evile

hm

Sun, 05 Jan 2025 21:26:19 GMT

Back on the triple reuptake inhibitor, feeling good. I found it for a reasonable price, almost $100 less than what I was paying before. Still expensive but it works. slightly concerned about one of the potential side effects--elevated blood pressure. it was already trending to the high end of 'normal'

Got the front room of the house done up - new flooring and a pocket door. At some point, need to repaint/touch up paint, and move things back in from the garage.

The garage needs serious clearing-out.

My work room needs serious clearing-out.

Today I've walked dogs, gone to the grocery store/planned dinners for the week, started a load of laundry, made a chicken tetrazini caserole for tomorrows' supper (just have to put it in the oven tomorrow! easypeasy!), and thinking about unloading & reloading the dishwasher. Feeling pretty good, but also like I haven't done enough with today.

bad weather is coming tonight and next week. I hope they tell us to work remotely all week, I'd like to not even think about driving in ice/snow. I can do my job from home and prefer it (especially the zoom calls) so I hope that works out.

Contract should be ending mid to end of Feb. I am hoping to get some guidance on the exact last day so I can schedule all my remaining calls accordingly.

Some coworkars are way behind on their data gathering/spreadsheet filing out, so I helped with that last week, but as of 1/6 we have the go-ahead to start scheduling calls, so that's going to be my priority. Get my own shit done.

I don't anticipate the contract being extended.

I don't think I'll be getting a permanent offer. Not that I'm doing a bad job, in fact I'm doing really well, BUT....I get a sense that is not how this company works.

Oh well. I have enough to pay property taxes (due by end of Jan) and I'll sock away a few more paychecks that should give me a 2-3 month padding before finding the next job will be *critical*

I have a growing list of things I'd like to do with the house & such. Get the rest of the house floored, new roof--they make metal roofs that look like composite now, they're pretty cool, mini split ac/heat units for renter's room and our bedroom, still need to get a 2nd opinion on Pepita's hips and whether or not to do a surgery.

And of course we are about to get a wacky president who could do who-knows-what to all of us, depending on his enablers, their agenda, and his ego/health/level of crazy. Things could go tits up real quick in this country, or they could continue to limp along with at least a veneer of normalcy. Honestly I looked through some stuff about Project 2025 and most of it is already in place here in TX. As an old white lady past childbearing years, it's gross to be around such ignorant shithead laws and lawmakers but it does not actually harm me personally.

I guess that's how the nazis got away with what they did, for as long as they did. Most people weren't impacted at all. :/ yuck.

Been distracting myself from reality by watching some stupid drama go down on social media; same old patterns of behavior. I am far too compassionate towards one party; I do realize they are traumatized and coming from an abusive childhood and whatever...but every once in a while I do get the fact-in-the-face that their damage is not a good excuse for their pattern of grooming and abusing others...and then smack into that wall of 'gee, it does seem like a lot of pagan/poly/niche hobby/fringe lifestyle people are fucked up and those communities seem to allow fucked up behavior and predators to thrive,"... blecch. I need to quit looking at any of that.

I am also wondering if and how to quit keeping up with news, politics, and current events. There is fuck-all I can do to prevent the shit that is coming for the nation and the world. I've done what i can to shore up my own resources....I don't know what continuing to look at it will actually do as far as warning or helping me survive.

things kinda suck, out there....but for me personally things are peaceful, pleasant,and dare i say...prosperous.

comments

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 22:17:25 GMT

Reality Check

1. You will not be rewarded for bad behavior.

2. Being told 'No' is part of life. Get over it.

3. You are free to make your choice, you are not free of the consequences.

4. Life is not fair.

5. You are not the boss.

6. The world does not revolve around you.

7. Respect is earned, it is not just given.

8. The world owes you nothing. work for it.

9. Fits and Tantrums will get you nothing. Stop wasting your time.

10. You put yourself here. You need to fix you.
11. Shut your mouth, open your ears.

I read this recently on FB. It seems very unkind, unnecessarily harsh and brutal, to me. I understand folks value 'just tellin it like it is' and 'brutal honesty' and while these things may hold some truth, I think there is a kinder way to approach "reality:

1) Bad behavior is a sign that the one behaving 'badly' is in distress, out of 'cope' or possibly traumatized and triggered. We are all responsible for our own behavior, but perhaps that can encompass recognizing that when another is 'behaving badly' they may be in need of compassion more than judgement, punishment, or 'reward' for that matter. We don't need to coddle people who are bullies or assholes but we can take a breath and respond with better behavior rather than meeting 'bad behavior' with more 'bad behavior'.

2) Being told 'no' is indeed part of life. It's ok to feel disappointed, let down, or even lied to if you were expecting something other than 'no'. It's not OK to throw a fit or be an asshole about it. But again, we can take a breath and respond with compassion to ourselves and others when experiencing disappointment or hurt feelings over hearing 'no'.

3) You are free to make choices. You do get consequences for choices. When introducing consequences to others, there's no need to bully or rebuke or be harsher than necessary in order to make your point.

4) Life is not fair, and that is the fact, Jack. You, however, can strive to be fair in dealing with others and reduce the unfairness of Life within your own sphere of influence. And, honestly, sometimes life's unfairness does come out in your favor rather than against you...that's also true.

5) You are not the boss? You may actually be the boss, if you are a business owner or manager or leader. Or not. Regardless of your station in life, you are the boss of yourself, so remember to set expectations fairly, reward yourself for success, and learn from failures. The place I am working now does not use the term 'failure' ....it uses the word 'opportunities' to define any area in which we've come short of our company goals. I like that and I am going to try and apply it in my personal life.

6) The world does not revolve around you is something that unfortunately I hear a lot of really mean-spirited and unkind adults use to minimize and dismiss the feelings, fears, and concerns of other adults, subordinates, and children... each person's world does indeed revolve around them. I dont mean that in a pathological, narcissistic way. I just mean..we are the only person experiencing life in the way we are. Each of us has a 'world' that does indeed revolve around ourselves, it's the only way most of us experience our lives, from that single viewpoint. empathy and compassion can offer a glimpse of another person's experience or their world, but ....this seems like an unkind and dismisive thing to say, and often I hear it when someone is trying to gaslight or minimize another person's distress. It's not helpful. Strike it from your vocabulary. If you feel someone is being utterly selfish and not taking others' needs or feelings into consideration, behaving as if the world is revolving only around them, there are better ways to invite them to have empathy and compassion and adopt a less selfish mindset.

7) "Respect is earned" is so fukkin toxic. I can't even. Go into every interaction with an attitude of respect for the other people you are meeting. If they are rude or obnoxious, aggressive, or threatening, THEN withdraw your respect. Not before. Don't approach every interaction as the other person needing to 'prove' they are worthy in order to be treated kindly. That's just an ugly way to treat other people and an ugly way to go through life.

8) The world owes you nothing. ...another ugly way to speak and think; treating other people as though their needs are an unpleasant burden upon the earth. Is that how you feel about yourself? is that how you treat children and disabled and old folks? Be better. A sense of entitlement is ugly and unpleasant, but it's not kind to dismiss the legitimate needs and rights of others. I think the world might be a better place if we all adopted an attitude of being entitled to at least a basic level of dignity simply for being human and alive. Not a matter of 'owing anything' but just a matter of being entitled to be cared for at a basic level by the people you were born to and the society you are trying to participate in....

9) Fits and tantrums will get you nothing...another situation in which you may be observing 'bad behavior' that is an outcry of distress, trauma, pain, and being triggered. Respond with compassion, don't react with negativity. See where that gets ya.

10) You put yourself here. You need to fix you. --- yes, you may have made choices which led to a negative outcome. Unfortunately we are all the product of so many interactions over time; we do think of ourselves in the ways we were treated and spoken to as children, the way we may have been abused or neglected or ignored by bosses or partners or friends we trusted to treat us kindly. It's important to recognize the shitty patterns that may have brought us to this negative place. And it's imperative to do whatever we can to fix ourselves once we recognize these patterns. Easier said than done. Why react with more negativity against a person who is already suffering?

11) Shut your mouth, open your ears.....this sounds like another negative, judgey, bullying comment from an adult to a child or subordinate. Listening is important. telling other people to shut up is gross and mean. Even if they do talk too much and listen too little, this is not a phrase that would encourage them to change that behavior. LIke, at alllll.

Anyway....I need to finish writing thank you notes. And think about taking down xmas decorations. la la la.

comments

3668Potential drama on Thursday

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 22:49:59 GMT

Oct. 19, 2005

foodies question
bramblekite
2005-10-17 05:46 pm
The nice Ararat lady emailed me and said there was a foodies dinner
at Ararat on Thursday the 20th, but she didn't say what time it
started or if reservations were required.

Do you have any info, since you're on all the cool kids' mailing
lists and all?

Thanks :)
=====================

Re: foodies question
terriblelynne
2005-10-17 05:59 pm
Like Foodies need an excuse to eat, drink and watch belly dancers.
We don't, but since we have one, let's get together in Ararat's
backyard next Thursday, October 20th from 7 10:00PM.

Here's the schedule.

Mezzes out on buffet at arrival
Hummus, baba ghanouj, maust museer, raw veggies and hot pita bread
Entrees served at 7:45PM
Veggie casserole, roasted lamb, beef stew, grilled veggies, persian
rice, hot tomato sauce, maust museer and hot pida bread
Desserts served after dinner buffet - baklava and choclava
Entertainment
Belly dancing by Yamina - 7:30ish
Belly dancing by Tashar - 8:30ish
Fire dancing by Tashar - 9:15ish
$15.00 - RSVP - a very nice thing

The last Ararat event was a beautiful evening. Remember Ararat is
lesbian owned and operated. Thank you Kelly for planning an amazing
menu and evening. I can't think of a better way to unite and
celebrate community.

Ararat
111 East North Loop
www.araratrestaurant.net

Thank you and good night,

Kitty
beatsagogo@aol.com (i _think_ that's the email to rsvp...lemme know
if it bounces)

============

Re: foodies question
bramblekite
2005-10-17 06:15 pm UTC (link)
OMG, how much do you RAWK!??

Thanks so much. I have email in to Karen at Ararat, too, so I hope
that between the two of 'em I'll get the RSVP in. (& hopefully I
don't have to be a pre-existing 'foodie' member? *worry*)

:)

Thaks very much!
=========================

Re: foodies question
terriblelyne
2005-10-18 01:14 am
Just be prepared to get hit on by girls, with it being a Foodies,
y'know.
===================

Re: foodies question
bramblekite
2005-10-18 04:15 am UTC
I'm sure I'll be horribly offended (kidding!! ;P)

===================

Re: foodies question
terriblelynne
2005-10-18 04:17 am UTC (link)
Well, I know you're not much for being hit on on general principle,
so, just letting you know it's meat-markety.

================

Re: foodies question
bramblekite
2005-10-18 04:25 am UTC
1) I'll be there right after Krav Maga, so I'll be wretched-looking
and

2) I'll be there with my pretty boy cousin, who got all the attention
at last Goddess Night there.

I'm sure I'll be fine :) I think I'm actually pretty clueless when it
comes to being hit on, only the most vulgar attempts actually get on
the radar. All the subtle stuff, I just kind of go "what a nice
person!" like a moron.

I was once told "you understand everything you see" ....which means I
don't see a lot of things. Which, really, is fine.

Now off to dreamland for this clueless puppy. :)
===========

Re: foodies question
terriblelynne
2005-10-19 12:03 am UTC
Yeah, but this is Foodies, meaning it's a lesbian event, and unless
someone thinks he's a girl, people kinda might be wondering why he's
there. And it also might go over quite badly if he approaches anyone.
Honest, I've never seen a guy at a Foodies, so you might want to
rethink that.

========================

REthinking
bramblekite
2005-10-19 11:52 am UTC
Hmm...go by myself after I've made a reservation for two, feel
uncomfortable & unhappy because everybody but me will be there with
at least 1 friend,

OR go with my cousin, a person whose company I always enjoy, someone
I always have fun with and possibly face the disapproving glares of
strangers whose best response would have been ignoring me [edit:
added but not posted in her LJ: or hitting on me disgustingly],
ANYWAY?

Gee, what to do, what to do?

comments

2893LJ is just full of Teh Crazy today

Thu, 24 Aug 2023 21:25:26 GMT

Feb. 3, 2005

UB and sineater's back and forth about how she appreciates how hard he is
working so hard to become teh man she wants him to be, and he knows
that she is the only person in teh world who loves and appreciates
him bla bla, sad sad.

And then here comes kaleon with his little nasty post.

[02 Feb 2005|08:30pm]
[ mood | thankful ]
[ music | DJ Cubert and the Skratchpickles ]

I am such a lucky man to have someone like Carol to spend time with.
She has never once pressured me into anything, nor has she ever guilt-
tripped me or brow-beat me. I know that I can share anything I want
with her without being afraid of what she'll say and I feel that if
either of us has a problem or finds something that the other one
likes to do that we don't, neither of us will try to force the other
one into partaking in it. She's also a wonderful editor, not letting
her own ego take control of her work and turning it into her work
instead of mine, instead preserving my own style foremost. It's
wonderful to have someone who will read over my stuff and fix the
problems that actually *need* fixing while leaving alone those things
that do not hinder the reader's understanding of the works but
instead defines a certain writer's style. I must say that she is the
least egotistical english major that I think I have ever met,
especially when you factor in that she is a wonderful graphic and
textural artist to boot. She spends time on her appearance on top of
all of this. I have yet to see her without a bra on in public and
without at least a hint of makeup on. She has confidence and pride in
herself and radiates that. She showers and bathes regularly, wears
beautiful things to bed that make me blush, and washes her clothes
before wearing them. To find someone who still takes such pride in
herself is a gift that I can not begin to be thankful enough for
after some of my past experiences. I can't wait till I can get down
there and see her again, (and see her gift she picked up for me at
victoria's secret too), touch her again, taste her, smell her and
wrap myself around her like a blanket in the winter wind.

comments

last night

Tue, 24 Jan 2023 15:06:59 GMT

We had dinner with Aunt L and Uncle B to celebrate Brother A's freedom. His original release date was 1/23, but after all the rigamarole his final parole appointment was the 19th so that's his real 'freedom' date. That was nice. It's good to be able to go out in the world again and it was at Arpeggio, one of our favorite places. L. brought me a boxed cake mix , "Dolly Parton's Banana Cake" and a can of "Dolly Parton's buttercream frosting"....apparently I'm supposed to make this abomination and bring her a nice corner piece. LOL. I hate all things artificially banana flavored. I love real fresh bananas and i even like banana bread or banana pancakes/waffles, but not banana pudding, bananas foster, banana candy, ice cream, etc. It's the artificial whatever alkaloid ester chemical shitstorm that I dislike. Anyhoo. I'll make it and Thax and A can eat it and I'll take L&B a big old piece, too. LOL. L was obese for most of her working life and when she retired she lost a lot of weight and now is fairly strict with her eating habits. Good for her but her work arounds for when she wants a sweet are kinda funny :)

We gpt home around 8 and decided to walk dogs before settling in for some TV and bedtime, our usual routine. We were passing by a VRBO house that used to be a 'group home' in our neighborhood when I heard a squirrel doing the little 'distress bark' which I thought was unusual because it was well after dark by then. So I walked over to see if maybe it was fussing because it was trapped, stuck, or had a baby on the ground. I shined my cellphone's flashlight up into the tree and saw two eyes reflecting back at me, a cat lying in a fork of the branches. I didn't see the squirrel. I started looking around under the tree to see if I could see a baby. There was another cat at the base of the tree, looking up. Sunny started barking at the cat and the cat backed off; I thought that was fine, maybe if the cat ran off from the base of the tree the squirrel could get down safely and get to another tree with no cat in it.

Meanwhile, this man from across the street and up a couple of houses came over and started shouting at us, apparently these were his cats and our dog was scaring them, whatever whatever. I tried to explain that i'd heard a squirrel in distress and was trying to find out what was wrong, he yelled at me about Sunny barking and scaring his cats, I tried to explain that the cat was already in the tree (terrorizing the squirrel) when we walked up, he said "I'm done listening to you," or "I'm done with you" or something like that, and "just go away". I said "Ok,fine, god bless you, sir." (sarcastic tone) and started to walk away. He said "fuck you" and that was IT. I yelled "fuck you" back, then he started going off on "You're not a real believe, real good christian with that language," and I was like "FUCK YOU, YOU SAID IT TO ME FIRST!!!"

Meanwhile Thax is speaking in calm conversational tones trying to de-escalate the ridiculous nonsense. I'm walking away, yelling at him "jesus christ, what the fuck is wrong with you," (I don't remember what all I said) and he's yelling 'fuck you" at me and "you trying to fight" at Thax. His teenage (?) son(?) was trying to get him to walk away and I'm yelling shit at him like "Keep your fucking cats in your goddamn house if you dont' want dogs barking at them" and then my grand finale "Go back to New Jersey or wherever the GODDAMN HELL you came from, WE DONT ACT LIKE THIS IN TEXAS!!!!!"

it was fucking ridiculous. We've passed these cats on our walks before, that street is on our regular morning route. The cats like to go under these big arbor vitae trees that are across the street from the man's house, and sometimes they'll be under there when the dogs are sniffing at the trees. he's given us the stinkeye for that before. Not that Boba, the tree pee-er is at all interested in the cats. He just likes to pee on those trees. Sunny would chase a cat if she wasn't leashed. The cats never seem that bothered by it, if he leaves them out at night I'm sure they've dealt with worse--we have raccoons, possums, and coyotes in our neighborhood. Anyway, it was dumb and I'm ashamed and embarassed that I let him get my goat like that. Screeching profanity in the street like a goddamned lunatic.

In one way I'm glad I didn't let him get away with cussing at me and my husband and my dogs, I'm glad I didn't just walk away and let him be abusive...but on the other hand I don't know what I could have or should have said or done to be a better person. Just walk away and let him cuss is probably the best, make him the unequivocal asshole in the situation. But whatever.

It's raining this morning so the dogs don't want to walk, so we wont' be passing his house today. But I guess at some point we'll walk that way again. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm sure his kid was very embarassed to be in that situation too. I hope that guy isn't always so foul and awful. And I hope the squirrel is OK. :/

comments

Quora: Why do people act like narcissists have super powers, and are to be feared?

Mon, 09 Jan 2023 20:28:01 GMT

Why do people act like narcissists have super powers, and are to be feared? They are simple, predictable, and extremely sensitive.

I don’t believe narcissists have ‘super powers’. In most ways, narcissists are less ‘super’ than neurotypical, emotionally mature people.

They are simple in that they are single minded, selfish, and always looking for people who will validate and enable their compulsive pleasure-seeking behaviors, whatever those may be (sex, drugs, food, booze, spending, hoarding, drama, risk-taking, extreme behavior, anything that creates an endorphin rush)

They are predictable in their tendency to over-indulge and take things to extremes. They are predictable in that they do not seem to recognize any cause-and-effect in their lives. They don’t understand consequences and they don’t seem to be able to make long-term plans beyond getting what they want as soon as possible. (please don’t mistake future faking[1] for long term planning ability!)

They certainly don’t seem to comprehend that immediate self-gratification can have extensive future consequences—when today’s bad choices become tomorrow’s hangovers, STIs, or credit card bills, they revert to a fragile, childish frame of mind “Why did this bad thing happen to me???” ….reflecting zero understanding of cause-and-effect, zero comprehension that yesterday’s choices led to today’s consequences, and zero empathy that treating someone like crap makes that person want to leave you.

They are absolutely incapable of taking responsibility or learning from their mistakes. In fact, they are unable to recognize their own behavior as even being a mistake! To hear a narcissist tell it, they never make mistakes or do anything wrong, ergo the bad things that happen to them are never their own fault! “Oh, poor misunderstood pitiful meeeeeee!”

