evile

evile @ 2026-04-13T12:38:00

2026-04-14T18:01:24Z

So...housemate has somehow added the aroma of cabbage or broccoli [edit to add: it was apparently a baked potato. with, I guess broccoli and cheese on it?] to the catbox and MJ melange at the front door. It is unconscionable.

I went to Trader Joe's and HEB so I've been out of the house for a lot of today. Housemate isn't particularly friendly to me when it's just us. Which is fine. Just a big change from her behavior in front of my husband. I got some more air freshener for the front entryway. sigh.

She told me this affternoon that she realizes she's overstayed her welcome and that she is sorry she asked me for help. (or she regrets asking me for help? something like that) It's either manipulation or sincerity but either way, I had no reply. It would be rude to agree and it would be lying to disagree. I just told her that I was disappointed that none of her other local friends seem to have stepped up or reached out. She said something about how people are busy living their own lives and she understands. But not even just to offer to socialize... then again, I do recall that one of her high school friends was going to be in town during spring break and reached out and housemate turned her down (she was feeling sick that week, I think, puking a lot)

Other than one couple, who invited her (and us) to a friday after thanksgiving gathering (we went), and for a new years gathering (I think Husband and I had something else going on, and housemate didn't go. I guess she didn't want to drive herself or uber or anything)

I mean, yeah, we all have lives and stuff going on. But I dont' think much of the people she came back to Austin because she supposedly had such a good bunch of people here and loves this town*so much*....

She organized one get together at a bar down south. it was me, the couple that's invited us over a couple of times, and one other couple. But as far as I know that's it from them.

My mom dying last June, and the ongoing unemployment fiasco has really knocked the wind out of my sails. I don't seem to have many 'spoons' for other people. When I heard about my mom, I was at housemate's storage unit, having driven her in her car (I don't remember why I was asked/expected to drive?) She was relentlessly self centered through that news and I don't th ink she said one kind or sympathetic thing. I said my mom was gone, and she started in with a continuation of her monologue about how was she going to do this or get that, and I was just like . "My mom just died, can you please give me a fucking break?" and then I guess I drove her back to the house, got in my bug and went to San Marcos for the rest of the day to some of my mom's college stomping grounds.(and the check engine light came on as I was making the trip to or from...ugh) Anyway, damn. I guess housemate's deal is that she is a widow whose husband died suddenly and unexpectedly and she had a terrible fall and was in her basement for days and she's had all these health things so she feels entitled to center herself in every situation because her pain and distress are greater than anyone else's. I mean, yeah, those are terrible things. But I feel like she really showed me who she is at that moment and I really was done at that moment because while I am a good person (codependent doormat) who goes above and beyond for friends and family who are in trouble and need help, the one time I might have needed some kindness and care...she didn't have it to give. And do I really want or need one sided relationships? I'd rather have no relationships

I know I haven't had the best relationship with my mom, and her dying was a blessing considering the state she had been in for the last couple years, but still. Anyway, once you see someone's true colors like that...hard to bother with giving a shit about them anymore. Insufferable main character syndrome.

I don't see myself as main character syndome. I mean, my life is important to me. but most of the time I'm happy to listen to other people and not need to be center stage. But, yeah...sometimes I need care and attention too.

though I suspect I've trained/conditioned all of the people in my life to need and depend on me and not expect me to ever need or depend on them. I am not great with boundaries. I give and do and give and do..and then I'm done and the door slams and people are left out in the cold going 'wtf' because I probably didn't say anything before I slammed the door in their faces and turned them out.

oh well. I'm going to be 56 years old soon. I suspect this is who I am and that I won't be having too many close friendships or relationships from here until the end. It's probably not healthy to be thinking "i'd rather be alone than stuck doing and giving to people who don't give a shit about me," it does seem to my smart brain that there is some middle path of reciprocal relationship and healthy interdependence...but I haven't found or created that for myself in my relationships so I don't think it's going to be a thing in my life.

anyhoo....housemate has been working with an apartment complex to do a final walk thru of a place she likes and start the moving process. It will be good to have an empty room to use to put things as we have flooring done in the rest of the house, when there's money again.

Job hunting continues. I have no hope in that area whatsoever. Spot silver is $80/oz. I have some silver coins my father left to me, should it come to that.

I fed and walked dogs, halfass made the bed ( Pepita dog was in the bed 'helping' so it's not the best job ever), swept and mopped in the kitchen and dining area, loaded and ran the dishwasher, had leftover pizza and instant coffee for breakfast. I think I remembered to take my vitamins. I'm going to lunch with my aunt L. tomorrow, and Thursday is Sunny dog's vet checkup.

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just bitchin'

2026-04-01T19:06:52Z

Up, felt like shit, took care of dogs, washed,d ressed, applied for jobs.

Housemate Sam came out around 2pm as I am sauteeing onions and browning meat to put in the instant pot for supper, complaining about her in-laws' attorney badgering her for the return of some paperwork which will end up paying her 25K for her interest in some of her deceased husband's stepdads property that he's selling. She proceeds to lament that the Universe is conspiring against her and then returns to her catbox smelling room (where her animals have doubtless ruined my floor and probably most/all of the furnishings with their urine, feces, and/or scratching)

Oh, please tell me more about this terrible life you have. In a comfortable room in a comfortable home with climate control and food and electricity and running water which you have paid minimally to occupy. Where you have no obligations, no responsiblities, and can sleep or watch TV or read all day long in your pajamas and bathe once a week, or never, as you like. Where you have health insurance covered by your deceased husband and a doctor who does tele-visits, and people you don't even like falling all over themselves to hand you gobs of money. Yes, you are very very put-upon and miserable, to be sure. My heart, it is bleeding for you. Bleeding, I say!

(as I cook, clean, feed and walk her dog, and continue to search for paid work outside the home)

Such pity I feel. Such compassion. Poor poor housemate Sam. The universe has conspired against her at every turn to give her the softest possible landing ever.

And, yes, i realize that if I didn't have my husband I'd be fooooooooked, but yes, I am also enjoying a comfortable existence on the back of someone else's labor. :/

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evile @ 2025-07-23T16:36:00

2025-07-23T21:48:50Z

job hunt continues.

I had an online questionnaire and prerecorded interview for a position with an insurance company near the house, I got that done yesterday. I loathed recording myself. And there was no way to blur the background.

If/when I get a rejection note, I'll be sure to bring up my concerns re: privacy & ask what their storage, retention, and disposal policies are regarding the video interviews they obtain, and let them know that I'm not comfortable with the idea of them keeping or using my material for any reason, especially not for 'training' AI.

if/when I get an in person interview, I will raise the same concerns. perhaps in a more conversational tone.

Seems to me that any company that is in the business of risk management (insurance) needs to think long and hard about things like that, and be more transparent when they are using those kinds of tools to screen applicants.

I am wondering if. in addition to the economy being weird because of El Stinko and his 'tariffs' and continued blundering with international relations, and in addition to all the weird scammers and likely resume-harvesters out there in job-hunt land, the fact that I'm over 50 is factoring in to this long period of unemployment.

I am slogging thru a 7 hr Excel Data Analysis video I found on Youtube. It is helping me. I need to start taking actual written notes in addition to just watching. The class material is in a zip file and winzip is $34/year subscription. Seems excessive for a single use of said zip, but that is the wave of the future--we won't own anything, we'll just be renting apps and software and everything else from a big company.

I went running around in the world today; tried to offload some 'witchy' books, I was hoping the local witch shop would have some kind of free libary/sit and read/lounge type area but I didn't see anything like that. Maybe the Vortex theatre will have something like that? I dunno. And I tried to offload some coloring books I haven't touched in years at the Kava shop, because I seem to remember going there with friends some years ago and coloring and drinking kava and having a nice time, so I was gonna get a kava and sneak my books in to their pile...but then I got there and the kava place is closed for remodeling. Their Oak Hill location is still open though. But I don't feel like making that kind of drive.

Honestly I should just throw those books and coloring books away, or donate them to Goodwill even though part of my brain is going "no, they're too wierd/witchy, no one will adopt them from Goodwill"....I need to lose my attachment to my 'stuff' and not care what happens to it after it leaves my home. It's not making me happy, it's not my responsibility to find it a home where it will be appreciated and loved, it's my job to make my home a place that isn't cluttered with things that dont' make me happy.

sigh. I have fucking brainworms when it comes to 'stuff' and 'clutter' and all that bullshit. throw it away. run away. die.

I just want to be done with everything.

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evile @ 2025-01-01T15:53:00

2025-01-01T22:17:25Z

Reality Check

1. You will not be rewarded for bad behavior.

2. Being told 'No' is part of life. Get over it.

3. You are free to make your choice, you are not free of the consequences.

4. Life is not fair.

5. You are not the boss.

6. The world does not revolve around you.

7. Respect is earned, it is not just given.

8. The world owes you nothing. work for it.

9. Fits and Tantrums will get you nothing. Stop wasting your time.

10. You put yourself here. You need to fix you.
11. Shut your mouth, open your ears.

I read this recently on FB. It seems very unkind, unnecessarily harsh and brutal, to me. I understand folks value 'just tellin it like it is' and 'brutal honesty' and while these things may hold some truth, I think there is a kinder way to approach "reality:

1) Bad behavior is a sign that the one behaving 'badly' is in distress, out of 'cope' or possibly traumatized and triggered. We are all responsible for our own behavior, but perhaps that can encompass recognizing that when another is 'behaving badly' they may be in need of compassion more than judgement, punishment, or 'reward' for that matter. We don't need to coddle people who are bullies or assholes but we can take a breath and respond with better behavior rather than meeting 'bad behavior' with more 'bad behavior'.

2) Being told 'no' is indeed part of life. It's ok to feel disappointed, let down, or even lied to if you were expecting something other than 'no'. It's not OK to throw a fit or be an asshole about it. But again, we can take a breath and respond with compassion to ourselves and others when experiencing disappointment or hurt feelings over hearing 'no'.

3) You are free to make choices. You do get consequences for choices. When introducing consequences to others, there's no need to bully or rebuke or be harsher than necessary in order to make your point.

4) Life is not fair, and that is the fact, Jack. You, however, can strive to be fair in dealing with others and reduce the unfairness of Life within your own sphere of influence. And, honestly, sometimes life's unfairness does come out in your favor rather than against you...that's also true.

5) You are not the boss? You may actually be the boss, if you are a business owner or manager or leader. Or not. Regardless of your station in life, you are the boss of yourself, so remember to set expectations fairly, reward yourself for success, and learn from failures. The place I am working now does not use the term 'failure' ....it uses the word 'opportunities' to define any area in which we've come short of our company goals. I like that and I am going to try and apply it in my personal life.

6) The world does not revolve around you is something that unfortunately I hear a lot of really mean-spirited and unkind adults use to minimize and dismiss the feelings, fears, and concerns of other adults, subordinates, and children... each person's world does indeed revolve around them. I dont mean that in a pathological, narcissistic way. I just mean..we are the only person experiencing life in the way we are. Each of us has a 'world' that does indeed revolve around ourselves, it's the only way most of us experience our lives, from that single viewpoint. empathy and compassion can offer a glimpse of another person's experience or their world, but ....this seems like an unkind and dismisive thing to say, and often I hear it when someone is trying to gaslight or minimize another person's distress. It's not helpful. Strike it from your vocabulary. If you feel someone is being utterly selfish and not taking others' needs or feelings into consideration, behaving as if the world is revolving only around them, there are better ways to invite them to have empathy and compassion and adopt a less selfish mindset.

7) "Respect is earned" is so fukkin toxic. I can't even. Go into every interaction with an attitude of respect for the other people you are meeting. If they are rude or obnoxious, aggressive, or threatening, THEN withdraw your respect. Not before. Don't approach every interaction as the other person needing to 'prove' they are worthy in order to be treated kindly. That's just an ugly way to treat other people and an ugly way to go through life.

8) The world owes you nothing. ...another ugly way to speak and think; treating other people as though their needs are an unpleasant burden upon the earth. Is that how you feel about yourself? is that how you treat children and disabled and old folks? Be better. A sense of entitlement is ugly and unpleasant, but it's not kind to dismiss the legitimate needs and rights of others. I think the world might be a better place if we all adopted an attitude of being entitled to at least a basic level of dignity simply for being human and alive. Not a matter of 'owing anything' but just a matter of being entitled to be cared for at a basic level by the people you were born to and the society you are trying to participate in....

9) Fits and tantrums will get you nothing...another situation in which you may be observing 'bad behavior' that is an outcry of distress, trauma, pain, and being triggered. Respond with compassion, don't react with negativity. See where that gets ya.

10) You put yourself here. You need to fix you. --- yes, you may have made choices which led to a negative outcome. Unfortunately we are all the product of so many interactions over time; we do think of ourselves in the ways we were treated and spoken to as children, the way we may have been abused or neglected or ignored by bosses or partners or friends we trusted to treat us kindly. It's important to recognize the shitty patterns that may have brought us to this negative place. And it's imperative to do whatever we can to fix ourselves once we recognize these patterns. Easier said than done. Why react with more negativity against a person who is already suffering?

11) Shut your mouth, open your ears.....this sounds like another negative, judgey, bullying comment from an adult to a child or subordinate. Listening is important. telling other people to shut up is gross and mean. Even if they do talk too much and listen too little, this is not a phrase that would encourage them to change that behavior. LIke, at alllll.

Anyway....I need to finish writing thank you notes. And think about taking down xmas decorations. la la la.

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Project 2025 - The Advisory Board List

2024-07-13T14:22:07Z

https://open.substack.com/pub/decodingfoxnews/p/project-2025-the-advisory-board-list?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email

Project 2025 - The Advisory Board List

Full list with hyperlinks and additional information on each organization.

DECODING FOX NEWS

JUL 08, 2024

∙ PAID

107

This list is a direct copy and paste from the Advisory Board section from “Mandate for Leadership The Conservative Promise Project 2025.”. On the document the organizations in the advisory board are listed by alphabetical order with no additional information.

I’ve added hyperlinks to each organization’s website as well as some background information including any notable board members, founding members or staff - especially anyone who worked in the Trump administration.

I’ve also grouped the organizations by type.

Although this entire document is only available for paid subscribers I removed the paywall for the first section. I want as many people as possible to know about the most extremist groups aligned with Project 2025.

Thank you for your support.

