I've had two interviews but no job offer as of yet. Maybe 3rd time is a charm! LOL.

Or I might finally just be at a point where the ageism is not able to be overcome, along with sexism and fatphobia, and I'm not employable anymore.

We'll see.

comments

This was a nice read.

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 21:46:41 GMT

Been out of work for almost a year at this point; it's a drag. I feel pretty hopeless and useless. I am trying to keep a home routine that is productive and justifies my continued existence in some way. Yeah, I'll never be comfortable being a human being. I've got to be a human doing! I understand this is something people judge and shame, but fuck'em. It is who I am and It's not a productive use of my time and energy to judge and shame myself for this trait, I'd rather create a life that allows that trait to be less toxic or non toxic, in that I'm in alignment with my own ideals rather than going on hating myself for hating myself! fucking duh

Anyhoo...I read this article yesterday and I really liked it. It made me feel pretty good about myself. I learned a lot of good kitchen discipline and skills when I was a teenager, working in fast food one summer, and then in a high end restaurant during my college days. Our main chef was a big mess-maker, his end product was always a gorgeous perfect little plate but he left the entire kitchen in an uproar and a giant mess. Which, I guess, if you're an Executive, you can do.

But I am glad I learned to clean as I go, and glad to think that perhaps these kitchen skills have given me something that translates into other work scenarios and makes me a good employee to have.

It's getting harder and harder to believe that, so this article was nice.

==============================================================

https://geediting.com/k-bt-psychology-says-people-who-clean-as-they-cook-instead-of-leaving-everything-for-the-end-display-these-8-distinctive-traits/

Text of article:

Psychology says people who clean as they cook instead of leaving everything for the end display these 8 distinctive traits

by Isabella Chase | January 6, 2026, 9:33 am

I used to be the person who’d finish cooking dinner and face a mountain of dishes that seemed to mock me from across the kitchen.

My husband would joke that I could turn making toast into a three-pot affair.

Then I started noticing something interesting about a friend who hosted regular dinner parties – her kitchen stayed spotless throughout the entire cooking process, and she seemed completely relaxed while juggling multiple dishes.

This observation led me down a fascinating rabbit hole of psychological research about the connection between our cleaning habits and our personality traits.

What I discovered changed not just how I cook, but how I understand myself and others.

1) They have stronger executive function

People who clean as they cook demonstrate what psychologists call superior executive function – the mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control.

Research from the National Institutes of Health shows that executive function allows us to manage multiple tasks simultaneously without becoming overwhelmed.

When you rinse that cutting board immediately after chopping vegetables, you’re actually exercising the same part of your brain that helps you stay focused during complex projects at work.

This isn’t just about keeping a tidy kitchen.

These same people often excel at managing their finances, maintaining work-life balance, and handling unexpected challenges with grace.

2) They experience less stress and anxiety

There’s solid science behind why clean-as-you-go cooks report feeling calmer in the kitchen.

When we allow dishes to pile up, our brains register each item as an unfinished task.

Psychologists have found that visual clutter increases cortisol levels, our primary stress hormone.

By washing that spatula right after stirring the sauce, you’re literally preventing stress from accumulating in your system.

I noticed this shift myself when I started treating cooking as a mindfulness practice rather than a race to the finish line.

The simple act of rinsing a bowl became a moment to breathe and reset before moving to the next step.

3) They possess higher conscientiousness

Conscientiousness – one of the Big Five personality traits – shows up strongly in people who maintain order while cooking.

These individuals tend to be:

• More reliable in their commitments

• Better at meeting deadlines

• More likely to follow through on their goals

• Naturally inclined toward preventive health behaviors

This trait extends far beyond the kitchen.

The same internal drive that compels someone to wipe down the counter between tasks also motivates them to schedule regular check-ups, maintain their car properly, and respond to emails promptly.

4) They demonstrate superior impulse control

Leaving the dishes for later feels easier in the moment.

But people who clean as they go consistently choose the slightly harder immediate action over the tempting postponement.

Studies on self-control from the American Psychological Association reveal that this type of consistent impulse management strengthens our overall willpower muscle.

Every time you resist the urge to leave that pan “just for now,” you’re building mental strength that serves you in countless other areas.

Think about how this translates to other choices – saving money instead of impulse buying, exercising when you’d rather skip it, or having difficult conversations instead of avoiding them.

5) They have enhanced spatial intelligence

Cooking while cleaning requires sophisticated spatial awareness.

You need to mentally map your kitchen, anticipate space needs for upcoming tasks, and efficiently navigate between cooking and cleaning zones.

This type of thinking involves constantly visualizing and reorganizing physical space in your mind.

People strong in this area often excel at packing efficiently, arranging furniture optimally, and even parallel parking with ease.

They see possibilities where others see obstacles.

6) They exhibit greater emotional regulation

The ability to maintain cleaning habits while managing multiple cooking tasks requires emotional steadiness.

When the sauce starts bubbling over while you’re washing a knife, you need to calmly prioritize rather than panic.

This emotional regulation skill transfers directly to handling workplace pressures, relationship conflicts, and unexpected life changes.

These people rarely lose their cool completely because they’ve practiced staying centered during small daily challenges.

7) They show increased mindfulness and present-moment awareness

Clean-as-you-go cooking demands presence.

You can’t be mentally rehearsing tomorrow’s meeting while simultaneously monitoring cooking times and maintaining kitchen order.

This natural mindfulness practice mirrors what I’ve cultivated through years of meditation.

The kitchen becomes a place of active meditation where each action – chopping, stirring, washing – anchors you in the present moment.

These individuals often report feeling more satisfied with their meals and more connected to the cooking process itself.

8) They display stronger long-term thinking patterns

Perhaps most importantly, people who clean while cooking consistently demonstrate long-term thinking over short-term convenience.

They understand that thirty seconds spent washing a utensil now prevents thirty minutes of overwhelming cleanup later.

This forward-thinking approach typically extends to their financial planning, career development, and relationship investments.

They’re playing the long game in life, making small deposits that compound into significant returns.

When I shifted toward minimalism in my early thirties, I realized how much mental noise clutter created in my life.

Now, in my Upper West Side apartment, every item has its place and purpose.

Cooking simple, plant-based meals while maintaining a clean workspace has become part of my daily mindfulness practice.

The kitchen stays peaceful, and so do I.

Final thoughts

Understanding these traits isn’t about judging yourself if you’re currently a leave-it-all-for-later cook.

Growth happens when we recognize patterns and consciously choose to shift them.

Start small – maybe wash just one item while something simmers.

Notice how it feels to finish cooking with a clean kitchen.

Pay attention to the mental space this creates.

What would change in your life if you applied this same principle to other areas where you tend to let things accumulate?

comments

Interviewing

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 18:19:07 GMT

After a few months of really pretty much nothing, I have two interviews in two weeks. The last one was for a temp job downtown. 12 months maximum, 8-5 in person, firm. No wiggle room on hours. Possible/likely weekend and evening OT. Business Professional attire. Pay is decent for a clerical role but the position really sounded like it would require a paralegal--lots of processing legal documents, interaction with law offices, government agencies, attending hearings and meetings etc. (hence the 8-5, we'd need to be on their schedule) for the high end of the pay scale ($40/hr) I could and would do the work, it's not outside my capabilities, but I don't love the hours, the location, the face-time with suits or the mandatory OT. I told my recruiter to send paralegals for this one because the posting didn't encompass the details enough to make that clear.