They are sensitive in that attempts to hold them responsible for their behavior immediately leads to a melt down temper tantrum shame-and-blame fest more typically seen in a 5 year old.

Yes, their behavior is generally predictable. Disordered people’s behavior generally tends to ‘cycle’ in some way. If you are familiar with the cycle of abuse[2]you can generally get a feel for whether the narcissist is having a good day or a bad day, whether they are in a ‘tension building’ phase or in a ‘honeymoon’ phase with a given target, whether they are courting and idealizing new supply, or devaluing and discarding[3] old supply.

All of the behavior is cyclical and somewhat predictable. And, yes, you can almost set your clock or calendar by the times the narc will act out and rage out--around birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or occasions where other people may be receiving gifts and praise that will trigger a narcissist’s jealous freak out.

What is not predictable is the potential for narcissistic injury[4] from some random interaction out in the world, and the degree to which they will act out and lash out in response to the injury, or who the target of their abuse might be this time.

For this reason, I do believe narcissists should be feared. An adult with adult physical strength, adult intellect, and adult resources (access to information, deadly weapons and heavy vehicles) with the poor emotional regulation and anger management skills of a 5 year old is a dangerous threat to life, livelihood, and well-being.

A 5 year old says ‘mean mommy!’ when mommy tells them no. Then the 5 year old kicks mommy as hard as s/he can in the shin. Ok, it hurts, but the 5 year old has limited physical capabilities and limited concept of what they could do that would really hurt mommy. So the damage is minimal.

What happens when you say ‘no’ to an adult narcissist— a 6′ 2″, 250 lb man who gets just as mad as a 5 year old when he hears the word ‘no’ and kicks you? That same man who has the emotional regulation of a 5 year old and owns guns? That same man who screams and yells and melts down like a kid when he doesn’t get his way and he’s got a big car with a V-8 engine and he just saw you standing in the parking lot? Yeah, that’s dangerous. That’s potentially fatal.

What happens when you say ‘no’ to an adult narcissist—a woman with a college degree who has experience in the legal field or Law Enforcement? An adult woman who gets just as angry as a 5 year old when she is told no, curbed, or reprimanded? She isn’t stupid, she’s just emotionally dysregulated, undeveloped, and immature. She has all the intellectual resources of an adult, she knows how to ‘work the system’ to make her target’s life a hell-she can make false reports to law enforcement, she can file legal paperwork against her target, she can contact her target’s employer or the licensing board which regulates her target’s work credentials. She can do real and lasting harm to that person.

And these adult narcissists absolutely will not, cannot, think of themselves as doing anything wrong or understand fully that they’re committing criminal acts by assaulting people or making these false reports to law enforcement, state agencies, or regulating bodies. They feel that they are the true victim, (because that other person did them wrong first!), who has the right to punish their target in whatever ways they can devise—whether that’s by physical assault, shooting, vehicular assault, false reports to police, etc. That’s all very dangerous.

Remember: Narcissists don’t have a good sense of cause and effect, they don’t generally tend to think beyond the needs of the moment, so they’re going to be more likely to act out their anger and have no thought as to the consequences. They don’t have a good sense of self-preservation. They don’t have a sense of ‘fighting fair’. They do have a strong desire to win, but more than that, they want to see their target LOSE. And they are more than willing to harm themselves as long as their targets are harmed first or worse. And that makes them terribly dangerous to deal with.

I don’t feel that it’s foolish to be afraid of narcissists, but there’s no point to living in a fearful or paranoid state—recognize when a person is toxic and remove them from your life as quickly as possible with as little fuss and drama as possible. I also don’t believe in assigning to them any supernatural or superhuman powers or abilities. They are simply damaged in ways that short-circuit a lot of the common-sense, self-preservation instincts that normal people have, and for that reason conflict with them is likely to be higher-stakes and more harmful than conflict with another normal human. They find new lows and then they start digging. Once you’ve known a person long enough to understand that they are personality-disordered and recognize their patterns and perversions, at that point it’s time to assess the threat level posed by the individual and respond accordingly[5] Narcissists aren’t mythical monsters with superhuman abilities, they are just very damaged and therefore dangerous.

In my opinion, a best practice is to approach every new person you meet with a healthy level of skepticism and don’t trust folks with any sensitive information, finances, etc. too soon.

Footnotes

[1]

How Narcissists Lure Partners with "Future Faking"

[2]

Cycle of Abuse: Understanding the 4 Parts

[3]

Idealize, Devalue, Discard: The Dizzying Cycle of Narcissism - GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog

[4]

Narcissistic Injuries: What They Are & How to Protect Yourself from Them

[5]

MOSAIC threat assessment systems - Wikipedia

=======================

Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.

They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

comments

Quora: Do narcissists control others by labeling feelings as drama?

Fri, 06 Jan 2023 19:09:32 GMT

Yes. Other people’s needs and emotions are ‘drama’ and ‘pointless’ and ‘making stuff up’ and ‘faking it’ and ‘stirring the pot’--because they do not care about other people. They may not even recognize others as human beings with needs and feelings of their own. Everything in the NPDs life is about the NPD.

So, of course, the narcissistic abuser’s needs and feelings and screaming and shrieking and carrying on are all perfectly valid and you’d best do everything in your power to help, soothe, fix, or solve their problems RIGHT NOW.

===========================================
Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

comments

Yesterday, me to J-Law

Sun, 03 Jul 2022 23:30:59 GMT

2645Yesterday, me to J-Law

12 Nov. 8:39 am

Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 08:38:36 -0800 (PST)

Subject: Re: Beautiful Day!

We had great shopping, found a few little things here
& there. I found a coat I want to give [Sister H]--it's
black velvet, kind of a Victorian-style with sort of
dusky burgundy velvet roses sewn to the lapels. She'd
look adorable in it.

I laughed uproariously at the Xmas sweaters--these in
particular not only had the fooferaw glitter, beads,
and appliques in Festive Holiday themes (Xmas tree,
gifts, poinsettas, etc) all over the front, but also
had FEATHERS at the collar! Dear Ghod! You know...I've
never seen anyone but my family members just stand in
the middle of a store giggling like maniacs...I think
we're weird. But I love us, anyway.

We had a Tina appt. at 5. I got my hair totally
CHOPPED! I love it! It's exactly like Nicole Kidman's
look at the begining of Stepford Wives--too cute. It
definitely plays up my cheekbones & cute button nose
rather than jowls & double chin like the old hair
length did.

After Tina, [aunt L] & I went back to their house. [brother A] &
rubber_pig called. [aunt L] laid a smackdown on rubber_pig. rubber_pig
was being insufferably rude; she first offered to
"share" her Thanksgiving recipes with us, so we could
make them for Thanksgiving. And then when [aunt L]
politely turned her down, said "Oh, then I'll just
come to your house and cook them myself" whereupon
[aunt L] laid the smackdown: "NO. This is MY thing at MY
house and we do things MY way. If you want to bring a
dessert or a side, that's fine, but you are not
cooking at my house."

The GALL. Just because she leeched onto our family
with that fake ceremony, does NOT mean we are going to
dump OUR holiday traditions to make HER Thanksgiving
shit. Good lord. How rude/clueless do you have to be
to even THINK such a thing, let alone SAY it out loud
to someone!

Even UB, with all her past Low Carb lunacy, has never
EVER demanded or asked for special menu items for
Thanksgiving. She may not like it and she may complain
before and after, but she knows the 'when in Rome'
rule.

Good lord...you know the world has sunk to a new low
when you've found someone worse than UB. feh.

2646Re: Yesterday, me to J-Law
Expand Messages

Erika
12 Nov. 10:30 am

--- J-Law wrote:

I have been a busy little be (for HOWARD!) all
morning.

It sounds like you had a good, productive and fun
day! [sister H]'s jacket sounds absolutely gorgeous!

I like laughing at tacky christmas stuff, too. :)

rubber_pig's conduct was truly appalling, and I am sorry
you all had to endure it. However, I am glad of it,
if only because [aunt L] let her have it with both
barrells. What a bitch.

More later!
===========
me:

It would be one thing if the traditional [aunt L] Thanksgiving was
something that she was allergic to or prohibited by her
religion...and even THEN there are gracious ways to enjoy someone's
hospitality while avoiding the threatening food item(s). But that
whole "I would like to share my recipes with you"...OMFG! Appalling.

Elaine may bring a turkey, since she's decided she isn't going to do
a big thanksgiving supper at her house later the same day. I hope
rubber_pig will not take that as a sign that she 'won' anything.

Sorry you're so busy! We are so caught up we are trying very hard to
look busy. It's bizarre.

I may give [sister H] her present at Thanksgiving, since I won't see her
at Xmastime. And then she'll get some more use out of it, too, since
I'm sure it's already butt-cold in Indiana.

comments

ICQ w/A

Sun, 03 Jul 2022 23:26:27 GMT

2642ICQ w/A
10 Nov. 12:02 pm

evile: howdy :)
SkyeDS: how do :)
evile: How's your morning been?
SkyeDS: it went. yours?
evile: we are very caught up right now. We are really hunting for
stuff to keep us busy.
evile: Tomorrow the office is closed, so at least we'll have an extra
day's worth of faxes & mails to deal with on Friday.
SkyeDS: mostly I'm holding down the fort while Hugh alternately rips
opponents new assholes and deals with putting his dad in hospital
prior to nursing home
SkyeDS: tomorrow I am loaning him sonar0m and truck.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and I'm working half day Friday so that I can meet with
someone who wants me to teach her 4 yo to ride
SkyeDS: nobody else wants to take a child under 6
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she's leary about me being 60 miles away. But I may be her
only option.
evile: yeah...
evile: Maybe after the initial meeting, y'all can find a midway point
to meet at, a park or something.
SkyeDS: I told her that I have parks to which I already travel, but
my concern is that those are not controlled situations, and I would
want a c ontrolled situation particularly with such a young child.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I also suggested every other week, as opposed to every week,
for the purposes of controlling costs, both of lesson and of travel
evile: yeah
SkyeDS: I don't have problems teaching children under 6 as long as I
have parental assistance
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I started riding at 3 with no teaching or parental assistance
whatsoever
evile: What is it they say about God protecting children and fools? :P
SkyeDS: Addy rides with his mom holding him in the saddle, and he
isn't 2 yet.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: if the Little has Gift along with desire, it will work out
just fine
evile: yup
evile: And hopefully the parent(s) are not insane jerks. Bonus for
that.
SkyeDS: unlike Hugh I have no compunction about firing assholes
evile: *nod*
evile: Oh, my lord. Some of these LJ goth communities are
just...pathetic.
SkyeDS: but they're good for amusement value :)
evile: One 16 year old girl describes her life philosophy
thus: "Believe in whatever it is you believe in don't let other
people force something on you. Stride for those who have nothing and
fight for those who need it. Describe the weak and pretend for the
rich"
evile: STride? Describe? WHA--?
SkyeDS: I saw that lol
evile: *shakes head*
SkyeDS: but I was looking at pictures of moon_bride and thought you'd
think she was pretty
evile: Makes me want to go smack someone with a dictionary.
SkyeDS: lucid comment from my 14 yo friend Jennifer: Gothic is a mode
of architecture.
SkyeDS: (to which I amended, and literature, music and dress, not to
mention Germanic tribes)
evile: heh.
evile: evile to moon_bride--DEAR GHOD! What the hell do you have in
your mouth!?!? spit it out! For gods sake! you're going to choke!
SkyeDS: lol
evile: Sorry, but I am really not into facial piercing of any kind.
SkyeDS: is kinda pretty otherwise tho
SkyeDS: for a self proclaimed goth anyway
evile: Nose is common enough to almost be unremarkable, but I still
think of boogies in the jewelry and get kinda icked.
evile: lip piercings are still new & different & gross enough to
where someone like miss moon coudl walk up to me and tell me the most
fascinating story in the world and I'd just be there staring at the
peircing and going 'ew. ew ew.'
evile: I think she's rather ordinary under the cosmetics & ghastly
things in her mouth
evile: Pretty in a 'young, unformed, nice skin' kind of way
evile: But not actually interesting looking enough to be 'striking'
or 'beautiful'
SkyeDS: maybe if I take off weight and keep it off I"ll invest in
professional glamor shots
evile: could be fun.
evile: they only take photos from the bosom up, you could do it now.
SkyeDS: my face is fat
evile: Oh, poop on that. You've always had a very pretty face.
SkyeDS: it's still puffy
evile: *shrug* we are always more critical of ourselves than others
are of us.
SkyeDS: some point I just want to invest in having my makeup
professionally done
evile: You don't have to 'invest'... Ulta and Sephora both
have 'makeover' days where they demonstrate new lines of cosmetics on
people.
evile: You just have to know when they are & sign up in advance, is
all.
SkyeDS: that would be cool :)
SkyeDS: nice Xmas present to the self
evile: *nod*
evile: Sometimes in the dept. stores, they'll have people doing free
makeovers, too. Went shopping w/danicia once and she had that done
sppur of the mo, took for-damned-ever so was boring for me, but she
had fun. And bought tons of product, which is why they do such things.
SkyeDS: guess that wouldn't be fair
SkyeDS: in that I have no intention of doing that
evile: *shrug* they consider it a loss leader. For every one person
like you who doesn't buy, there's someone like D who drops a wad
on their entire product line
evile: And plenty of folks in the middle who buy a lipgloss or an eye
shadow at the end, too.
evile: So they get what they want from it, and you do too.
evile: speaking from experience, it sometimes really is worth it to
buy a very expensive, high quality powder foundation. You can be
cheap with the other stuff, but the foundation is not a place to
scrimp
SkyeDS: have never worn foundation
evile: it's not a daily wear thing for me, either, but when I do,
it's the good stuff.
evile: having freckles is very problematic for trying to have an
appearance of realistic good complexion & matte skintone.
evile: I have some fairly spendy french stuff that is *good* but it
covers up EVERY flaw, freckle, pore, etc. to the point where both
sineater and Sweetie have told me I looked 'bad' and/or 'dead' wearing it.
evile: would be good for theatrical stuff, but definitely not for
casual going out type makeup
SkyeDS: is foundation absolutely necessary for everybody all the time?
evile: not in my POV, but someone who is professionall being paid to
put makeup on you will tell you yes.
evile: Personally, my only non-negotiable is sunscreen. always, every
day.
SkyeDS: I'm not as good about sunscreen as I ought to be
evile: With that knowledge in hand, you can always try & do better. :)
SkyeDS: glad we're buying a tent heater, it's supposed to be coldest
weekend of the year
SkyeDS: some people are even slower responding to their mail than I am
SkyeDS: notably, 3 out of 4 private emails I sent to polys
SkyeDS: and the woman who wants me to board & train the donkey
SkyeDS: and the mic for the event this weekend
evile: sounds interesting.
SkyeDS: special permission for equestrians, but NO PETS.
SkyeDS: so I asked if Arthur would be ok, even if just limited to our
campsite
evile: *nod*
evile: people are funny about email. Onyxlynxx's forever saying that she
feels so bad and rejected when people don't return her emails, and I
emailed her day before yesterday and havent' heard a peep.
SkyeDS: sineater's fixin to fire our ISP
evile: You'd think it would be so easy to read & write back it would
be nearly instantaneous, but that's not the case with most folks,
even ones who are online all the time.
SkyeDS: we can't connect from home so the only way I can check my
mail is from work
evile: that sucks!
evile: other polys; Pace is good about returning email. J.
(galen78748) is not, even though he's the dinner coordinator guy.
Kili is prompt. Kulilinei and Knighthorse aren't. Crystalbelle, or however you
spell it, is. K. (gr8hands, etc.) isn't.
SkyeDS: I don't expect a response from Knighthorse now that I know who his
mate is
evile: Knighthorse's a cool guy. And I like his other GF tremendously.
SkyeDS: I liked him a lot
SkyeDS: but I don't think Kil would appreciate it if he responded to
my email
evile: Was also a tiny bit jealous of him when he started dating
Leila, the blonde goddess from Z Helene's bellydance show
SkyeDS: and I don't know how attached at the hip they are
evile: He is at polydinner far more often than Kili. Kili comes out
to poly dinner maybe 3 times a year, max.
evile: also, in my experience, when I've posted in teh past
about "hey, this is going on, join me" and some random stranger from
poly list emails me to say 'sounds like fun' they usually don't write
back after I ask them "who are you? Please refresh my memory if we've
met"
SkyeDS: well if he responds, that will be cool, depending on the
response, I suppose, and if not, I won't be surprised/anything else
by it
evile: What are you trying to get from Knighthorse?
evile: just being nosey.
SkyeDS: Kil told sineater I interrupted, was domineering, and shooting
dirty looks
SkyeDS: interestingly enough all things she did to me all night
SkyeDS: so I wrote to Knighthorse and three others to say if that was the
perception I apologize
SkyeDS: and didn't ask for a response, although I got one from Terriblelynne
anyway and felt better about that
evile: *nod* it probably wouldn't hurt to contact Kili, too & try to
bury the hatchet. You don't have to admit any fault, just say you're
distressed over the bad feeling.
SkyeDS: sineater tried to be nice to her and she deleted him
SkyeDS: she would likely delete me without reading
evile: *nod* Not terribly surprising. she's pretty all or nothing.
evile: But if you acknowledge that it was a touchy subject & feelings
were very high about it, might be nice. Taking the moral high ground
& all...
evile: I suspect that Kili is a lot like many of us in that she
turns her critical eye outward rather than inward, doesn't realize
that she's doing many of hte nasty things that she accuses others of.
SkyeDS: she acts like a rabid dog.
evile: she's unpredictable. It was not a good topic for mixed
company, period, and you could just leave it at that, graciously and
politely. I am sure that on some level she's aware it was not handled well and might take an opening if given.
SkyeDS: you are undoubtedly right
SkyeDS: but I'm going to let that dog lie, because I really don't
care.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I apologized to the four people there whose opinion I give a
good goddamn about
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: IF they perceived it the way she did
SkyeDS: and at least one of them didn't.
evile: Objectively, I'm sure that it could be seen that fault could
be shared equally among all who brought up the subject and would not
let it drop when it became obvious people were upset and
uncomfortable.
evile: she would like to make it all your fault. You see it as being
more hers.
SkyeDS: it could be argued objectively that some of us tried
SkyeDS: and she kept butting into conversations that didn't involve
her and yanking the subject back
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: particularly when Robin and I were trying to discuss where
the happy medium might be between isolationism and imperialism
SkyeDS: and she kept pulling it back to politics
evile: Well, I wasn't within earshot, I have no idea of the whys and
wherefores.
SkyeDS: I'm satisfied with the gestures I made, whether they are
answered or not
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and I'm not going to disturb rabid dogs
evile: well, she's not there often enough for sineater or you to write
off the rest of the group based on her behavior & words to
you....IMHO.
SkyeDS: sineater will do what he's going to do regardless. Despite
popular misconception he and I are NOT joined at the hip
evile: *nod*
evile: It's possible that Kili took offense at sineater's post in her LJ
because she's a more private person & didn't feel such a public forum
was appropriate for discussion between herself and sineater....just a
thought.
SkyeDS: that's between them
evile: I'm just trying to provide alternate explanations for her
deleting him from her LJ, other htan 'psycho bitch'....benefit of the
doubt. silly me.
SkyeDS: I have no say in whether he gives her the bod.
SkyeDS: I'd say, from the gentle tone he took with her, he already
did.
evile: *nod*
evile: Knowing sineater as I do, yes, BUT...his behavior/posting where he
did still m ay be outside the bounds of what other polite people do
socially....
evile: I'm just sayin...shoe on the other foot, would sineater give Kili
the time of day if she offered rapprochement to him and not to you?
So, in that vein, why would Knighthorse?
SkyeDS: I didn't ask for raprochement
SkyeDS: I didn't even ask for a response.
SkyeDS: however, I've been told, that most people respond to emails
regardless of whether they require a response or not
SkyeDS: and that I'm deficient when i don't
evile: *nod* Okay, well, don't expect one...
SkyeDS: I don't.
SkyeDS: but by the same logic, why do people get upset with me when I
don't respond to something that doesn't ask for a response
evile: different people, different situation.
evile: I guess?
SkyeDS: it is either etiquette to respond to email promptly
regardless of request for response, or it is not.
evile: I don't necessarily think that's the case. email and online
journaling are still fairly new forms of communication and I don't
think the rules of etiquette are set yet.
SkyeDS: I have been criticized by more than one person on more than
one occasion for not immediately (within 5 minutes of receipt)
responding to email that required no response.
evile: but... rather htan be pissed of f at Knightorse, Savanni, Terriblelynne, or
Robin for that, shouldn't you be pissed off at the person(s) who said
that, and clarify iwth THEM your policy re: email?
SkyeDS: where did I say I was pissed off?
SkyeDS: I simply said, people are slow to respond
SkyeDS: I don't care whether they do or not
SkyeDS: if I cared, I would have asked for a response
evile: Ok.
SkyeDS: my observation was, obviously I am NOT the only one who
doesn't respond five minutes later unless I"m asked to
evile: *nod*