The Project 2025 Advisory Board

The Heritage Foundation
- The Heritage Foundation’s mission is to formulate and promote public policies based on the principles of free enterprise, limited government, individual freedom, traditional American values, and a strong national defense. (from website)
- The organization is considered one of the most influential conservative think tanks in the world.
- Founded in 1973 originally to promote a pro-business agenda.
- Originally created as a conservative response to the Brookings Institution.
- “Mandate for Leadership” - Reagan Administration
  - Much like Project 2025 “Mandate for Leadership,” was meant as a blueprint for the newly elected Reagan Administration to help guide them on policy issues.
  - About 60% of the recommendations suggested in “Mandate for Leadership” were adopted by the Reagan Administration in its first year. Reagan loved it so much he had copies printed for all of his cabinet members.
  - The Heritage Foundation also had tremendous influence over helping the Reagan administration fill positions in his new administration. This is another similarity with “Project 2025” as one of its goals is to fill government positions with prescreened ideologically radical conservatives.
- “Index of Leading Cultural Indicators” written by William Bennett in 1994
  - This publication was the Heritage Foundation’s first major entry into the culture wars.
  - The Index tackled subjects such as crime, divorce, children born out of marriage, teenage suicides, and drug use along with other social indicators.
- “Index of Economic Freedom” - published in 1995
  - Wall Street Journal began partnership with Heritage as co-manager and co-editor of Index of Economic Freedom as an annual publication in 1997.
- Scandal in 2013 - Jackson Richwine - co-author of Heritage Foundation report on the costs of amnesty for migrants
  - Richwine was scrutinized for his Harvard University PhD thesis, authored four years prior, where he argued that Latino and Black people had lower I.Q.’s and were intellectually inferior to white people.
  - He’d also made comments at the American Enterprise Institute in 2008 that were similar to the conclusions he’d made in his doctoral thesis.
  - Richwine resigned due to the controversy.
- Trump’s candidacy - 2015
  - Originally the Heritage Foundation did not support Trump for president.
  - The organization only supported Trump after he won the nomination.
- Trump’s presidency - 2017
  - Just like as they had with Reagan and other Republican presidents the Heritage Foundation had great influence over helping the Trump administration fill various positions in his administration.
  - Some of the several hundred people who received jobs in the Trump administration who were included in a database the Heritage Foundation cultivated were:
    - Betsy DeVos, Mick Mulvaney, Rick Perry, Scott Pruitt, Jeff Sessions
- Post - Trump presidency
  - Several Trump Administration officials and staff member take positions at the Heritage Foundation.
    - Ken Cuccinelli, Mark Morgan, Chad Wolf (Cuccinelli and Wolf left in 2021)
    - Mike Pence also went to work for Heritage
  - Ukraine War
    - May 2022 the organization reversed its support for Ukraine
    - March 2023 - Heritage established a cooperative relationship with Danube Institute in Hungary.
- The Big Lie
  - The president of the Heritage Foundation has publicly said he doesn’t think Biden won the 2020 election.
  - The organization has promoted false claims of widespread voter fraud.
- Project 2025
  - A collection of proposals to radically change the executive branch of the U.S. government.
  - The organization is recruiting thousands of staffers for every branch of government.
  - Some of the policy proposals in Project 2025 include the following:
    - Boosting fossil fuels while slashing environmental regulations
    - Dismantling the Inflation Reduction Act
    - Shutting down the Department of Energy loan programs office
    - Taking partisan control of the DOJ, FBI and Dept. of Commerce, the FCC, and the FTC.
    - Dismantling the Dept. of Homeland Security and the Department of Education
    - The National Institute of Health (NIH) would be shaped by conservative principles.
    - Cut Medicaid and Medicare
    - Outlaw abortion
    - Eliminate coverage of emergency contraception under the ACA
    - Enforce the Comstock Act - this would criminalize the sending or receiving of abortion medication through the U.S. Mail.
    - Outlaw pornography
    - Infuse Christianity into the U.S. government
    - Remove legal protections against discrimination claims based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
    - Terminate DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion) programs as well as affirmative action.
    - Prosecute “anti-white” racism.
    - Enact draconian anti-immigration laws including mass deportations and detentions of undocumented immigrants.
    - Engage the Insurrection Act of 1807 which would allow the military to participate in domestic policing and assist in the capture of undocumented immigrants.
    - Increase the use of capital punishment
    - (This is just a partial list)

Organization led by former Trump Admin. officials who promote Christian Nationalism

Center for Renewing America
- Our mission is to renew a consensus of America as a nation under God with unique interests worthy of defending that flow from its people, institutions, and history, where individuals’ enjoyment of freedom is predicated on just laws and healthy communities. (from website)
- I honestly couldn’t tell what this organization did except hire former Trump staffers and cabinet members. It was formed in 2021.
- Founded by Russ Vought former Trump Admin. Director of the Office of Management and Budget
  - Staff members former Trump Admin. - Ken Cuccinelli, Adam Candeub, Rachel Cauley, Jeff Clark, Ashlea Frazier, Paige Hauser, Dan Kowalski, Micah Meadowcroft, Mark Paoletta, Kingsley Wilson
  - Steve Friend, staff member, FBI Whistleblower who claimed FBI manipulated evidence from Jan. 6th investigation.

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ugggh

2024-03-05T15:28:01Z

so, no shit, I had a dream the night of 2/29 that I wrote down 3/1 about my brother sineater finally deciding to divorce his spouse skye_ds because he'd seen a video of her killing a horse on a trail ride.

Found out this morning that she was hauling (illegally) a horse for someone, it injured itself in her trailer, and now the owner is more than likely going to sue her. skye of course claims that the person signed an ironclad contract, the customer says 'your contract is a mess of cut and paste that my actual lawyer has reviewed and it's crap,'..but skye has fancied herself a legal professional since the early days of meeting her, when she apparently worked as a paralegal....which, of course, is NOT a lawyer and apparently the TX bar frowns upon that sort of thing. In a legally-severe kind of way.

Time was,I would have contacted the person making the complaints to put in my ugly two cents, but I think I'll sit this one out. It's icky enough just knowing about it, at all and I am breaking my no-contact by knowing, hearing, seeing, reading, etc. about skye and her screwball life and deviant business/legal practices.

I am not sure what I ever did to 'deserve' this bizarre 'psychic'? connection to that train wreck of a human but I do seem to have some kind of spidey sense where she's concerned. Or perhaps she is just so much of a train wreck that there are always disasters and drama around her and sometimes they coincide with my trauma-brain dreams about her. And, because she's disordered and traumatized, and so am I, there are certain times of year/dates that one can almost set their clock by that she'll become dysregulated and stir up some shit -- her wedding anniversary to my brother, her birthday, his birthday, her lover sonar0m's birthday, sineater's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas...she just has to ruin each and every one of them with some nonsense. I think sonar0m is april though, so this doesn't fit that pattern. Still, my subconscious is a pattern finding machine and probably has picked up on something I haven't realized consciously yet, so that's why the dream.

anyhooo....too much time and energy given to that. Time for a house smudge and a prayer to whatever there is for the best outcome for all concerned.

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Quora: Is it common for a possible narc to threaten calling the police and your place of employment

2023-01-05T23:50:09Z

Is it common for a possible narc to threaten calling the police and your place of employment when you call them out on a lie?

Yes, indeed. I had a Crazy B*** make up a fake email account and then use my company’s web portal to lodge a complaint against me. Even though the name was fake and there was no proof, my workplace had to go through an investigation. It wasted my employer’s time and resources and annoyed my bosses but it was a good paid vacation for me, when my workplace could ill-afford to do without my work. Epic backfire of a plan!

Meanwhile, the Crazy was telling their followers/flying monkeys that *I* was the one who had tried to cause *them* to be out of work by badmouthing them to their clients/employers.

Crazy also told their friends/followers/flying monkeys that they and their spouse had filed “restraining orders” and “orders of protection” against me. They also used the term “tortious interference” for the business they thought they’d lost because of my ‘badmouthing’ (couldn’t possibly have anything to do with their own rude and irresponsible behavior, poor track record with other clients, many bad reviews online, generally filthy habits, and dangerous/abusive public outbursts, nope, it was all my fault that people did not want to do business with them! LOL!)

Since I was never served with any of that paperwork, I know they were lying. I do not really understand *why* they bother with such a far fetched and elaborate lie.

It’s very possible that they tried to file such things but the court/police/lawyer probably laughed them out the door.

Every nutjob I’ve ever met has always a) fancied themselves to be a legal expert and b) told multiple stories of having ‘sued’ this person, that person, this ex-boss, that ex-best-friend, bla bla bla.

Since they are all a) liars and b) usually one paycheck away from homelessness at any given time & in debt up to their eyeballs, the best thing to do when a Narcissist starts up with the legalistic BS language and threats of legal action, is to laugh in their face and go on about your happy life. They are unhappy crazy people—just leave them to wallow in their mess.

==============

Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

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2622Re: E & A's posts re: whatever happened at polydinner

2022-06-11T21:30:18Z

5 Nov. 5:21 am

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 00:52:26 -0600
From: "Kilsharion"
Subject: Response to your post

What happened was that Ms. Skye decided to be very rude and obnoxious
because people disagreed with her opinion that we should have nuked
the hell out of any and all Islamic countries and that we did not
share her same opinions about the various parties, etc. And that we
had the gall to correct some erroneous data that she believed to be
fact. When I disagreed with her I continuously received dirty looks
and snorts so I went to join Markus where he has fled to get away
from the nasties.

After a while I wanted to spend some time with Andre and Robin, so
returned and joined back in on the discussion. This time, with sineater
behind her facing me, I received the nasties and thus turned to
where I did not have to see her in my vision and ceased discussion
with her to refrain myself from saying something that could not be
taken back and erased her from my particular reality.

After this action of mine, sineater decided to invade my personal space,
place his hands on me, and inform me of how badly I had behaved.
*shrugs* Considering he was standing behind her and couldn't see a
thing and all those facing her have validated what I saw, I can't say
I feel any need to apologize or attempt to appease.

As well, I received this as a _/*public*/_ comment in my journal,
rather than a private e-mail.

sineater

Squid Boy
(143.166.226.18)
Friday, November 5th, 2004 12:43 am

Look, I have to tell you this. I understand you were upset last
night, and I understand that people were talking about things that
made you more upset. I think you handled it badly. You took it out on
my lady, and I can't accept that.

I realize you feel as though you were being attacked. She was not
attacking you, in fact much of the time she was not even speaking to
you. You were coming in on a conversation between her and someone
else, and neither person was attacking you or trying to hurt you.
I know that you were, are, still very upset about the election, and
probably about something else that I don't know about. You took it
out on her in a way that I cannot accept.

I don't know you very well. Last night I realized how little I did
know you. I can't consider you a friend. Maybe this will change in
the future.

I am the pot calling the kettle black here. I have acted out and hurt
other people before, a lot, even Skye. I have something wrong inside
me that I have to deal with. I think there is something inside you
that you need to deal with as well.

I am not your enemy, and I am not going to attack you. Neither is
Skye.

We cannot be your friends as things stand now.

As with all things, I hope for the best.

Kilsharion
(70.113.54.42)
Friday, November 5th, 2004 01:07 am

Well, when I have three others informing me that they saw the same
thing I did, and you were behind her, I guess I have to take the word
of those who saw the action as opposed to one who did not.

I was not in a foul mood last night at all until "your lady" decided
to 1) intrude on a conversation originated between savanni, Robin,
knighthorse and I, 2) procede to take over said conversation and 3) then
begin shooting dirty looks at myself and others who dared to disagree
with her. When I came back to the area, I resumed speaking with Robin
and knighthorse. She happened to be involved in that particular
conversation as well, and again, when I disagreed she got nasty. It
was not my imagination as I have verified this with others.

I realize you love her and she is special to you. That does not mean
that her behavior was not inappropriate. I am glad she has someone to
love and support her and wish you well in your relationship.

Take care.

-----------------

I have since banned both from my journal, and screened this that
should have been a private communication.

And people wonder why I don't go to poly dinners anymore.

Sorry your loved ones and I are at odds. You don't need any angst,
and can feel free to drop me to keep the familial peace. I certainly
won't take it badly. This really is so not worth the drama.

*hugs*
//Kili

comments

2621E & A's posts re: whatever happened at polydinner

2022-06-11T21:26:31Z

4 Nov. 5:45 pm

A:
skye_ds (skye_ds) wrote,
@ 2004-11-04 15:38:00
Current mood: bitchy
Current music: Rush ~ Tom Sawyer

To Lil_Lamb: You GO Girl!

This is a response to the following post from lil_lamb:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lil_lamb/150217.html

She has not friended me, hence I cannot post this in Comments where
it more appropriately belongs.

Hey there :)

I don't know if you remember me, I'm bramblekite's monster (sister)
outlaw (inlaw) and sharjinka's friend. We see each other at SCA
events. This subject is near and dear to my heart, and is one of my
biggest pet peeves. I've not said anything yet, but this seemed to be
the appropriate time and place.

I have an undeserved reputation for being combative, because I am
confrontational, and people use the two words interchangeably, when
they are not. Confrontational means, I speak to someone's face, not
behind their backs. I speak politely, reasonably, maturely, and then
I listen, politely, reasonably and maturely. Reasoned and mature
adults can exchange views and debate amicably and still sit down to
break bread or drink adult beverages together at the end of the day.

I am NOT combative. I do not like getting IN people's faces. I don't
like fighting. I ABHOR ill will and personal attack. Last night I was
in the company of a group of people, a great number of whom attacked
me, personally, viciously, en masse, because I am no great fan of
Kerry's.

WHY do people feel the need to attack personally, verbally and near
physically, just because others don't agree with them? We are NOT
stupid. We don't call them stupid (even if we think it inwardly).
Your thoughts here are well-written, well-thought-out, reasoned, and
mature. You GO Girl!

/rant

Respectful Blessings,

Skye DreamSinger

======================================================
sineater:

Thu, Nov. 4th, 2004, 06:18 pm
Too little, too late, but needs to be said.

One who attacks my lady is no friend of mine.

I want this to be known: Do not attack Skye and expect me to be your
friend. She is a part of me, and I of her.

I am especially upset when people attack her and are nice to me, or
cattily say they are not attacking.
(K, this part does not apply to you; I know you feel like you were
attacked even though you weren't, you were honest about attacking,
and I don't think you were thinking clearly.)
I can't trust someone who will be nice to me and then treat my lady
badly. I feel as though this is dishonest, a breach of trust. When I
see this happen, I know that knife is there, and I expect it, again
and again.

I am very tired of people, friends, relatives, acquaintances being
nice to me, and attacking Skye. She is my wife, my lady, and my love,
though I do not deserve her.