The next one is this week; permanent, full time, pay is not $40/hr but it's pretty good. has benefits. office is located close to home, and there will be options for remote work once I'm trained and working. business casual. Work is very similar to what i did for the state for 20+ yrs but private sector.

I am studying up on the company, reviewing the posting language and matching it to my resume, looking at job interview 'how to' youtube videos, just trying to make sure I come across as the best fit for that job. Of course they can smell desperation so I have to still be cool about everything.

One of the youtube videos I came across had the idea of a 'story toolbox' of a few work related anecdotes that you write down and craft so that they are easy to remember and relate. They can be adjusted on the fly so that your 'how I handled a difficult coworker' can also serve as an example of 'how I communicated in a difficult situation' or 'how I managed a mistake or setback,"

I got her free 'story toolbox' template

A time when you saved the day / solved a big problem:

A time when you worked with a difficult person & how you handled it:

A time you messed up or failed:

A time you are proud of, you achieved something great:

So I will be working on those today and tomorrow. My tendency is to babble so I have to come up with ways to make these short and sweet and understandable. I can do this.

sigh. I hope.

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Life

Thu, 15 May 2025 17:11:40 GMT

Well, I turn 55 next week. My aunt L. wants to take us to dinner to celebrate and I have to pick a place. I am just not feelin' it but I guess I need to pick *something*. bleh.

Mom is with sister H. at her house in Bloomington, IN. Mom spends most of her time asleep, eating little, is starting to see people who arent' there ("Granny"? None of her grandmothers were called 'granny' as far as I know. but...?) She may pass soon. Not to be cruel or unfeeling but she's been ready for a while, and tried in 2022 or was it 2023? anyway. I just want her to be at peace.

Mothers day is always a reminder that she didn't have the life she wanted, the love she wanted, or the accomplishments she wanted, largely due to having children. Me, mostly, I guess, the start of her disappointments in life. Abortion was illegal when I was conceived. I don't think I'll ever forget or forgive a system that robbed a woman of her life and autonomy and forced her to parent a child she and her partner didn't want to have and into trying to force a life together, a partnership that was unsuited to both of them. They did their best and maybe at some point decided that it was OK to have me, maybe even that they wanted and liked me...but it wasn't their choice. It was forced on them by the fucking government. So happy belated Mother's day, I guess. Glad and grateful for my fucked up reproductive system and getting sterilized at age 34 so I didn't have to do the same.

Still job hunting.

Our friend S. has settled in to the front room/tent room with her two cats. Her dog has run of the house. The dogs got the door open once and chased one of the cats into the work/computer room where she hid in the corner until my brother A. could get under there and get her out. It was a stressful mess. S. wanted to just leave the cat's bed and some treats in the room until the cat chose to come out but I was thinking "OK, but where is it going to piss/shit???" so for me, it wasn't an option to leave the cat in my work room until it felt like coming out. S is being a good guest, spending a lot of time resting and watching tv/movies in her room. Her dog is getting along well with our dogs and has enjoyed joining our walk routine. S. occasionally comes out and does marathon talking but it's more movies and trivia now than the first days of trauma-dumping about her childhood and stuff. She's been alone in her house for a year since her husband died; I'm trying to give her as much patience and kindness as I can manage. I can't imagine losing everyone and everything that matters to you in one fell swoop like she has.

It's gotten hot this week so we've been walking after supper instead of before.

My knees, back, left heel, and ankles are in pain just about all of the time now. I wear 'incrediwear' knee and ankle supports to bed for healing; I generally do wake up feeling more OK ish than when I dont' wear them to bed.

I've lost about 5 lbs in the last couple months. only 100+ more to go!LOLOLOLOL. not gonna happen.but I know that a great deal of my discomfort is due to carrying too much weight.

Our house is having plumbing issues. got a quote for 10K to fix it. The PVC piping used originally is not to current spec, it is weakening and sort of sagging. It's more of a flattened 0 shape rather than a round circle and will continue to collapse and crack until it's not useable and nothing goes through. Part of the driveway needs to be dug up and repoured as well. Thax wants to get a couple more quotes before we make a decision but I suspect the work will need to be done sooner rather than later.

Anyhoo...

turns out that the position I was offered FT/Permanent in Feb (and turned down due to already accepting the 6 month remote contract that ended early, and had been beating myself up over endlessly bla bla ) was 'sunsetted' just after the 6 week training period was over. The options were to apply for other positions at the company, accept transfer to Accounts Receivable and after a 3 week 'try out' period, either be accepted full time in AR, or get a severance.

So I guess I'm glad I didn't go thru all that. I would have had some bux in the bank after 6 weeks of that fat salary but not enough to really justify or make up for being jerked around and played like that.

The job hunt continues and the data analyst course continues as well. onward.

S. suggests I offer dogsitting for a couple of extra dogs and take cash as my next career....It's tempting but our backyard really isn't secure.

For my birthday/just cuz, I'm going to order a sample set from Maison des Animaux.

Aurate: This is the classic amber. Sandalwood drenched, labdanum rich, vanilla sweetened. The most golden of gold fragrances.
Boheme: Bohème is lightly sweet, deep, warm, and unisex. It starts with labdanum, cinnamon, and toffee, and transforms into leather and a bit of smoldering pipe tobacco hovering above that perfect glass of bourbon. The drydown is a honied musk that is just delicious.
Holiday: The warm, honied musk of sun-kissed skin on a tropical beach. Solar and warm, subtle sweetness balanced with a warm hum of toasted coconut and spiced rum.
Le Cirque: A riot of dark chocolate-covered espresso beans, toasted sugarcane, Mysore sandalwood, Haitian vetiver, and a puff off a Cuban cigar. This is a conversation over a late-night espresso that you never want to end. It is so fun, so rich, and entirely sexy.
Sirius : This is the sweetest Guatemalan cardamom, rare ruh khus vetiver, black keemun tea oil, and vanilla absolute from madagascar. Unisex and versatile, it starts bright and spicy and dries down into a warm, sweet, and rich woody musk. An olfactory cashmere sweater: warm, soft, a constant favorite.

comments

Mistakes Were Made.

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 14:00:13 GMT

So, I committed to this temp contract 2/18 (believing that the permanent job I'd interviewed for was rescinded, having been told by my temp agency that the only thing available at the old place was another 6 month contract, which would require another interview) and then I got a permanent offer 2/25 and for whatever reason, I felt a sense of loyalty to the temp contract and felt like I needed to keep my word. (why? I dunno.)

And I've been feeling like I closed that door to the last place forever. I mean, it was a bad choice but I don't think I actually burned any bridges (?) so I think when I get close to or at the end of this contract I'll reach back out to the agency that placed me at my previous contract where I got the belated permanent offer and see if they have anything at that same place, maybe do another 6 months in contract and see if it goes 'contract to hire' like the last one said it might. get back in the door over there and try again. maybe. I am finishing data analyst bootcamp. And who knows we may all go up in nuclear fire before then so I won't have to worry about it or work anymore.

I am trying to find a way to give myself permission and be OK with 'not keeping my word' when a situation comes up where I make an initial decision/give my word based on incomplete or bad information. I am trying to find a way to be OK with changing my mind and disappointing people when or if something happens that offers me a better option for *myself*. I mean, why on earth did I have more loyalty and care for my temp agency recruiter than i did for my own future and finances and peace of mind?

the temp remote contract is cool because it's remote and so far easy. the money compared to the money I was making at the previous 6 month 'temp to hire' remote/hybrid is better when you think about the 3+ hrs week unpaid commute, gas, vehicle wear and tear.