2643Re: ICQ w/A
Expand Messages

10 Nov. 2:00 pm

evile: Given enough time & distance, people will probably forget all
about it. Nobody at my end had a clue what was going on at the other
end...
evile: There are usually enough new/different/interesting people at
any given poly dinner that those whose company you haven't enjoyed
can be easily avoided next time.
SkyeDS: sineater's feelings are his own. As for me. Kil sounds too much
like kaleon for my own personal comfort level.
SkyeDS: first, attributing her own bad behavior to me, and
secondly, "EVERYONE thinks about you the way I do"
SkyeDS: that's the second time I've heard this, about this group
evile: I didn't hear that part, either, so..? Don't know what to tell
ya.
SkyeDS: that's what she told sineater
SkyeDS: first she laid off all her behavior on me
SkyeDS: then she said and everyone else thinks this too
SkyeDS: so, the letter of apology, to those I give a flying flip
about opinions of, if indeed that was the case
SkyeDS: and far as I'm concerned, that's the end of that
SkyeDS: I don't need more kaleonwannabes in my life
evile: *nod*
evile: Lord, I think her legal name is actually Kilisharion Greymoon.
whee.
evile: I also think she's a Virgo. My favorite people are virgos. NOT!
SkyeDS: I don't think Skye DreamSinger on a legal professional's
resume is going to look professional
evile: *nod*
evile: esp. not with the 1950's social backlash in this country right
now...
SkyeDS: I've been reading some opinions that I respect
SkyeDS: Clancy, Powell, their peers (other generals)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: thank god asscroft is gone, now we see if we go from fryin
pan to fire
evile: doubt it.
SkyeDS: that's what I've heard from others "it's only going to get
worse"
SkyeDS: I wish Cheney/Rumsfeld hadn't won out over Colin Powell and
the other moderates.
evile: If they did anything too drastic people would wake up and
become unruly. They're going to continue to eat the whale taking very
small bites.
evile: I adored ZenRhino's post today, BTW. He is so awesome.
SkyeDS: Marc had a good one too
evile: he's a very thoughtful person.
SkyeDS: that's short for frozenrhino right?
evile: *nod* On TIM, he's just ZenRhino, so that's how I think of him.
evile: Onyxlynxx's been trying to get me interested in silverchat, but it
just isn't the same. The commands are just enough 'off' to where I
end up doing stupid shit like posting commands as 'evile says' instead
SkyeDS: that's IRC?
evile: oh, heavens no.
evile: TIM is a muSH. I don't really know what silverchat is.
SkyeDS: it sounds like an irc net
evile: could be.
evile: It works like TIM, mostly, except when it doesn't. From what I
recall of IRC< it was *completely* different.
evile: this is just..sort of different.
evile: In TIM you type " and then wahtever you want to say and it
shows up on screen as 'evile says bla bla '

SkyeDS: lol I don't think this prehistoric dinoputer could take
running anything else
evile: in silverchat, you type " and you get evile says "blabla

evile: in TIM you pose by typing : sits on Skye and the screen
shows "evile sits on Skye"

evile: In TIM you type "WHO" to see who's online. In silverchat you
type /w
evile: and if you type WHO, it says evile says WHO
SkyeDS: sounds fairly bbs/irc ish to me
evile: paging and whispering are the same in silverchat
evile: wheras in TIM you whisper to people in the same room, and page
people who are not in the same room. Tim has 'look", silverchat
doesn't.
evile: actuall, silverchat doesn't seem to have 'rooms'...
evile: TIM has various tricks to describe yourself so people get a
certain script when they type "look evile"
evile: some people even have 'entrance' scripts so that when you
enter/leave a room you get "Evile leaves the room in a swirl of
rainbow smoke" or whatever.
SkyeDS: we used to do that playing rpgs on irc
SkyeDS: I have two different script bots that are both 5M files
evile: I did IRC for a while, but got bored pretty quick. The MuSH
just seemed to have more user-friendly bits to it.
evile: plus, I guess, I actually knew more people there.
SkyeDS: people used to come to me wanting me to write their character
descriptions
SkyeDS: and then they wanted online in character handfastings
evile: been to one or 3 of those.
evile: on TIM we generally tended to mock people who had overly
baroque desc/ entrance/ exits
evile: Our favorite offender was one "Ambyr" who had heaving bosoms,
auburn hair, and a dagger which she would use on any who dared to
offend her affections or somesuch.
SkyeDS: rofl
SkyeDS: I remember those
evile: "i had an desc 'machine' that allowed me to store several and
change them with a few letters, so whenever she'd make her entrance,
I'd change my desc to hers
evile: "a tall and slender beauty with auburn colored hair that
reaches down tothe midpoint of her back, skin like ivory an deyes of
blue fyre that flash dangerously when she is angered. She is witty,
intelligent and sexy in a way that makes you want to take her into
your arms and keep her for yourself. However you musst beware because
she is not so easily tamed...and with her special dagger she is quick
on her feet to defend herself against any man...If they dare to try
to tame her." [typos hers]
SkyeDS: omfg
evile: "oh, we loved Ambyr.
SkyeDS: that's worse than kaleon's
evile: she was a h00t
evile: and not so intelligent or untamable that she ever really
realized how much we were enjoying mocking her.
evile: since she never bothered to look at my desc, she was so dick-
focused, she never bothered with any of the TIMwomen.
SkyeDS: so sad
SkyeDS: no tellin what she looks like irl
evile: if she was that obnoxious, self-centered, and worthless
online she was probably much worse RL
SkyeDS: did she ever contribute to the game/SL?
evile: TIM isn't really a game...so probably no.
evile: it's sort of 'chat with occasional goofy shit'
evile: and silverchat is just plain chat. No desc, no
entry/exit/appearance scripts, no rooms, no points, no pancakes, no
poptarts, no coded critters/objects that do stupid stuff when you say
certain things....pretty boring.
evile: FWIW, my TIM 'ex' ended up with Ambyr at some point, 'in
game'...bless their hearts.
evile: I think he did it more to piss me off than because of Ambyr's
attractions...oh well.
SkyeDS: how original
evile: *shrug*
evile: last I heard about him, RL, he was squatting in a house with
no electricity, water, etc.
evile: I think I probably did OK by not continuing the 'romance'
evile: meeting him RL pretty much got me off my 'vampires are cool'
kick...
evile: he was a vampire in a very true RL way--a total resource-
sucker.
evile: Not quite so romantic as nancing around graveyards looking
pretty.
SkyeDS: always amused me, the number of men who couldn't keep the
line between IC and OOC
SkyeDS: and thought we were having a RL romance because of whatever I
did in character
evile: *nod*
evile: It's easy to get caught up in such things. I've been there,
done that.
evile: to be entirely fair, I *was* in godforsaken Indiana when I
became a TIMster...there wasn't much going on in RL to distract from
the online interactions.
evile: And now I'm an L J junkie, but at least that's 'real life' and
mostly people I know.
SkyeDS: that was nice about BBS, everyone was local
evile: *nod*
evile: did you hear back from the guy after your lunch 'date' btw?
SkyeDS: we talked this morning
evile: cool.
SkyeDS: he is of the opinion we will have no civil rights left in 4
years
evile: Sometimes people act wierd online once you've met them RL
SkyeDS: I'm more than happy to talk politics with him
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: he steers it anywhere uncomfortable he'll find I'm afk
evile: *nod*
evile: it's too bad there isn't a good RL equivalent for that...
SkyeDS: lol or a RL equivalent of mute
evile: "how bout them red sox?" maybe....
evile: onTIM, the wizards have a 'cone of silence' they can smack
down if people get too argumentative & nasty
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: I owned two channels and was high ops in about two dozen
more, on irc
evile: That would be super handy in RL
evile: Looks like time for me to gather paperwork & cast it about.
evile: I'm off tomorrow & you're working a half day Friday, so if I
don't see you again before the weekend, travel safe & have a good
time!

comments

1759No Kidding! drama

Sat, 11 Jun 2022 20:07:18 GMT

27 Nov. 8:58 am

I posted this:

From: "evilE"
Date: Tue Nov 25, 2003 8:20 pm
Subject: If you don't succeed, Breed!

I just have to share this with y'all:

I just had a major Epiphany!

Having babies is the ultimate admission of failure.

You get to a point in life where you realize you're never going to be
Harrison Ford, Britney Spears, Cher, Madonna, Bill Gates, President
of the US, or whatever. You realize you will never be as talented,
beautiful, thin, popular, powerful, rich, or famous as you wanted to
be.

So you spawn and pass off all the pressure to succeed on to another
generation and settle into obese, flatulent, mature mediocrity. And
then you paint all your faded, failed ambitions with the martyred
brush of "I wanted to write a novel, but there just wasn't time after
Mistayke was born" and "Oh, I wanted to go to art school, but then
Junior came along and now he's going to be the artist in the family,"
or whatever.

Kinda makes you realize exactly what's going on in the heads of all
those sicko stage moms we saw on "American Idol Junior", doesn't it?

Yes I've been drinking.

But...in vino veritas & allathat.

XO!

=E

=======
Got this in response:

From: Jim S
Date: Tue Nov 25, 2003 10:27 pm
Subject: Re: [austinnokidding] If you don't succeed, Breed!

On Nov 25, 2003, at 8:20 PM, evilE wrote:

> I just have to share this with y'all:
>
> I just had a major Epiphany!
>
> Having babies is the ultimate admission of failure.

Normally I let your anti-kid diatribes slide right past. A lot of the
time, you're dead-on with your complaints, and I agree 110%.

This is not one of those times.

So everybody knows now ... I'm the divorced dad of three beautiful
children.

I based my personal decision to reproduce on a number of things.

First, I'm reasonably attractive, articulate, and intelligent. I'll
let others judge my attractiveness, but I'll boast that I have no
hesitation about calling a dumb mutherfucker a dumb mutherfucker to
their face. Sometimes that turns out to be a stupid thing to do, but
since I'm a former member of Mensa with a history of scores on
standardized tests averaging me around 150 IQ, you can call me as dumb
as you want. Just be careful when you hold up your own yardstick,
because you might not measure up.

Next, I do have some interest in prolonging my family lineage. Since I
happened to be the most suitable breeder among my siblings, it turned
out to be my task to procreate. My ex-wife and I spent our
children-to-be's inheritance on fertility treatments to have 'em. You
don't want to hear about it. Trust me on this. Regardless, our kids
are a lot smarter than her sister's only kid, even though he'll make a
better football player. Or goalpost.

Finally, I've always felt that eugenics was a good concept in theory,
and I've felt that limited uncontrolled experimentation might be in
order. As it stands with the experiment now, we have three cute kids
who are so fucking intelligent that they promise to follow in my
footsteps, and if they do, they will demonize every teacher they
encounter in public school. As far as attractiveness and
articulativeness, the two older kids are posed to break every heart
and every rule they want, and get away with it every time. The
youngest will just punch your fucking lights out, and then take a
photograph.

Hell starts in September.

Now here's where your part comes in.

If you choose to whack yourself now, you need not suffer from what my
kids will do in your lifetime. Nor will you suffer from what other
people's kids will do. However -- if you, like most people, choose not
to take a header off the 360 bridge, here's what will happen. OTHER
people will continue to breed and to produce ugly, inarticulate,
stupid children who will grow up to steal cars, abuse drugs, and
sexually assault sheep. Or commit other misdemeanors great and small.
(cf: Texas congressmen)

On the other hand, MY kids will grow up to join the elite class of
people who set examples for other peoples' kids; who arrest other
peoples' kids when they forge money or hijack airliners; who formulate
policy that governs generations of other peoples' kids; who write the
great books, paint the great pictures, and orchestrate the great
symphonies that will define how generations of other peoples' kids
perceive our society -- as a species, and not just as a culture.

It's goddamned hard, shitty work making a future for society. It takes
a few dedicated people with superlative brains and dedication, and
little or no self-concern for personal indulgence. Without these few
of us, the rest of you can expect to live in a life of Wal-Mart for
eternity.

You have your right to chose not to breed. I respect that. You have a
unconditional right to fault those parents who are incapable of
raising their kids up right -- as a parent myself, I hate those
worthless slackers even more than you do, believe it or not.

But don't tar the few parents whose kids WILL make a difference with
the same brush you use for the Epsilon-Minus breeders whose kids will
impose a lifelong burden on whatever social system will survive.

Jim

PS -- Want to know what we tell our kids when they see other kids
misbehaving in a store, and our kids ask why those brats are acting
badly? We tell them, "Honey, those kids act badly because their
parents don't love them." OUR kids have been dragged home and grounded
enough times to act right. And to know the score.

I would hope that if you were ever in such a position as my ex- and
me,
you'd love your own children enough to teach them wrong from right,
and
how to behave in public.

=======
My reply on group:

From: "evilE"
Date: Wed Nov 26, 2003 8:11 am
Subject: Re: If you don't succeed, Breed!

1. No kidding! is a group for people who don't have kids. What are
you doing here?

2. I own this group, son, so you don't want to be starting s**t with
me.

savvy?
=========
Jim's reply, just as full of shit as his original, but sent via email
rather than posted to the group:

From: "Jim S
Subject: Re: [austinnokidding] Re: If you don't succeed, Breed!
Date: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 08:54:28 -0600
To: "evilE"

An off-list reply.

On Nov 26, 2003, at 8:11 AM, evilE wrote:

> 1. No kidding! is a group for people who don't have kids. What are
> you doing here?

Take a look at the original "No Kidding" national charter. It
discourages discussion of kids and promotes adult discourse and
friendship outside of interaction with children. It doesn't promote
age-based hatred and bigotry. It also doesn't exclude parents.

Just children.

Would it surprise you to know that most parents in custody of their
kids need a break FROM their spawn even more than childless folks
(that
would be this group) do? Would it surprise you that some parents ARE
able to benefit from hearing from slightly prejudiced outsiders to
parenthood (that would be childless people like you), and CAN modify
their childrens' behavior to be more suitable for our society?

Would it surprise you to hear that every "No Kidding" interaction
I've
had, I've taken away at least one thing that helped make me a better
parent?

And I've done it the whole time without broadcasting the fact that
indeed I do have children. Only Janet and Eric know the whole deal.

> 2. I own this group, son, so you don't want to be starting s**t with
> me.
>

You don't own ME.

Hmm, "son." What does that make me think of?

Spawn?

I think you need a puppy.

I may or may not post a conciliatory reply on the group if (1) you
haven't removed my first reply, (2) you haven't put me on moderated
posting, and/or (3) you haven't deleted me. And put away your
yardstick. It looks like there may be an inch missing off the end.

=====
My response:

Date: Thu, 27 Nov 2003 06:26:48 -0800 (PST)
From: "evilE
Subject: Re: [austinnokidding] Re: If you don't succeed, Breed!
To: "Jim S

--- Jim S wrote:
> An off-list reply.
(snippy)
> And I've done it the whole time without broadcasting
> the fact that
> indeed I do have children. Only Janet and Eric know
> the whole deal.

Personally, I think you just want to start your life
over with a cool Childfree woman.

(snip)
>
> Hmm, "son." What does that make me think of?
>
> Spawn?
>
> I think you need a puppy.

I think you need to see "Pirates of the Caribbean". I
was channeling Captain Jack Sparrow, thanks very much.

> I may or may not post a conciliatory reply on the
> group if (1) you
> haven't removed my first reply, (2) you haven't put
> me on moderated
> posting, and/or (3) you haven't deleted me. And put
> away your
> yardstick. It looks like there may be an inch
> missing off the end.
>

You are a coward for not posting this reply on the
group. And I am busy with Thanksgiving just now, so
you've got a few days to cringe and shudder while I
think up an appropriate way to deal with you.

Thanks for playing! Bye now!

=E
==========
Another CF! group member's reply, in group:

From: "equiraptor"
Date: Wed Nov 26, 2003 10:13 am
Subject: Re: If you don't succeed, Breed!

One thought - All generalizations are false.

The original post was a generalization. This means there are cases
where there may be an exception to the rule. Jim, it's possible you're
an exception, but we're not the group to judge.

I like the idea that having kids is a way to pass the "need to
succeed" to someone else. I don't know why I do, but I do. Maybe
because I feel a great deal of pressure from my mother to be
"successful." Maybe because I just like the idea of people having kids
because they think they've failed. I dunno. Whatever the case may be,
it's still a theory.

========
my reply:

From: "evilE"
Date: Thu Nov 27, 2003 8:17 am
Subject: Re: If you don't succeed, Breed!

Actually, I was posting in 'hyperbole' which is a form of extreme
exaggeration in order to make a point.

I can't help it if I hit a nerve.

And got "Bingo" in the process.

=E
=========

Mark's email to me:

Date: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 11:03:24 -0800 (PST)
From: "Mark
Subject: Re: [austinnokidding] Re: If you don't succeed, Breed!

--- evilE
> 1. No kidding! is a group for people who don't have kids. What are
> you doing here?

A misunderstanding that needs to be corrected... by Jim leaving. I'm
already talking with Janet and the other organizers about this.

> 2. I own this group, son, so you don't want to be starting s**t
>with me.

You have my support, evilE.

-Mark

=====
My reply:

Date: Thu, 27 Nov 2003 06:23:15 -0800 (PST)
From: "evilE
Subject: Re: [austinnokidding] Re: If you don't succeed, Breed!
To: Mark

It wasn't the snappiest reply, I should not post before I have had
coffee.

I could have been a whole lot cleverer and had more fun with my
breeder-dissing...

But thanks for getting my back.

XO!

=E

========
Posted in LiveJournal & replies

evile ( bramblekite) wrote in childfree,
@ 2003-11-26 08:07:00

Current mood: amused

It's good to be the queen

I own the Austin No Kidding! Yahoo group, and posted my "Breeding is
an admission of failure" epiphany.

Got a snootful of self-righteous garbage from a member of the group
who happens to be....*dum ta dum!* a DIVORCED FATHER OF THREE.

Who happens, I suppose, to prefer the company of childfree women.
Hmm, wonder why?

ANYWAY...I laid the smackdown BUT GOOD on his sorry ass. May just go
ahead and ban him now, but I am itching for a good breederbashing, so
I may let him stick around and see what sorry garbage he spews next.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/austinnokidding/

Gee, think I hit a nerve?

farrah
2003-11-26 06:54
What an absolute crock of shit! What the fuck is he rambling about in
the beginning of his letter? How attractive he is? Ha, as if it's
suddenly going to make people perk up and listen to him.

I find it funny how this guy goes on and on about how smart he is,
and yet he's a father of three who joined a childfree mailing list.