comments

2620icq w/A

2022-06-11T21:23:28Z

4 Nov. 2:07 pm

evile: hi :)
SkyeDS: hola, on phone, slow
evile: ok
SkyeDS: bk, still kinda slow
SkyeDS: how goes?
evile: Ok :) I'm tired. Stayed up a bit too late last night.
SkyeDS: ditto
evile: You had a lot longer drive home after polydinner, so I feel
bad complaining too much :P
evile: the company was worth it.
SkyeDS: was nice to see Mouser again, and to meet Robin. Am sorry
that Mouser is not with Apple anymore. I'm sure that sucks on top of
being jobless again.
evile: *nod*
evile: I have no idea who Robin is, btw.
SkyeDS: he was sitting at the end next to me, short hair, mustache,
beard, sandy colored, soft spoken, very knowledgeable and does great
Carlin.
evile: blue shirt?
SkyeDS: ya
evile: Ok, yeah, I saw y'all talking, but I dont' think I've ever met
or spoken to him.
evile: I felt bad that we ended up sitting so far from you, and then
I look down the table and see you surrounded by about 5 cute guys,
and didn't feel so guilty....
SkyeDS: and a very angry Kilsharion
evile: what was she angry about?
SkyeDS: politics
evile: Oh well. Who isn't?
SkyeDS: I don't attack people personally over it
SkyeDS: sineater has never had to physically pull me off someone for it
evile: who was she attacking personally?
SkyeDS: me.
evile: wierd. I guess I totally missed that. What did she say? What
did you say?
SkyeDS: we didn't choose the same sides
SkyeDS: so then she decides to launch an attack on my education and
my profession
SkyeDS: before finding out what they are
evile: wtf.
SkyeDS: last night in many ways was very high school
SkyeDS: I wasn't even defending Bush
evile: she probably just needed someone to be mad at and picked you.
Lucky gal.
SkyeDS: I simply stated my pov, which is the election was between
Dumb and Dumberer, and I wasn't going to make a false choice between
the rattlesnake and the cottonmouth.
evile: Probably did not help that more people were paying attention
to you than to her.
SkyeDS: they were?
SkyeDS: since when?
evile: *nod* at least from looking at body language & where people
were sitting/standing down that end.
SkyeDS: if she perceives that, then perhaps she shouldn't be so
vitriolic
SkyeDS: you know I don't usually talk about auras and vibes and all
that
SkyeDS: but she was radiating last night from the get go
SkyeDS: I know that when I radiate, people don't want to be around me
(and I understand that, which is why I hole up when I'm radiating)
evile: I was trying very hard not to get drawn into cattiness, but
onyxlynxx and Nikiyoy and I do tend to kind of snark...that was noticed &
remarked upon.
SkyeDS: yeah well, I'm sure people know that about ya'll by now, a nd
they can choose to subject themselves to it or not
SkyeDS: I got blindsided
SkyeDS: I'm beginning to think I want to spend the holidays by myself
SkyeDS: like, completely. no men, just me.
evile: which holidays would those be?
SkyeDS: all of them.
evile: So...because 1 person at polydinner was nasty to you you are
going to boycott your family & friends? Ok...
SkyeDS: it's not quite that simple.
SkyeDS: that whole end of the table except for the gentleman in red
whose name Id ont' believe I ever heard, and Robin, jumped my case
because I don't hero worship Kerry
SkyeDS: and it isn't like I hero worship Bush either
evile: I don't really care for Kili, she is an attention whore &
tells long boring self aggrandizing stories...so I just avoid her.
evile: People at my end kept trying to talk politics, too, and I kept
guiding the conversation away from that.
SkyeDS: it was too reminiscent of having multiple "peers" jump on me
in high school, and having the teacher do squat about it
SkyeDS: except worse, because these people are supposedly (like
pagans) "enlightened" adult beings
SkyeDS: and there was no one to stop them
evile: this is the real world, baby, you're a grownup and you gotta
be the 'teacher' now and stand up for yourself. Which, since you
stayed and managed to be pleasant to people, it appears you did.
SkyeDS: lol not really
evile: Kili is one of my 'favorite' people in this world: bored,
affluent white/european descent who co-opt Naitive American
practices, traditions.
SkyeDS: I pulled out as best I could, directed my attention to Robin,
actually learned things I didn't know
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and when you quit responding, eventually people do stop
SkyeDS: although, as I pointed out many times to my mother, that
didn't work in school
evile: 'winning' need not be getting everyone to agree to your POV,
winning may be a matter of making a more comfortable social situation
out of a less-comfortable one.
SkyeDS: yeah, well, I'm going to have to do some serious inventory
before I subject myself to that again
evile: The important things here: you didn't sink to her level, and
you didn't get so upset that you had to leave
SkyeDS: I don't know, maybe I felt a little better after ESA, false
security.
SkyeDS: and I truly should have known better than to get into a
political discussion, so truly, shame on me.
evile: The world is a big place, full of people who may or may not
agree with you. That's why in the south it's considered vulgar to
talk about sex, politics, and religion in mixed company
SkyeDS: and I shouldn't have stayed by myself, I should have just
followed sineater around. <gags>
evile: I'm trying to get better about it.
SkyeDS: I have no problem with sex politics and religion.
SkyeDS: I don't understand personal attacks on people over them
evile: What you should NOT do is second guess yourself. You did the
best you could in a bad situation where the other person was
misbehaving egregiously.
SkyeDS: but the next time someone almost comes across the table at me
physically
SkyeDS: I will defend myself and they will rue it.
evile: 2 wrongs dont' make a right honey. Taking a moral high road
may seem emtpy and pointless, but at the end of the day you have to
be a person you can respect
evile: And would you really respect yourself for beating up some
skinny salad eatin' bitch?
SkyeDS: she lays a hand on me and I will teach her not to even think
about it ever again.
SkyeDS: and have no qualms about it whatsoever
SkyeDS: I don't ever hit first but I"ll be damned if I don't hit last
when someone's stupid enough to hit me.
evile: Well, I'm sorry that happened. She is not one of my favorite
people.
evile: I'm surprised to find myself not 100% in love with every
single person in the austin poly group like I was when I first
joined. But, yes, there are some boors, some obnoxious jerks, some
drama-queens & attention whores....and even with that, the percentage
of people I like & enjoy is higher in poly austin than in any other
group I've ever been in.
SkyeDS: well you see, I knew that.
evile: *hugs*
SkyeDS: I knew what i was getting into, and it was my idea to go
anyway.
SkyeDS: and on top of that, I knew their political leanings.
SkyeDS: I should have known to keep my mouth shut.
evile: You did good. You really did. I thought you were gracious &
entertaining & charming, what I saw and heard of you last night.
So...dont' let one bad apple ruin the pie, ya know?
SkyeDS: I could have done better, by shutting up in the first place.
evile: It's important to learn from the past, but dont live there,
OK? Next time you'll change the subject sooner, or start a
conversation with someone who isn't being a jerk, and it will be
better.
SkyeDS: well yeah, I learned from it.
evile: *nod* that's the important part.
evile: I didn't learn in as bad a way, but Kili and I already
went 'round a while back via email. Hell, I don't even remember what
it was about anymore.
SkyeDS: well, now I know.
SkyeDS: and I won't get blindsided again.
evile: *nod*
evile: Ok, one more meow about Kili, then I'll shut up. She calls
herself childfree, but she has a bio son that is being raised by her
mother and she is in contact with him as his mother (unlike Dani &
her birthmother status)
SkyeDS: well, she's very unhappy. for whatever reasons and I would
guess there are probably many. I will just have to shield myself
from her unhappiness, now that I know.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I am confrontational
SkyeDS: in the genuine sense of the word
SkyeDS: if I have a problem I will come to you
SkyeDS: you won't hear about it from Sharjinka
SkyeDS: or Lisalotte
SkyeDS: you'll hear about it from me
SkyeDS: and if you don't, then it's not important enough for me to
talk about it
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: that's confrontational. To your face.
SkyeDS: reasonably, maturely, in an attempt to be adult.
SkyeDS: combative is in your face, fighting, not debate, and I can't
stand it
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: I harbor no ill will whatsoever for those who don't think
like I do, I can happily debate and break bread and befriend people
all day long
SkyeDS: I don't understand the tendency of some people, and I won't
label them because that would be inflammatory, and I don't want to be
evile: *nod* I am always really surprised when people get hurt
feelings when I was just having an intellectual exercise. But it
happens.
evile: Less so these days, as I try to curb that tendency with people
I don't know well enough to know they can take it.
SkyeDS: but their hearts bleed, they're always talking about "for the
children" (or for whatever, but it isn't enlightened self interest),
they're emotional, and they like to attack
SkyeDS: they like to play the child card, the race card, the gender
card, and the class card
SkyeDS: they're shrill, they're always upset, their voices are
usually raised.
SkyeDS: and if you disagree with them they attack you personally.
SkyeDS: and I don't understand that. and I hate getting blindsighted
by it.
evile: that's the part I never get, either.
evile: Oh, here I go again with the snarky cattyness: Knighthorse is one of
several among the poly group whom I think "Gosh, if I was poly, I'd
totally love to get with him..." but never would, because of their
choice in other SOs.
SkyeDS: Mouser is free :)
SkyeDS: I get intellectual crushes on people I find fascinating, and
I'm afraid they get misconstrued as a desire to add someone to my
harem.
evile: Mouser is giving off some mega negative vibes these days. I
don't think I would care to follow him down the drain. But he's still
cute :)
SkyeDS: he did seem to radiate "down" last night
evile: I can't say I blame him for feeling bad. BUT I also don't see
him making much of an effort to get out of the hole, ya know?
SkyeDS: I don't know him well enough.
SkyeDS: and no point in making any attempt to spend more time with
him, because he doesn't like horses or birds, and I would be hard
pressed to find time outside of family right now
SkyeDS: not that he'd even want me to anyway
evile: He is too caught up in his own troubles to think about anybody
else, you included. that's not a reflection on you, thats' just how
it is right now.
evile: That's one of the 4 Agreements I've found most useful: Don't
Take Things Personally
SkyeDS: oh I don't take it personally
SkyeDS: just sayin, normally I would take some interest in cheering
him up
SkyeDS: but I'm not the person to do that right now
SkyeDS: I am not quite as bad about being miss fixit as I'm reputed
to be
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: not that I don't deserve some of that reputation, because I
do like to fix things
SkyeDS: I'm masculine in that way.
SkyeDS: what are the other three agmts btw? and where are they found?
evile: It's a book by Don Miguel Ruiz, "The Four Agreements"
evile: trying to find a short form online...hang on...
SkyeDS: I already lookin :)
SkyeDS: http://www.miguelruiz.com/agreements.html
evile: something like 1) be true to your word 2) do your best 3)
don't take things personally. and ....?
evile: Oh, there you go.
SkyeDS: those are very much in line with my covenants and tenets
SkyeDS: and the buddhist 8 (I think buddhist)?
evile: *nod* I think they're pretty universal.
SkyeDS: right speech
evile: yup
SkyeDS: thank you for what you said earlier. that means a lot.
evile: I'm glad. :)
SkyeDS: :D
evile: I know I tend to be perfectionistic and super-critical, but
that is like the wrongest way possible to deal with people, ya know?
evile: It's much more productive to see someone making an effort and
praise that, than to criticize mistakes.
SkyeDS: well I'm not an expert on the right way to deal with people,
so I don't know what I know, I know more what I don't know
evile: Nobody is perfect. I see you trying. I see you succeeding more
than you give yourself credit for.
SkyeDS: well I had a pretty good idea last night that the stove would
be hot and I should keep my fingers away, and I didn't, so I got
burned, and I will learn from it (or get burned yet again).
evile: *nod* but hopefully keep trying, yes?
SkyeDS: if you aren't going to try you might as well die.
evile: yup.
evile: And really, truly, there are a bunch of cool people out there
that would be good to get to know. Jerks, too...but *pfft* who cares
about them.
SkyeDS: the tall gentleman with short dark hair, glasses, and in
gray, was quite funny
SkyeDS: and is always nice to see onyxlynxx
evile: does funny accents & voices? That's oracle_tx.
SkyeDS: I truly value people who make me laugh
evile: He's a sweetie. A little backwards & socially retarded, but a
good-hearted person.
evile: Nice backrubs, too.
SkyeDS: backrubs are always a good thing
evile: sheenaqotj invited everyone she knows or thinks she knows to a
party next Fri. I saw oracle_tx was going, and I'd pretty much go just for
him if I didn't already have plans :)
SkyeDS: yep, interesting peeps
evile: she has lost a LOT of weight since I saw her at DAve & Lyn's
blue moon party
evile: (Dave is my 'secret crush' BTW)
SkyeDS: which one is he
evile: I was talking to him near the railing, towards the end of hte
evening. He looks a lot like David Bowie. Skates, writes, plays music
goes to hippie hollow, has a gorgeous wife & a great house & a
piano :)
evile: He had been gaming with the No Kidding folks.
SkyeDS: sounds good to me (but I'm biased ;)
evile: He is incredibly brilliant. And looks good nekkid, too. what
else could you possibly want in a guy :P
SkyeDS: I can't think of a thing
evile: I went through a short crush phase with him where all I could
do was stand there and grin at him like the village idiot.
evile: Thankfully I got over that.
evile: he has an LJ but hasnt updated
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=chikuru
SkyeDS: I have a tendency to just watch people. Apparently so
intently that it makes them uncomfortable and give them the wrong
idea.
evile: hehe.
evile: Tomorrow is bellydancing at Casa de Luz.
evile: and the 1 year anniversary of my Essure. ;)
SkyeDS: I'm going to go home after work to pack for the weekend. I
don't know what he will do, I've told him he should do what he wants.
evile: *nod* reminds me, I should go get cash at the CU before it
closes at 2.
SkyeDS: you've only got an hour
evile: yup. BRB.
evile: back.
SkyeDS: you made it to the cu and back?
evile: yeah, it's on the 3rd floor.
SkyeDS: handy
evile: yup! except their hours are kinda sucky
evile: Oh, interesting, Tandeer got collared.
SkyeDS: pretty Tandeer of Tandeer and Joe?
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: wow, by whom?
SkyeDS: and is that going to interfere with her free exercise of
polyamory?
evile: She didn't say. Apparently we haven't met him yet.
evile: Doesn't look like it's gonna cramp her style any :)
SkyeDS: I'm sure she has it worked out to her satisfaction
evile: heh. yeah, that's Tandeer.
SkyeDS: being collared doesn't imply 24/7 TPE
evile: *nod* she says she's looking for a subbie of her own. :P
SkyeDS: I call myself a switch, and that's true from some
perspectives and not from others
SkyeDS: depends on whether you're talking strictly about sex or not
evile: *nod*
evile: Her post in the voyagers yahoo group sounded very happy. I'm
glad for her.
SkyeDS: :D
SkyeDS: I so enjoyed spending time with her when we were in Killeen
evile: She is a really neat person. Her husband is adorable & her son
is a fantastic writer & actor. She is another person I see as a role
model.
SkyeDS: good one
evile: I think so.
evile: She is very much her own person, does what she likes, says
what she thinks, but manages to also get along with people and be
well liked.
SkyeDS: very fine balance that
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: Ass-croft is talking about leaving
SkyeDS: I SO hope
evile: yay!
SkyeDS: I can tolerate Bush but Asscroft and Blofeld have to go.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I did so good at not snarking in this one instance
SkyeDS: I was accused of using kaleon
evile: :) yay!
evile: when/where was this?
SkyeDS: and I did NOT respond, using you for what?
SkyeDS: you aren't good for anything and you have nothing that I want
evile: bi.zarre.
SkyeDS: see, I thought it, but I didn't put it into print :P
evile: good for you.
SkyeDS: I think maybe part of why I don't snark "out loud" is because
I don't really care for the repercussions
evile: yeah, that whole 'pick your battles' thing.
SkyeDS: you know Mark, from Drandmir right?
SkyeDS: I don't engage in banter with him because he makes me feel
virginal and embarasses the living shit out of me, in five minutes or
less
SkyeDS: not easy to do.
SkyeDS: but that's the reason I don't banter with him, and don't
snark out loud in general, because I don't like being in over my head
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I know when I'm a minnow, and this minnow knows to stay out
of the shark/barracuda pond.
evile: *nod*
evile: Kili's not very predictable. When she's in the right mood, she
can be charming and lovely. But you never know what she's going to be
like from one encounter to the next.
SkyeDS: if I snark, that's inviting someone to snark back.
SkyeDS: which leaves me vulnerable to people who snark far better
than me.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I can't stand the heat in that kitchen so I stays out
evile: makes sense.
evile: aha. I love journaling. Just dug up my first encounter with
Kili. I shoulda stuck with my first impression :P
SkyeDS: just added Bill Hicks :)
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I don't think he was available in January
evile: "I am not sure why this person rubs me so wrong. It's not like
I don't
know all sorts of raving egomaniacs. And I am usually very
entertained by their antics."
evile: it's a free-form box, you can put whatever you want in
the 'interests' list.
evile: if you see something that isn't underlined in someone's
interest list, that means they're the only person on LJ who lists
that as an interest.
SkyeDS: I do a search and then look in the discography for what it
says yahoo's got
SkyeDS: added Hicks in launchcast
evile: Oh, added in Launchcast. I was thinking LJ. sorry!
SkyeDS: hehe
evile: I deleted 'anybody but bush again' and added 'bill hicks' in
my LJ interests list today, which is why my brain went there, I think.
SkyeDS: just want to crawl into the tub with dinner and take a nap
evile: *nod* sounds like a good evening :)
evile: found a picture of therealgalen. Not a good picture, but a
picture.
http://profiles.yahoo.com/therealgalen
SkyeDS: doc editing, slow
evile: *nod*
evile: Celtic festival is this weekend :) I hope I can get Sweetie away
from the Ghia for a while & go do that.
SkyeDS: I wanted to respond to lamb SO Bad
SkyeDS: but I'm not friended so I'll post it in mine
evile: I finally did. Ugh. My bad.
SkyeDS: maybe email her if I can find her email
evile: *sigh* it's not like Kerry was going to go sticking
coathangers up every pregnant woman in Amerikkka as sson as he got
sworn in or anything.
evile: I believe the quote ws something like "It's against my
personal and religious beliefs, but I will uphold hte law of the land
if elected"
SkyeDS: but she's justified in not wanting to be called names like
stupid and moron
evile: Shrub sure does have people snowed with his pious words.
Actions apparently count for nothing.
SkyeDS: I don't notice her calling Kerry supporters names
evile: Well, absolutely.
evile: I didn't notice anyone calling her personally names, either,
so whatever.
SkyeDS: no. but a great number of people have been calling bush
supporters in general moron, stupid, damn dumb, etc
SkyeDS: so I can understand her trepidation in posting what she did
evile: *nod* I posted a joke to Erinlefey's LJ to that effect.
SkyeDS: doubt she'll ever see what I said, oh well.
evile: It's just...appalling to see free women whose ancestresses
fought, suffered, were imprisoned, died for our freedoms...just
throwing them away.
SkyeDS: well, I do get tired of pro choice being equated with pro
abortion
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: just because I choose not to have one unless it's medically
necessary (as in my case it was)
SkyeDS: doesn't mean I'm going to force that on someone else
evile: exactly.
SkyeDS: but I do still think partial birth abortion is murder
evile: I think capital punishment is murder. I think war is murder.
But...sometimes you have to do these things for the greater good.
SkyeDS: I also think we shouldn't have pre emptively hit Iraq
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I think we should have hit Iraq AND 9 OTHER COUNTRIES on 9/12
SkyeDS: that would not have been pre emptive
SkyeDS: and the world could have fucked itself if it didn't like it,
but I doubt anyone would have said squat then
SkyeDS: err 8 other countries, 9 total
evile: Bush could have done so much with the world's goodwill after
9/11 but he pissed it away,s lapped all our well-wishers and
sympathizers in the face, and then shat on them.
SkyeDS: and there is no reason to personally attack me, call me
stupid or moron, because I'm a hawk
SkyeDS: or her because she's pro Bush
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and Chris Loy was absolutely disingenuous last night or she
genuinely is stupid
evile: I have no idea what incident you may be referring to?
SkyeDS: "no such thing as surgical tactical nukes"
SkyeDS: the hell there aren't.
evile: missed it.
SkyeDS: and besides that's nitpicking
SkyeDS: the larger point I was trying to make is, we should have
taken on 9 countries, not just iraq and afghanistan
SkyeDS: and we should have done it the day after
SkyeDS: it doesn't really matter to me whether we use nukes or not
evile: I wasn't within earshot, I don't have an opinion on her words.
SkyeDS: I think if anywhere is appropriate for small scale nukes, the
ME is it.
SkyeDS: I know there are those who thinks nukes are never appropriate
ever again, of any size
SkyeDS: fine, but don't fucking attack me
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: you see, in jumping on the first few words of what I
said..."I think we should have surgically, tactically nuked 9 ME
capitals--"
SkyeDS: they didn't hear the IMPORTANT part, which was, "on 9/12,
when t he world would have been on our side (or could have been
legitimately told to go fuck itself)
evile: Not really a good topic for dinner conversation with
starngers, anyway.
SkyeDS: they were already heatedly discussing iraq and I should have
stayed out
SkyeDS: I was trying to express that I agree, the war on iraq was the
wrong thing at the wrong time
SkyeDS: but having the opinion that there would have been a right
time and a right way to go after iraq among others
SkyeDS: was enough to merit an attack
evile: Oh well. If people are going to start topics like that in
mixed company, they should expect some debate.
SkyeDS: I'm sorry, but I do believe we needed to strike back after
9/11
SkyeDS: and I think a war on terror is as stupid as a war on drugs or
poverty
SkyeDS: and that's why Bush did that
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: so it would be neverending
SkyeDS: as opposed to a war on a list
evile: yup
SkyeDS: a list can be amended
SkyeDS: Al Quaeda, the Taliban, ANYONE who helps them
SkyeDS: specific.
SkyeDS: not an ism
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I expressed that last night, or tried to
SkyeDS: and didn't get very far, because everyone was so incensed
that I believe in war at all for any reason
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: yes, I believe we should hit back when we've been hit in the
first place, and I'm not going to apologize for that belief. And I'm
not going to call names or ridicule or attack someone who thinks
otherwise and I'd preciate it if they extended me the same courtesy,
mkay? thanks please drive thru
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: but Bush, imho, did this to himself
SkyeDS: he had the capital to pursue what he wanted and he fucked up
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: so now he leaves himself open to difficult to answer
criticism from hard left doves.
evile: It's like me with being critical and negative--that is not
goign to change people's behavior or opinions favorably. Neither is
being hateful and calling names.
SkyeDS: had he used his capital say a week after 9/11, it would have
been political suicide for doves to criticize
SkyeDS: but it's like, the rules when I was growing up about hitting
back
evile: If you can educate me, provide facts I'd not known,
respectfully show me the other side of the debate, maybe I will
change my mind. But you're not changing anything by getting in my
face adn being nasty.
SkyeDS: I wasn't allowed to wait all day to hit him back if he hit me
first
SkyeDS: which he knew, and would hit me and then lock himself in his
room all day, keeping me from retaliating
SkyeDS: (once Stuart got physically bigger than me, which didn't take
long)
evile: Bush blew it big time. I'm disappointed he got another 4 years
to screw up some more. OTOH, he now has to clean up his own mess,
which is rather poetic justice.
SkyeDS: well, everyone is saying the Dem party is dead.
SkyeDS: I'm thinking it isn't.
SkyeDS: he's got four years with complete control of the Congress and
the SC
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: he better make good, or the Dems will take over all of it in
08
SkyeDS: behind Hildebeast.
SkyeDS: you KNOW she was the happiest person in the country yesterday.
SkyeDS: she even said publicly that Kerry should give up and told
Edwards to quit posturing
SkyeDS: she wants a clear shot in 08, and an incumbent Kerry ain't it.
evile: heh. Well, crap it's after 4! I gotta get a move on.
SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)
evile: *hugs* take care :)