*if* I had taken the full time permanent offer, the money was very good. but it was 6 weeks of in office and then back to the 3 days in office hybrid schedule. It was business casual wardrobe requirements. It was a corporate culture that was ...inauthentic feeling, to me. (but wouldn't that be the case with *any* job? There's masking and faking in any workplace environment, but I didn't ever feel like I had to do anything that was absolutely distasteful or unethical)

Anyway.....I'm going to stick this contract out because I've committed to it and it should be pretty easy work once it gets going. and work on data analyst bootcamp. (having discovered in research that I *should* have asked the instructor/owner what his students' completion rate was, having found that only about 15% of people finish one of these things)... anyway....mistakes are always being made. It's not the end of the world until Donald Fucking Trump tanks the economy and kills us all...Until then I have to keep making that dog food money.

comments

New contract....

Fri, 07 Mar 2025 17:44:09 GMT

Tuesday: we had an initial meet and greet with onsite supervisor and 2 other contractors working on this project. Got some more background on the situation, including the fact that the guy who had been spearheading the salesforce project left in Dec and our supervisor is now taking up his slack.

Wednesday: We had a quick Salesforce tutorial with supervisor and other team members, led by Salesforce Expert who quickly went through the steps we would be following to do our work. Meeting was slotted for 1 hour, it was about 45 minutes. Luckily someone recorded the meeting so I was able to rewatch it a few times.

Thursday: We had a more 'all hands' meeting with supervisor and other team members, hosted by Senior Manager of ERP Design and Solutions for Supply Chain. He went through the process again, but there seemed to be disagreement or confusion on the essential steps and some debate on terminology (our supervisor is saying Old Salesforce and New Salesforce, and Senior Manager says it's not really a 'new' salesforce, etc.) and time line for project. this was about an hour and 50 minutes of listening to them talking about the process and steps, the background database that Salesforce was pulling from currently vs the one it will be pulling from in the future.... it seemed fairly disorganized. The 'old salesforce' or whatever they are going to call it is being shut down at the end of March.

Friday: the three contractors met to go through our notes and screen shots to try and get through entering an order successfully; we were not able to complete one order. One issue seems to be that the 'live' salesforce has an interface with a resource that is not available in the 'test environment.' We met with supervisor later in the morning and asked for more time with Salesforce Expert, for us to take turns doing the order entry with Salesforce Expert watching and offering advice or corrections as we go. One issue seems to be that in the 'live' version of salesforce rather than the sandbox/training version, there is a report that salesforce pulls from with product information (?) and the sandbox/training version does not have that report or data set to pull from.Another issue seems to be that Salesforce Expert's enumeration of steps is not in alignment with the steps Senior Manager says we need to do in order to successfully create an order (Salesforce Expert says we do not need to send for approval, Senior Manager says we do, supervisor does not know who would be handling the 'approval' process or where those orders would go 'for approval')

Supervisor is great; she is not expecting us to be subject matter experts, have proficiency. or know exactly what we are doing at this point. The team is collaborative, if disorganized, and everyone seems to have a good sense of humor about things. Supervisor says that some team members are asking her if they can use 'her temps' for other projects in the meantime and she would prefer us to continue to review meeting notes and recordings as well as product information for now. She seems to like the questions we are asking, and the fact that we're interested and engaged with the project. So as long as she's happy with us, I'm OK.

So I wrote up a recap and sent to my recruiter to keep her in the loop. No one seems unhappy with my work, but things seem kind of disorganized on their end at the moment. Management, trainers, etc. seem to just be bumbling around without much of a clue

https://www.upi.com/Health_News/2025/03/05/band-meetings-hangover-research/5241741104373/

I was definitely feeling this after Thursday's meeting.

"Colleagues also tend to vent to coworkers, sharing their frustrations in a process called "co-rumination" -- which can hurt the overall atmosphere and make productivity issues even worse."

I definitely did a bit of this through Teams with my new colleagues; but we are all pretty new so we tried to turn it around and make it seem as positive as possible rather than like a shitshow.

"Chatting with your colleague about how to deal with the situation for the future, getting their thoughts, engaging in sense-making where you're trying to understand, taking different perspectives on what just happened -- those types of conversations increase your skills and your resilience when you do have a bad meeting,"

Definitely want to try and develop some coping skills around this, become more comfortable with 'ambiguity' and understand that these problems are not my problems.

but also covered my ass as much as possible by letting my recruiter know what's up.

a handful of my colleagues from the previous contract got on as full time employees at the same place. They start 3/10. That could have also been me if I had not felt so honor-bound to stick by my committment to the recruiter --she asked first, so I accepted and didn't want to leave her hanging (plus was misled by my temp agency recruiter into thinking that there was no longer a permanent job available, that it was going to be another 6 month contract instead, which spurred me to accept the remote temp job, since I thought I was comparing two temp positions). I am definitely having a lot of second thoughts about that decision. I don't know why I beat myself up with 'shouldas'....that opportunity has passed and it's gone. I fucked it up, now it's time to suck it up. No point in dwelling on 'shoulda'.

I have not done much work on my data analyst course this past week even though I theoretically had the time to do so. I ordered an ikea laptop desk and will be trying to make a bit more order of my work space; I thought it would be easier to switch between work laptop and personal laptop, just unplug and replug keyboard mouse and big monitor between the 2 docks but it's a big mess of wires and junk and so I am going to have to regroup and actually have to unbox the big monitor the company sent to go along with my work laptop, as well as their wireless mouse and keyboard. My work room is a mess.I cleaned my personal desk but my work area is kind of a hodgepodge of janky desk and a couple of storage bins that things are stacked on. the plug outlet situation in this room is also terrible. I will spend some time this weekend getting squared away and trying to make sense of things. It doesnt' help that I don't have a 'work process' established as of yet so I don't have a good feel for what placement of screens will make the best sense. oh well. befriending ambiguity. yes yes.

comments

insomnia/anxiety

Sun, 12 Jan 2025 05:45:06 GMT

the final 5 weeks of my temp job are going to be an introvert's hell. I will be on zoom calls literally all day every day. I am really hoping that monday's 'quick connect' with the supervisor who just started in Dec will be something along the lines of 'we got all the info we need, y'all can piss off now,' Since the holiday break I do be feelin' like we are somebody's broken toys. Like they are going to take the work we did, make some spreadsheets and powerpoints about it and use it to sell their next idea for 'improvement' to the Powers That Be. As far as I know, the supervisor they hired hasn't extended any permanent full time offers to anyone on our team of contractors. (but if they had, maybe they are keeping it quiet)

Honestly, if we were just going by numbers, if there was a position to give, they should have offered it to me (or posted it and strongly encouraged me to apply, at least)....but the new boss gives a vibe that he doesn't care for me. Nothing specific, just....one can tell when a male person of authority is taking a dislike to one on the basis of ....whatever it is that is 'wrong' with me and makes me rub certain people the wrong way. (smart, old, fat, female, outspoken, honest, competent, don't suffer fools gladly, whatever it is. the thing that is wrong with me and I don't know what it is and not entirely sure I'd change it if I did know...)

I have learned a lot and gotten good at using the tools and databases, I have gotten the work done, I have stayed organized and on-task, I have been pleasant and professional to my teammates, I have developed a good working relationship with most of the high level high earner execs that I am expected to meet with repeatedly, I have been one of the approx. 1/3 of our team who have consistently been in-office on the mandatory 'in office' days 3 days a week, I have kept to the dress code, I have been reliable and punctual and what have you. But I still feel like I failed in some way to fit in and do....whatever it is.... (the non neurotypical, depressive, adhd, whatever it is that is wrong with me that makes me never, ever fit in or be normal and I have no idea what I'm doing wrong *thing*)

Anyway I am having a lot of anxiety about the upcoming nonstop calls, end of project, and whatever I am going to do next for $. And I hate that I am letting this worry ruin my weekend and keep me from getting to sleep.