His entire letter is nothing but a load of bull. I'm sorry, but this
guy sounds like an absolute prick, and it's sad to know that people
like him are breeding.

ragabashtule
2003-11-26 07:28
What about for those of us who aren't members of the group? It seems
kind of silly just to join the list so we can read a few messages,
then leave. Is there any way you could just post the text here?
*joins and leaves*
-- Sarah

ragabashtule
2003-11-26 07:39
*eyeroll*
2. I own this group, son, so you don't want to be starting s**t with
me.
God, not one of these arguments. No, really. Whatever happened to
dealing with these jackasses with maturity? (even if they don't
deserve it; it still looks better when you give them a polite
smackdown since they have nothing to really come back at you with
when you're being "nice.") This gives more fodder to the fire of the
misguided belief that "all childfree people are immature and act like
kids, because they're not mature enough to have kids."

Given this guy is a total prick, but you just know he's going to come
back at you for making that comment -- unless you're actually looking
to start a fight there, which judging by this post ("I am itching for
a good breederbashing..."), you are.

Please, just be the bigger person and ban him. Your reason for doing
so would be "you have three kids. Therefore you do not belong on a
childfree listserv."
-- Sarah

donnaidh_sidhe
2003-11-26 08:29
Oh, no! You own a group! If I piss you off, you might BAN ME
and I'll have to go to one of the OTHER THREE DOZEN SIMILAR GROUPS
around!

donnaidh_sidhe
2003-11-26 08:30
Ahem. Sorry. I've had that argument used on me before, and it
really doesn't impress me that much. :/

You're right
bramblekite
2003-11-27 06:40
It wasn't as clever and entertaining as I thought it was, I
shouldn't be online before I've had coffee.

The happy thought from all of this is that one of the "Big 3" Austin
NK! organizers here is peeved enough at all this guy's breeder bingo-
isms that DDO3 may be excluded from further Austin NK real life
activities.

I'm sorry, but as a childfree woman who has DELIBERATELY CHOSEN not
to have offspring, I am offended as hell by the idea of some spawner
of 3 trying to insinuate himself, and by extention, the 3
fucktrophies, into *my* happy CF life. Or if not MY life, the life of
one of my CF sisters.

There are WORLDS of difference between dating a man, dating a
divorced man, and dating a divorced FATHER OF THREE. You will NEVER
have his total focus, his full attention, or, to get down to
mercenary terms, his full financial support, if you decide to merge
your life with his. FTS! I (and the cool CF women of Austin No
Kidding!) deserve a WHOLE man, and not just the pathetic remnants
some babymomma left once she had got her use out of
him.

danicia
2003-11-26 09:24
I'm lurking just so I can watch your brilliant mind at work. :)

BTW..what the fuck is up with this statement?

Want to know what we tell our kids when they see other kids
misbehaving in a store, and our kids ask why those
brats are acting badly? We tell them, "Honey, those kids act badly
because their parents don't love them."

the_missy
2003-11-26 09:32
Aww, I was hoping for a much better smackdown.

That guy is one tremendous asshat. I don't even know where to begin
with my complaints about his post. I really liked what he wrote about
how "it turned out to be my task to procreate." What, was someone in
the family holding a gun to his attractive and intelligent head?

But thank the Gods ... "MY kids will grow up to join the elite class
of people who set examples for other peoples' kids." At least we know
for sure, thanks to this guy's assessment, that his kids will indeed
be the next generation of lawyers, doctors and rocket scientists.

I also love it that he's a former Mensa member. Strange thing, I'M a
former Mensa member. And I seem to have the level of intelligence to
not hang around where I don't belong. I'm smart enough to not post at
the parenting boards and telling them how wrong they are. ARGH!

you're right
bramblekite
2003-11-27 06:43
My response was utterly lame.

And now he's taken it to email, so unless I really stoop to bottom-
feeder level and post his private email to the group, it's done.

*sigh*

I hate breeders.

And all of his arguments, aside from giving me "bingo" on my breeder
bingo card, basically proved my point:

"I am a loser ex mensa member who hasn't done anything with my life
other than fuck up a marriage and waste a bunch of money on IVF to
spawn some kids, who now HAVE to grow up to validate my life by being
doctors, lawyers, and cops."

========
Which spawned this tangential post in NK! Group
From: "evilE"
Date: Thu Nov 27, 2003 8:48 am
Subject: A thought on Divorced Parents joining No Kidding!

This is my personal opinion, not the official policy of NK, Okay?

As a childfree woman who has DELIBERATELY CHOSEN not to have
offspring, I am offended as hell by the idea of some spawner of 3
trying to insinuate himself, and by extention, the 3 fucktrophies,
into *my* happy CF life. Or if not MY life, the life of one of my CF
sisters.

I can certainly see *why* a divorced parent would seek members of the
CF community to socialize and possibly be intimate with. But it is
not fair to the CF persons.

There are WORLDS of difference between dating a man, dating a
divorced man, and dating a divorced FATHER OF THREE. You will NEVER
have his total focus, his full attention, or, to get down to
mercenary terms, his full financial support, if you decide to merge
your life with his. (Unless, of course, the divorced parent has
renounced all parental rights, responsibilities, and financial
obligations...but how many parents do you know who do that?)

FUCK THAT SHIT!

I (and the cool CF women of Austin No Kidding!) deserve a WHOLE man,
and not just the pathetic remnants some babymomma left once she had
got her use out of him.

===========

comments

3250icq w/A

Sat, 11 Jun 2022 18:13:24 GMT

May 31, 2005

evile: I know I said I wouldn't talk to you unless you talked to me
first...but FWIW, Nikiyoy's feelings were very hurt that you didn't know
who she was at the party, and that's probably why she acted prickly.
SkyeDS: I swear on whatever anyone wants to hold sacred, I don't
remember ever meeting her.
SkyeDS: and if it was at Poly, the only person I remember by name
from Poly is Michael
SkyeDS: and I'm not even s ure about that
evile: you have her friended in LJ, and comment on her posts quite
frequently, apparently.
SkyeDS: she friended me first
SkyeDS: and I would debate "frequently"
SkyeDS: and she doesn't ever reply to anything I say either, so I
quit posting quite some time back
evile: *shrug* I don't know about any of that, and I'm not fighting
with you on her behalf, or with her on yours...just trying to help
clarify.
SkyeDS: I'm sorry her feelings were hurt
evile: if you want to be mad at me for something I did or said,
that's your business, but I dont' want people being mad at me for
stuff other people did/said in my presence, simply because I was
there and they're my friend/family.
SkyeDS: I did, if you will remember as you were standing right there,
try to be very polite in introducing myself to someone I did not
think I'd ever seen face to face
evile: I was there.
SkyeDS: I cannot see why an honest mistake on my part required the
response it got.
SkyeDS: I'm not mad at anyone
evile: Ok.
SkyeDS: I would like people not to be mad at me, but if they are,
can't help that.
SkyeDS: and getting rapidly to the point where I dont' care anymore
because caring hurts.
evile: OK
SkyeDS: if you think it appropriate, I would be willing to go so far
as to apologize to NIkiyoy for hurting her feelings that I didn't
remember having met her
SkyeDS: it is a known failing of mine.
SkyeDS: typically I remember faces better than that but I am probably
going senile in my not so old age
evile: I think LJ tends to make people feel more/less intimate than
they actaully are in RL and leads to RL misunderstandings.
evile: Nikiyoy's real face is on her LJ icon, so she felt you should
have known her from that.
SkyeDS: would it help to email or post an apology?
SkyeDS: of course I knew her from that
SkyeDS: that's the reason I said, you must be NIkiyoy....
evile: *shrug* she's 22, stubborn, and prickly. Probably not worth
the effort on your part.
SkyeDS: and when someone doesn't say anything to me when I post in
their LJ, I quit saying anything to them
evile: *shrug* she doesnt' reply that often to anyone, that I've
seen...
SkyeDS: actually not counting today I haven't said much of anything
to anyone lately LJ or otherwise
evile: Like I said, LJ interactions tend to make people act/react in
RL in ways that may or may not be within the comfort level of both
parties. Feeling levels of intimacy that aren't there, or whathaveyou.
evile: I know onyxlynxx's had problems because people feel they know her
well enough from her LJ posts to hug her but she doesnt' feel she
knows them well enough to allow that intimacy
SkyeDS: if you think I should, I will. if you think it would make it
worse, I won't.
SkyeDS: I'm trying to behave less like a bull in a china closet
SkyeDS: and I am happy to take constructive criticism
evile: *shrug* Nikiyoy and I are a lot alike, which means that we share
some of the qualities that make me hard to get along with...for
example, making up our minds about people and not being swayed from
that opinion.
evile: She's 22 and while she's done a lot with her life and is a
lot more together than I did at that age, she's still emotionally
very young.
SkyeDS: she's going through a lot of shit I notice
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: so even notwithstanding everything you just said now would
not be a good time regardless
evile: If I were you, I'd probably just leave it alone, and if you
are ever in the same place at the same time, make sure to notice her,
be happy to see her, ask her some question that shows an interest in
her life, etc. and see if she responds nicely. If not, you did your
best.
SkyeDS: thank you, I'll do that.
evile: She's a good person....as are all the people I care about,
each in their own ways. It's tough when people you like don't get
along, but as I've said to others, I now just need to say to
myself: 'tough!"
SkyeDS: normally I apologize for hurt feelings when I am made aware
of them, by way of doing right and what I'd like to have done to me,
but I am happy to know that that is not the right thing to do here so
as not to make matters worse.
evile: *nod* If she felt like dealing with it right now, I'm thinking
she would have approached you. Sometimes it's best to just follow the
other person's lead.
SkyeDS: if the subject ever comes up I'm sure you'll relay my
sentiments
evile: If I can, without appearing to be fighting with one on behalf
of the other, yes. Otherwise, you two will have to work it out on
your own, if you think the friendship is worth the effort. If not,
then not.
SkyeDS: I made the assumption a long while back that she wasn't
interested in me when she asked me a question, I responded, asked her
question, and she didn't answer, or reply to any of my posts
afterwards *shrugs*
evile: *nod* and we all know about assumptions : P
SkyeDS: well, if my posts don't get responded to, I don't want to
keep cluttering up someone 's screen with what seems unwanted
evile: *nod* I can relate.
SkyeDS: if the chance presents itself to repair, I will take it. I'm
not going to seek it out, though.
evile: sounds like a plan.
SkyeDS: I could be equally hurt, offended, and prickly with just as
much reason, I choose not to be
SkyeDS: she's chosen her path, it's her path to choose.
evile: *nod* I think it was pretty much a case of wrong place/wrong
time/wrong frame of mind...nothing deal-breaking, just not rubbing
one another the right way. It happens. Even with close friends,
sometimes.
SkyeDS: well, I handled the situation when it happened as best as I
could given what I had to work with, and that's that. water under
the bridge, and I'm not going to think anymore about it.
SkyeDS: to my way of thinking being compassionate to the hearts and
minds of those arounds me means apologizing when I fuck up even
inadvertently and unknowingly
SkyeDS: but that's not compassionate if it just offends further.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I meant well. And I think the people I give a damn about
know that I mean well. Anyone who doesn't, too bad.
evile: water under the bridge. Next time you're in the same
place/time, just try to start with a blank slate. "Hi, great to see
you, how is your new apartment/new boyfriend/whatever?"
SkyeDS: I'm glad to see that you gave Chance another chance because
on screen she looks wonderful (I read her lj too)
SkyeDS: for the record I think I get misjudged in the same way for
the same reason, but whatever.
evile: I am glad I've gotten to know Chance better. I'm glad I've
gotten to know you better, too.
SkyeDS: I don't really know how all this came to be at this pass.
SkyeDS: I wish it hand't.
SkyeDS: I tried to stop this from getting here, I tried to stop my
last conversation with Jinx from going where it did.
evile: I'm sorry you're still having trouble with Sharjinka.
SkyeDS: I'm not. I haven't spoken with her since.
SkyeDS: she never speaks to me first online when we're both at work,
maybe there's a reason for that and I should take a hint
evile: *shrug* some people don't. You rarely initiate contact, even
when I know we're on fine terms...
SkyeDS: but regardless, it is a lesson to me if in nothing else, that
when I"m at work, unless i need information from someone, I don't
initiate conversations at work anymore. with anyone.
evile: Oh, Ok then. Would you rather I didn't bother you during the
work day, then?
SkyeDS: and the next time something goes sour, I'm going to have to
engage the "hit and run" tactics that I don't like very much
SkyeDS: I don't like it when Jinx does it to me
SkyeDS: I remember you saying you don't like it when people do it to
you
SkyeDS: or you think that they are
SkyeDS: but I can't get work done when I'm sobbing
SkyeDS: you aren't bothering me. I'm just reserving my right in
general from now on to leave before I get so impaired that I can't
function while I have to.
evile: Ok.
SkyeDS: when I tell you, I can't talk about this anymore, you have
yet to not respect that.
SkyeDS: I don't perceive that being an issue between us.
evile: You could always do something like they do in BDSM scenes--if
I'm treading on unpleasant territory, you could say "yellow" or
something. Or "let's change the subject"
SkyeDS: I am still hurt by all the effort I spent trying to disengage
and change subject to be rewarded with being run over roughshod and
then hit and run disengage, but I'm trying not to dwell on it.
SkyeDS: and, I'm trying to get sineater off his high horse about his
little low black horse
evile: nope. Try not to take it personally. I think Sharjinka likes
you as a person and a friend, but just has fears for her friends at
HFS who may have more enthusiasm than aptitude for mounted combat.
SkyeDS: he seems to think he should have some say in who rides Jesse
so he's taking what got said personally even though I don't think it
should ahve been, it wasn't intended that way
evile: I think you both need to have say in who rides your
animals...he has a good idea of her moods and whether or not she's
going to be safe for someone, I would think.
SkyeDS: that was sarcasm
SkyeDS: of course he has say in who rides her
evile: Oh, I guess I'm missing something then.
SkyeDS: let me try again.
SkyeDS: no one rides Jesse without sineater's say so, she's his horse.
SkyeDS: so to be completely left out of Sharjinka's opinion about the
faulty decision making that's been g oing on with regard to who has
been riding her
SkyeDS: he takes personally
evile: Oh...OK.
SkyeDS: and that she didn't mean it that way and wasn't even thinking
about him is exactly why he's pissed off.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she is, after all, his horse.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: anyway, I told him, I don't want a war, I want it to just go
away.
SkyeDS: he's trying to make up for wars that he should have waged and
didn't, and I appreciate that, but the road to hell is paved with
good intentions and I don't care for that road right now.
SkyeDS: I'm not going to ask her to participate again, matter of
fact, I'm not going to ask her if she wants to ride again at all in
any capacity.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: it's very hard to be aware of hearts and minds around you
when doing so gets responses that puts me in a fuck that and fuck you
(in general not you personally) mode
evile: well, you can't punish everyone around you for one
misunderstanding with one person...you have to be a better person and
keep trying.
SkyeDS: it hasn't been just one misunderstanding with one person
lately, it's been a whole friggin lot of them
SkyeDS: and every last one happened despite my best efforts to
prevent/cure them, so right now, I'm thinkin, if there's nothing I
can do to change anything, fuck it
SkyeDS: strength to change what I can, fuck what I can't, and the
wisdom to know the difference. my serenity prayer.
evile: OK
SkyeDS: if it were my shit to own, then my efforts to do so would
bear fruit. my efforts have born nothing but rot, so maybe it isn't
my shit to own, in which case, fuck it.
evile: Distance and time have a way of putting things in perspective.
I hope things work out for you.
SkyeDS: anyone who is feeling punished hurt or anything else is going
to have to speak up, and not in the way Nikiyoy's gone about it.
SkyeDS: otherwise, I'm not going to know, and if I don't know, I
can't fix it, and well, that puts me right back at square one.
evile: I hear ya. I think the main misunderstandign was over the
word 'met'...you did not recall meeting her in RL, and she recalled
your presence in her LJ many times, which she counted as 'meeting'.
SkyeDS: could have been cleared up with communication
evile: Indeed.
SkyeDS: and I've learned the hard way that nothing I do can persuade
someone to communicate who doesn't want to, and it takes two.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: if I were going to interpret LJ as "meeting" then I wouldn't
have spoken to her at all because her response to me in LJ has been
nada.
SkyeDS: anyway, I"m not going to take that as a mistake on my part
either, because I said the same thing to kulilinei and ladydreamtime, who are both
in the same circumstance with Nikiyoy in terms of LJ and RL "meeting"
and they weren't offended or haven't made it known to me if they were
evile: *shrug* you don't post comments in my Lj hardly at all, I
dont' take it personally or think about it much, except just now in
relation to what you're saying about posting in Nikiyoy's.
SkyeDS: I almost always see you here before I read LJ
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: which is why I ask you stupid questions about your weekend
when I probably s hould just go read first
evile: *shrug* I don't mind.
SkyeDS: did a lot of posting to LJ today because there are so many
people I don't see here anymore during the day
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: anyway, I don't post to your LJ because I see you here, so I
talk to you here.
SkyeDS: two way communication instantly is much more gratifying than
through LJ
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: however, now that I think about it, Sharjinka has never
reacted in an unwanted way when I speak to her through LJ, so maybe I
need to suss out who to communicate with in what fashion.
SkyeDS: I am supposed to be a communicator, so it's very hard on me
not to take failures to communicate personally, as my fault
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I did a great deal of LJ posting to a great many journals
once upon a time and got no response from anybody so I stopped
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I don't want hard feelings between us
evile: me neither.
SkyeDS: :)
evile: Did you read Ample's post about the bbw calendar?
SkyeDS: I did, very cool
evile: I'm ambivalent. If I can use lots of make up and/or a
pseudonym, I might be up for it.
SkyeDS: I bet she's one of those people who will make you look
spectacular despite yourself
SkyeDS: Janet was like that
evile: I look spectacular when I try.
SkyeDS: I bet she could do it even if you were deliberately trying
not to is what I meant
SkyeDS: why you would do that I don't know
evile: I would not mind her doing photos, but I am not sure about
distribution thereof
SkyeDS: good question
evile: I've seen the photos she did of pace, and they're gorgeous.
evile: If she can make Pace look good, she can make me look like an
incarnation of the Goddess.
SkyeDS: I had that sense about her
SkyeDS: and as long as distribution doesn't include any useful
information
evile: yeah. first name or 'stage name' only, no
city/state/lj/whatever
SkyeDS: I'm already pretty present on the web. Anyone wanting my
contact info can get it on the ranch page
evile: *nod*
evile: But if you just went by 'skye' or whatever, ther's about 2
million skyes online.
SkyeDS: exactly
evile: I'm still thinking about it...I think I'll need to talk with
her and find out more.
SkyeDS: good idea
SkyeDS: I am flattered anyone would want me for such a thing
regardless
evile: just saw your comment...really, honey, you are tiny compared
to some of the BBW gals Ample runs with.
SkyeDS: that would be a comforting way to look at it but the cold
hard fact remains that I've gained 130 pounds in 10 years, and I've
got to do something aobut it
evile: for health if nothing else, yup.
SkyeDS: 13 years, bad math
evile: physical attractiveness, I'm finding, is more about attitude
and how you treat yourself, rather than any external measurement.
Weight is about health (and maybe clothes shopping :P)
SkyeDS: I know that to be true. But it doesn't work when looking in
the mirror.
SkyeDS: or just looking down for that matter.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: sineater and I are going to the Melting Pot tonight, finally
evile: oh, nice. You'll like it, I think.
SkyeDS: I remember you saying next time you were sticking to
appetizer and dessert, but I am still tempted by the sound of the
meats
SkyeDS: and right now I"m craving meat chocolate and red wine so
fiercely it isn't funny
evile: not enough for the $, and they don't do the oils, they do
flavored bouiillon...4 oz of boiled meat for $20, no thanks.
SkyeDS: is eating the cheese course and then the fruit course filling?
evile: hell yeah.
SkyeDS: which cheese course did you like? the one with the Wisc
cheese?
evile: Nikiyoy got that one, it was good.
SkyeDS: I think I'd like any cheese right now, I"m not picky
evile: I believe I got the one that was swiss and gorgonzola. Very
strong flavored.
SkyeDS: I like gorgonzola, specially with tomatoes. makes good soup.
evile: if you like blue cheese, you'll like that fondue.
evile: the wisconsin one uses beer, and you can defiitely taste the
beer. Which is fine if you're a beer drinker, not so good if you're
not.
SkyeDS: I'm deprived, I don't think I've had blue cheese
evile: gorgonzola is a blue cheese.
SkyeDS: in which case I like it fine :)
SkyeDS: have never had the blue marbled stuff that people make
dressing out of I don't think
evile: there's a whole family of blues...I like some better than
others, but they 're all good. the spanish blue I had last Monday is
my new fave, I think.
SkyeDS: that spanish cheese you had at full moon was so filling t hat
with a few squares I wasn't hungry again until I got home
SkyeDS: I ate that, one cupcake, and one piece of shrimp
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I had Greek for hte first time at Loch's event, I loved it
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I thought about grovelling at the cook's feet but a big group
was already doing that so I didn't
evile: Personally, I'd rather have help with dishes than grovelling.
SkyeDS: two of us do that anyway (one of us doing bird duty)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: Arthur would love to "supervise" but he isn't very helpful
SkyeDS: he's very helpful cutting up fruits and veges that you
intended to give to him anyway
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I am still singularly uninspired about my birthday, and it
looks like it's going to storm again anyway
evile: Yeah...some folks wanted to go tubing this weekend and it's
looking like that's not going to happen.
evile: Voyagers party is this Saturday, and a party at Jason &
Belinda's.
SkyeDS: User 129952931/SkyeDS has requested your authorization to add
you to his/her contact list
SkyeDS: User 129952931/SkyeDS added you to his/her Contact List
SkyeDS: I wanted to go to Somerville because I can ride there and
play in the water too
evile: *nod*
evile: I am not sure what the limitations are on the Trooper I'm
driving these days. Sweetie fixed the radiator leak, but there may be
other problems.
evile: it made it to the Guadalupe River just fine yesterday--
somewhere between San Marcos and New Braunfels.
SkyeDS: I wasn't expecting anyone to join me anyway, at this point I
just want someplace to go, myself :|
evile: Oh, OK.
SkyeDS: if we go you're welcome of course
evile: well, it's 4, so I'm gonna run.
SkyeDS: but I hate to ask anyone to do anything with a thunderstorm
looming above
evile: *hugs* have a good evening.