comments

3250icq w/A

2022-06-11T18:13:24Z

May 31, 2005

evile: I know I said I wouldn't talk to you unless you talked to me
first...but FWIW, Nikiyoy's feelings were very hurt that you didn't know
who she was at the party, and that's probably why she acted prickly.
SkyeDS: I swear on whatever anyone wants to hold sacred, I don't
remember ever meeting her.
SkyeDS: and if it was at Poly, the only person I remember by name
from Poly is Michael
SkyeDS: and I'm not even s ure about that
evile: you have her friended in LJ, and comment on her posts quite
frequently, apparently.
SkyeDS: she friended me first
SkyeDS: and I would debate "frequently"
SkyeDS: and she doesn't ever reply to anything I say either, so I
quit posting quite some time back
evile: *shrug* I don't know about any of that, and I'm not fighting
with you on her behalf, or with her on yours...just trying to help
clarify.
SkyeDS: I'm sorry her feelings were hurt
evile: if you want to be mad at me for something I did or said,
that's your business, but I dont' want people being mad at me for
stuff other people did/said in my presence, simply because I was
there and they're my friend/family.
SkyeDS: I did, if you will remember as you were standing right there,
try to be very polite in introducing myself to someone I did not
think I'd ever seen face to face
evile: I was there.
SkyeDS: I cannot see why an honest mistake on my part required the
response it got.
SkyeDS: I'm not mad at anyone
evile: Ok.
SkyeDS: I would like people not to be mad at me, but if they are,
can't help that.
SkyeDS: and getting rapidly to the point where I dont' care anymore
because caring hurts.
evile: OK
SkyeDS: if you think it appropriate, I would be willing to go so far
as to apologize to NIkiyoy for hurting her feelings that I didn't
remember having met her
SkyeDS: it is a known failing of mine.
SkyeDS: typically I remember faces better than that but I am probably
going senile in my not so old age
evile: I think LJ tends to make people feel more/less intimate than
they actaully are in RL and leads to RL misunderstandings.
evile: Nikiyoy's real face is on her LJ icon, so she felt you should
have known her from that.
SkyeDS: would it help to email or post an apology?
SkyeDS: of course I knew her from that
SkyeDS: that's the reason I said, you must be NIkiyoy....
evile: *shrug* she's 22, stubborn, and prickly. Probably not worth
the effort on your part.
SkyeDS: and when someone doesn't say anything to me when I post in
their LJ, I quit saying anything to them
evile: *shrug* she doesnt' reply that often to anyone, that I've
seen...
SkyeDS: actually not counting today I haven't said much of anything
to anyone lately LJ or otherwise
evile: Like I said, LJ interactions tend to make people act/react in
RL in ways that may or may not be within the comfort level of both
parties. Feeling levels of intimacy that aren't there, or whathaveyou.
evile: I know onyxlynxx's had problems because people feel they know her
well enough from her LJ posts to hug her but she doesnt' feel she
knows them well enough to allow that intimacy
SkyeDS: if you think I should, I will. if you think it would make it
worse, I won't.
SkyeDS: I'm trying to behave less like a bull in a china closet
SkyeDS: and I am happy to take constructive criticism
evile: *shrug* Nikiyoy and I are a lot alike, which means that we share
some of the qualities that make me hard to get along with...for
example, making up our minds about people and not being swayed from
that opinion.
evile: She's 22 and while she's done a lot with her life and is a
lot more together than I did at that age, she's still emotionally
very young.
SkyeDS: she's going through a lot of shit I notice
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: so even notwithstanding everything you just said now would
not be a good time regardless
evile: If I were you, I'd probably just leave it alone, and if you
are ever in the same place at the same time, make sure to notice her,
be happy to see her, ask her some question that shows an interest in
her life, etc. and see if she responds nicely. If not, you did your
best.
SkyeDS: thank you, I'll do that.
evile: She's a good person....as are all the people I care about,
each in their own ways. It's tough when people you like don't get
along, but as I've said to others, I now just need to say to
myself: 'tough!"
SkyeDS: normally I apologize for hurt feelings when I am made aware
of them, by way of doing right and what I'd like to have done to me,
but I am happy to know that that is not the right thing to do here so
as not to make matters worse.
evile: *nod* If she felt like dealing with it right now, I'm thinking
she would have approached you. Sometimes it's best to just follow the
other person's lead.
SkyeDS: if the subject ever comes up I'm sure you'll relay my
sentiments
evile: If I can, without appearing to be fighting with one on behalf
of the other, yes. Otherwise, you two will have to work it out on
your own, if you think the friendship is worth the effort. If not,
then not.
SkyeDS: I made the assumption a long while back that she wasn't
interested in me when she asked me a question, I responded, asked her
question, and she didn't answer, or reply to any of my posts
afterwards *shrugs*
evile: *nod* and we all know about assumptions : P
SkyeDS: well, if my posts don't get responded to, I don't want to
keep cluttering up someone 's screen with what seems unwanted
evile: *nod* I can relate.
SkyeDS: if the chance presents itself to repair, I will take it. I'm
not going to seek it out, though.
evile: sounds like a plan.
SkyeDS: I could be equally hurt, offended, and prickly with just as
much reason, I choose not to be
SkyeDS: she's chosen her path, it's her path to choose.
evile: *nod* I think it was pretty much a case of wrong place/wrong
time/wrong frame of mind...nothing deal-breaking, just not rubbing
one another the right way. It happens. Even with close friends,
sometimes.
SkyeDS: well, I handled the situation when it happened as best as I
could given what I had to work with, and that's that. water under
the bridge, and I'm not going to think anymore about it.
SkyeDS: to my way of thinking being compassionate to the hearts and
minds of those arounds me means apologizing when I fuck up even
inadvertently and unknowingly
SkyeDS: but that's not compassionate if it just offends further.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I meant well. And I think the people I give a damn about
know that I mean well. Anyone who doesn't, too bad.
evile: water under the bridge. Next time you're in the same
place/time, just try to start with a blank slate. "Hi, great to see
you, how is your new apartment/new boyfriend/whatever?"
SkyeDS: I'm glad to see that you gave Chance another chance because
on screen she looks wonderful (I read her lj too)
SkyeDS: for the record I think I get misjudged in the same way for
the same reason, but whatever.
evile: I am glad I've gotten to know Chance better. I'm glad I've
gotten to know you better, too.
SkyeDS: I don't really know how all this came to be at this pass.
SkyeDS: I wish it hand't.
SkyeDS: I tried to stop this from getting here, I tried to stop my
last conversation with Jinx from going where it did.
evile: I'm sorry you're still having trouble with Sharjinka.
SkyeDS: I'm not. I haven't spoken with her since.
SkyeDS: she never speaks to me first online when we're both at work,
maybe there's a reason for that and I should take a hint
evile: *shrug* some people don't. You rarely initiate contact, even
when I know we're on fine terms...
SkyeDS: but regardless, it is a lesson to me if in nothing else, that
when I"m at work, unless i need information from someone, I don't
initiate conversations at work anymore. with anyone.
evile: Oh, Ok then. Would you rather I didn't bother you during the
work day, then?
SkyeDS: and the next time something goes sour, I'm going to have to
engage the "hit and run" tactics that I don't like very much
SkyeDS: I don't like it when Jinx does it to me
SkyeDS: I remember you saying you don't like it when people do it to
you
SkyeDS: or you think that they are
SkyeDS: but I can't get work done when I'm sobbing
SkyeDS: you aren't bothering me. I'm just reserving my right in
general from now on to leave before I get so impaired that I can't
function while I have to.
evile: Ok.
SkyeDS: when I tell you, I can't talk about this anymore, you have
yet to not respect that.
SkyeDS: I don't perceive that being an issue between us.
evile: You could always do something like they do in BDSM scenes--if
I'm treading on unpleasant territory, you could say "yellow" or
something. Or "let's change the subject"
SkyeDS: I am still hurt by all the effort I spent trying to disengage
and change subject to be rewarded with being run over roughshod and
then hit and run disengage, but I'm trying not to dwell on it.
SkyeDS: and, I'm trying to get sineater off his high horse about his
little low black horse
evile: nope. Try not to take it personally. I think Sharjinka likes
you as a person and a friend, but just has fears for her friends at
HFS who may have more enthusiasm than aptitude for mounted combat.
SkyeDS: he seems to think he should have some say in who rides Jesse
so he's taking what got said personally even though I don't think it
should ahve been, it wasn't intended that way
evile: I think you both need to have say in who rides your
animals...he has a good idea of her moods and whether or not she's
going to be safe for someone, I would think.
SkyeDS: that was sarcasm
SkyeDS: of course he has say in who rides her
evile: Oh, I guess I'm missing something then.
SkyeDS: let me try again.
SkyeDS: no one rides Jesse without sineater's say so, she's his horse.
SkyeDS: so to be completely left out of Sharjinka's opinion about the
faulty decision making that's been g oing on with regard to who has
been riding her
SkyeDS: he takes personally
evile: Oh...OK.
SkyeDS: and that she didn't mean it that way and wasn't even thinking
about him is exactly why he's pissed off.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she is, after all, his horse.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: anyway, I told him, I don't want a war, I want it to just go
away.
SkyeDS: he's trying to make up for wars that he should have waged and
didn't, and I appreciate that, but the road to hell is paved with
good intentions and I don't care for that road right now.
SkyeDS: I'm not going to ask her to participate again, matter of
fact, I'm not going to ask her if she wants to ride again at all in
any capacity.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: it's very hard to be aware of hearts and minds around you
when doing so gets responses that puts me in a fuck that and fuck you
(in general not you personally) mode
evile: well, you can't punish everyone around you for one
misunderstanding with one person...you have to be a better person and
keep trying.
SkyeDS: it hasn't been just one misunderstanding with one person
lately, it's been a whole friggin lot of them
SkyeDS: and every last one happened despite my best efforts to
prevent/cure them, so right now, I'm thinkin, if there's nothing I
can do to change anything, fuck it
SkyeDS: strength to change what I can, fuck what I can't, and the
wisdom to know the difference. my serenity prayer.
evile: OK
SkyeDS: if it were my shit to own, then my efforts to do so would
bear fruit. my efforts have born nothing but rot, so maybe it isn't
my shit to own, in which case, fuck it.
evile: Distance and time have a way of putting things in perspective.
I hope things work out for you.
SkyeDS: anyone who is feeling punished hurt or anything else is going
to have to speak up, and not in the way Nikiyoy's gone about it.
SkyeDS: otherwise, I'm not going to know, and if I don't know, I
can't fix it, and well, that puts me right back at square one.
evile: I hear ya. I think the main misunderstandign was over the
word 'met'...you did not recall meeting her in RL, and she recalled
your presence in her LJ many times, which she counted as 'meeting'.
SkyeDS: could have been cleared up with communication
evile: Indeed.
SkyeDS: and I've learned the hard way that nothing I do can persuade
someone to communicate who doesn't want to, and it takes two.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: if I were going to interpret LJ as "meeting" then I wouldn't
have spoken to her at all because her response to me in LJ has been
nada.
SkyeDS: anyway, I"m not going to take that as a mistake on my part
either, because I said the same thing to kulilinei and ladydreamtime, who are both
in the same circumstance with Nikiyoy in terms of LJ and RL "meeting"
and they weren't offended or haven't made it known to me if they were
evile: *shrug* you don't post comments in my Lj hardly at all, I
dont' take it personally or think about it much, except just now in
relation to what you're saying about posting in Nikiyoy's.
SkyeDS: I almost always see you here before I read LJ
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: which is why I ask you stupid questions about your weekend
when I probably s hould just go read first
evile: *shrug* I don't mind.
SkyeDS: did a lot of posting to LJ today because there are so many
people I don't see here anymore during the day
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: anyway, I don't post to your LJ because I see you here, so I
talk to you here.
SkyeDS: two way communication instantly is much more gratifying than
through LJ
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: however, now that I think about it, Sharjinka has never
reacted in an unwanted way when I speak to her through LJ, so maybe I
need to suss out who to communicate with in what fashion.
SkyeDS: I am supposed to be a communicator, so it's very hard on me
not to take failures to communicate personally, as my fault
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I did a great deal of LJ posting to a great many journals
once upon a time and got no response from anybody so I stopped
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I don't want hard feelings between us
evile: me neither.
SkyeDS: :)
evile: Did you read Ample's post about the bbw calendar?
SkyeDS: I did, very cool
evile: I'm ambivalent. If I can use lots of make up and/or a
pseudonym, I might be up for it.
SkyeDS: I bet she's one of those people who will make you look
spectacular despite yourself
SkyeDS: Janet was like that
evile: I look spectacular when I try.
SkyeDS: I bet she could do it even if you were deliberately trying
not to is what I meant
SkyeDS: why you would do that I don't know
evile: I would not mind her doing photos, but I am not sure about
distribution thereof
SkyeDS: good question
evile: I've seen the photos she did of pace, and they're gorgeous.
evile: If she can make Pace look good, she can make me look like an
incarnation of the Goddess.
SkyeDS: I had that sense about her
SkyeDS: and as long as distribution doesn't include any useful
information
evile: yeah. first name or 'stage name' only, no
city/state/lj/whatever
SkyeDS: I'm already pretty present on the web. Anyone wanting my
contact info can get it on the ranch page
evile: *nod*
evile: But if you just went by 'skye' or whatever, ther's about 2
million skyes online.
SkyeDS: exactly
evile: I'm still thinking about it...I think I'll need to talk with
her and find out more.
SkyeDS: good idea
SkyeDS: I am flattered anyone would want me for such a thing
regardless
evile: just saw your comment...really, honey, you are tiny compared
to some of the BBW gals Ample runs with.
SkyeDS: that would be a comforting way to look at it but the cold
hard fact remains that I've gained 130 pounds in 10 years, and I've
got to do something aobut it
evile: for health if nothing else, yup.
SkyeDS: 13 years, bad math
evile: physical attractiveness, I'm finding, is more about attitude
and how you treat yourself, rather than any external measurement.
Weight is about health (and maybe clothes shopping :P)
SkyeDS: I know that to be true. But it doesn't work when looking in
the mirror.
SkyeDS: or just looking down for that matter.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: sineater and I are going to the Melting Pot tonight, finally
evile: oh, nice. You'll like it, I think.
SkyeDS: I remember you saying next time you were sticking to
appetizer and dessert, but I am still tempted by the sound of the
meats
SkyeDS: and right now I"m craving meat chocolate and red wine so
fiercely it isn't funny
evile: not enough for the $, and they don't do the oils, they do
flavored bouiillon...4 oz of boiled meat for $20, no thanks.
SkyeDS: is eating the cheese course and then the fruit course filling?
evile: hell yeah.
SkyeDS: which cheese course did you like? the one with the Wisc
cheese?
evile: Nikiyoy got that one, it was good.
SkyeDS: I think I'd like any cheese right now, I"m not picky
evile: I believe I got the one that was swiss and gorgonzola. Very
strong flavored.
SkyeDS: I like gorgonzola, specially with tomatoes. makes good soup.
evile: if you like blue cheese, you'll like that fondue.
evile: the wisconsin one uses beer, and you can defiitely taste the
beer. Which is fine if you're a beer drinker, not so good if you're
not.
SkyeDS: I'm deprived, I don't think I've had blue cheese
evile: gorgonzola is a blue cheese.
SkyeDS: in which case I like it fine :)
SkyeDS: have never had the blue marbled stuff that people make
dressing out of I don't think
evile: there's a whole family of blues...I like some better than
others, but they 're all good. the spanish blue I had last Monday is
my new fave, I think.
SkyeDS: that spanish cheese you had at full moon was so filling t hat
with a few squares I wasn't hungry again until I got home
SkyeDS: I ate that, one cupcake, and one piece of shrimp
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I had Greek for hte first time at Loch's event, I loved it
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I thought about grovelling at the cook's feet but a big group
was already doing that so I didn't
evile: Personally, I'd rather have help with dishes than grovelling.
SkyeDS: two of us do that anyway (one of us doing bird duty)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: Arthur would love to "supervise" but he isn't very helpful
SkyeDS: he's very helpful cutting up fruits and veges that you
intended to give to him anyway
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I am still singularly uninspired about my birthday, and it
looks like it's going to storm again anyway
evile: Yeah...some folks wanted to go tubing this weekend and it's
looking like that's not going to happen.
evile: Voyagers party is this Saturday, and a party at Jason &
Belinda's.
SkyeDS: User 129952931/SkyeDS has requested your authorization to add
you to his/her contact list
SkyeDS: User 129952931/SkyeDS added you to his/her Contact List
SkyeDS: I wanted to go to Somerville because I can ride there and
play in the water too
evile: *nod*
evile: I am not sure what the limitations are on the Trooper I'm
driving these days. Sweetie fixed the radiator leak, but there may be
other problems.
evile: it made it to the Guadalupe River just fine yesterday--
somewhere between San Marcos and New Braunfels.
SkyeDS: I wasn't expecting anyone to join me anyway, at this point I
just want someplace to go, myself :|
evile: Oh, OK.
SkyeDS: if we go you're welcome of course
evile: well, it's 4, so I'm gonna run.
SkyeDS: but I hate to ask anyone to do anything with a thunderstorm
looming above
evile: *hugs* have a good evening.