On the plus side, I had enough socked away that I did manage to pay property tax on the house this month and buy myself an ebike and have enough saved so that I can take care of basic bills for a few months before I have to worry too hard about finding the next job. I wanted to also have enough saved up to get a 2nd opinion on Pepita's hips and get her surgery if the 2nd vet agrees. didn't get enough saved for that one. But two out of 3 financial goals during this contract? That's pretty good, I think.

One of my fellow contractors was taking a data analyst bootcamp course and has had several recruiters reach out to her and at least one interview that I know of--Big Fruit Company, for something like $56/hr. She is super positive and helpful and kind. Two more of our group have started taking the same course because she talked it up so much. I may go ahead and sign up, it's 10 weeks and a couple thousand dollars but may yield the ability to work remotely and make good money.... that would be a hell of a thing. Internet,VPN, and life in Belize could be a real thing. I'd still have to convince the husband to move, but with the ability to earn from wherever i am, and the cost of living in Belize being much lower, all of that could be persuasive.

anyhoo....let's get thru the next 5 weeks and see how it goes.

visited Mom today; told her about the dream I had last night about her and my stepdad Greg taking me to the airport after rescuing my sister's dog....and she smiled when I told her how Greg had everything squared away and taken care of for getting the dog on the plane, in a kennel and with the right papers... I said "I miss him" and she said "I miss him too," and a little later in the visit my brother A. and I were chatting about the afterlife or the next world, some term like that, and Mom said she'd been dreaming about the next world (she rarely gets out a whole sentence these days, so that was big) and I asked if it scared her and she got the most huge and happy smile on her face and said "No. It's wonderful," I hope she can make that step soon. not because I'm hateful or selfish but because she is suffering and I know she's wanted to go for a long time now.

comments

1622 Worries

Sat, 14 Dec 2024 04:45:48 GMT

Sep. 16, 2003

Me to J-Law:

anyway....today isn't so bad. But I still wanna go
home. Sweetie got his last UI check last week & seems to
be forgetting (or passive-agressively resisting my
suggestions) to call about getting extended
benefits. So I guess I need to go looking for a PT
evening/weekend gig so we don't lose our house or
have to go begging to our relatives, who don't have any $
either. *sigh* This is really suckin'.

----

J-Law:
*HUG*

Very sorry to hear about Sweetie. I hope his
resistance/forgetfulness is just outward, and he
really is going to look into extended benefits.

It would suck to have to get another job just to
make ends meet. :(

You're not paying on any student loans still, are
you? If so, you can get a forbearance when you're
experiencing financial hardship. Interest still
accrues and alla that, but it's one monthly payment
you don't have to make for a while.
====
Me to J-Law:

Thank goodness I'm done with student loans! That's one
less thing to worry about.

I dunno...I've been wanting to get another job for the
longest time, but as we well know, I don't tend to do
things until I'm *forced* to. So this might be good.
Get a job somewhere where my hard work is actually
*recognized* and *rewarded* or something crazy like
that. Whatta concept.

Oh, did I tell you? When they did the re-org of our
agency, they got _THREE_ people to do [Aunt L]'s job. AND
they put my boss' husband in a position where he is 2
supervisors up from her in the food chain. I thought
this violated anti-nepotism rules BIG TIME, but
apparently they got away with it because he is not her
'direct' supervisor. Just her boss' boss. So much less
abuse of the position can occur that way, don't you
think? feh.

comments

work bla bla

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 03:14:07 GMT

Decent day at work today; first group meeting with an onsite manager who was just hired as a manager for the department which hired us temps/contractors. This suggests to me that perhaps this work we were hired on to do as a project will become a new 'business unit' with him as our local leadership, and some/all of us will be hired on permanently. I like the work and I like my coworkers. I don't think the new manager particularly cares for my style of interaction, but I think my results speak for themselves. note to self: shut the hell up in future team meetings. Head down, work hard, keep up pleasant interactions with the high level big-money individuals I was hired to speak with, and keep completing work at a good pace, on time, and high quality.

The building's property management co. catered lunch for all the building tenants today; it was from Peached Tortilla. Pretty good. Kind of wierd. mexican/asian fusion. good chicken. wierd baked cauliflower--lots of salt and I think nutmeg (??!?). Generic tortillas that seemed like they came from a package. Decent sauces.

I had tried to get everyone to wear a tacky Xmas sweater today and take a group photo; I was mildly successful at herding some of the cats. It was fun, anyway. I like all of my coworkers very much; they are all very smart, nice, funny, and hard working people. Some of them are so smart and quick that I think they are getting a little bored because they've done all of the data gathering stuff and are just trying to get ahold of the people at the company that we have to talk to to confirm our information is correct/current. And that's a frustrating sticking point for a lot of folks. I've had decent luck with most of my assigned bigwigs. A couple of jerks, but mostly good people. Once they figure out I'm nice to talk to, pretty smart, and won't waste their time, they are usually OK to schedule calls with a second/third/etc. time. Getting that first meeting is tough.

Another contractor/coworker has been taking a data analyst boot camp course that will be completed end of January. She has already received two job offers; one at 'Austin HQ fruit' company hybrid $50/hr. The other she didn't say what the company is but it's fully remote, $56/hr. I may have to look into this course. She is an Excel whiz kid and I am not, but it may be something I can do adequately, if not as fast and clever as she does. If the industry is that hot, even the slowest kid in class might have a shot at a good job. I am accurate. And speed generally comes with repetition. I'm getting faster at the data gathering part of this job; it still takes me longer than it seems to take anyone else, though. Oh well. I'm pluggin away and getting things done within the required time frame, and any hold ups are coming from not being able to pin down a meeting.

Anyhoo....Life is OK. Everything that is within my control to keep on track and pleasant and working properly is doing so. The country, the state, and the world are out of my control and worryng isn't productive.

I'm buying extra coffee and dog food every trip to the grocery store. I will probably start stocking up on veggies too. frozen and or canned. sigh.

Thinking of taking my mom on a drive through trail of lights either this weekend or next; we'll get drive thru fast food on the way. I havent' gone to see her in a couple of weeks and apparently it's distressing my aunt, who sees her daily. I don't think my mom cares one way or the other, but I dont want to upset my aunt, who in hindsight has been a better mom to me for most of my life than my bio mom ever was. So...once more through the FOG, my friends. lol ...fog fog, my entire life, and all of my family relaitonships...nothing but fog. lololol.

comments

New job

Sat, 14 Sep 2024 23:59:19 GMT

Well, I took on a 6 month contract that started FINALLY in mid-Aug. There were a few weeks between the offer and actually starting the job; I was starting to think it had been some kind of scam. But I've gotten two paychecks now so I think it's a real job.

I am one of 15 people they hired for a new project gathering information into giant ugly excel workbooks for eventual conversion to yet another database in a company that seems extremely database-heavy. Not all divisions of the company use all the databases so apparently there's information in one place that people in another unit never see and it creates confusion and upset when people who 'should' know this-or-that are bothering the people in charge of client service with silly questions. Or something.