comments

3246Craft nite at Sharjinka's

Sat, 11 Jun 2022 17:51:16 GMT

May 25, 2005

Tonight I went to Sharjinka's craft night. I was the only one there,
so we went walking and talked and had a nice visit. She is thinking
of adopting a greyhound. That is so cool. She and Skye_ds had a tiff
about whether or not mounted combat games should be part of HFS, so
we talked about that, too. I agree 100% that they should NOT, and at
any rate A is not going about it right; she needs to join the
kingdom, pay dues, vote, and bring her game plan & rules to one of
the biannual meetings where they decide on new games/rules to become
part of their 'corpora'. As it is now, the kids who play on her
horses are NOT covered by their HFS waivers, since they are not
participating in an HFS sanctioned activity. It is going to take
something nasty to get UB off that track...not a kid dying, because
she won't care: "Hey, he signed the waiver! He knew it was
dangerous", but her horses being impounded/destroyed. That will suck,
for everyone...I hate her.

comments

3242icq w/Sharjinka

Sat, 11 Jun 2022 17:44:28 GMT

May 24, 2005

Sharjinka: *sigh* So much for that idea....
evile: which?
Sharjinka: I talked to Skye_ds about mounted combat and horses....and
beginners on horses that advanced.
evile: You are trying ot talk her into this idea or out of this idea
or what?
Sharjinka: I was trying to tell her to slow down and train the kids
more on basic riding. I failed miserably.
evile: where was this?ICQ or on one of hte boards?
Sharjinka: On AIM.
Sharjinka: I was trained VERY differently on horses than Skye_ds.
evile: I'm sure.
Sharjinka: I told her I couldn't support something like this. Not
this fast.
Sharjinka: Mounted combat on horses that they have trouble
controlling their paces?
evile: I hear ya. I think it's a terrible idea...but she'll have to
learn it the hard way, and hopefully it won't take more than a bad
fall to teach it to her (as opposed to a break or a death, leading
to lawsuit and/or extermination of the animals)
Sharjinka: I hope not! Geez!
Sharjinka: I'm so worried about this and I thought if I talked to
her... she's only worried about protecting herself legally. I'm
worried about more than that.
evile: Tell me what happens to horses that throw/trample people and
then the survivors sue the owners...horsie is dogmeat, right?
Sharjinka: I think so......I've heard of that in worse case scenarios.
Sharjinka: It's very rare.....but it's kind of like putting down a
mean dog. It can happen.
evile: If you can't present it to her framed in a "safety of the
kids" format, present it to her as "if your animals hurt/kill a kid,
your animals are meat"
Sharjinka: I don't think she's willing to listen anymore. She was
mad at me for questioning her judgment on this.
evile: She's the 'horse expert' and she knows everything there is to
know about horses, riding, and mounted combat.
Sharjinka: They haven't even been doing mounted combat that long!
evile: nope.
Sharjinka: I know on the ground combat. Freaky things CAN happen.
Sharjinka: On horses.....I'm having trouble figuring out what all
could go wrong...but I don't like to think along those lines.
evile: I hate to say it, but it's going to take something really bad
to shake her confidence in her 'expertise', and maybe not even then.
Sharjinka: Yes....but what bad thing? I'm worried about the kids.
Protected legally - okay...all well and good but if one of the kids
is seriously injured....
evile: You can't prevent them from signing the waiver and going
riding...all stables have signs that horseback riding is a risk and
you assume all responsibilities. ... I"m sorry, but that's the truth.
Sharjinka: Yes...I know. *sigh* I signed the same waiver when I was
learning. :-)
Sharjinka: My horse instructor never claimed to be an expert. The
first thing she handed me was a shovel and pitchfork.
Sharjinka: She said something about "to ride a horse is to care for
it, can't learn one thing and not anything else."
evile: You are definitely running worst case scenarios. She doesn't
want anyone hurt any more than you do...well, that's good of her, her
heart is in the right place, but....shit happens, and it's gonna
happen whether your'e there with horses or not. A kid could fall out
of a tree while playing assasin and break their arm, just as easily
as falling off the horse.

Sharjinka: That's true.
Sharjinka: *sigh*
Sharjinka: I just wish they'd spend a bit more time working on the
basics.
evile: yup. But she doesn't hear that, she hears you attacking her
knowledge and expertise.
Sharjinka: I know. *sigh*
Sharjinka: I think she got really upset when I told her I wouldn't be
a part of it. I'm not going to ride and I'm not going to learn
mounted combat. I can't control Jesse enough for that.
evile: *nod* good for you. Now hopefully you can trust that others in
the HFS will follow your lead and not do something they dont' feel
safe doing.
Sharjinka: If I thought I could do it, I would. I just don't think
it's safe. I think there is too much machismo from the guys to see
it that way.
Sharjinka: She asked if I planned to talk anyone out of it since they
aren't minors and can ride if they want. I told her it wasn't my
right to tell them what to do.
Sharjinka: If they ask why I don't, I'll just tell them I'm not good
enough or comfortable enough to do that.
evile: *nod*
Sharjinka: I honestly wish people so inexperienced wouldn't ride.
evile: yeah...but how do they get experienced if they dont' ride?
Sharjinka: True....but ....I don't know. I learned the walking and
trotting first. I started out so basic. I guess I just think it's a
lot for a newbie to handle all at once.
evile: yeah. I agree. I wouldnt' try it and I've been riding since I
was a kid.
Sharjinka: I've been watching and thinking about it. I wish I could
do it. I just know that I can't.
evile: That's all you can do...and perhaps some people will be led by
your example.
Sharjinka: Yep. Someday I'll have my own horse and then I'll know
what I'm talking about. It's more of gut instincts and warning
lights then logic right now.
evile: well, it's just like anything else dangerous/unsuitable your
friends get into. You can choose not to do it, you can answer honesty
and completely when they ask WHY, and then you have to let them go.
You can't control anyone but yourself. And you shouldn't try.
Sharjinka: I know. :-) I just know that right now, this is the
decision I have to make on it.
Sharjinka: I have to learn how to handle a dog. This will be my
first dog that wasn't a family pet. Completely my responsibility.
evile: *nod*
Sharjinka: I'm not even sure I can handle THAT! ;-)
evile: Dogs are a lot of work. I wouldn't want one.
Sharjinka: I know. I'm a bit worried.
evile: well, this is a trial period, so it'll be good to find out if
you can handle it.
Sharjinka: 45mph couch potato....
Sharjinka: Yep, yep. I'm going to stress the trial period when he
drops off the dog.
evile: *nod*
Sharjinka: :-D
evile: I've heard/read that having 2 is just as easy (or hard) as
having 1, and then at least they can keep each other company. If Sweetie
and I ever have dogs agian, we are going to get 2.
Sharjinka: It's been recommended that I get 2. I just don't know if
I can afford that right now.
evile: well, like I said, I've heard/read that it's not really any
harder or more expensive to have 2 instead of 1.
Sharjinka: I might think about it again. I'm just worried about
responsibility levels. I've never done this before.
evile: hence the 'trial'
Sharjinka: Yep. :-)
Sharjinka: I'm bringing him out to the park on Sunday. :-D
evile: cool. I hope I'm in town, but still have no idea whether I
will be here or not.
Sharjinka: I was planning on going to Scarborough but I think that
would be a trauma for the dog. ;-)
evile: yup. YOu'd have to get a sitter.
Sharjinka: I'm not going to. :-)
Sharjinka: I hope Chip handles cars okay.
evile: I guess you'll find out!
Sharjinka: Yep. :-D
evile: I told Skye she probably needed to take some time to calm down,
and she signed off ICQ right after that....I probably pissed her off
by not playing drama with her or agreeing that you're unreasonable.
Sharjinka: Thanks.
Sharjinka: I wish I wasn't so nervous about.... I just wish the
training would slow down and be a bit more basic and thorough.
evile: Well, maybe if you both give it some time and try to talk
about it again after you've calmed down, you can bring across your
concerns without making her feel like you're attacking her expertise.
Sharjinka: Yeah...I think you're right. As always. :-D
evile: Bottom line, if your friends want to do dangerous stupid
things, there's nothing you can do to stop them. Your concerns have
been voiced, that's all you can do....
Sharjinka: Yeah...that's true.
evile: You may just want to drop it....you're not going to convince
her that she's not doing the right thing, and you're not going to
convince her that HFS+Equestrian=bad idea ...she's the only one with
horses in HFS, as opposed to SCA, and she wants to make herself feel
special.
evile: If people don't have fun and/or get hurt, they won't play with
her horses for long. I've noticed more and more people being
uninterested in the animals the longer they keep going out there.
Wait it out, eventually everyone will lose interest and she'll find
something else to do with herself and her animals.
Sharjinka: You're right.
evile: She seemed to have a nice time at my house last night, but
then apparently she decided that people were attacking her and I was
egging them on, so she sicced sineater on me. Probably as a smokescreen
to keep from really thinking about the HFS-Horses problem very hard.
evile: I don't care to be a punching bag for her and sineater. I don't
think I'll invite t hem to anything anymore. Sucks for sineater, because
I like him, but I can't have that mess in my life.
Sharjinka: I'm sorry. :-( I didn't bring up the horse problem until
today.
Sharjinka: Wonder why she was so pissed....
Sharjinka: She always seems that way.....
evile: I think she didn't decide until today that she'd
been 'attacked' last night.
evile: Been doing the same bullshit since her 'bachelorette party'
before she adnd sineater got married.
Sharjinka: I really don't understand her at all. *sigh*
evile: sineater's 2 oldest female friends threw her a party (becasue
apparently she had none of her own) and things got ugly, but then
calmed down again, s he left all s miles, 'we'll have you over for
swimming and hottubbing at our new place, bla bla' and then by the
time she got home, she'd worked herself into a fury and sicced sineater
on us.
evile: Fast forward 13 goddamned years and she's still pulling the
same damn shit.
Sharjinka: Yeah.....
Sharjinka: She's a scary person to deal with. I don't think I've
ever spoken up until now.
evile: And now you know why you don't.
Sharjinka: *sigh*
evile: you're not going to convince her you're right. She's not going
to convince you she's right. You may have to just tell her "I am
agreeing to disagree" and perhaps say you'll press for destruction of
the animals if they hurt or kill any of your kids.
Sharjinka: I don't think I could ever do that.... However....if
something that serious did happen, the horses would be banned from
the park.
evile: No, Jinx, here is where you go ultrabitch and make clear that
there WILL be consequences for her poor choices. Those animals kill
your kids, those animals are DEAD
Sharjinka: Oh.....
evile: If the risk is as bad as you fear it is, then it's time to
make clear that she is taking a very LARGE risk in pursuing HFS
equestrian.
evile: If you care about the kids as much as you say, and fear for
them as much as you say you do...then here is where the line gets
drawn.
Sharjinka: If only we had more experienced horse folks and we were
moving a bit slower, I think I'd be okay with it.
evile: You need to make clear to her exactly how much you fear for
their safety and how far you will go to protect your people.
evile: If she sees it as concern and genuine, abject TERROR for the
worst case scenario, rather than an attack on her 'expertise' maybe
she can remove her ego and do what's right
Sharjinka: She has never struck me as being that sort of person.
She's got it in her head and I'm not sure she's willing to drop it.
evile: that is why you need to make it clear what,e xactly, she is
risking by going forward with her choices.
evile: a kid gets hurt? so what, she doesn't get hurt, she doesn't
care. They signed a waiver, that covers her ass. A kid gets hurt and
something of hers is destroyed as a result, she'll care about THAT.
Sharjinka: You may be right there.....
evile: I know I am
Sharjinka: I don't know if....I'm strong enough to threaten like
that.
evile: If you can't, find someone in authority in Drandmir who CAN.
Goofy?
Sharjinka: Maybe. I think I should try and talk to her face to face
about this again and see if I can't reason it out.
evile: let it sit for a few days first.
evile: And be prepared to escalate if/when she won't back down.
Sharjinka: Yep, I will. :-)
Sharjinka: Oh.... :-(

evile: I'm just saying. I think if you can get her to take ego out of
it, you may be able to get her to agree to take it slower.
evile: But most/all of her identity and what makes her like herself
and feel like a likeable person is in her 'way with animals'
evile: So if she feels that is being attacked, that is her core
identity and she will react badly.
Sharjinka: It makes perfect sense.
Sharjinka: I think a few days to think about this and try to come up
with a solution is the best thing to do.
Sharjinka: I want my temper to calm down a bit but I don't really
feel that upset. But sometimes I don't feel upset and if the button
is pushed, I'm surprised to find out that I am. :-D
Sharjinka: Does that make any sense at all?
evile: Yup. It makes perfect sense. Just take as long as you need to
get calm and control your behavior as much as you can. You can't
control feelings, just outward behavior.
Sharjinka: Right! Gotta catch the bus. Bye.
evile: OK. *hugs*

comments

3239ICQ w/A (teh crazy 'snarking' and 'egging')