comments

3239ICQ w/A (teh crazy 'snarking' and 'egging')

2022-06-11T17:33:40Z

May 24, 2005

evile: Made it home safe, I take it?
SkyeDS: no. lol.
evile: no?
SkyeDS: j/k
evile: Oh good. I was afraid you were going to say you'd had a fender
bender or something.
SkyeDS: sineater talked to me the whole way to keep me awake.
SkyeDS: I wasn't sleepy but it made him feel better.
evile: that was nice of him
SkyeDS: it was, because he doesn't like using the phone except as an
exchange of information.
evile: *nod* me too.
evile: Did y'all have enough fun? I don't remember sineater saying 'bye
to me before he left, but I did overhear him saying 'bye' to someone
else.
SkyeDS: I probably should have left when he did, but as usual I can
resist everything but temptation.
evile: I worried that you'd be too tired to drive safely, but you're
a grownup, so I didn't nag.
SkyeDS: nope, was wide awake
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: reason why I drank one glass of sangria immediately and a sip
of port and stopped there
SkyeDS: and no food
SkyeDS: food = food coma
evile: Oh, Ok then.
SkyeDS: I hope I wasn't too much of an embarassment
evile: I don't think so.
SkyeDS: well, if you think I carried myself well, then I will go with
that.
evile: I noticed that you started out doing the nervous motormouth
thing, but once that passed, I think you were fine. :)
SkyeDS: you used to say the same thing about Chance.
evile: *nod* i think a lot of people do that, it's pretty normal.
SkyeDS: you revised your opinion of Chance, which you don't do, very
often.
evile: *shrug* I'm trying to get better about that.
SkyeDS: did I pass the snarky bitch test?
evile: I don't have any idea; we're not a hive-mind, as much as it
might appear to be so from a distance :P
SkyeDS: I was very happy to meet kulilinei, ladydreamtime, argonarcher and Katy's man
whose name I forgot with the talking stick :(
SkyeDS: Nikiyoy says we've met many times before but I don't remember
SkyeDS: somewhat bothersome that I am more memorable to her than she
is to me
evile: *nod* At least one poly dinner that I know of.
SkyeDS: I've only been to two.
SkyeDS: two does not "many times before" make, imo.
evile: Possibly some PNO or CMA thing? I dunno.
SkyeDS: won't be the first time someone remembers me and not the
other way around
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: sineater is on phone
evile: OK
SkyeDS: he asked me to ask you if there was anyway he could call you
on your cell phone while you're at work or what
SkyeDS: since he can't IM
evile: I am not free to talk openly at work, due to coworker
nosiness. Can he msg me via email, or LJ, maybe?
SkyeDS: he says email works :)
evile: Plus my cell is only 60 minutes a month, so I don't really use
it for 'conversation' type stuff.
evile: I check my yahoo email several times a day.
evile: Other than what you see in LJ, and a nice emailed 'thank you'
from argonarcher, there hasn't been much other conversation about last
night. I guess that means it went well.
SkyeDS: was it not obvious?
SkyeDS: I thought it was obvious...and I'm dense.
SkyeDS: I'm also on the verge of retreating into cave/well/hermit
phase, I think. I can feel it pulling at me, hard.
evile: I'm just waiting for someone to complain about something or
mention something that someone did that made them uncomfortable.
SkyeDS: you want to know or you don't want to know
evile: Of course I want to know. Unless it's something about the
weather, which I had no control over.
SkyeDS: and I haven't read LJ today, Hugh is litigating and that puts
him in a bad mood and means that I have to toe a line
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: what if some personal discomfort had nothing to do with you?
and might have been a personal problem that just needs resolving
personally
SkyeDS: ala Ruiz #2 (Don't Take it Personally)
SkyeDS: and of course, I can't speak for anyone but myself (including
of course, sineater)
evile: *nod*
evile: The thing that killed me about the picnic in the park (My Last
Party, officially) is that people complained afterwards about the
heat, dirt, and bugs. None of which are anything I could do anything
about--it was an outdoor party, these things exist outdoors.
evile: But if the food was unpleasant, or one of the guests did or
said something impolite, that's something I could at least attempt to
remedy.
SkyeDS: I'm not sure whether to take some of the snarks as aimed at
me personally or not
SkyeDS: I decided under #2 not to
SkyeDS: until snarkster started bragging about double bitch points
for snarking at someone's face and getting away with it because
person was so stupid they didn't know they were being snarked
evile: I don't know who/what you're talking about, so I can't really
help you with the judgement on that
SkyeDS: and I restrained myself to pointing out that there is such a
thing as not being deaf
SkyeDS: but deliberately ignoring
SkyeDS: because this whole snark thing, when someone is snarking
someone present, seems damned if you do and damned if you don't.
evile: When Nikiyoy was talking about snarking the new BF's ex?
SkyeDS: the right thing, I am convinced, is to ignore
SkyeDS: no, when she was snarking at me.
evile: I didn't hear it.
SkyeDS: but then if you ignore, they give themselves double bitch
points
SkyeDS: which I suppose one should also ignore
evile: I have no context to judge whether or not your perceptions
mirror the actual events.
SkyeDS: because if you say, hey, I know you're doing it, I'm not
stupidly oblivious, I'm ignoring you, because you aren't worth a reply
SkyeDS: then that's a mistake too
SkyeDS: sineater asked me what happened with her last comment about
jousting and whether or not you were egging her on
SkyeDS: and I've already told him, I'm not even going there
SkyeDS: I didn't hear it
evile: Who said what to whom in what reply?
SkyeDS: I'm not going there, I'm not getting into it. I'm going to
handle my side of things, myself.
SkyeDS: I've already stated, I'm not sure if my perception was right
wrong shared or whatever.
evile: Like I said, we're not a hive mind. There are people I dont'
like that others in our group do. There are people I like that others
in the group do not.
evile: I think we have a general agreement that if it's your house,
you invite who you like and if others have a problem with it, they
need to be polite and respectful regardless of personal feelings.
evile: The only thing I remember hearing from Nikiyoy was talking about
snarking her new boyfriends GF.
SkyeDS: the whole entire reason I didn't even want to mention this is
because you said before you didn't think I could handle the snarky
bitches and I don't want you using this as reason to think you were
correct.
SkyeDS: I think I handled it just fine.
SkyeDS: there were several snarks that I weren't sure were aimed at
me particularly until the very end of the evening
SkyeDS: and I may still have been wrong.
SkyeDS: so I liked my response just fine, because it was suitable
whether it was personal or not
SkyeDS: which was to tell her, just because people don't react to you
snarking them to their face doesn't mean they don't know you're doing
it, it means they're choosing to ignore you, because your snarks
aren't worth the effort.
evile: Well, I'm glad you didn't get ugly and/or let your fears
cause you to leave early, anyway.
SkyeDS: I hsould have left when sineater did because of work
SkyeDS: and because those who like to poke at me like to do it when
he isn't around
SkyeDS: but I made that decision and I lived with it just fine
SkyeDS: even if I am falling over sleepy now
evile: *shrug* I didnt' see it. Nikiyoy is young and a bit sharp, I
really wouldn't take her personally.
SkyeDS: I'm trying not to.
SkyeDS: sineater thought she seemed unhappy and poky at eveyrone and
everything all night long.
SkyeDS: I completely agree with that assessment.
SkyeDS: I have this feeling of why me, what the hell did I ever do to
her?
evile: And if you were perceiving me as 'egging' anyone on, that is
flat out incorrect. I was trying to have a nice time and see that my
guests did so as well.
SkyeDS: that because it isn't logic, it's an emotion, isn't going to
be reasoned with.
SkyeDS: egging on = his perception, not mine
SkyeDS: I have no opinion about that one way or the other.
SkyeDS: I will deal with the why me, what the hell did I do to
deserve that shit, on my own, because it's my shit, and I'll own it
SkyeDS: and that's the reason I didn't even want to say anything
SkyeDS: and only said something because I don't want it laid at my
feet that I didn't say anything and should have.
evile: I was making conversation & trying to keep things light and
pleasant. I have absolutely *zero* interest in making people unhappy
and causing fights among my friends and loved ones in my home.
SkyeDS: if people don't say things, it might be because they don't
want to upset you, and they're trying to take responsibility for
their own shit.
evile: My hostess persona gives me a good out. When people start to
say anything boring, tactless, or needlessly self-aggrandizing, I
just find something else that needs my immediate attention.
SkyeDS: I don't like the place I'm in right now at all
SkyeDS: if I say something I'm wrong
SkyeDS: if I don't say something I'm wrong
SkyeDS: and all I want to do is own my shit, learn from this obstacle
and further myself along my path of intention
evile: You are the one sticking the 'wrong' label on yourself. I am
not doing or saying anything, because I didnt' see or percieve what
you did.
SkyeDS: I mean wrong in saying anything to you.
SkyeDS: ie, saying something to you is wrong, not saying something to
you is wrong, and all I want to do is deal with the feelings and get
them out of my system
evile: You are still teh one applying the 'wrong' label. I am just
here.
evile: You have the right to your feelings. Not all of my friends are
going to get along with all of my other friends. If you don't like
Nikiyoy and feel that she was being deliberately abrasive towards you,
that is your perception and welcome to it.
SkyeDS: I didn't want to say anything because a) I might have
misperceived and b) if I didn't misperceive, it's still my situation
to handle, and I don't want to involve anyone else.
SkyeDS: but I know you get upset when you feel like people horde
things to throw at you later
SkyeDS: and I ahte that too
SkyeDS: and I didn't want to do that
SkyeDS: or be perceived as doing that
SkyeDS: so I'm saying, this had nothing to do with you.
evile: I really wouldn't take Nikiyoy personally, if I was you, or let
her bother you for too long. I don't know what was said or in what
context, if I was there I didn't see it or hear it the same way you
did because Nikiyoy and I are much closer friends than you and she are...
evile: her sense of humor is sometimes abrasive/cruel. I really don't
think she means anything by it.
SkyeDS: I can't stop you from thinking that I can't handle snarks
aimed at me
SkyeDS: if they were truly aimed at me, I handled them just fine
SkyeDS: and if they weren't aimed at me, then it says nothing about
whether I can handle them aimed at me or not.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and for the record I've already told sineater if he wants to know
anything that was said outside of my earshot he'll have to ask you,
I'll be no part of it.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I don't want to go there (you know where there is) again,
anymore than you do, believe me.
evile: Honestly, you aren't really a topic of conversation as much as
you might think/hope. We do have other things to think and speak
about.
SkyeDS: you can scratch hope
SkyeDS: being topic of conversation = usually bad
evile: Like, wer'e not going to get together next Monday and take
votes on who likes skye, or anything like that...really, truly,
that's NOT what we're about
SkyeDS: that's not my perception. Have already said, I know when
shit's my shit, and I'm dealing with it.
SkyeDS: I just don't want to be accused of not saying things when I
should have.
SkyeDS: when I've thought I should say something, I got burned
SkyeDS: when I've thought I shouldn't say something, I got burned
SkyeDS: so I'm about at the place where I'm going to do what I damn
well please because I"m going to get burned regardless
evile: Bottom line: If you feel you handled snarks that were aimed at
you with dignity, then you need to quit sticking the 'wrong' label on
the interaction.
SkyeDS: I will assume if you perceived that I acted with less than
dignity you would say so
evile: And if you think I did or said something deliberately
offensive, let me assure you I did not. I was seeking (and mostly
think I had) a pleasant evening at home with friends & loved ones.
evile: Stirring up shit between people I like is not conducive to
having a pleasant evening at home, therefore I didn't do it, and
wouldn't do it.
SkyeDS: I didn't think otherwise
SkyeDS: what anyone else thinks = not my problem
evile: yup
SkyeDS: even if that person is "close" to me
SkyeDS: I am applying the "wrong" label to whether or not I should
say something to you about my feelings about the whole thing when you
ask
SkyeDS: and I'm at the point right now where if someone else is going
to apply that label to me no matter what I do, well, I can't do a
damn thing about that, and there's no point in even trying anymore.
evile: *shrug* You told me your thoughts/ feelings, my resulting
thoughts/feelings are my responsibility.
SkyeDS: I think there are questions people shouldn't ask because they
really don't want to know the answers
SkyeDS: but, a direct question deserves a direct answer.
evile: Well, I knew that eventually someone was going to come up with
a reason why last night wasn't as fun as I thought it was, better to
hear it now from the person involved rather than later.
SkyeDS: if I wasn't having fun I would have left pretty soon after
sineater did
SkyeDS: the balance of the other personalities was much more
important to me than just one other
SkyeDS: Kulilinei did not look in person much like her LJ icon, her LJ
icon does not do her justice
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and that's the first time I've had teh chance to meet Argon
Eric
SkyeDS: I'm happy that there seems to be no ill will with knighthorse
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and I enjoyed ladydreamtime, maggiemaepisces, aple and Katy's Shaman (what is his
name?)
evile: knighthorse and Kili are not joined at the hip. Her enemies are not
automatically his.
evile: Keith.
SkyeDS: he is a much different personality with kulilinei than with Kili
SkyeDS: some people's behavior is more influenced by who is in their
surroundings than others
evile: I suspect it is actually Kai that makes the difference; knighthorse
as 'dad' is slightly softer than knighthorse the guy.
SkyeDS: Kulilinei/Kai = package deal (or should be)
evile: yup
SkyeDS: Ashia (divine ambrosia) is like that
SkyeDS: very pleasant when she's around some people but not when
she's around others
SkyeDS: much more like that than knighthorse
evile: I've never seen knighthorse be unpleasant.
SkyeDS: since he didn't respond to my "if I offended you I'm s orry"
apology, I didn't know what to think/expect
evile: Probably in the same way Sweetie avoids getting embroiled in my
family bullshit, knighthorse figured he'd do the same--it wasn't his fight,
why should he get involved, one way or the other.
SkyeDS: well, since I was interacting with him and not her, I was
concerned about offending him, and not her.
SkyeDS: I respect the intellect I encountered, I really d on't give a
damn about her lack thereof.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: that's why I wrote him, and not her, to say, if I offended,
I'm sorry, such was the farthest thing from my intent.