Anyway....I am learning a LOT. (Pivot tables! eeps) and I feel like everyone in my group is much smarter than me. I think I may be among the three oldest people hired for the project, so that's kind of a wierd feeling. But everyone is very nice, very smart, and super helpful when I get stuck. And I am not getting stuck much anymore. The first few days of training, I was just like "Lord god almighty what have I gotten myself into??!?" and a couple of times I felt overwhelmed and wanted to quit. But I've stuck with it and I am finding that I'm pretty good at this job once I've gotten the hang of 'where to look for what information' and 'how to navigate crazy intricate excel sheets'.... but it's been taking up a lot of my bandwidth. I dont' have as much time to whine on FB or read Dreamwidth or post self pitying nonsense, which is all good.

I am feeling challenged, but energetic.

I don't love commuting to an office 3 days a week, but we do get monday and friday to work from home.... I am starting to have thoughts of 'what if I get a permanent offer here,"....*shrug* I am not going to make any plans along those lines. I was out of work from april 1 to mid august, my savings are a little bit low. I'm mostly going to refill my reserves and make sure I have money for property tax.

My car had expensive repairs.... husband picked up the tab for that. He feels OK about it. I don't.

My sister is having a lot of second thoughts about the place she picked for Mom, of the several places she sent me to check out .....I thought it was pretty good but apparently one of the owners is a dick. She wants to move Mom back to IN and care for her full time. I don't honestly see that as being do-able, but she's the POA and all of that, she has a degree in social work and has worked in elder care, so if that's what she decides, that's what will happen. Mom's health is holding steady. My aunt L. visits her every day to read her romance novels, my brother A visits every other day and they watch movies. I visit on weekends and bring my little dog and something sweet (donuts usually)... I feel pretty useless and boring sitting with her, but that's what we do now.

anyhoo...that's my life. work taking up most of my time and brain. Nothing social to speak of.....in a way I miss having friends, but if I'd ever been a good enough friend, I wouldn't be alone now, now would I? So. For the best. No travel plans or cruises to look forward to. I remember I used to cope with life by keeping busy and having plans. Now I just do the daily-walk dogs, go to work, come home, cook, walk dogs, tv, sleep. and keep everything small and plain. I don't hate it. It's just....not very interesting to talk about with anyone. But there's no one to talk about it with, so it all works out.

comments

week 1 of new job

Sat, 17 Aug 2024 00:18:35 GMT

is in the bag. The first day was nice; they had the training room set up with notebooks, pens, highlighters, sticky notes, hand sanitizer, and lanyards. (They also fed us breakfast [donuts] and lunch [pizza and soft drinks]) Then we got temp badges and got through a lot of onboarding paperwork (all documents we filled and signed electronically and sent via email, no paper!) , then we got our computers. They walked us through sign on, had us open all the web pages and apps we'd be using to make sure we had access, made notes of who did not have access, we saved bookmarks in a uniform fashion, got an overview of the work and met the team, it was really good onboarding. We will get personalized badges in 7-10 days and then we'll have to turn in our temp badges. The badges let us in to everything in all the buildings that regular employees get to do, break rooms, conference rooms, printers, gym (!!), everything. We are invited and encouraged to join 'Teams' that ar relevant to our interests, such as 'veterans' or 'lgbt' or 'women in business,' or whatever. Such a change from the temp agencies I've been with that were very careful to clarify that we are contractors and therefore unwelcome in certain spaces and not allowed to use certain workplace perks.

Once we are settled in, this will be a 'hybrid remote' - Monday and Friday at home, Tuesday-Thursday in-office. Hours are flexible within building hours (7am-6pm) and generally people are there 8-5, but team leads are all over the country so at some point some of the people with east coast and west coast based team leads may end up adjusting. The training week was not a full 40 hours. And commuting & polluting is not my favorite activity, but it was OK. Most days the drive took about 20 min each way. Not awful. My work space is nice, open and pleasant, but not *too* open, I have my own space and it's quiet. It is spreadsheet heavy so the work laptop is not going to cut it for working from home, so I'll need to find a keyboard, mouse, and big monitor. We had many extras here at teh house for some years but finally took them to donate a few months ago of course. Ah well. I googled and discovered Goodwill Computer Works is not a thing anymore. dang it.

Tuesday thru Friday we were introduced to the spreadsheets and work process. Today we put it all together and worked an entire spreadsheet to completion. Next step once the spreadsheet is filled with all the information we can glean from internal company resources, we are expected to have a 'call' with the 'account owner' to work out details and confirm the info we have. These are super serious bigwigs, like the Account Exec for a big company like Amazon or whatever....I'm a bit intimidated on that step. Hopefully by the time we get to our first 'call' I will have a better idea of what the hell I'm talking about.

Day 2 I was feeling so overwhelmed I considered quitting. Because of course, after being out of work for months, I got a call from another staffing agency Monday afternoon with a fully-remote opportunity. dang it.

This assignment will last 6 months at minimum but it seems likely to go on, if the company has budget and interest for it.

so far I like the culture and the attitude of the people in the company, and all of the other contractors are very smart and capable. So that's nice. I've been remote since 2020 so it's a change. But i am adjusting OK. And the money is more than I've ever made in my life, so that's super cool.

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wednesday. "Why did G. let himself get bamboozled?"

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 18:18:03 GMT

got up at 6, walked dogs with Thax, went back to bed. Dreamed that I was in a big old house....it had very strange plaster frescoes on the wall. I was there with my mom. I think it was supposed to be G/Dad's house in greencastle, but it wasn't really their house....I was staying in the attic room which had a set of stairs on the outside of the house leading to a door that went into the attic room. I kept being woken up hearing someone trying to open that door, which was locked by means of a screen door hook latch that was on a very long eye bolt that was drilled into the frame of the door. Mom and I went to look at it, because I guess I told her that someone was trying to get in that door and she didnt' believe me? so we went and looked and it had been tried enough times that the wood around the eye bolt threads was shredded and the eye bolt could just come out....so we pushed an empty bookcase in front of the door. It probably wouldn't stop the person from coming in but the noise of the book case being knocked over would maybe wake everyone up. In my dream mom was like she used to be, not the pleasant vague person she is now.

Anyway, I got up again, had breakfast, washed up and went to see her. Aunt l. was there when i arrived, but she left pretty quick. I had brought my dog Sunny, who did alright. was nervous in an unfamiliar place but did ok otherwise. She liked sniffing around in the backyard. Mom says she doesn't get out much when I asked her if she had seen the back yard. Maybe when the weather is cooler, or if we go over earlier in the morning or later in the evening we can sit outside. If she wants to. Mostly she wants to stay in bed. She asked me if G. had cancer, and I said yes. I teared up some, and said I miss him every day. She then asked me "Why did G. let himself get ... bamboozled?" and then she shook her head and said "I don't know what I'm trying to say,"....:( she's processing the grief and h er brain is not helping her. anyway, Sunny behaved and she enjoyed the back yard. The owner's two dogs were there, black lab mix types. Very sweet boys. I think Sunny would have enjoyed them if she'd been off leash too, but I wasn't sure if I should let her run around the house without a leash on. anyway.....depressing. mom seems in good health. I left when they came to get her for lunch. she wanted to go to the table and eat with everyone. I take that as a good sign. My brother A. seems to think they're not feeding her enough, and not feeding her what she likes to eat....but she's in bed most of the day, she doesn't need that many calories.... so? I asked mom if she liked the food and she said yes. At the old place in Greencastle, she'd say "It's adequate," in a way that suggested she didn't much like it. so....she does manage to get some things across pretty well. It's just a lot of effort for her to put her thoughts together and say stuff. I hate to see her struggling like that :(

I got an email Tuesday morning with my start date and time for my next temp gig. It starts 8/12. I have jury duty 8/13. I have been calling and emailing the jury duty people to try and get a postponement or something. I know that 'the law' says a person can't be fired for going to jury duty but the law is pretty thin when it comes to protecting temps. They could just say they let me go for 'not being a good fit' and that would be that and I'd be looking for work again.