Sat, 11 Jun 2022 17:33:40 GMT

May 24, 2005

evile: Made it home safe, I take it?
SkyeDS: no. lol.
evile: no?
SkyeDS: j/k
evile: Oh good. I was afraid you were going to say you'd had a fender
bender or something.
SkyeDS: sineater talked to me the whole way to keep me awake.
SkyeDS: I wasn't sleepy but it made him feel better.
evile: that was nice of him
SkyeDS: it was, because he doesn't like using the phone except as an
exchange of information.
evile: *nod* me too.
evile: Did y'all have enough fun? I don't remember sineater saying 'bye
to me before he left, but I did overhear him saying 'bye' to someone
else.
SkyeDS: I probably should have left when he did, but as usual I can
resist everything but temptation.
evile: I worried that you'd be too tired to drive safely, but you're
a grownup, so I didn't nag.
SkyeDS: nope, was wide awake
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: reason why I drank one glass of sangria immediately and a sip
of port and stopped there
SkyeDS: and no food
SkyeDS: food = food coma
evile: Oh, Ok then.
SkyeDS: I hope I wasn't too much of an embarassment
evile: I don't think so.
SkyeDS: well, if you think I carried myself well, then I will go with
that.
evile: I noticed that you started out doing the nervous motormouth
thing, but once that passed, I think you were fine. :)
SkyeDS: you used to say the same thing about Chance.
evile: *nod* i think a lot of people do that, it's pretty normal.
SkyeDS: you revised your opinion of Chance, which you don't do, very
often.
evile: *shrug* I'm trying to get better about that.
SkyeDS: did I pass the snarky bitch test?
evile: I don't have any idea; we're not a hive-mind, as much as it
might appear to be so from a distance :P
SkyeDS: I was very happy to meet kulilinei, ladydreamtime, argonarcher and Katy's man
whose name I forgot with the talking stick :(
SkyeDS: Nikiyoy says we've met many times before but I don't remember
SkyeDS: somewhat bothersome that I am more memorable to her than she
is to me
evile: *nod* At least one poly dinner that I know of.
SkyeDS: I've only been to two.
SkyeDS: two does not "many times before" make, imo.
evile: Possibly some PNO or CMA thing? I dunno.
SkyeDS: won't be the first time someone remembers me and not the
other way around
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: sineater is on phone
evile: OK
SkyeDS: he asked me to ask you if there was anyway he could call you
on your cell phone while you're at work or what
SkyeDS: since he can't IM
evile: I am not free to talk openly at work, due to coworker
nosiness. Can he msg me via email, or LJ, maybe?
SkyeDS: he says email works :)
evile: Plus my cell is only 60 minutes a month, so I don't really use
it for 'conversation' type stuff.
evile: I check my yahoo email several times a day.
evile: Other than what you see in LJ, and a nice emailed 'thank you'
from argonarcher, there hasn't been much other conversation about last
night. I guess that means it went well.
SkyeDS: was it not obvious?
SkyeDS: I thought it was obvious...and I'm dense.
SkyeDS: I'm also on the verge of retreating into cave/well/hermit
phase, I think. I can feel it pulling at me, hard.
evile: I'm just waiting for someone to complain about something or
mention something that someone did that made them uncomfortable.
SkyeDS: you want to know or you don't want to know
evile: Of course I want to know. Unless it's something about the
weather, which I had no control over.
SkyeDS: and I haven't read LJ today, Hugh is litigating and that puts
him in a bad mood and means that I have to toe a line
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: what if some personal discomfort had nothing to do with you?
and might have been a personal problem that just needs resolving
personally
SkyeDS: ala Ruiz #2 (Don't Take it Personally)
SkyeDS: and of course, I can't speak for anyone but myself (including
of course, sineater)
evile: *nod*
evile: The thing that killed me about the picnic in the park (My Last
Party, officially) is that people complained afterwards about the
heat, dirt, and bugs. None of which are anything I could do anything
about--it was an outdoor party, these things exist outdoors.
evile: But if the food was unpleasant, or one of the guests did or
said something impolite, that's something I could at least attempt to
remedy.
SkyeDS: I'm not sure whether to take some of the snarks as aimed at
me personally or not
SkyeDS: I decided under #2 not to
SkyeDS: until snarkster started bragging about double bitch points
for snarking at someone's face and getting away with it because
person was so stupid they didn't know they were being snarked
evile: I don't know who/what you're talking about, so I can't really
help you with the judgement on that
SkyeDS: and I restrained myself to pointing out that there is such a
thing as not being deaf
SkyeDS: but deliberately ignoring
SkyeDS: because this whole snark thing, when someone is snarking
someone present, seems damned if you do and damned if you don't.
evile: When Nikiyoy was talking about snarking the new BF's ex?
SkyeDS: the right thing, I am convinced, is to ignore
SkyeDS: no, when she was snarking at me.
evile: I didn't hear it.
SkyeDS: but then if you ignore, they give themselves double bitch
points
SkyeDS: which I suppose one should also ignore
evile: I have no context to judge whether or not your perceptions
mirror the actual events.
SkyeDS: because if you say, hey, I know you're doing it, I'm not
stupidly oblivious, I'm ignoring you, because you aren't worth a reply
SkyeDS: then that's a mistake too
SkyeDS: sineater asked me what happened with her last comment about
jousting and whether or not you were egging her on
SkyeDS: and I've already told him, I'm not even going there
SkyeDS: I didn't hear it
evile: Who said what to whom in what reply?
SkyeDS: I'm not going there, I'm not getting into it. I'm going to
handle my side of things, myself.
SkyeDS: I've already stated, I'm not sure if my perception was right
wrong shared or whatever.
evile: Like I said, we're not a hive mind. There are people I dont'
like that others in our group do. There are people I like that others
in the group do not.
evile: I think we have a general agreement that if it's your house,
you invite who you like and if others have a problem with it, they
need to be polite and respectful regardless of personal feelings.
evile: The only thing I remember hearing from Nikiyoy was talking about
snarking her new boyfriends GF.
SkyeDS: the whole entire reason I didn't even want to mention this is
because you said before you didn't think I could handle the snarky
bitches and I don't want you using this as reason to think you were
correct.
SkyeDS: I think I handled it just fine.
SkyeDS: there were several snarks that I weren't sure were aimed at
me particularly until the very end of the evening
SkyeDS: and I may still have been wrong.
SkyeDS: so I liked my response just fine, because it was suitable
whether it was personal or not
SkyeDS: which was to tell her, just because people don't react to you
snarking them to their face doesn't mean they don't know you're doing
it, it means they're choosing to ignore you, because your snarks
aren't worth the effort.
evile: Well, I'm glad you didn't get ugly and/or let your fears
cause you to leave early, anyway.
SkyeDS: I hsould have left when sineater did because of work
SkyeDS: and because those who like to poke at me like to do it when
he isn't around
SkyeDS: but I made that decision and I lived with it just fine
SkyeDS: even if I am falling over sleepy now
evile: *shrug* I didnt' see it. Nikiyoy is young and a bit sharp, I
really wouldn't take her personally.
SkyeDS: I'm trying not to.
SkyeDS: sineater thought she seemed unhappy and poky at eveyrone and
everything all night long.
SkyeDS: I completely agree with that assessment.
SkyeDS: I have this feeling of why me, what the hell did I ever do to
her?
evile: And if you were perceiving me as 'egging' anyone on, that is
flat out incorrect. I was trying to have a nice time and see that my
guests did so as well.
SkyeDS: that because it isn't logic, it's an emotion, isn't going to
be reasoned with.
SkyeDS: egging on = his perception, not mine
SkyeDS: I have no opinion about that one way or the other.
SkyeDS: I will deal with the why me, what the hell did I do to
deserve that shit, on my own, because it's my shit, and I'll own it
SkyeDS: and that's the reason I didn't even want to say anything
SkyeDS: and only said something because I don't want it laid at my
feet that I didn't say anything and should have.
evile: I was making conversation & trying to keep things light and
pleasant. I have absolutely *zero* interest in making people unhappy
and causing fights among my friends and loved ones in my home.
SkyeDS: if people don't say things, it might be because they don't
want to upset you, and they're trying to take responsibility for
their own shit.
evile: My hostess persona gives me a good out. When people start to
say anything boring, tactless, or needlessly self-aggrandizing, I
just find something else that needs my immediate attention.
SkyeDS: I don't like the place I'm in right now at all
SkyeDS: if I say something I'm wrong
SkyeDS: if I don't say something I'm wrong
SkyeDS: and all I want to do is own my shit, learn from this obstacle
and further myself along my path of intention
evile: You are the one sticking the 'wrong' label on yourself. I am
not doing or saying anything, because I didnt' see or percieve what
you did.
SkyeDS: I mean wrong in saying anything to you.
SkyeDS: ie, saying something to you is wrong, not saying something to
you is wrong, and all I want to do is deal with the feelings and get
them out of my system
evile: You are still teh one applying the 'wrong' label. I am just
here.
evile: You have the right to your feelings. Not all of my friends are
going to get along with all of my other friends. If you don't like
Nikiyoy and feel that she was being deliberately abrasive towards you,
that is your perception and welcome to it.
SkyeDS: I didn't want to say anything because a) I might have
misperceived and b) if I didn't misperceive, it's still my situation
to handle, and I don't want to involve anyone else.
SkyeDS: but I know you get upset when you feel like people horde
things to throw at you later
SkyeDS: and I ahte that too
SkyeDS: and I didn't want to do that
SkyeDS: or be perceived as doing that
SkyeDS: so I'm saying, this had nothing to do with you.
evile: I really wouldn't take Nikiyoy personally, if I was you, or let
her bother you for too long. I don't know what was said or in what
context, if I was there I didn't see it or hear it the same way you
did because Nikiyoy and I are much closer friends than you and she are...
evile: her sense of humor is sometimes abrasive/cruel. I really don't
think she means anything by it.
SkyeDS: I can't stop you from thinking that I can't handle snarks
aimed at me
SkyeDS: if they were truly aimed at me, I handled them just fine
SkyeDS: and if they weren't aimed at me, then it says nothing about
whether I can handle them aimed at me or not.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and for the record I've already told sineater if he wants to know
anything that was said outside of my earshot he'll have to ask you,
I'll be no part of it.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I don't want to go there (you know where there is) again,
anymore than you do, believe me.
evile: Honestly, you aren't really a topic of conversation as much as
you might think/hope. We do have other things to think and speak
about.
SkyeDS: you can scratch hope
SkyeDS: being topic of conversation = usually bad
evile: Like, wer'e not going to get together next Monday and take
votes on who likes skye, or anything like that...really, truly,
that's NOT what we're about
SkyeDS: that's not my perception. Have already said, I know when
shit's my shit, and I'm dealing with it.
SkyeDS: I just don't want to be accused of not saying things when I
should have.
SkyeDS: when I've thought I should say something, I got burned
SkyeDS: when I've thought I shouldn't say something, I got burned
SkyeDS: so I'm about at the place where I'm going to do what I damn
well please because I"m going to get burned regardless
evile: Bottom line: If you feel you handled snarks that were aimed at
you with dignity, then you need to quit sticking the 'wrong' label on
the interaction.
SkyeDS: I will assume if you perceived that I acted with less than
dignity you would say so
evile: And if you think I did or said something deliberately
offensive, let me assure you I did not. I was seeking (and mostly
think I had) a pleasant evening at home with friends & loved ones.
evile: Stirring up shit between people I like is not conducive to
having a pleasant evening at home, therefore I didn't do it, and
wouldn't do it.
SkyeDS: I didn't think otherwise
SkyeDS: what anyone else thinks = not my problem
evile: yup
SkyeDS: even if that person is "close" to me
SkyeDS: I am applying the "wrong" label to whether or not I should
say something to you about my feelings about the whole thing when you
ask
SkyeDS: and I'm at the point right now where if someone else is going
to apply that label to me no matter what I do, well, I can't do a
damn thing about that, and there's no point in even trying anymore.
evile: *shrug* You told me your thoughts/ feelings, my resulting
thoughts/feelings are my responsibility.
SkyeDS: I think there are questions people shouldn't ask because they
really don't want to know the answers
SkyeDS: but, a direct question deserves a direct answer.
evile: Well, I knew that eventually someone was going to come up with
a reason why last night wasn't as fun as I thought it was, better to
hear it now from the person involved rather than later.
SkyeDS: if I wasn't having fun I would have left pretty soon after
sineater did
SkyeDS: the balance of the other personalities was much more
important to me than just one other
SkyeDS: Kulilinei did not look in person much like her LJ icon, her LJ
icon does not do her justice
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and that's the first time I've had teh chance to meet Argon
Eric
SkyeDS: I'm happy that there seems to be no ill will with knighthorse
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and I enjoyed ladydreamtime, maggiemaepisces, aple and Katy's Shaman (what is his
name?)
evile: knighthorse and Kili are not joined at the hip. Her enemies are not
automatically his.
evile: Keith.
SkyeDS: he is a much different personality with kulilinei than with Kili
SkyeDS: some people's behavior is more influenced by who is in their
surroundings than others
evile: I suspect it is actually Kai that makes the difference; knighthorse
as 'dad' is slightly softer than knighthorse the guy.
SkyeDS: Kulilinei/Kai = package deal (or should be)
evile: yup
SkyeDS: Ashia (divine ambrosia) is like that
SkyeDS: very pleasant when she's around some people but not when
she's around others
SkyeDS: much more like that than knighthorse
evile: I've never seen knighthorse be unpleasant.
SkyeDS: since he didn't respond to my "if I offended you I'm s orry"
apology, I didn't know what to think/expect
evile: Probably in the same way Sweetie avoids getting embroiled in my
family bullshit, knighthorse figured he'd do the same--it wasn't his fight,
why should he get involved, one way or the other.
SkyeDS: well, since I was interacting with him and not her, I was
concerned about offending him, and not her.
SkyeDS: I respect the intellect I encountered, I really d on't give a
damn about her lack thereof.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: that's why I wrote him, and not her, to say, if I offended,
I'm sorry, such was the farthest thing from my intent.
evile: He probably thinks the whole thing was silly & blown out of
proportion, didn't care to dignify the tempest in a teapot with any
more wind.
SkyeDS: I hope so, because that's much preferable to harboring
unspoken ill will.
SkyeDS: that's why I was pleased that there didn't seem to be any.
SkyeDS: matter of fact, it wouldn't have occurred to me to even
apologize should I have offended
SkyeDS: until she told sineater that I offended everyone there and not
just her.
SkyeDS: since I happen to give a damn, whether I should or not, about
what Terriblelyne, savanni, knighthorse and Robin think, I thought if that was the
case I should apologize.
evile: Whatever. Kili assumes that her actions and feelings are of
paramount importance to the entire world, and that if she's
offended,of course everyone else will be too...whereas the reality
was that nobody but the 2 of you realized t here was anything to be
upset over.
SkyeDS: only thing that upsets me is people being upset with me
SkyeDS: it was the same feeling..."what the hell did I do to deserve
this from her?"
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and baring the neck and saying look, I didn't want a fight,
doesn't work
SkyeDS: and that's the reason I'm getting about tired of people and
at the point where just about everyone I know can go take a flying
fuck
SkyeDS: I seem to be upsetting people everywhere I turn lately, so it
must be me, and I need to remove myself until I can figure out what
the hell I'm doing, and stop
evile: If you need to hermit for awhile, you should.
SkyeDS: Sharjinka is radiating unhappiness about my migrating the
games to the HFS
evile: I think she has safety concerns.
SkyeDS: so she said
SkyeDS: and I asked her, well, do you doubt my personal and
professional judgment?
SkyeDS: and she said no
SkyeDS: she doesn't seem to be able to separate her concerns for
herself, and everyone else
SkyeDS: I told her look, I respect your concerns, I won't ever again
ask you if you want to participate, cool
SkyeDS: and thought that should be the end of that
SkyeDS: and she wanted to continue debating whether the other people
involved should be
SkyeDS: and I'm sorry but that's not her call
evile: She's a good rider, from what I understand. I think she's
worried about the kids with no riding experience getting up and
trying to do mounted battle without knowing safe riding basics first.
SkyeDS: the people she thinks don't have experience do
SkyeDS: and are not just vetted by me, but by one of the only three
golden lancers in the SCA
SkyeDS: Chris/Keject specifically
SkyeDS: and as I pointed out to her, he is a safer rider than either
sineater or sonar0m or me for that matter
SkyeDS: she was going on and on about minors, and I said what minors?
SkyeDS: there was no reasoning with her.
SkyeDS: and since I have adopted the safety standards that have
worked for decades with the SCA, and there is no demonstrable reason
not to trust my personal and professional judgment, I don't see the
point in debating.
SkyeDS: and I did my very best to alleviate whatever bad feelings
were going on, I tried like three times, and she was having none of
it.
SkyeDS: and I know that I'm supposed to be giving sources of
negativity a silent blessing and avoiding them.. and it hurts to do
so when one of them is ostensibly my friend.
evile: Just because she is worried about something, doesn't mean
she's not your frend.
SkyeDS: she seethes with her worries like a volcano.
evile: She feels very protective of the 'kids' in HFS. I empathize
SkyeDS: she seemed most worried about keject
SkyeDS: keject is not a minor
SkyeDS: keject has not only been vetted by me but by one of the three
best equestrian officials in the SCA
SkyeDS: case closed, far as I'm concerned
evile: it's like driving...you're a fine driver, but the drunk idiot
going the wrong way at high speeds will still kill your safety-minded
ass.
SkyeDS: and the last thing I needed today was a bunch of
recriminations about how I should not let keject ride Jesse
SkyeDS: she comes from a different school than I do where horses are
concerned and that's fine
SkyeDS: I have no problem with agreeing to disagree, but that takes
two.
SkyeDS: and she isn't having any of it.
evile: That's too bad. I would say if they are adults and they give
informed consent, it's their own tough shit if they get broken or
killed riding...says so on every riding stable I've seen.
SkyeDS: exactly.
SkyeDS: I tried to explain to her why I operate the way I do, and
that didn't go well at all
SkyeDS: so then I said, well, ok, I know you don't think the same
way, adn that's cool, let's jsut agree to disagree
SkyeDS: and no dice.
SkyeDS: and I've already said, I'm not going to let her volcanic
emotions ruin my experience at Drandmir.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: it's just hard to have all that washing over me
SkyeDS: it's overwhelming.
evile: yeah, I'm sure.
SkyeDS: I'm already dealing with one case of what the hell did I do,
I didn't need another one blindsiding me
SkyeDS: all I did was tell her, got Prophet in the saddle with a
sword sunday, now we're just waiting on you
SkyeDS: and all she had to do was say, no, don't want to, quit asking
me, and that would have sufficed
SkyeDS: I didn't need the riot act
SkyeDS: when I asked her directly, was it her intention to question
my methods because they weren't her methods, she said no, and then
went right back to doing just exactly that.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she's worried someone will sue the HFS and win
SkyeDS: well, everyone that rides HFS combat, to my knowledge, has
signed my waiver AND the HFS waiver
SkyeDS: she seems to think that I have not considered and covered my
bases, even when I'm using a tried and true system of security safety
and protection, and nevermind that I"m not exactly untutored in
legalities.
evile: yup. Everyone will do their best to be safe and play safe, and
if something happens (as it can even on the ground, I've seen padded
pvc break and scratch the fuck out of someone's face)...it happens,
and everyone will have to deal at that point.
SkyeDS: she's being overly paranoid about something new and she even
admitted as much
SkyeDS: I'm actually glad she decided to just leave and go to lunch
SkyeDS: because not a damn thing I could say was stemming the tide
SkyeDS: thankfully Hugh just went to lunch, so I can get the tears
out of my system. Now if the phone will just oblige me by not
ringing.
evile: yup. She's definitely running worst case scenarios in her
mind. She doesn't want anyone hurt...well, that's good of her, her
heart is in the right place, but....shit happens, and it's gonna
happen whether your'e there with horses or not. A kid could fall out
of a tree while playing assasin and break their arm, just as easily
as falling off the horse.
SkyeDS: crying at work = bad thing.
evile: sometimes ya gotta cry.
evile: It sounds to me like you're feeling bad about one situation
and letting it color your perceptions about another unrelated
situation.
SkyeDS: I am overwhelmed because the same situation seems to keep
reiterating itself recurringly
SkyeDS: it's hard not to let perceptions be colored when the same
thing happens often enough to make it a pattern.
evile: It could be that you are seeing similarities where none exist,
or only exist superficially.
SkyeDS: people radiating serious levels of upset with me every time I
turn around is not superficial to me.
SkyeDS: and the more people who are upset with me, the more I am
inclined to think I must be doing something to bring it all about
evile: I seriously doubt anyone was upset with you at my house last
night...I t hink you were just tired and upset from fussing with
Jinx, and took things personally that were not meant for you to take
personally
SkyeDS: Jinx was this morning
evile: perhaps that's been building longer than you realize? or maybe
t here is something else going on that put you in a frame of mind to
feel snarked/victimized
SkyeDS: no, pretty much every time something sets her off I feel
blindsided
evile: you're a lot more intuitive t han you realize, I think. She's
been worried about the horses being out at HFS for quite some time,
if you recall.
SkyeDS: and every time she says that's what's really bothering her,
it was something else.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: provably something else.
SkyeDS: sineater and sonar0m do something similar but not completely
SkyeDS: they get upset, and they don't know what about
SkyeDS: so there's not a damn thing I can do about it
SkyeDS: I don't even know whether it's me, or something else.
evile: *nod* it's tough to deal with.
SkyeDS: I just didn't need a Sharjinka rant about the horses right now
this minute
evile: well, that seems to happen a lot...you're in a bad mental
space and more and more shit gets shoveled on top of you.
evile: But consider this: on a happy day when everything was going
right for you, would any one of these things mess with you? No.
You're just reacting and reacting and reacting and letting things be
more upsetting than they would be as individual events.
SkyeDS: things by themselves no
SkyeDS: same t hing over and over again = pattern
SkyeDS: pattern I brought upon myself, some way some how, so I have
to figure it out so I can make it go away
evile: The only thing you have control over is your behavior. As long
as you continue to behave in a way that you feel is appropriate,
that's all anyone can ask.
SkyeDS: my feeling that I am responding appropriately can't be right
if it's creating this pattern
evile: I say rest and get your hermit time and see if that gives you
some perspective to deal with the latest challenges.
SkyeDS: there are a number of people whom I am not creating this
pattern with
SkyeDS: so maybe it isn't entirely hermit time
evile: could be.
SkyeDS: why would I be creating this with some people and not with
others.
evile: You are not going to get along with everyone in the world,
ever, no matter how kind, generous, decent, well-adjusted, etc. you
may attempt to be.
evile: Some personalities just dont' mesh.
evile: It's nobody's fault...you like horses and birds and SCA and
Person A has no interest in any of that and likes things you're not
interested in, too.
SkyeDS: upsets with people that I do share those interests with
upsets me
SkyeDS: ie, SCA upsets, and Sharjinka/HFS upsets
evile: Well, even within interests, not everyone is going to be
friends automatically, and even friends are not going to agree with
each other 100% all the time. You just have to decide if the
disagreement is going to be a deal breaker on the friendship, or
participation in the group.
SkyeDS: upsets don't have to be dealbreakers, but if I'm doing
something to cause them, I need to figure it out so I can stop.
SkyeDS: before they become dealbreakers.
SkyeDS: decided already a while back that I wasn't going to let
Sharjinka be a dealbreaker. She decides whatever she decides but I'm
going to keep doing what I've been doing regardless.
SkyeDS: but if people in all these different venues are upset with me
I must be doing something, and I need to figure it out or I won't
stop.
evile: I don't see 'all these different'. I see one.
evile: Sharjinka has said she doesn't want to do mounted combat,
that's her right. She has said she doesn't think it's safe for you to
have other peopel doing it...that's not her call to make. From there,
you both choose how to react and how to continue the relationship
SkyeDS: I've expressed that I've made that call myself, as it was my
call to make, and why I make t he calls I do. Why doesn't it end
there?
evile: You say people were snarking and attacking you, I say I didn't
see it. You may or may not have chosen to take a general statement as
a personal attack..you wisely chose to react appropriately and
discreetly. Now you can choose to let it go, or you can choose to
approach Nikiyoy, or you can choose to continue to let yourself be upset
over something that may or may not have been intendet to upset you.
SkyeDS: I respect her decisions on her own behalf, what the hell is
wrong with agreeing to disagree?
SkyeDS: I know I"m not going to change her mind and all s he does
when she keeps going on about it is annoying the pig (while trying to
teach her to dance)
evile: By disengaging from you & discussion of horses, that may be as
far as she goes on 'agreeing to disagree'
SkyeDS: ok, so why not let me disengage the half a dozen times I tried
SkyeDS: then storming off wouldn't have been necessary
evile: She thinks people are at risk. She is afraid for them.
SkyeDS: she said that. I heard that. I acknowledged hearing that.
Nothing I said made a damn bit of difference, and nothing she said is
going to make a damn bit of difference to me.
SkyeDS: and rather than letting it go when I tried to change the
subject she kept right on going until she worked herself up into
storming off.
evile: So...she disengaged. Now you do the same, and try to be calm
and enjoy what you've decided to do.
SkyeDS: why did she not disengage when I tried to?
SkyeDS: am I not allowed to disengage?
SkyeDS: should I have just stormed off by way of disengaging?
evile: perhaps she didn't read the attempt correctly...worrying about
what shoud and should not have happened and when is not goign to
change what actually happened. Take what you know and go forward.
SkyeDS: this reinforces my fuck this and fuck you (whomever) response.
SkyeDS: if nothing I do is perceived the way it's intended, then it's
out of my control and I"ll do what I damned well please and quit
giving a damn about the feelings of people around me
evile: If that's a response that will end up making you feel better
than you do now, maybe so. But I suspect you'd end up beating up on
yourself if you descended to that level of behavior.
SkyeDS: that goes against everything I believe, but there it is.
SkyeDS: I attempt to disengage, I get run over
SkyeDS: and then she hits and runs by way of disengaging
SkyeDS: I fucking don't deserve that.
evile: things dont' always go the way you want them to.
SkyeDS: particularly not from someone that I have invested as much of
myself into as Sharjinka
evile: Why don't you quit beating up on yourself and quit agonizing,
do something else for a while,and let things settle down?

comments

3236bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

Sat, 11 Jun 2022 17:32:34 GMT

May 24, 2005

--- sineater wrote:

Thank you,

sineater .