evile: He probably thinks the whole thing was silly & blown out of
proportion, didn't care to dignify the tempest in a teapot with any
more wind.
SkyeDS: I hope so, because that's much preferable to harboring
unspoken ill will.
SkyeDS: that's why I was pleased that there didn't seem to be any.
SkyeDS: matter of fact, it wouldn't have occurred to me to even
apologize should I have offended
SkyeDS: until she told sineater that I offended everyone there and not
just her.
SkyeDS: since I happen to give a damn, whether I should or not, about
what Terriblelyne, savanni, knighthorse and Robin think, I thought if that was the
case I should apologize.
evile: Whatever. Kili assumes that her actions and feelings are of
paramount importance to the entire world, and that if she's
offended,of course everyone else will be too...whereas the reality
was that nobody but the 2 of you realized t here was anything to be
upset over.
SkyeDS: only thing that upsets me is people being upset with me
SkyeDS: it was the same feeling..."what the hell did I do to deserve
this from her?"
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and baring the neck and saying look, I didn't want a fight,
doesn't work
SkyeDS: and that's the reason I'm getting about tired of people and
at the point where just about everyone I know can go take a flying
fuck
SkyeDS: I seem to be upsetting people everywhere I turn lately, so it
must be me, and I need to remove myself until I can figure out what
the hell I'm doing, and stop
evile: If you need to hermit for awhile, you should.
SkyeDS: Sharjinka is radiating unhappiness about my migrating the
games to the HFS
evile: I think she has safety concerns.
SkyeDS: so she said
SkyeDS: and I asked her, well, do you doubt my personal and
professional judgment?
SkyeDS: and she said no
SkyeDS: she doesn't seem to be able to separate her concerns for
herself, and everyone else
SkyeDS: I told her look, I respect your concerns, I won't ever again
ask you if you want to participate, cool
SkyeDS: and thought that should be the end of that
SkyeDS: and she wanted to continue debating whether the other people
involved should be
SkyeDS: and I'm sorry but that's not her call
evile: She's a good rider, from what I understand. I think she's
worried about the kids with no riding experience getting up and
trying to do mounted battle without knowing safe riding basics first.
SkyeDS: the people she thinks don't have experience do
SkyeDS: and are not just vetted by me, but by one of the only three
golden lancers in the SCA
SkyeDS: Chris/Keject specifically
SkyeDS: and as I pointed out to her, he is a safer rider than either
sineater or sonar0m or me for that matter
SkyeDS: she was going on and on about minors, and I said what minors?
SkyeDS: there was no reasoning with her.
SkyeDS: and since I have adopted the safety standards that have
worked for decades with the SCA, and there is no demonstrable reason
not to trust my personal and professional judgment, I don't see the
point in debating.
SkyeDS: and I did my very best to alleviate whatever bad feelings
were going on, I tried like three times, and she was having none of
it.
SkyeDS: and I know that I'm supposed to be giving sources of
negativity a silent blessing and avoiding them.. and it hurts to do
so when one of them is ostensibly my friend.
evile: Just because she is worried about something, doesn't mean
she's not your frend.
SkyeDS: she seethes with her worries like a volcano.
evile: She feels very protective of the 'kids' in HFS. I empathize
SkyeDS: she seemed most worried about keject
SkyeDS: keject is not a minor
SkyeDS: keject has not only been vetted by me but by one of the three
best equestrian officials in the SCA
SkyeDS: case closed, far as I'm concerned
evile: it's like driving...you're a fine driver, but the drunk idiot
going the wrong way at high speeds will still kill your safety-minded
ass.
SkyeDS: and the last thing I needed today was a bunch of
recriminations about how I should not let keject ride Jesse
SkyeDS: she comes from a different school than I do where horses are
concerned and that's fine
SkyeDS: I have no problem with agreeing to disagree, but that takes
two.
SkyeDS: and she isn't having any of it.
evile: That's too bad. I would say if they are adults and they give
informed consent, it's their own tough shit if they get broken or
killed riding...says so on every riding stable I've seen.
SkyeDS: exactly.
SkyeDS: I tried to explain to her why I operate the way I do, and
that didn't go well at all
SkyeDS: so then I said, well, ok, I know you don't think the same
way, adn that's cool, let's jsut agree to disagree
SkyeDS: and no dice.
SkyeDS: and I've already said, I'm not going to let her volcanic
emotions ruin my experience at Drandmir.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: it's just hard to have all that washing over me
SkyeDS: it's overwhelming.
evile: yeah, I'm sure.
SkyeDS: I'm already dealing with one case of what the hell did I do,
I didn't need another one blindsiding me
SkyeDS: all I did was tell her, got Prophet in the saddle with a
sword sunday, now we're just waiting on you
SkyeDS: and all she had to do was say, no, don't want to, quit asking
me, and that would have sufficed
SkyeDS: I didn't need the riot act
SkyeDS: when I asked her directly, was it her intention to question
my methods because they weren't her methods, she said no, and then
went right back to doing just exactly that.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she's worried someone will sue the HFS and win
SkyeDS: well, everyone that rides HFS combat, to my knowledge, has
signed my waiver AND the HFS waiver
SkyeDS: she seems to think that I have not considered and covered my
bases, even when I'm using a tried and true system of security safety
and protection, and nevermind that I"m not exactly untutored in
legalities.
evile: yup. Everyone will do their best to be safe and play safe, and
if something happens (as it can even on the ground, I've seen padded
pvc break and scratch the fuck out of someone's face)...it happens,
and everyone will have to deal at that point.
SkyeDS: she's being overly paranoid about something new and she even
admitted as much
SkyeDS: I'm actually glad she decided to just leave and go to lunch
SkyeDS: because not a damn thing I could say was stemming the tide
SkyeDS: thankfully Hugh just went to lunch, so I can get the tears
out of my system. Now if the phone will just oblige me by not
ringing.
evile: yup. She's definitely running worst case scenarios in her
mind. She doesn't want anyone hurt...well, that's good of her, her
heart is in the right place, but....shit happens, and it's gonna
happen whether your'e there with horses or not. A kid could fall out
of a tree while playing assasin and break their arm, just as easily
as falling off the horse.
SkyeDS: crying at work = bad thing.
evile: sometimes ya gotta cry.
evile: It sounds to me like you're feeling bad about one situation
and letting it color your perceptions about another unrelated
situation.
SkyeDS: I am overwhelmed because the same situation seems to keep
reiterating itself recurringly
SkyeDS: it's hard not to let perceptions be colored when the same
thing happens often enough to make it a pattern.
evile: It could be that you are seeing similarities where none exist,
or only exist superficially.
SkyeDS: people radiating serious levels of upset with me every time I
turn around is not superficial to me.
SkyeDS: and the more people who are upset with me, the more I am
inclined to think I must be doing something to bring it all about
evile: I seriously doubt anyone was upset with you at my house last
night...I t hink you were just tired and upset from fussing with
Jinx, and took things personally that were not meant for you to take
personally
SkyeDS: Jinx was this morning
evile: perhaps that's been building longer than you realize? or maybe
t here is something else going on that put you in a frame of mind to
feel snarked/victimized
SkyeDS: no, pretty much every time something sets her off I feel
blindsided
evile: you're a lot more intuitive t han you realize, I think. She's
been worried about the horses being out at HFS for quite some time,
if you recall.
SkyeDS: and every time she says that's what's really bothering her,
it was something else.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: provably something else.
SkyeDS: sineater and sonar0m do something similar but not completely
SkyeDS: they get upset, and they don't know what about
SkyeDS: so there's not a damn thing I can do about it
SkyeDS: I don't even know whether it's me, or something else.
evile: *nod* it's tough to deal with.
SkyeDS: I just didn't need a Sharjinka rant about the horses right now
this minute
evile: well, that seems to happen a lot...you're in a bad mental
space and more and more shit gets shoveled on top of you.
evile: But consider this: on a happy day when everything was going
right for you, would any one of these things mess with you? No.
You're just reacting and reacting and reacting and letting things be
more upsetting than they would be as individual events.
SkyeDS: things by themselves no
SkyeDS: same t hing over and over again = pattern
SkyeDS: pattern I brought upon myself, some way some how, so I have
to figure it out so I can make it go away
evile: The only thing you have control over is your behavior. As long
as you continue to behave in a way that you feel is appropriate,
that's all anyone can ask.
SkyeDS: my feeling that I am responding appropriately can't be right
if it's creating this pattern
evile: I say rest and get your hermit time and see if that gives you
some perspective to deal with the latest challenges.
SkyeDS: there are a number of people whom I am not creating this
pattern with
SkyeDS: so maybe it isn't entirely hermit time
evile: could be.
SkyeDS: why would I be creating this with some people and not with
others.
evile: You are not going to get along with everyone in the world,
ever, no matter how kind, generous, decent, well-adjusted, etc. you
may attempt to be.
evile: Some personalities just dont' mesh.
evile: It's nobody's fault...you like horses and birds and SCA and
Person A has no interest in any of that and likes things you're not
interested in, too.
SkyeDS: upsets with people that I do share those interests with
upsets me
SkyeDS: ie, SCA upsets, and Sharjinka/HFS upsets
evile: Well, even within interests, not everyone is going to be
friends automatically, and even friends are not going to agree with
each other 100% all the time. You just have to decide if the
disagreement is going to be a deal breaker on the friendship, or
participation in the group.
SkyeDS: upsets don't have to be dealbreakers, but if I'm doing
something to cause them, I need to figure it out so I can stop.
SkyeDS: before they become dealbreakers.
SkyeDS: decided already a while back that I wasn't going to let
Sharjinka be a dealbreaker. She decides whatever she decides but I'm
going to keep doing what I've been doing regardless.
SkyeDS: but if people in all these different venues are upset with me
I must be doing something, and I need to figure it out or I won't
stop.
evile: I don't see 'all these different'. I see one.
evile: Sharjinka has said she doesn't want to do mounted combat,
that's her right. She has said she doesn't think it's safe for you to
have other peopel doing it...that's not her call to make. From there,
you both choose how to react and how to continue the relationship
SkyeDS: I've expressed that I've made that call myself, as it was my
call to make, and why I make t he calls I do. Why doesn't it end
there?
evile: You say people were snarking and attacking you, I say I didn't
see it. You may or may not have chosen to take a general statement as
a personal attack..you wisely chose to react appropriately and
discreetly. Now you can choose to let it go, or you can choose to
approach Nikiyoy, or you can choose to continue to let yourself be upset
over something that may or may not have been intendet to upset you.
SkyeDS: I respect her decisions on her own behalf, what the hell is
wrong with agreeing to disagree?
SkyeDS: I know I"m not going to change her mind and all s he does
when she keeps going on about it is annoying the pig (while trying to
teach her to dance)
evile: By disengaging from you & discussion of horses, that may be as
far as she goes on 'agreeing to disagree'
SkyeDS: ok, so why not let me disengage the half a dozen times I tried
SkyeDS: then storming off wouldn't have been necessary
evile: She thinks people are at risk. She is afraid for them.
SkyeDS: she said that. I heard that. I acknowledged hearing that.
Nothing I said made a damn bit of difference, and nothing she said is
going to make a damn bit of difference to me.
SkyeDS: and rather than letting it go when I tried to change the
subject she kept right on going until she worked herself up into
storming off.
evile: So...she disengaged. Now you do the same, and try to be calm
and enjoy what you've decided to do.
SkyeDS: why did she not disengage when I tried to?
SkyeDS: am I not allowed to disengage?
SkyeDS: should I have just stormed off by way of disengaging?
evile: perhaps she didn't read the attempt correctly...worrying about
what shoud and should not have happened and when is not goign to
change what actually happened. Take what you know and go forward.
SkyeDS: this reinforces my fuck this and fuck you (whomever) response.
SkyeDS: if nothing I do is perceived the way it's intended, then it's
out of my control and I"ll do what I damned well please and quit
giving a damn about the feelings of people around me
evile: If that's a response that will end up making you feel better
than you do now, maybe so. But I suspect you'd end up beating up on
yourself if you descended to that level of behavior.
SkyeDS: that goes against everything I believe, but there it is.
SkyeDS: I attempt to disengage, I get run over
SkyeDS: and then she hits and runs by way of disengaging
SkyeDS: I fucking don't deserve that.
evile: things dont' always go the way you want them to.
SkyeDS: particularly not from someone that I have invested as much of
myself into as Sharjinka
evile: Why don't you quit beating up on yourself and quit agonizing,
do something else for a while,and let things settle down?

comments

3236bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

2022-06-11T17:32:34Z

May 24, 2005

--- sineater wrote:

Thank you,

sineater .

=========================
-----Original Message-----
From: evilE
Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2005 12:38 PM
To: ., sineater
Subject: Re: Yo!

Short, sweet & to the point, eh?

You're welcome :)

As always when a gathering exceeds a certain size, I
don't feel like I got to visit enough with everyone, but I hope you
had a nice time.

Love ya, bro!

=========================
--- sineater wrote:
Had a good time, though sounds like I missed the fun
stuff ;)
Had a question for you, not sure how to ask it
though
=======================================

Date: Tue, 24 May 2005 10:42:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: "evilE H"
Subject: RE: Yo!
To: sineater

I figured something was up; you don't usually write or
call just to say hi. :P

Ask away; I reserve the right to say no and/or
respectfully decline to answer, as any thinking adult
is free to do. :)

3237Re: bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

Expand Messages

May 24, 2005

--- sineater wrote:
Well of course, turkey-butt. :P
Have I done anything to piss ladydreamtime or Nikiyoy
off? (Or did I just have really bad BO yesterday? *snf snf*)

------------------------------------------
-----Original Message-----
From: evilE
Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2005 1:51 PM
To: ., sineater
Subject: RE: Yo!