I dont' know what mom was trying to ask about the 'bamboozled'? I told her that the cancer was very fast growing and that G had been seeing his doctor regularly and managing his diabetes and his rheumatoid arthritis and doing his best to stay healthy ....cancer is just a fucking ugly beast. It came fast and took him fast. OTOH, I watched my bio dad fight cancer for a couple of years after his diagnosis and '6 months to live' prognosis, and that was fucking ugly and heartbreaking too.

Pepita is coughing today. I gave her a benadryl and let her lick some honey off a spoon. It's not like when Boba had kennel cough with all of the foamy phlegm....but it is worrying me.

comments

Fri, 10 May 2024 16:14:22 GMT

new job starting 5/20, pending background check and drug test. it's a one year contract; seems like a lot of extra just to qualify me to work for a year but okay. Maybe this is one where 'contract to hire' actually means contract to hire. I wouldn't mind having a permanent gig.

I am off to pee in a cup now.

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Quora; If you have a big fight with a boss having NPD, due to calling her out on long-term inappropr

Fri, 06 Jan 2023 15:39:02 GMT

If you have a big fight with a boss having NPD, due to calling her out on long-term inappropriate behaviour (intimacy issues), and just stay no-contact after being fired, also showing forgiveness for what happened, will she ever stop hating you?

No, a narcissist will never stop hating you. Hate is their default mode. Under every other emotion and behavior in the narcissist’s tool box, is hate. They hate other people for having what they don’t have, they hate other people for not giving them enough time, attention, gifts, resources that they feel they ‘deserve,’ they hate the people who DO give them time, energy, and gifts because they know they are tricking and fooling the person into caring about them, so their contempt turns to hate. And, truly, underneath it all, they hate themselves.

There is nothing you can do, say, or give to a narcissist that will ever make them happy, content, joyful, or grateful. Hate is all they are and all they have inside them. Best for you to stay no-contact and get on with your healing and forming new associations with people who are not hateful and crazy.

==============

Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

comments

Quora:Can narcissists be highly intelligent?

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 23:20:09 GMT

Absolutely! Intelligence is completely independent of pathology—think of the fictional Doctor Hannibal Lecter,

[1]

for example. Intelligence, in terms of the ability to reason, plan, problem-solve, read and comprehend information, recall facts and dates, and infer data, is completely independent of emotional depth or empathy.

[2]

The worst narcissists I’ve ever met are highly educated, very book-smart people. They are well-read and well-informed on current events and whatever subjects have caught their attention over the years. They are good at getting the big picture and convincing people that they are ‘expert’ at whatever topic because they’re able to capture main concepts and present collections of buzz words with a great deal of confidence and personal authority. Someone who is not well-read or expert at the subject at hand will tend to assume that the narcissist is what they say they are--an expert-- and defer to their presumed authority on the subject.

Please do not confuse emotional intelligence

[3]

with the kind of cleverness, book smarts, or pop culture references that a narcissist can present in lieu of actually having any sort of real humanity.

Footnotes

[1]

Hannibal Lecter - Wikipedia

[2]

Emotional intelligence vs. intellectual intelligence: Where do you stand?

[3]

13 Signs of High Emotional Intelligence

comments

work stuff

Fri, 22 Apr 2022 16:16:29 GMT

Once upon a time, long time ago, I was fired by a person who had been a coworker and friend who was then promoted to supervisor. She planned it, she orchestrated it, she did it on purpose, but at the same time, she sat there and cried as she fired me, just before the holidays, right before I was set to meet my sweetie's family in person for the first time. I felt so much disgust and contempt at her display of unprofessionalism and hypocrisy and felt embarrassment and shame that i was going to meet his family as an unemployed loser.

And, as always, whenever I've left a crazy, toxic, dysfunctional situation, I always found something better in some way. Not perfect, but better. (more money, closer to home, better benefits, what have you)

Today our manager at the place where I'm a contractor had an unscheduled meeting to let us know that her head count for our project had been reduced to 14 and therefore many of us won't be finishing out our contracts. Our contact at the temp agency will be reaching out to let us know what's up. She was fighting back tears and felt very emotional. I wasn't angry or disgusted at all with her because somewhere along the way I've learned not to take stuff like that personally. Even if she had a hand in making the decision and choosing who stays and who goes, and feels terrible about it, it's got nothing to do with me and I don't feel rejected, offended, or unfairly judged.

It also helps that I have a decent amount of savings, a spouse who is secure in his job, and was (am) looking forward to a little break for my birthday and maybe sometime through June, hopefully some time with my brother A assuming he is released from prison on schedule as expected. My stepdad and mom don't travel anymore so if his parole allows I may roadtrip up there to visit for a bit. We shall see. No worries, no worries at all. And I'm glad that life occasionally gives me these opportunities to come full circle and realize that I'm actually growing and getting better, as stuck and stagnant as I feel at times.

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2186me to J-Law, re work etc

Tue, 28 Sep 2021 16:45:40 GMT

May 7, 2004

To: "J-Law

The entire support staff of my unit called in
today--these are the people who answer the phone,
index scanned docs, and process decisions. So now we
have to to that in addition to our regular tasks.

On top of that, everyone who IS here wasted the
morning mooing over Nasty Talk Down Lady who is
preggo. 8-10 weeks along and I don't think she'll ever
show. She weighs 300 lbs already; I shudder to think.

This is the woman who has a 10 year old boy from a
previous marriage, the poor kid is already pushing 200
lbs on a steady diet of McDs and Lunchables. I think I
told you about how she bought fruit ONCE last year or
so, and was complaining about how expensive it is and
how the child just INHALED it. Could it be because
despite the obesity of her, her new hub, and the
child, the kid is desperately malnourished and his
body craves the fiber and nutrients in Real Food?

Anyway, this Paragon of Humanity is squirting out
another one & is wasting everyone's time babbling
about it. It'll only get worse. Hopefully she's in
such bad shape that the Dr. will put her out on bed
rest for the majority of her pregnancy.

Headphones = on
Volume =WAY up

*sigh* ARGH.