=========================
-----Original Message-----
From: evilE
Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2005 12:38 PM
To: ., sineater
Subject: Re: Yo!

Short, sweet & to the point, eh?

You're welcome :)

As always when a gathering exceeds a certain size, I
don't feel like I got to visit enough with everyone, but I hope you
had a nice time.

Love ya, bro!

=========================
--- sineater wrote:
Had a good time, though sounds like I missed the fun
stuff ;)
Had a question for you, not sure how to ask it
though
=======================================

Date: Tue, 24 May 2005 10:42:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: "evilE H"
Subject: RE: Yo!
To: sineater

I figured something was up; you don't usually write or
call just to say hi. :P

Ask away; I reserve the right to say no and/or
respectfully decline to answer, as any thinking adult
is free to do. :)

3237Re: bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

Expand Messages

May 24, 2005

--- sineater wrote:
Well of course, turkey-butt. :P
Have I done anything to piss ladydreamtime or Nikiyoy
off? (Or did I just have really bad BO yesterday? *snf snf*)

------------------------------------------
-----Original Message-----
From: evilE
Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2005 1:51 PM
To: ., sineater
Subject: RE: Yo!

Is there a specific incident you are referring to,
or some general
'vibe' you just picked up out of the ether?

-- sineater wrote:
Nah just a vibe I guess
*bzzzzzz*

Subject: RE: Yo!
Date: Tue, 24 May 2005 13:54:21 -0500
From: sineater
To: evile

I'm just paranoid :(

===============
Me to sineater:

FWIW:

ladydreamtime is not very touchy-feely with anyone, she doesn't often show up
to things alone or sit and visit for very long, and she's not
inclined to sit and listen to anyone go on about things that don't
interest her for any length of time. She likes BDSM and Musicals and
Theatre, and that's what she'll talk about at length, and not much
else. That's just her way, so if that's the way she treated you,
that's the way she is.

Nikiyoy may have been acting protectively towards Onyxlynxx. I noticed that
you were being a little handsy with Onyxlynxx, and Onyxlynxx didn't seem 100%
comfy. But I don't know if she was uncomfy with YOU, or because it
was a larger crowd than she's used to, or what. Since Onyxx didn't
actually SAY anything, I didn't take any action, but Nikiyoy is a bit
more sensitive about such things due to her own experiences and may
have been acting from that.

Hope that helps.

3238Re: bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

Expand Messages

May 24, 2005

Subject: RE: Yo!
Date: Tue, 24 May 2005 14:04:32 -0500
From: sineater

Ah ok. Glad to know I didn't smell bad... I'm sorry if I made Onyxlynxx
uncomfortable. I know she's going through some rough shit, guess I was
overcomforting. I will extend apologies. Nikiyoy didn't seem so much
protective as just crabby. I wanted to ask who peed in her Post
Toasties, then thoguht better of it. And sorry, didn't realize I was
being too touchy feely. Everybody was hugging me... Especially the
men.
Umm... K...

comments

3224stuff & junk

Sat, 11 Jun 2022 16:33:50 GMT

May 18, 2005

Went to wings & beer with Sweetie & the guys last night; things seem to
be back to normal. *sigh* In the car on the way there, he talked
about getting a new car. whatever.

Then I went to skate night. Sharjinka was there, she got there about
the same time as me, and then Gev was there (Maggiemaepisces' new BF) and we
skated & visited a bit. He watched me play Ms Pac Man & said I was
good (I actually biffed it pretty bad, because he was watching,
probably. When I played by myself later, no spectators, I got #8 on
the list)

Sharjinka got freaked by someone she thought she saw; a woman from
some long ago incident where the woman told the guy she had a crush
on that Sharjinka was being physically threatening to her and of
course crush boy got all 'white knighty' and the whole thing really
hurt Michelles' feelings. Drama drama, get the hell over it. Of
course I was more supportive than that in RL...but seriously, if she
isn't a physical threat and only manipulated people you had in
common, and you now don't have people in common, how can she hurt
you??

I think I might die soon.

I dreamt Sunday or Monday night about being in some wonderful cottage
with a pool & hot tub, getting dressed for my wedding. And then last
night I dreamt that I was at Bobbie's house, only it was a giant
loft/hangar with wooden struts across the ceiling, and it was a wind
tunnel or another planet, where there wasn't as much gravity so you
could jump up and fly. There was a great feeling of peace and
happiness and freedom. It was really nice. If death is coming, it
will be a relief to have no more problems.

I thought about putting my passwords for everything, everywhre,
someplace where someone could find them after I'm gone, but do I
really want people reading any of this?

comments

Esquire "The 50 Best Fantasy Books of All Time"

Tue, 15 Mar 2022 21:09:41 GMT

So, Esquire published this article recently. It interested me because one of my college mentors used to write for Esquire so I read it from time to time, and because I really have let my reading habits lapse during this pandemic and stress and I need to find some new things to read and get back into the habit of reading rather than spacing out in front of a screen. Vary the dissociation methods up a bit, use parts of my brain I'm not using at the moment, etc.

Lots of comments about the 'woke mob' and why isn't Tolkein, Heinlen, Asimov, [fill in the blank hundred year old author] on here....

And then FB experts and their followers using the list to launch political rants against the rabid left, feminists, and people of color. The usual bullshit commentary from the usual neckbeard trolls.
ugh. People like this are why I've generally avoided fandom, conventions, cosplay, etc. There's just so much ugly gatekeeping and it's so fucking tiresome and unpleasant.

So, were to I engage in conversation with said cat-piss men/ neckbeard trolls, on the off chance that they'd be able to listen and comprehend (I know they don't and won't, so that's why I'm writing here, just to get it off my chest and out of my head) here are the points I'd try to make:

listicles like this can't include every single favorite author ever in the history of ever, the writer was probably trying for more contemporary works rather than the 'classics' known by all fans, and the 'of all time' is hyperbolic clic-bait. Congrats, if you commented with 'whatabout' or got your underthings in a bunch over it, you fell for it. Esquire got eyes on the page, which is all they wanted, anyway

'best' is subjective. Your favorites aren't my favorites and that's OK. We will have writers & books we agree on and writers & books we don't.

Authors like JK Rowling and MZ Bradley and David Eddings and Orson Scott Card and Piers Anthony are problematic, messy, terrible human beings. Even my beloved Harlan Ellison was a giant creep--stories of him being sexist and gross at cons abound, as much as it pains me to say. Authors who are alive or were alive during the readers' lifetimes have this sort of thing come to light and then we have to go through the minefield of trying to figure out how to (whether to) enjoy their art for its own sake, or if we need to shun both the art and the artist. For myself, in the case of knowing that MZB was abusive and either allowed, encouraged, or aided her partner in acts of child abuse and pedophilia make it very very difficult to re-read any of her stuff, let alone enjoy it. I, personally, just can't separate the art and the artist in that case. (Harlan Ellison hitting on women at cons and being sexist, for whatever reason, I find forgive-able. 'a product of his time' Maybe that makes me a bad person too, I dunno.)

OTOH, why not JUST LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS.? The world is a dumpster fire, we are all suffering and lonely and anxious and sad, so if there's a book or a writer that takes us away from the shit for a harmless mental trip to lands of swords and sorcery and dragons and magic, just please let people enjoy that. FFS.

tl:dr this sums things up better than I can.

comments

ICQ w/Sylvana

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 17:39:43 GMT

May 29, 2003

Sylvana: User 177569138/Sylvana has requested your authorization to
add you to his/her contact list
"Please authorize my request and add me to your Contact List. Sylvana
ICQ#"
Sylvana: User 177569138/Sylvana added you to his/her Contact List
Sylvana: User 177569138/Sylvana was added to your Contact List.
Sylvana: Hello Eek! I got this from Terwin. How are things?
evile: good. How are you?
Sylvana: Ok
evile: I'm wasting time at work...Not much motivation today :P
Sylvana: I hear that. Heck I am still trying to find a job.

evile: The market sucks so bad right now...
Sylvana: Tell me about it! I can not even get at job at Mc Yuck's,
that is how bad it is.
evile: Hobby Lobby was hiring when I went there about a week
ago...they are religious freaks, but...?
Sylvana: For what positions and which location?
evile: It was the location up near 183 and Anderson. I just saw
the "now hiring" sign on the door, so I don't know anything else.
Sylvana: Ok at least that one is on a bus line. I have even applied
at the NAMC hospital for the food court. Nothing so far. Really do
not want to go back into food service but hey you get what you can
nowdays.
Sylvana: So have you heard from Skye lately?

evile: Umm...I saw her on the 18th at the Drandmir Nobles Tourney. I
think that is the most recent.
Sylvana: Well she is wanting to run for Regent of BD and so needs to
pay dues so she can vote. I will try to get ahold of her before this
weekend.
evile: Oh, dear. Last we talked she was saying she didn't want to do
politics. Wonder what moron talked her into it.
evile: I don't know if you've tried this site yet, but it might help
with the job search:
http://www.twc.state.tx.us/customers/jsemp/jsempsub1.html
Sylvana: No I haven't thanks. I think it was Goofy or Thax that was
telling her that she would be a goos Regent. I on the other hand have
higher aspirations....I am going to be Queen!
evile: skye_ds has kind of a 'life cycle' with groups she joins. She
joins, stays on the fringes, gets dissatisfied with the fringe, gets
involved in the politics, gets pissed off when people don't do what
she wants them to, and quits. She's done this with online gaming group
(s?), pagan groups, student groups, I think she did this with HFS at
some point in the past (like 1997?-ish)....Not a good idea. She
doesn't deal with dissent very well.
Sylvana: So I ave noticed!!!!;-)
evile: Oh well. sineater works nights now, so I never see him at HFS
stuff, anyway. If she quits, it won't make me any difference. I'll
just have to listen to her bitch about what a bunch of ingrates HFS
is, bla bla.
evile: She & sineater quit (were expelled from?) the Council of Magical
arts at least 5 years ago due to pet issues, and I STILL get to hear
about how much CMA sucks every time the subject comes up.
Sylvana: Especially BD. Don't get me wrong I like the horses and all
but they really have no place being in Nirvana. Especially when she
gallops them right into peoples laps! I am just waiting for that
accident to happen.
Sylvana: I wonder why!!!!
evile: I still get a frisson when I remember the day Alex(?) lost
hold of Jessie's reins and I had to grab her to keep her from running
into folks under the trees. Thank heaven I didn't freeze up in that
situation (I usually do!)
evile: It's wierd...all the things she says she likes best at HFS
(bardic, roleplay, etc) can't really be done when she's having to
watch the critters. So I wonder why she's so insistent on bringing
them everywhere.
Sylvana: I had to grab the oxygen tank that onew of our members uses
practically out from under Jessie's hooves. That was scary especially
if Jessie got startled this lady and her husband could not get out of
the way fast enough.
evile: ack!!
evile: Maybe if someone tried to frame it in terms of "giving the
younger folks a chance for leadership, which they've never
experienced" she could be talked out of running for office.
Sylvana: I do not know. Heck I wonder if she would even be able to
full fill the duties of an office. Regent has certain things amended
to it that one has to fullfill...like publishing(actually putting it
together) the arts and sciences mag, working closly with the monarch,
helping with organizing events, etc...
Sylvana: Actually I think when she finds out what amount of
responsiblity is involved she will back out!
evile: Her 'talent' is 'management'. It's possible she'd delegate the
tasks effectively enough to make it work.
evile: It's possible sineater would have to do most of it so I'd see more
of him. That would totally work for me :)
Sylvana: Possibly but it still can get overwhelming. Yeah sineater seems
to be a nice guy, though to hear her talk he isn't.
evile: That whole thing is very sad for me. I am a very
straightforward, fairly tactless person, so I have had a bad learning
curve on dealing with their relationship and managing to keep my
sanity intact.
Sylvana: What I don't get is why she isits on treating them all so
badly(all 3 of them that is)
Sylvana: *insists*
evile: Because they stick around to put up with it. I have watched
her abuse sineater (and the bird, and the horses) for 10 yrs now, and as
sad as it is for me to realize it, there is something there that sineater
feels he needs/deserves, and I can't do anything to help him if this
is what he thinks he wants.
evile: I don't know Malamorf's [sonar0m] story,but Kaleon & sineater both have
insane/abusive relationships with their mothers, so maybe they are
just re-creating what's most familiar to them as a 'family'
relationship.
Sylvana: I have been through 2 abusive marriages so I know the
feeling. I have told him over and over again that he does not desreve
to be treated that way, and if needs be he can come here to Terwin
and mine apartment. So far he just does what ever she demands. I feel
awful for him Perhaps, as for Malamorf..his mome is trying to get him
away from her as quickly as possible.
evile: Wrong tactic--we tried to tell sineater skye_ds was wrong for him,
we tried to get them apart when they were dating, it just made him
more sure that he wanted her. Kaleon's mom once told him "That witch
is not welcome in my home ever again!" so he came to Austin and
didn't see his parents for a while.
Sylvana: So is that why Skye's parents took sineater's side when he
finally(or so she says) fought back?
evile: I have no idea what really happened there. She has a really
screwed up relationship with her parents, esp. her mom, so I have no
idea.
Sylvana: She said that sineater punched her in the mouth and that he is
always being abusive to her. I don't think so since it doesn't fit
him at all/
evile: That's her perspective. Kaleon and I were friends for a little
while when they broke up for a bit, and he said that while he lived
with them, he saw her hitting sineater regularly, and that what made him
finally move out is when she smacked Kaleon upside the head.
evile: The boy isn't quite smart enough to get away completely, but
is not as screwed as sineater.
evile: I'd have to say that if someone hit me every day, multiple
times, I wouldn't be too surprised to find myself hitting back after
5 years of NOT retaliating...
evile: It' s not something I can really think about too much, it just
makes me too sick and sad & homicidally rageful.
evile: I feel bad for her, too. I used to just blame her for
everything, but they are both at fault for how bad and sick the
marriage is.
Sylvana: Well then again if I see it I will call the police and I
know enough of being abused to make it stick. She claimed that sineater
called the police on her and filed false report but I don't know I
think he was a bit afraid to go through with it. Just let me see it
and it will all go down..after all I someday plan on volunteering at
SafePlace.
Sylvana: True they both need to stop and either seek counseling or
seperate. I don't think at this point it will get any better for
either of them.
evile: She is pretty careful not to do it in front of people she
isn't in control of. I think she was testing her control of her
parents by hitting sineater in front of them.
evile: I have never seen her hit him, or him hit her. The closest it
ever got was I overheard her say "I will hit you again if you
dont..."
evile: Nobody deserves to be hit. Especially not by someone they've
taken vows of love with...He shouldn't hit her. She shouldn't hit
him. It doesn't matter if her blows dont' leave marks or dont' hurt
and his do...it's wrong.
Sylvana: Yeah well one day she will get too comfortable one day and
that will be all that I need. Yeah I have heard that too from her and
that was throuh a closed door. Heck maybe I should change my major
and go into counseling.
Sylvana: That is true and it belongs to that cycle...everything is
ok..it starts to get rough...then someone snaps...then comes the
apology...then everything fine again.
evile: You can only help people who want to be helped. Obviously
there is something in the relationship that is meeting their needs,
more positive than negative consequenses for staying together and
leaving things as they are. Sad. Very sad.
Sylvana: I think it has alot to do with attention getting..whether it
is positive or negative attention...That is the most that I see them
sharing at this point...besides money.
evile: yup.
Sylvana: Well I am glad I am not the only one who has seen what has
been going on. I unfortunately cannot turn a blind eye upon what is
going on for fear of how it may affect the BD kingdom. As it will at
some point in time. She said something the other day about sineater being
her slave because of a slave contract, have you heard anything about
that?
evile: Kaleon was telling me something about it. It made very little
sense to me, and since sineater and/or skye_ds sabotaged our friendship, I
haven't heard anything else about it. Neither sineater nor skye_ds has
said anythign about it to me, probably because they know I"d be
offended and distressed.
Sylvana: Well if it is true then that is in violation of a federal
law as per the 15th admendment which abolished slavery in the US. She
could go to Federal prison for that.
evile: *shrug* there are plenty of people in the BDSM community who
have similar arrangements. If it is willingly agreed to by both
parties, I dont' think the law can do much.
Sylvana: She said that she made him sign it so that way they wouldn't
have to sell the house and animals as would be the case in a divorce.
Sylvana: So to me it seems like it was a forced enslavement. That has
nothing to do with HFS at all.
evile: Piss on that. It wouldn't hold up in court
evile: Now, sineater may think it does and that is why he wont' divorce
her, but he is smart enough to do the research and figure things out,
if he really wanted out.
evile: They already cant' afford to care for the animals properly, I
can't imagine how awful it would become for them without sineater's
income...
Sylvana: True and that is the one thing that I think Skye fears the
most...that sineater can actually have a head on his shoulders and can be
a man instead of a mouse!
Sylvana: Well I need to get back to looking for a job. Nice chatting
with you, hope to see you sometime at an event. Bye for now.
evile: take care! good luck!

comments

1439FTS.

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 17:26:56 GMT

May 27, 2003

I think online journaling needs to quit.

Got this from X:

From: X
To: E
Subject: not nastiness enclosed
Date: Mon, 26 May 2003 17:42:27 +0000

I am only writing to let you know that I had no idea that [husband] saw
your brother recently. I want you to know that I have not said
anything negative to anyone at all about you. I recieved a letter
from your mother, and am saddened to lose her too.

I am telling you again, that your assumptions about me were hurtful
and wrong. I did nothing to you, I did not put you in a compromising
position, and I did not use you. I wrote your mother back, I told her
my perspective.