Is there a specific incident you are referring to,
or some general
'vibe' you just picked up out of the ether?

-- sineater wrote:
Nah just a vibe I guess
*bzzzzzz*

Subject: RE: Yo!
Date: Tue, 24 May 2005 13:54:21 -0500
From: sineater
To: evile

I'm just paranoid :(

===============
Me to sineater:

FWIW:

ladydreamtime is not very touchy-feely with anyone, she doesn't often show up
to things alone or sit and visit for very long, and she's not
inclined to sit and listen to anyone go on about things that don't
interest her for any length of time. She likes BDSM and Musicals and
Theatre, and that's what she'll talk about at length, and not much
else. That's just her way, so if that's the way she treated you,
that's the way she is.

Nikiyoy may have been acting protectively towards Onyxlynxx. I noticed that
you were being a little handsy with Onyxlynxx, and Onyxlynxx didn't seem 100%
comfy. But I don't know if she was uncomfy with YOU, or because it
was a larger crowd than she's used to, or what. Since Onyxx didn't
actually SAY anything, I didn't take any action, but Nikiyoy is a bit
more sensitive about such things due to her own experiences and may
have been acting from that.

Hope that helps.

3238Re: bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

Expand Messages

May 24, 2005

Subject: RE: Yo!
Date: Tue, 24 May 2005 14:04:32 -0500
From: sineater

Ah ok. Glad to know I didn't smell bad... I'm sorry if I made Onyxlynxx
uncomfortable. I know she's going through some rough shit, guess I was
overcomforting. I will extend apologies. Nikiyoy didn't seem so much
protective as just crabby. I wanted to ask who peed in her Post
Toasties, then thoguht better of it. And sorry, didn't realize I was
being too touchy feely. Everybody was hugging me... Especially the
men.
Umm... K...

comments

JD vs AH, final thoughts

2022-06-08T15:50:39Z

Here's something I haven't seen many people commenting about. Depp admitted and acknowledged a drug and alcohol problem. But Heard was drinking and drugging right along with him, and somehow only HE got mean and irrational while using? Only HE had a substance problem? Her use/abuse of drugs and alcohol didn't contribute to their sick and violent relationship, at all? Come onnnnn, man. Not buying it.

And now folks are saying that Marilyn Manson is going to use the same 'misogynistic' court techniques to win his defamation suit. Well, let's look at the differences: Depp has had multiple relationships, and only one accusation of DV in something like 35 years of being a famous person constantly in the public eye. His accuser had past incidents of being a DV abuser. Manson, on the other hand, has multiple accusations and multiple women who reported Manson's problematic behavior. I just don't see how people can compare these cases, they're apples and oranges.

Can the legal system be misused by abusers to further traumatize their victims? Yes. It can and it HAS--especially in cases of a female abuser and male victim. And especially when it comes to family courts and parental alienation. The legal system is terrible and flawed. I don't feel that the Depp verdict is a proof of that (though the fact that he is a public figure with enough money to get good lawyers might be), any more than I feel that AH's behavior invalidated the entire 'me too' movement or proved that all women are gold digging liars.

I guess what this is highlighting for me is that no matter how righteous your initial cause, lowlifes will hang themselves on it like a barnacle and co opt it for their own agenda.

I don't know if anyone remembers the original Tea Party tenets, they made sense and seemed decent. haha.

Mens Rights? yeah. They were looking for the same things I think men get screwed out of in family court--fair divorces, shared custody, reasonable child support, etc.

And now it's coming to the same with 'me too'....bad actors (literally!) attaching themselves and using a movement to advance their own sick goals.

On a micro level, I've seen and heard abusers co-opt the language of self-help, abuse and therapy to justify their abuse and vilify their victims and anyone else who calls them out on their shitty behavior.

So.....maybe humans are just garbage.

And now we have Jan 6 public hearings starting. ughhhhh

comments

hm.

2022-06-02T15:42:30Z

ugggh.

So Johnny Depp won his defamation suit against Amber Heard.

The redpill incels are declaring that 'me too' is over, this just proves women are evil and bla bla bla.

The Guardian UK is declaring the trial as a win for misogyny.

I want to say it's like when someone criticizes Israel for genociding Palestinians and then that person gets called 'anti semitic'....

No, really, I'm not expressing misogyny when I say that Amber Heard was abusive, and did defame her ex husband.

I hate that so many really ugly and stupid people got behind Johnny. More as an excuse to hate on a pretty woman and say misogynistic bullshit out loud than for the merits of the case. Stopped clock and all of that, though. She was obviously lying. She was obviously abusive. Her 'mountain of evidence' was...not all that mountainous.

I don't think Johnny Depp is or was a good person, or a saint, or blameless. I also don't think that anyone in a relationship, man or woman, should be hitting the other person. Or that anyone who hits another person should think that they're OK to do that without getting hit back. I also can't imagine texting a friend that I want to kill my spouse and fuck their corpse. That's extremely ugly and nasty and terrible. I can't imagine saying or thinking that about a person I was in a relationship with! And I've been in an abusive relationship. So.... yeah.

I have a lot of feelings. I don't think it's really safe to talk about them in FB or with a larger audience because DV and SA are triggering for so many people.

I have a family situation involving a male victim and female abuser. During the many years of their marriage, they have both inflicted physical injuries on one another--it took some time but eventually he started hitting back. I have not observed any verbal abuse from the male person to the female person, but I have directly observed verbal abuse, put-downs, and insults directed from the female person to the male person and I have directly observed at least one occasion of the female person physically abusing an animal. Not a human, but still pretty upsetting to see. I used to agonize and get super angry and depressed about the situation, with a lot of anger at the female person and a lot of sympathy and empathy for the male person. But eventually I burned out on it; you can't care more about a person than a person cares about themselves for decades without burning out. And various incidents and memories of the male person long before meeting the female person eventually got through to me that the male person was never any kind of angel. Turns out they are/were both really rather awful people: liars, manipulators, unstable, drama addicts...and they found each other, cling together despite bringing out the absolute worst in each other, and keep on engaging in these endless cycles of interpersonal violence, pushing each other's buttons and using their dysfunctional relationship as a chess piece in their interactions with friends and family. They are both getting something out of it, they both feel that they 'need' or 'deserve' the situation, they stay together no matter how violent and crazy things become. They are both awful people.

And sadly I think that's where I finally am with the JD/AH situation. I hope they both get help and therapy and become better people rather than moving on to the next dysfunctional interaction.

So much about this trial was upsetting to watch and listen to. I believe 100% Johnny Depp was verbally and emotionally abusive. 100% Amber Heard was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive.

I think she would have won if she had not told so many crazy lies.

Sick people. Would not want to be in a relationship with either of them.

Nothing she said or did should invalidate the #metoo movement.

I am glad JD came forward and spoke about being physically beaten by his wife; hopefully that will remove some of the stigma from male DV victims.

But justice is for people who have the money for it, and I doubt this will change the reality of normal folks who are in DV relationships.

And....this was a huge distraction from stuff in the real world that is happening that has a more immediate and awful effect on all of us.

===========================================

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jun/01/amber-heard-johnny-depp-trial-metoo-backlash?CMP=share_btn_fb&fbclid=IwAR2gEsG-qFBZMmRSzHYXXFjWiIA25gHys1pcsHlu_5UGCR7-gYdLZ42kHCE

The Amber Heard-Johnny Depp trial was an orgy of misogyny

Moira Donegan

The backlash to #Me Too has long been under way. But this feels like a tipping point

‘In text messages to friends, Johnny Depp fantasized about murdering his then-wife, the actress Amber Heard.’ Photograph: Reuters

In text messages to friends, Johnny Depp fantasized about murdering his then-wife, the actress Amber Heard. “I will fuck her burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she’s dead,” Depp wrote. In other texts, he disparaged his wife’s body in luridly misogynist terms. “Mushy pointless dangling overused floppy fish market,” he called her.

The texts became public as part of Depp’s defamation suit against Heard, now at trial in a Virginia court. Ostensibly, Depp is suing over a 2018 article that Heard published in the Washington Post, titled “I spoke up against sexual violence – and faced our culture’s wrath.” In the piece, the actress writes, “Two years ago, I became a public figure representing domestic abuse.” The article does not mention Depp, but his lawyers say that the piece was about him – and was defamatory. For those 11 words, Depp is seeking $50m.

Continue watchingWe older people must fight for a better America, and world, for younger generations | Bill McKibbenafter the ad

A jury thought he deserved it. On Wednesday, the case’s verdict came in, finding that Heard defamed Depp, acting with “malice,” when she described herself as a victim of domestic abuse. Bizarrely, the same jury found that one of Depp’s lawyer’s defamed Heard when he said that her account of abuse was “a hoax.” The verdict came after a trial that was televized – an extremely rare situation for a proceeding that concerns allegations of domestic violence – and which was subject to almost inescapable media coverage, nearly all of it in favor of one litigant, even as the jury was not sequestered. The strange, illogical, and unjust ruling has the effect of sanctioning Depp’s alleged abuse of Heard, and of punishing Heard for speaking about it. It will have a devastating effect on survivors, who will be silenced, now, with the knowledge that they cannot speak about their violent experiences at men’s hands without the threat of a ruinous libel suit. In that sense, women’s speech just became a lot less free.

Over the past six weeks, as the trial was live-streamed online, many of those who have tuned in to watch have treated Heard with the same contempt that Depp did in his texts. A broad consensus has emerged online that Heard must be lying about her abuse. She has been accused of faking the photos of her injuries from Depp’s alleged beatings, painting bruises on with makeup. She’s been accused of convincing the multiple witnesses who say Depp abused her to lie – repeatedly and under oath – for years. These conspiracy theories are unsupported by the facts of the case, but that has not stopped them from spreading. Online, the case has taken on a heady mythology, and belief in Depp’s righteousness persists independent of the evidence.

In the service of this myth, any cruelty can be justified. When Heard took the stand, she became emotional as she recounted how Depp allegedly hit her, manipulated and controlled her, surveilled her and sexually assaulted her. Afterwards, ordinary people, along with a few celebrities and even brands like Duolingo and Milani, took to social media to mock or undermine Heard. They took screenshots of her weeping face and made it a meme. Many performed mocking re-enactments of her testimony, lip-syncing along as she recounted the alleged abuse. The audio of her crying became a TikTok trend. This cruelty has now been joined in and compounded by the jury, who have gone beyond mocking her for telling her story, and now declared that she actually broke the law by doing so.

This is not the first time Depp has sued over the allegations. In 2020, a British court heard Depp’s lawsuit against the British tabloid the Sun, which Depp sued for defamation after an article referred to him as a “wife beater”. UK courts are much more amenable to defamation claims than American ones, but Depp still couldn’t prevail: the British judge found that the Sun’s characterization of Depp was “substantially true”. That same trial found that Depp physically abused Heard on at least 12 occasions. Yet the actor and his fans claim that it was Heard, not Depp, who was the abuser in their marriage.

The trial has turned into a public orgy of misogyny. While most of the vitriol is nominally directed at Heard, it is hard to shake the feeling that really, it is directed at all women – and in particular, at those of us who spoke out about gendered abuse and sexual violence during the height of the #MeToo movement. We are in a moment of virulent antifeminist backlash, and the modest gains that were made in that era are being retracted with a gleeful display of victim-blaming at a massive scale. One woman has been made into a symbol of a movement that many view with fear and hatred, and she’s being punished for that movement. In this way, Heard is still in an abusive relationship. But now, it’s not just with Depp, but with the whole country.

Since she published her Post piece, Heard’s life has been consumed by the rage and retaliation of Depp and his fans. Lost in the scandal and spectacle of the lawsuit has been this reality: it is Heard, not Depp, who has been put on trial, and she is on trial for saying things whose truth is evidenced by the very fact of the lawsuit itself. Depp’s frivolous and punitive suit, and the frenzy of misogynist contempt for Heard that has accompanied it, have done a great deal to vindicate Heard’s original point: that women are punished for coming forward. What happens to women who allege abuse? They get publicly pilloried, professionally blacklisted, socially ostracized, mocked endlessly on social media and sued. Wrath, indeed.

But mainstream coverage of the trial has not seemed to grasp this. Instead, there’s been tremendous focus on Heard’s mistakes and worst moments over the course of her relationship with Depp. As is typical of domestic abuse victims, Heard does seem to have done things many of us would not be proud of. She fought back. Depp’s outbursts and insults left Heard resentful and angry with him, and sometimes, she told him so. Many are quick to point out that Heard is not a perfect victim. But no woman is. We are told that the lawsuit is “complicated.” But the lawsuit is not complicated. It is abuse. Now, that abuse has been sanctioned by a jury.

Maybe the persistence of this notion that Heard is somehow equally culpable for what happened to her is why people like the New York Times’ Michelle Goldberg have characterized the trial as “the death of Me Too”: it shows how easily a victim can still be blamed and isolated, how easily what happened to her can be taken as a failure of her personal character, rather than as part of a social pattern. Not all women are alike, but feminism was supposed to let us see how we are all similarly vulnerable – both to gendered abuse and to the gendered application of double standards and unjust blame. No victim is perfect. No victim should have to be. After all, if a man cannot be considered abusive towards an imperfect woman, then just how perfect does a woman need to be before it becomes wrong to beat her?

For their part, Depp’s fans seem to not so much deny Depp’s alleged violence against Heard, but to approve of it. “He could have killed you,” says one viral Tiktok supporting Depp, the text superimposed over photos of Heard’s bruised face. “He had every right.” The post has more than 222,200 likes.

The backlash to #Me Too has long been under way. Critics of the movement painted women’s efforts to end sexual violence as excessive and intemperate from the start, claiming #MeToo had “gone too far” before it really got under way at all. And yet the Heard trial does feel like a tipping point in our culture’s response to gender violence. The forces of misogynist reaction are perhaps even stronger now for having been temporarily repressed. Where once women refused, en masse, to keep men’s secrets, or to remain silent about the truth of their own lives, now, a resurgence of sexism, virulent online harassment, and the threat of lawsuits, all aim to compel women back into silence – by force.

In some ways, one could see the defamation suit itself as an extension of Depp’s abuse of Heard, a way to prolong his humiliation and control over her. The only difference is that now, the legal system and the public have been conscripted to take part. This seems to be at least partly how Depp sees it. In 2016, as their marriage broke apart, Depp texted his friend Christian Carino, vowing revenge against Heard. “She is begging for global humiliation,” Depp wrote. “She is going to get it.”

Moira Donegan is a Guardian US columnist

comments

3193my weekend

2022-05-31T17:17:57Z

May 9, 2005

Friday night I went to the bellydance show at Casa de Luz. the
jasmine was blooming, it was lovely. I only stayed through the first
half, I was tired.

Got up Saturday a.m. and checked email; onyxlynxx bailed for Yoga. I was
under the impression that e. had also made other plans for
Saturday, so I decided to say 'fuckit' to yoga & stayed on the
computer goofing off for a couple hours. e. called after yoga &
said she'd missed me in class. d'oh!!

I went shopping, got some canisters for my work coffee, tea, and
splenda at Bed Bath & Beyond, got a skirt at Ross, and then went over
to L&B's, let the cats out, fed them, watched TV until about
3. Went downtown, got there terribly early, so I stopped at Halcyon
to have a coffee, then to the Drafthouse to see The Princess Bride.
Nobody showed up, so I was feeling terribly unloved, then Sharjinka
showed up as the theatre went dark, followed by Donhedon, felisviolacious, and her Little One.
Little One was fidgety, felisviolacious and Jinx kept making comments...it was
fairly embarassing. The waitron gave us one tab with all our stuff, I
had gotten mead, it was awful. Oh well. The movie was OK.

Then I went off to San Antonio for Otter Chaos. Met up w/Rengeek &
Loa. They had some kind of serious conversation at one part of the
evening, apparently because he'd gone out sometime and told her he
hadn't, or some such. Oh well. The band was good, the company was
fairly decent, and I got to see Rengeek's new RV. That was cool. Oh,
yeah, and I got to see Captain Jack without the makeup & costume.
Wedding ring. d'oh.