=====
PS to Yahoo journal: was out till after 11 with Air Coolers & then
Sweetie played my favorite bedroom game ("throw my covers on the floor
and steal E's) so I was pretty tired when I got up. Then I get here
and there's all this hoo-ha over the preggo & nobody's fuckin' here
to do their damn jobs. URGH!

comments

2175todays icq w/A

Fri, 03 Sep 2021 17:35:11 GMT

May 5, 2004

evile: evil phone duty! evil coworkers! feh!
SkyeDS: <hugs>
SkyeDS: evil cramps, lots of ibuprofen
evile: The Littlest Nazi will be calling me in any day now. I thought
about keeping a low profile & working hard, but that never works, so
why bother? :P
evile: sorry you're not feeling well :(
SkyeDS: hopefully the ib will kick in soon, but if not I'm just
going to cocoon myself up in here
SkyeDS: are you still having problems like mine like you were the
other day?
evile: that works :)
evile: Nope. the last day of post-op spotting & cramps was Monday.
Thank goodness. It wasn't bad enough for Dr D to do anything about,
just icky.
SkyeDS: was worried, the day thingns were happening that might not
should have been
evile: Dr D seemed pretty unconcerned.
evile: He says it may take up to 6 months for my body to go back
to 'normal' hormonal cycle after Depo wears off end of may/beginning
of june.
SkyeDS: is big whammy, years of depo and then all that surgery
SkyeDS: I will call sineater before I go home and request big steak,
cabbage and lots of dark chocolate for dinner
evile: heh. Sounds good.
evile: I'm going to take a good walk when I get out of here at 3:20
and hopefully get in a nice frame of mind for polydinner.
SkyeDS: where's dinner?
SkyeDS: < here till late tonight, because I got here late
evile: Central Market.
evile: First Wednesday of the month is always Central Market.
SkyeDS: this is first wed isn't it - wasn't thinking
evile: No biggie--you're busy & thinking about other stuff :)
SkyeDS: <giggles> I need a secretary
evile: I just have to keep 3 calendars, no biggie :P
evile: If I don't write stuff down several times, I forget it.
evile: coworkers don't understand that the silent treatment only
works if i WANT you to talk to me.
evile: While on phone duty, little mini boss wannabe [“Krabby”] started yellng
at me because I made a mistake in what I was telling a caller. I
corrected myself...but I _can't_ physically listen to a phone call
and someone yelling at me simultaneously. My brain does NOT work like
that. She was miffed that I did not listen to her and did not respond.
evile: Now she is _very pointedly_ ignoring me. What a lovely
favor...really.
evile: the only crap thing about the whole situation is that she's
friends with mid-management and could go whining to her.

comments

3035stupid work

Sat, 28 Aug 2021 21:53:32 GMT

Mar. 17, 2005

Boss lady is back today, after 3 days of me keeping a
low profile to keep from setting off psycho-in-charge. [Krabby]
yesterday or day before I had a folder where I was
supposed to notify an employer, but the records were
unclear on WHICH employer. So I asked psycho what to
do, and she told me to send it back to the department
that supplied the records to us. So I stuck it in the
out box.

This a.m. Boss lady brings me the folder with a little
sticky note that I shoudl have brought it to HER
instead of sending it away.

Well...a) she wasn't here and B) fucking psycho told
me to send it to the dept, and since we were signing
in/out to psycho, I ASSumed that meant Psycho was
acting supervisor and should be asked for help with
tough cases and obeyed whatever she told us to do with
said tough cases. Fuck me for asking.

There goes my motivation for today.

OH, and K----- got on the elevator this a.m. and expressed
diappontment that I hadn't baked, since I 'always' bake. WTF, man.
What alternate universe are these fucking people living in??

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1992coworkers pissing me off

Sat, 31 Jul 2021 04:51:15 GMT

Mar. 3, 2004

I had to choke down some fury this a.m. when a newer coworker across
the aisle from me made a comment about a 7-hour-old baby being found
at the door of a fire station. Someone rang the bell and ran. (Baby
Moses Law allows this without legal repercussions to the abandoning
parent). This woman actually SAID something like "I just don't see
how someone could do that to a human being! I mean, we used to take
our kittens out and dump them on the dirt road outside of town,
but...that's a BAYBEEE!"....I just about jumped out of my chair and
clocked the bitch. REally. Jeezus ghod. It's so much more humane to
dump a litter of kittens where they'll starve or be run over and/or
eaten than it is to leave a child at a location where it will be
immediately retrieved and cared for and placed with a loving family.
ARRRRRGGGGHHHH. Stupid stupid bitch!

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2330 thoughts on existence. Maybe for LJ sometime

Wed, 26 May 2021 01:18:12 GMT

Jun. 30, 2004

I am knife who is being used as a screwdriver.

Losing my edge in the process. And let's not even think of what might
happen if I slip in the grip of my user.

Let's make that more active.

I am a knife who is allowing itself to be used as a screwdriver.

I am a knife who prefers the predictable workaday world of the
screwdriver rather than the scary unpredictable world of the knife.
When and where will I find use as a knife next? Better to be on the
assemblyline, screwing in screws all day.

I am a knife who would prefer to be a spoon.

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2305Annual Review at Work

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 20:40:23 GMT

Jun. 23, 2004

Just had my annual review. "Outstanding" on everything, but as my
boss acknowledged, it doesn't really mean anything, there isn't any
money for raises or promotions and there's a lot of people ahead of
me on "the list"...I told her she will probably be losing people
since the economy is picking up and jobs are actually available
elsewhere. She said "I Know"...and that was about it.

comments

2863I took a sick day yesterday

Thu, 27 Aug 2020 17:20:27 GMT

Jan. 27, 2005

was tired, had a sore throat, lots of snot, and then woke up about 2
pm to discover that I'd gotten my 'friend' on top of all that. yay.

So, I go to get my hair cut Tuesday after work, and Tina goes on
about how much my hair grew since the last cut, bla bla, and says
something like "You must be a real fertile Myrtle right now!"

The very next day, the Russians invade.

Gotta love it.

(I really liked it better when I was chemically infertile and had no
hormonal fluctuations...not to mention the friggen godforsaken 24 lbs
I've gained after Depo. brandyeileen *lost* weight after she went off
Depo. Dammit.)

I got a thing in the mail from The Stratosphere, with a deal on hotel
(up to 3 nights midweek for $34 a night OR a Friday & Saturday
package for $129.95),2 free tickets to Bite! or American Superstars,
some other freebie stuff that doesn't interest me (a coupon book, 3
entries in the daily slot tournament, 2 free buffets) and I have to
use all this fun stuf before 07/29.

Anyway, I'm at work today and getting too much done. My throat is
somewhat better, but I am still stuffed up, not in my head, but down
in my throat. I hate that.

UB posted some crap in her LJ that she stole from somewhere without
attributing the source. I googled a bit and didn't find an author,
but did find the story in 2 other places online with 'author
unknown'...she should have at least said that, rather than nothing,
which I'm sure will make some people assume she wrote it, but then
again she never credits her sources, and cuts and pastes liberally
from hither and yon. I wonder why she didn't ever get busted for
plagiarism in college,if that's her customary writing 'style'.

She also posted some stuff on the HFS yahoo groups about playtesting
her equestrian games. So far she's gotten no response. I will check
the hfsinchaos list at some point and see if anyone there responded.
I think it's pretty much the best coping strategy possible in that
situation, not to respond at all.

comments

EJ me to J-Law re: Sineater, dreams, work

Wed, 26 Aug 2020 17:00:45 GMT

2822me to J-Law re: Sineater, dreams, work

Jan. 12, 2005

Date: Wed, 12 Jan 2005 09:04:16 -0800 (PST)
From: "evilE
Subject: Re: Humpday.
To: "J-Law

"From crockpot to sexpot"--that could totally be the
title of your tell-all bio! Love it! :P (sounds
totally yummy, too, BTW!)

My evening was quiet--did 2 loads of laundry, called
Sineater (not home, left a message) ate half the fridge,
and went to sleep. Totally missed Sineater's return call.
Dreamed about Mom & Brother A, and then about being bored
at work--how sucky is THAT?!?

Sineater's return msg. made me laugh--he said "call me
when you wake up in the morning--I guarantee I'll be
up before you. So...call me around 7, I'll be here"
(It is to laugh! I am up at 5:30, and my a.m. routine
is too tight to fit in a phone call, anyway) So I
called him at 7:10, right after I got in to work. And
he sounded like I'd just woken him up. Nimrod. ANYWAY,
I have a time and the address, so I'll meet him there
tomorrow a.m. How is it that doing nice things can
make me feel so bad? Oh well...