[Husband], I can not control. He is irate. I am not sure what passed
between the two of you. I know that in my emails to you, and yours to
me, that we both expressed regret that we are no longer able to
connect. It was a long time coming.

But please don't write about myself and my family any more. Not
somewhere where other people may see it, and do know that you are
talking about me. It isn't fair. I am not doing anything like that. I
stepped back. I never sent the nasty letter I had drafted, because I
knew if I let time pass I would regret it. I don't think I am being
childish. As far as the kids go. I love my children more than
anything in the whole universe, and I have done an amazing job of
raising them. Iwould never take people they love away from
them, and I didn't know at the time that [husband] had made that ultimatum
to you. I have spoken to [husband] since then, and he agreed that it
wouldn't be fair to our children to keep them from you, but he
doesn't want them with you unsupervised. If you wish to see the kids
( and I hope you will someday), contact me through email.
Arrangements can be made in some adult manner.

I never told you that I cheated on my husband, I told you about a
crush I had on another man, I told you I was having trouble, I told
you [husband] was being difficult. You gave me no support, but plenty of
disdain, and chose to call me a liar and a cheat. [husband] and I are
married but we don't share the same brain. You accused me of lying
about [husband] reading your webpages. I hadn't read them with him, I
didn't think he ever had. I still don't think he ever did, but it
wouldn't shock me if he said he had.

i hope your bday was pleasant. I considered calling, instead I just
tried to send a good vibe your way, apparently itwasn't good enough,
because today I get an email from a mutual aquaintenace that you were
writng about my husband and me on one of your webpages. Please, E,
have some respect for me, after 33 yrs. and know that I am not
publicizing any nastiness about you.

Again, I have no idea what [husband] is saying. I am not his keeper.

-X
------------------------------
posted this in LJ, then deleted it:

Well...I had a lovely weekend. Enjoyed my cousin's visit. Enjoyed
faire. Enjoyed X2. Enjoyed spending time with my family, friends &
loved ones. Found this piece of garbage in my in box this evening.

You know what? I could give a shit about X and her drama and her
husband-problems. What irritates me is the 'acquaintance' who
so 'helpfully' pointed out that I was writing (about her? maybe? But
maybe not!) in my other diary.

Thanks alot, other friend. It's so kind of you to go stirring up
shit, that's a really friendly gesture. Oh so kind & friendly of you.
Like, if we were still in high school, maybe.

Guess what? it's MY FUCKING GODDAMNED DIARY and I will write whatever
the FUCKING GODDAMNED HELL I want to in it.

How's that work for ya, "friend"?

-------------
Sent this to J-Law:

I don't even know where to start with this hellacious
pile of dinosaur shit...

1. the 'mutual acquaintance' is a fucking moron &
should be horsewhipped--why go stirring up shit
between X and me because of something I wrote in my
diaryland diary (I used no names, BTW, so just let 'em
try & get me for libel/slander, fuckos) That is the
sort of thing high school 'friends' do to one another
to create drama, not the behavior of mature adults.

2. 'supervised' visits with the children? Like I'm
some kind of child molestor? I don't goddamned fucking
think so. I guess the [X family] wised up and realized
the gravy train wasn't running anymore & who would buy
their kids cool stuff & take them cool places if not
AuntE? Fuck that. Fuck them. They're the ones who
brought the kids into it, and crossed the line between
'fixable fight' and 'broken forever'

3. whatever. Just...fucking...whatever. I just want to
vomit all over her fucking hypocritical fat fucking
face for this bullshit of playing the wounded party
and "Oh, I can't control [husband], I don't know what [husband]
is doing or saying, poor me, poor kids, they love you,
manipulate, manipulate, guilt trip, bla bla."

---
and I thought of this one after the email to J-Law:

Okay, MA[X's husband] goes up to [brother A] and starts badmouthing me IN
PUBLIC, where anyone can just walk by and hear his slander, but
somehow *I'm* the bad guy for putting something in my diaryland
diary, with no full names attached & not only that, but you actually
have to intentionally search the web for my page, so it's not like
I'm standing in the middle of fucking Home Depot saying nasty shit
that any passing idiot (possibly a boss, coworker, or potential
employer? hmm?) could overhear.

FTS. First Sharjinka/jinx getting all bent out of shape because
she assumed one of my LJ entries was about her (it wasn't) and then
instead of asking, she wrote a big ol' angsty entry in her
LJ...stupid HS drama! And then this lovely 'mutual acquaintance' (Sweetie
thinks it's Pace) goes tattling off to X about something in my
d'land diary.

fuck those fucking people. I guess it's erikajournal yahoogroup from
here on in for any actual thoughts/feelings. I have to remember not
to mention Sweetie going out of town this week, so as not to have anyone
unwanted coming by the house because they know I'm home alone. Not a
good feeling at all.

comments

1424gouging hole in head with repeated strikes

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 16:58:20 GMT

May 15, 2003

Sweetie to me:
Remember the diesel Vanagon camper in Indiana that was on ebay, then
got pulled? I'd fired off a "Hey! What happened?" email that day,
and I actually got a response. It turns out that they didn't think
they'd get what they wanted for it, but what they want for it was
less than what my maximum bid would have been. So I sent the guy a
deposit. :-/ Please don't be too mad. You know I want to sell the
blue trooper.

Anyway, here's the pictures:

http://www.freaks.net/~mack/van/

Love you,

Sweetie

xoxoxo

=================
my reply:
1. Please sell the blue trooper ASAP.

1A. Is it possible that one of your friends has driveway space for
one of your cars if you have the blue trooper & the vanagon at the
same time? I don't want a car out in the street.

2. How are you going to get this vanagon from IN to TX?

2A. I will be avail. for some kind of insane road trip on mem. day
weekend, if that's what needs to be done.
==============
Sweetie:
On Thu, May 15, 2003 at 11:04:25AM -0500, Haynes, evile writes:

> 1. Please sell the blue trooper ASAP.

You know I want to. I figure that if I can't sell it in two months
for
cash (preferable), then it could go to Goodwill or the Slavenation
Army
for the tax deduction.

> 1A. Is it possible that one of your friends has driveway space for

one of

> your cars if you have the blue trooper & the vanagon at the same

time? I

> don't want a car out in the street.

It's possible. Or, I could pay to put it on the corner there at
lamar and
barton springs. Or, I could see if there are any consignment places
around.

> 2. How are you going to get this vanagon from IN to TX?

Flat towing with a tow bar.

> 2A. I will be avail. for some kind of insane road trip on mem. day

weekend,

> if that's what needs to be done.

I was thinking of doing it as early as this weekend.

me:
Okeydoke. It's your $. Drive careful. I am trying not to be mad. I
love you, even when I am mad. I hope you know that... :)

Sweetie:
I know. Thank you. I love you even when you're mad at me too. :)
Just think how nice it will be to go to, say, TRF and not have to set
up a tent, the stove, etc. Just park, pop the top and make sure the
propane is full.

me:
Can you make me a sign with the Blue Trooper for me to have put up on
the bulletin boards here at work? Preferably with photo?

Sweetie:
Sure! That would rule.

Me to J-Law:
Date: Thu, 15 May 2003 09:36:55 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: Resolved:

I'll be glad to ask e. & it will be nice to get
into 'her' world for a bit, in a good way rather than
being bored to death listening to her and her friends
talk about various races & trails.

Sweetie is on the Bad List today: he bought a vanagon.
Without selling the blue trooper first, and without
asking my opinion...JUST like when he bought the
damned Ghia & left me to entertain festive & Dave all
weekend by myself. I really *was* over that...but it
is really hard to let bygones be bygones, when someone
does the EXACT FRICKEN THING to you AGAIN!!! The
opposite side of the "I forgive you" coin is "It won't
happen again"...Or at least that's the impression I
had.

Anyway, here's a picture of the newest addition to our
ghetto-ass driveway:
http://www.freaks.net/~mack/van/ek_11.jpg

comments

1422they just won't let it go...

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 16:54:52 GMT

May 14, 2003

Me to J-Law:

I went to visit [brother A] at his new workplace last
night--they rent out moonwalks & sell party stuff
(pinatas, paper goods, etc.)

He gave me a DVD for my bday & told me alll about his
cartoon that he's making with some friends, and then
mentioned in passing that he'd run into MA [X's husband] at
Home Depot. MA was either pricing or buying a hot
tub (oh, they're so DESTITUTE![maybe that's what X
needed the $1500 for!!!]) and MA did kind of a
banty-rooster thing with him & told him some
'hellacious shit' about me. [brother A] said "Those people
are ASSHOLES. I'm glad you're not friends with them
anymore." He also said he wanted to kick MA's head
in, but I'm really glad he didn't. Those people....I
mean, I know the psychology of what they did to me and
why, but I wish they'd just let it go. They have
apparently mended their rift in uniting against me, so
why keep on with it? I'm just so very glad we dont'
have a lot of places & people in common, I don't like
hearing about them saying ugly shit to people I love.

================
Date: Wed, 14 May 2003 08:40:35 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: PS
J-Law :

It is very wrong of the [X family] to talk smack about you to your loved
ones. They want it to get back to you, which is why they do it.

Hot tub. Feh. Probably just wishful thinking on their part.

comments

1400house stuff

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 15:52:52 GMT

May 8, 2003

so I sent Sweetie that website,and he was all like "Oh, we
don't have a problem" and then I said "I don't know
how to ask you for help with the house without you
getting mad at me." and then he goes "wtf. I thought I
was cleaning around the house?" [WHEN? like his help
unloading the last 2-3 dishes when I get home & start
unloading the dishwasher? or a couple weeks ago when
he mowed the front yard but hasn't bothered with the
back yet?]...Of course, I didn't say that. I said "I'm
sorry, I guess I don't appreciate what you do enough"
and then he goes "I have to get off this thing {icq}
before my interview mood gets ruined" (he has a phone
interview at 2)

So now you see, of course, it will be ALL MY FAULT
when/if he doesn't get the in-person interview and/or
the job. Fucking passive agressive bullshite. I could
cheerfully bash his head in.

I can't win this one. I'm just going to have to either
clean the house myself or just live with the filth, or
just make a point of cleaning my own stuff and leaving
his alone (which I already mostly do).

And I guess I should go back to taking the bus to/from
work instead of him driving me & picking me up.
Because it seems hypocritical somehow, or by accepting
that 'help' I seem to be giving up some rights or
something...

This shit just crops up every now and again.
Eventually I'll stuff it right back down the denial
rabbithole and everything will be OK again.
======================
she sent this to me: re the website,last email I sent:

Date: Thu, 8 May 2003 11:42:19 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: gotta be happy medium...

It's not funny at all. It's not hilarious. Whoever said that is
very insensitive. It makes me shiver.

*hug*

When I was living with my mom & brother it was totally like that -
every surface covered with junk, stuff not getting clean, etc. On
some level, I could kind of see McBitchface's point about keeping
things in a better state. But she didn't have to be such a total
festering choad about it. Anyway.

Now that I am on my own - I am no neatfreak by any means... but I
keep things clean & relatively tidy. It *is* easier when you can
just get up and do it without other people & their crap getting in
the way.

The thing is, on some level, Sweetie has got to recognize that things are
out of hand. He is just willing to endure it, while you are not. I
say this because my brother, whose bedroom was a sight to behold,
whose crap took up permanent residence in the living room, knew that
it was out of hand. He knew (and said as much) that it was a
problem, but he just endured it.

Same with me and all my crap on the dining room table.

Sweetie knows it is "a problem," at least to the extent that it is one
for you. When he says, "honestly, I don't think it is a problem," he
means that he knows the mess is there, but it isn't at a level that
bothers him. In other words, it's not an issue for him, so why is it
an issue for you?

Explaining why it bothers you is good, but will only get you so far.
It keeps the issue on a "my view vs. your view" level, which is just
not helpful. The trick is not so much to make him see the problem
the way you see it, but to arrive at some agreement as to what you
can both live with. That will be tough, because you're both coming
at this from different ways. You are: how much mess and for how
long? For Sweetie, it is: how much effort to I have to make? or How can
this be done with a minimum of effort?

That is a giant gap.

As for what to do? When I went on "clean the living room" benders, I
would say, look - anything you don't want chucked, take to your
room. I will be in here at noon and chucking everything that's
left." First time, he ignored it, and some of his bills got chucked,
and he had late fees. He was hugely pissed off at me, which I could
understand.... but each time after that, he sorted through his crap.

The downside, obviously, is that you still have to nag & be the bad
guy and get the red ass when something important get tossed. 'I
warned you' is not well-received in response.

And, in the couple sitch, I don't know that this would work as well.
Maybe containment is your answer. There is your space, Sweetie's space,
and shared space. Maybe, as long as no one person's crap interferes
with the shared space? Is that something he could actually keep to?

Maybe therapy? It sounds so dramatic, but it is often little things
accumulating, patterns repeating, and stuff that strains
relationships (and ultimately makes big messes), etc. And it sounds
to me like you are really stressed about the mess and y'all's
differing levels of tolerating it. If you're worried about how to
approach the mess and the tolerance gap, maybe someone who is totally
objective can get you guys closer to resolving it.

Like your subject suggests - it doesn't have to be an operating room,
but it also doesn't have to be a disaster area, either. This has
been an issue of some long standing, and I think you've had that
moment of clarity that prompts you to take action. You're in pain.
Follow through on it.

*hug* Best of luck, my love. Let me know what happens.

comments

1391Me making up to UB...just in case.

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 15:37:34 GMT

May 6, 2003

Date: Tue, 6 May 2003 12:58:59 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Saturday?

So, hey, you going to Barad Duin and/or GWNN on Sat?
Not sure about me yet. I want to go to Scarborough
again and my friend Rengeek & his lovely wife will be
there this weekend, so I definitely want to see them,
but not sure how I feel about driving 3 hours, being
at faire 3-4 hours, and driving 3 more hours to be
back for GWNN.

Also depends on the weather, of course. The forecast
is looking really iffy for the weekend.

Anyhoo...this is dumb, but I got stupid hurt feelings
about Brugach being 'yours', and then I got over it, and
I was never honest/brave enough to let you know that
my feelings were hurt (because it was stupid, because
it wasn't anything you did or said, it was all me & my
own wierdness in my own stupid little pointed
head)....but in case you picked up on any wierdness
from me, that was it & I'm sorry.

Hope all is well with you & sineater & the critters.
Hopefully will talk to ya soon.

=E

comments

1385Re: ICQ w/A

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 15:22:46 GMT

evile

May 2, 2003

Sharjinka's reply (no copy of my email & it didn't save to my sent.
ahwell)
Subject: RE: Stuff I deleted from LJ
Date: Wed, 30 Apr 2003 15:23:27 -0500
From: Sharjinka
To: me

evile,

I'm so sorry I didn't respond earlier. I got totally confused by the
SIL reference. I honestly thought that was some sort of slur or
saying that I was not familiar with. I thought I had really screwed
up. I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding.

If it helps any, I think skye_ds is odd. I know she regards me as a
friend, but....she's just a bit strange for me. I often think that
I'm not so much a friend as someone who is too polite to just turn
around and walk away. She has a tendency to talk my ear off and I
hardly get a word in edgewise! :-)

Sorry for the misunderstanding. Owe you donuts.....

Sharjinka
============

my reply:

Date: Wed, 30 Apr 2003 13:44:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: mE
Subject: RE: Stuff I deleted from LJ
To: Sharjinka

Not at all. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, too &
glad we got it cleared up :)

My feelings about UB are too complicated to think
or speak of here, but basically I'm going to forget
about Brugach, because I get the impression I'd be seen
as 'poaching' on her 'territory'. Not that I was
interested in anything other than faire-friend type
flirtation, but... oh well. Best not to risk the SIL's
wrath, if I haven't called it down upon myself
already.

I'm going out of town from tomorrow until Sunday
sometime, but will try and make it out to San Gabriel
park on Sunday & we can talk more.

XO!

=E

comments

3066icq w/sineater

Sun, 29 Aug 2021 15:14:52 GMT

Expand Messages

evilE

Mar. 31, 2005

Sineater: poit!
evile: hey :)
evile: how's everything with you?
Sineater: pretty good
evile: that's good to hear.
Sineater: catcvhing up on stuffs
evile: *nod* yeah.
Sineater: ignoring punctuation
evile: absolutely!
evile: [brother A] ended up ignoring cousin Donna when she called & went
down to SA, BTW.
Sineater: donna
Sineater: hmm name not immediately familiar
evile: [bubba], K/Mom & Aunt L's first cousin, lives in Alabama.
Sineater: sigh
Sineater: goddamn. well, there it is.
evile: [brother A] sure will be sorry when he finally gets his head out of
his ass (or rubber_pig's cooch) and discovers that the world has moved on
without him.
Sineater: makes no sense. by all accounts that boy was rolling in
pussy, even in greencastle
Sineater: on a better note, jose linked to a creationist site that is
such a hoot
evile: he characterized himself before rubber_pig as 'sex starved'
evile: I like Jose's sense of humor.
Sineater: ???sex-starved??? [brother A]???
Sineater: i do too, even if i have some issues with jose himself
evile: so he says. after much careful coaching & brainwashing by the
pig, I'm sure.
Sineater: why did sex-starved even come in to it???
evile: No clue, ti was a long, bizarre rant that had nothing to do
with anything as far as I can tell...
Sineater: were we, his family, obligated to lay him more often or
something???
evile: I dont' have any idea. I think he was trying to characterize
himself as being morally inferior and physically addicted, and the
great and wonderful rubber_pig 'cured' him and made him into a better
person (who follows her lead in beating her children & cuts off his
family for spite)
Sineater: :(
evile: yup. it's like she's found every bad quality he has and is
encouraging him to wallow in them.
evile: he's lazy, oh, HERE, my stepdad will pay our rent and my legal
husband will work and pay for everything else, AND take care of the
older girls.
Sineater: well baby jesus still loves her.
http://objective.jesussave.us/babyj.html
evile: ew.
Sineater: if you click repeatedly on his head he makes a noise like
an x-wing fighter :)
Sineater: dad isn't paying rent for them is he??
Sineater: and the eyes follow you around freakishly...
evile: No, HER stepdad.
Sineater: ?????????????
evile: her insane fucking bitch of a mother is married to a nice
littel doormat who pays rubber_pig's rent.
Sineater: is that the large rabbi we met, or is that her real dad?
evile: large rabbi is her real dad. he's a winner, too.
evile: he's stubborn, she makes sure that fault is used to her
advantage.
evile: *sigh*
Sineater: ponders instant karma...
Sineater: even john lennon would say, "kill the bitch." >:(
evile: yup
Sineater: and yoko would say, "eeeeee-ee-ee-ee-oooh-ooh-oo-ooooaahh-
ah-ah-ah-akakakakakakakkk
evile: *giggle*
evile: so you start work Monday the 4th, eh?
Sineater: nodnod
evile: cool. I know that will be a big load off your mind.

comments

evile

hm

3668Potential drama on Thursday

2893LJ is just full of Teh Crazy today

last night

Quora: Why do people act like narcissists have super powers, and are to be feared?

Quora: Do narcissists control others by labeling feelings as drama?

Yesterday, me to J-Law

ICQ w/A

1759No Kidding! drama

3250icq w/A

3246Craft nite at Sharjinka's

3242icq w/Sharjinka

3239ICQ w/A (teh crazy 'snarking' and 'egging')

3236bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

3237Re: bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

3238Re: bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

3224stuff & junk

Esquire "The 50 Best Fantasy Books of All Time"

ICQ w/Sylvana

1439FTS.

1424*gouging hole in head with repeated strikes*

1422they just won't let it go...

1400house stuff

1391Me making up to UB...just in case.

1385Re: ICQ w/A

3066icq w/sineater

1424gouging hole in head with repeated strikes