Coworker behind me is on the warpath again today. I
got in a fax that was a reply to a letter she'd sent,
so I was going to ask her about it, and she snottily
informed me that she wasn't answering questions and I
needed to ask our supervisor. what.ever. I think it's
because our clerical guy is out today & she misses
him. Why, yes, they DO pay me enough to deal with your
sexually frustrated neurotic attitude problem, dearie.
Just because you miss your boyfriend, feel FREE to
take bites out of my ass. *grump*

--- J-law
Happy Humpday!!! I am so glad it is Wednesday, date
night, week half over, etc.!

How was your evening? Mine was good. We finally
have a break in all of this storm stuff, so I took
Pepper on a power walk. Came home, did Pilates, and
started the pot roast. I let it go for three hours
and it is mostly done. I popped it in the fridge
and will put it back on for an hour or so tonight.
I hope it turns out!

I was hoping to have turnips and/or rutabagas, but
the little market I go to for produce didn't have
any. SO, I have two kinds of potatoes, mushrooms,
celery, onion, carrot and a shitload of garlic. :)
I also threw in some oregano, basil and fennel. I
couldn't get hold of any liquid smoke, so I just did
a lot of red wine, water and a beef bouillion cube.

Pilates was great last night. Sad to say, I hadn't
done it in ages. :( But, at least I am back in the
swing of things. I am contemplating getting some
cardio videos to do at home as well.
Walking/running is cool, but doing it in the city,
with all the stopping at intersections, slow
pedestrians, etc., can be a pain in the ass. Also,
the weather. It would be fun to do some cardio at
home for a change.

I can't wait to see Shane tonight. From crockpot to
sexpot. :)

2823Re: me to J-Law re: Sineater, dreams, work

Jan. 12, 2005

--- J wrote:

The book should actually be "From Sexpot to
Crockpot," given the fact that I've been a sexpot
for years, and this is my first foray into
crockpot-land. But tonight will definitely be from
crockpot (dinner) to sexpot (schoolgirl fun). :)

Also has a couple drops of tabasco and some
worcestershire. This thing won't lack for flavor.
The meat is an organic chuck roast from my butcher.

I've had weird dreams lately, too. Just odd ones in
which I do these boring little quotidian things like
going to the grocery store. I had one dream that
consisted entirely of me choosing which pasta sauce
I wanted. Bizarre.

Sineater's message is funny. Whatever! Shane teases me
about wanting to laze around in bed on weekends, but
(a) he sleeps just as late as I do, and (b) I am the
one that gets up at 6:30 during the week!

Your cow-orker is a shrew.
========

me:

*laff* I guess that's the way it goes for a lot of
gals...sexpot to crockpot. :P But that's OK, too. As
long as there's still some spice in there somewhere :P

I am so done with the coworkers...just DONE.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow (the day off part,
anyway). Sineater said something like "gosh, I can't think
of the last time you and I spent time together" and I
was like "I can--the last time you and I were together
1 on 1, you were bitching me out for saying
something-or-other about your wife." and he kind of
laughed and we moved on. As long as we don't talk
about UB or the marriage tomorrow, we should be fine.
I am figuring he'll be sleepy and in pain, so will
just want to rest,anyway. And, unlike his wife who
"loves [him] unreservedly" I will actually let him
relax and heal.

2824Re: me to J-Law re: Sineater, dreams, work

Jan. 12, 2005

--- J-Law wrote:

Yeah, it's almost frightening how into the
housewifely arts I have become. But there is
definitely plenty of spice, fun, etc. And it's not
like Shane doesn't contribute. Plus the cooking
stuff, I really do enjoy. The cleaning - not so
much. :) If it we're up to me, I'd let the gunge
build up in the bathtub for months. Which I did.
Until last weekend.

Oooh. Since it's clean, Shane and I should have a
bubble bath this weekend. That could be an
incentive to keep it clean regularly. See. It's
happening. Pretty soon, I will get into dusting
because I can do it nude when Shane's around.

Sineater. *sigh* Still, I am glad he will be in your
charge, and he will get some real rest, rather than
being shoved into some little cubby at UB's office.

I brought the rest of my satan oreos in to the
office. I saved some for home, but no more. Every
time I went in to look at the pot roast, I got a
cookie. Very bad. I might have to never buy those
again.
========

me:

a bubble bath a deux! that's a cute idea! Too bad Sweetie & I are both so
big (him tall more than fat, me fat more than tall)...we'd need a
bigger tub. :P

I like cleaning house, but only when I'm in the mood, and not when
there's someone underfoot. I like to do it when the house is empty &
I can turn up the radio and run around in grungy clothes that can get
bleach-spots and stuff on them.

I would love a bunch of satan oreos right about now...so glad there
aren't any around. I do have nuts in my desk so I'll have a few of
those, and some hot tea & hope the sweet-tooth passes.

Oh, guess who answered a coworker's question without even the
slightest bit of 'tone'? Would it be Little Miss "I'm not answering
questions, talk to our boss?" Hm. Imagine that.

shee-yit.

2825Re: me to J-Law re: Sineater, dreams, work

Jan. 12, 2005

J-Law:

We haven't done the bubble bath thing in ages. The
first time we did it, we had champagne, too. :) It
was fun. Neither of us have ideal tubs for it,
unfo. Shane's is wide, but not deep, and mine is
deep but a little too narrow. So, we're going to
have to do a little weekend B&B thing with a big
whirlpool bath in the room.

I am definitely a "mood" cleaner. When it hits, I
am a tornado!

Yep, the satan oreos are a fine thing. There's
still quite a few in my treat jar, so I could have
one... but I might opt for the celery sticks (mmmm
mmmm good!) instead.

You see, rather than leave the satan oreos in the
breakroom, where they would be demolished
instantly,I put them in my treat jar and placed the jar on
my windowsill.

That woman's a bitch.
===========

evilE> wrote:
Instead of eating, I'm shopping online.

*sigh*

It's just window shopping, but I'm very tempted.

I love the B&B idea. :) That's so cute & romantic!

*sigh* I've got an hour to go and then I'm off
tomorrow, and then we have a 3 day weekend. So I
will do my best to be calm and look cute, while thinking
of ex lax brownies & seat cushions full of
thumbtacks...

=======

--- J-Law> wrote:

ex-lax brownies are a fabulous idea.

Funnily enough, I am shopping online, too.
Fortunately, I don't have any money. :)

I will be out tomorrow, too. Having my superfun
root canal. Joy.

===============
Me:

*laff* great minds think alike. I was saved from myself when their
server went kaput & I got an error message instead of a shopping
cart. geedarn. This will give me time to think about stuff before I
spend any $. That'll be good.

I remembered about your dentist appt...I hope they give you lots of
nice painkillers :)

Sineater said he was surprised that they were going to have an
anesthesiologist on hand, because the surgery is just going to
require local. He was thinking dentist-type 'local' I guess...poor
guy. I wonder if his Dr. just isn't very good & didn't give him a
checklist for before and after surgery things to do/expect, or if
he's just so messed up from years of UB yanking him around that he
can't absorb/understand/remember info anymore. *sigh*

comments

EJ: f'in great

Wed, 26 Aug 2020 16:54:09 GMT

2820f'in great

Jan. 12, 2005

Krabby came in this morning all full of piss and attitude. WTF, man.

2821Re: f'in great

Jan. 12, 2005

Oh, duh. Bobby's out today. Can't possibly be nice to people when
your boyfriend isn't here. stupid beeyotch.

comments