Got home a bit after Midnight. Slept Sunday until 1:30PM (wow). It
was raining out, and dark, so I guess that's why. Then I went over
to L&B's, fed the cats, watched more TV. Nikiyoy came over with
strawberries & cool whip and we watched "Finding Neverland." I cried,
but mostly I didn't like it. Badly behaved ugly sprogs & Depp's
character encouraging them to be bad at the table, in the house, etc.

Stayed at L&B's until about 10 last night. Around 9:30, cousin B called
and sounded really upset, when the phone rang I let the machine get
it,and thought it was [brother A] at first, then realized it was B, dashed
for the phone, and the call had already ended. Apparently M-[B's mom] and
B got into it physically and [B's mom] called the cops. Looks like
L&B get to take him in for his senior year. I would make sure
M-. paid for his schooling, or at least helped, the selfish bitch.

Anyhoo...that sucked.

And then I went home, read, and now I'm at work. Girls night tonight
is at L&B's, I'm making baked pasta, Onyxlynxx's bringing salad, Nikiyoy's
bringing her s'mores maker, Kulilinei's bringing bread and it should be a
nice time.

comments

AH vs JD

2022-05-18T20:25:10Z

So, I have gotten a bit sucked in to the Amber and Johnny trial. On one hand, I find this real life trial between two real life human beings being used as entertainment/reality TV to be quite distasteful and unseemly. On the other hand, I do think light being shed on the issue of female abusers and male victims may be an ultimate good. I don't think most men are going to be able to find a decent judge or a good legal team so Depp's outcome is likely not to be shared by many real life un-famous men. The court system is fairly biased, in my experience, when it comes to heterosexual domestic matters.

Anyway I've been listening to (literally, ugh!) hours of courtroom testimony, recordings and texts and photos and AH's self-serving word salad of excuses as to why she had to shame, humiliate, gaslight, smear, and physically strike her husband. One recording where she repeatedly says 'suck my dick' and calls him a pussy and insults his manhood, etc. ends with him saying that he's going to commit to try and be a better husband and wants to work it out. I really wonder what was the last straw, what was the bridge too far, what finally made him (or her?) say "This is crazy, it's time to GTFO"...because it seems to me that a lot of the behavior over the short time of their marriage fell into what I'd consider 'deal breaker' territory before it got to the finger-severing and bed-pooping.

Then again, I know from my own failed relationship that there was a long slow slippery slope to where we finally called it quits, and for me the last straw was not so much the disrespect, cheating, financial nonsense, etc. but seeing the lack of respect given to a visiting family member. I'd been neglected, ignored, belittled, and disregarded for years by that point but somehow seeing the same behavior in a different context made me decide it was time to end things.

Anyhoo...here's an article I found interesting.

https://medium.com/the-virago/how-bad-does-it-need-to-get-before-you-leave-5a7e3ce021

How Bad Does It Need to Get Before You Leave?

Trust me, it’s not worth the wait

Apr 12

5 min read

I used to wish he would hit me instead, believing that would hurt less than his cruel behavior and words.

I often begged him to leave because I didn’t have the strength to do it myself.

The way he ignored me for days, the smirk that appeared on his mouth whenever I was in pain, the black eyes that glared at me without feeling…

Days, months, years passed.

And I stayed.

Because at the time, I didn’t think it was bad enough to leave.

So I waited. Until it was.

Until the Universe answered my call after collapsing in my bedroom closet one afternoon, begging for relief.

Please, send me a sign. Any sign, I wailed.

The Universe, sick and tired of my shit and ignoring all the signs it had already sent my way, responded by hurling a Cat. 5 hurricane…with me in its direct path.

It took blowing up my life as I knew it, eviscerating everything I believed to be true, causing waves of trauma in our children that still ebb and flow to this day, for me to finally leave.

It took uncovering my husband’s double life of grooming and exploiting young immigrant girls, and realizing I’d married a sexual predator, to push me out the door.

Today, as a recovery coach who helps others rebuild their lives after abusive relationships, I’ve noticed my story is a common one. There is a theme for those of us who have been victims of an abusive partner.

We stay.

Until something so big happens, something so horrific and destructive, that we’re pushed to leave, sometimes the decision taken out of our hands.

But as someone who waited until my worst nightmare came true, I’m here to tell you that staying in an abusive relationship and hoping things will only get better is not worth the wait.

Here’s why:

The “love conquers all” belief

That’s a sweet saying, but in the words of Tina Turner, what’s love got to do with it? If someone is hurting you in order to keep control of you, if someone is strengthened by your weakness, if someone expects you to give while all they do is take, that’s not love. That’s abuse.

You don’t want to “give up” on them

Welcome to the world of attachment that abusers — especially narcissists — create to instill guilt and obligation so that you’ll stay no matter what they dish out. Thus, the only one you’re giving up on is yourself.

Staying for the kids

I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping our family together, staying for our kids. Turns out, the one regret I have when I look back is that I didn’t leave sooner. Because of my kids. The fact is children who witness abuse, especially emotional abuse, of a parent often face severe and long-term consequences.

Even if your kids are not being abused firsthand, it’s like secondhand smoke — they’re still inhaling the poison.

You don’t want to break up the family

In an abusive relationship, the family is already broken by an abuser. Leaving is the only way to put it back together.

Waiting for them to change

If you hold your breath, you’ll suffocate. Besides, why would an abuser, particularly a narcissist, change? What they’re doing is working for them and they’re getting something out of it (power, control, supply, etc.) so why would they give that up?

And don’t say “because they love me and they care about me” because if they loved you and cared about you they wouldn’t have been abusive in the first place.

You made vows

The last time I checked, two people make vows when they get married. So if your spouse is the one no longer cherishing and honoring and respecting you, and your vows didn’t include promising to stick it out no matter the cost to your emotional and physical well-being, then consider yourself released from that marital contract through no fault of your own.

They have anger issues and you want to “help” them

My (now ex) husband used to act out angrily toward me and our oldest son. He asked me for help to deal with his anger “issues.” So I bought him books on anger. I researched methods on how to deal with anger. I listened and tried to help him in any way that I could.

The thing is, he never got angry at anyone else. And when he was angry at me, he could become “un-angry” with the flip of a switch if anyone else was around. Not to mention, I wasn’t allowed to be angry. Especially at him. So the issue was never anger to begin with. It’s about control, and the reminder of my lack of it.

Your abusive partner doesn’t have a problem with his anger. He has a problem with your anger. — Lundy Bancroft

You don’t believe you’re worthy of anything better

Do you know why your self-worth is in the toilet? Because you’re in an abusive relationship with someone who has convinced you that you’re not worthy of anything better. Abusers, especially narcissists, are quite adept at conditioning you to feel like shit about yourself. How else are they going to keep you under control? So the longer you stay, the more your self-esteem is going to be battered.

Like death from a thousand cuts.

There are good times too

The one you love isn’t all bad all the time. They have their sweet moments where they’re loving and caring and treating you well. So what if the day before they insulted you (again) or the week before they lied to you (again) or the month before they called you names/smeared you to your friends/got physical with you/pressured you to do something you didn’t want to/cheated on you/humiliated you (again)…it’s not like that all the time, right?

Okay, but why is this acceptable to you for any time at all?

You think you’re the problem

You feel crazy. Too emotional. Too sensitive. You need to get a thicker skin and stop being so dramatic. You look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person staring back. You act in a way that is unrecognizable. You say things you don’t mean. You’ve become a stranger to yourself. This must explain why the one you love treats you like they do. It’s your fault. So if you could just get it together then everything would go back to the way it was…

Stop.

Just stop.

And please hear me when I say:

No one deserves to be abused.

You don’t deserve this. This isn’t the kind of life you want to live because it’s a dead end. When you stay with someone who is abusive, there is no “getting better.” There is no improvement or miraculous change going to happen.

There is only you, staying.

Until it gets worse.

So, why wait?

comments

been trying to pound this one thru my thick skull for the last 20+ years...

2022-05-17T15:44:38Z

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202202/8-things-people-need-understand-about-sibling-estrangement?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost&fbclid=IwAR3q9VzIA_MPN3ZhkR10rOFIVINkaDvOIrCsK0cZz5W3dWvXbMfyuH73uvk

8 Things People Need to Understand About Sibling Estrangement

7. Yes, you can mourn for a living person.

Posted February 11, 2022 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

KEY POINTS

Some feel judged, embarrassed, and humiliated that they can't sustain a relationship with a sibling.
One common misperception is that no one else struggles to maintain a relationship with a sibling.
Some estranged siblings wonder, "Is there something wrong with me because I can't get along with my brother or sister?"

Source: Sofia Alejandra/Pexels

For years, I never told anyone how my estrangement from my only brother had created a gaping hole in my life. My secrecy arose from one simple but powerful reason: I feared I would be judged.

Most people project onto others their notions of what a family should look like—a pretty picture that echoes throughout our culture. From Shakespeare to sitcoms, family bonds are idealized. I found it humiliating that I couldn’t negotiate some sort of relationship with my own brother. How could I explain the experience to someone else when I didn’t understand it myself?

Making matters worse, I didn’t want to admit that my family experienced this level of dysfunction. Others who are estranged often feel the same way; they suffer in silence, rarely discussing the topic, not seeking support groups or therapy that might help them feel less alone.

The stigma, alienation, and silence surrounding this painful topic create fertile ground for misperceptions about sibling estrangement. Here are eight:

I’m the only one who is estranged from my sibling. Those who are estranged often believe that nobody else has a rough or chaotic relationship with a sibling. Psychotherapist Ali John Chaudhary, who specializes in this topic and has created several resources for estranged siblings, says that many who are cut off from relatives are black sheep—family members who are treated differently, marginalized, or excluded, and typically blamed for whatever goes wrong in the family. “It helps to recognize that others struggle, too,” Chaudhary says. “In fact, studies show that the number is as high as one in three sibling relationships that are strained or estranged.”
There must be something wrong with me if I can’t get along with my sibling. Many factors can sour a sibling relationship: a lack of shared interests, power struggles, personality disorders, just plain bad chemistry. No matter how serious or trivial the roots, sibling rejection ripples into many areas of life and identity. It can damage your sense of who you are, how you see your friendships and other social relationships, your self-esteem, your ability to trust, even your physical well-being. One of Chaudhary’s mantras is, “I am so much more than what my sibling thinks of me.”
Family always comes first. Family does not come first when it’s toxic. Instead, prioritizing boundaries and a sense of security is vital. You aren’t obligated to do everything for the sake of the family if you run the risk of eroding yourself. Chaudhary emphasizes that no one has the right to take you away from you.
I’m totally responsible for my sibling relationship. Those who are deeply empathic often hold this belief. Yet a sibling may be concerned only with his or her own issues, insecurities, and attempts to dominate and gain power, especially if he or she is narcissistic. Assuming full responsibility often leads to enabling.
Things will be different the next time we get together. There’s a label for this misperception: “Euphoric recall” is a state in which people remember the past through “rose-colored glasses,” exaggerating positive experiences while suppressing the negative side. This feeds the notion that things will somehow improve, even though that’s unlikely. Chaudhary says it’s important to create a plan when you expect to see an estranged sibling. Doing something different could improve the encounter; optimism alone isn’t enough.
I need to get along with my sibling for my parents’ sake. Even if you must spend time with your sibling, beware of neglecting your own needs. If you do, you run the risk of becoming a people pleaser. There may be times when you choose to buy peace by accommodating. However, doing so repeatedly can make you an enabler. Failing to set boundaries—for your parents’ or anyone else’s sake—gives your brother or sister power over you.
I can’t be mourning a living person. Impossible as it seems, we often grieve for the living. A sibling’s conscious choice to excise you from their life can be more devastating than mourning the dead. Death is final; the door has closed on that relationship. With estrangement, there’s often an enduring hope that things might change. “Complicated grief” is marked by intense yearning, longing, or emotional pain; frequent, preoccupying thoughts and memories of the absent person, and an inability to accept the loss. I call it mourning the living.
Only family can give me a true sense of belonging. Creating close, healthy relationships with others outside the family nurtures a sense of belonging. “Voluntary kin can serve as excellent sources of support and fulfill the roles we associate with family,” says Kristina Scharp, an assistant professor and director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab at the University of Washington. “Many people have a difficult time separating the idea of family from biology and law. Yet there is nothing inherent about biology or the law that guarantees a happy or satisfying sibling relationship.”

comments

ugh. why????

2022-05-04T16:55:13Z

I was being nosy and happened to see an exchange on sonar0m' facebook
page where skye_ds went to his page and told him "I'm not going to
tolerate your lying, cheating, and abuse anymore. Get out, we're
through."

Oh, but wait, being the merciful thing she is: "I may let you keep
your job, room, and board in my home if you sign this Slave Contract,"
All of her friends piled on with "Oh, poor Skye, we love you, we
thought sonar0m was the good one and sineater was the bad one!"

And then she was telling him to kill himself.

The Slave Contract is a thing skye pulled on sineater. 10 or more years
ago (when I was still with sweetie!) and of course the suicide thing was a
bad flashback to the BrotherA/Rubber Pig saga...so I freaked out. :(

I emailed sonar0m and said he should get out of that situation
immediately. And then his facebook got deleted. So I asked a few
mutual friends to see if they could get ahold of him and make sure he
was not harming himself.

....and after all that, I had kind of a 'what the hell am I
doing???!?" moment and decided to quit being nosy and quit talking to
people about that crazy sick household, quit listening to friends who
want to ask me about the situation, just quit all of that crap. It
takes away from my happiness and she always spins it that she's the
victim.

The story she has spun out of that is that "sonar0m had his facebook
privacy settings altered without his knowledge, so my post was not
meant to be seen by anyone," and "sonar0m brought this all on himself
by airing our family business" and sonar0m has deleted his facebook
because of mean old evilE and of course SHE is the victim here, who
(according to her) apparently mustered the troops and asked everyone
to call, text, & email her, sineater, and sonar0m, and
someone apparently also called the cops.

Anyway, other than emailing sonar0m and asking 3 mutual friends, I
didn't do any of that. Apparently sonar0m has other concerned friends
who did the rest of that, but it's still all my fault. Of course. And
my interference gives her an excuse to abuse sineater and sonar0m, force
sonar0m to delete his Facebook and cut of contact with friends & family
on Facebook, AND blame it all on me. So....I did not help that
situation AT ALL.

Anyway....I am going to try and be done with that mess for good.
Believe it or not, I'm better than I used to be.

comments

"Mourning the mom you deserved"

2021-10-25T17:11:12Z

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201703/daughters-unloving-mothers-mourning-the-mom-you-deserved

This is such a complicated thing....my mom didn't have the mom she deserved. Her mom probably didn't have the mom she deserved, either. My father for damn sure didn't have the mom he deserved. How far back do we need to go before we can stop blaming? Before it becomes absurd?

Going from personal to universal, looking out at society, you have all of these impossible demands & expectations of motherhood. Moms are supposed to be such perfect saints. Always patient, always loving, always kind, always THERE. You breastfeed you baby for too long or not long enough-you're a terrible mother. You bottle feed = your'e a terrible mother. You let your kids eat dirt and play outside=you're a terrible mother. You don't let your kids play outside=you're a terrible mother. Your kids cry in public=you're a terrible mother. Your kids are tidy, polite, and quiet =you must be abusing them in private to make them act so cowed, you're a terrible mother. Your kids are too loud, too smart, too quiet, too emotional, too outspoken, too tall, too short, too fat, too thin = you're a terrible mother. Hug them too much, you're hovering and spoiling them, turning them into mama's boys/girls, you're a terrible mother. Ignore them when they fuss, you're a terrible mother. Send them to public schoo, you're a terrible mother. Send them to private school, you're a terrible mother. Send them to daycare while you work, you're a terrible mother. Stay at home to raise them, you're just a lazy whore who wants to sit on the couch and watch TV on your husband's dime & post on social media about how hard it is being a mom= also a terrible mother. And, you would think this shit comes from men against women but no, it is women saying this shit about other women. Mommy blogs are full of vicious, venomous bile against other moms who aren't doing it 'right'. It seems like moms have no way to ever, ever, EVER be 'good'....(one of the thousands of reasons I never had kids)

Honestly, I think what people need is a female God, not some impossibly perfect mother who is never, ever going to be able to live up to the arbitrary & contrary demands of society. And, maybe, on some level, the reason humanity turned to a male god is because of that original infant-wound, that fist time we woke up hungry, dirty, wet, and there wasn't an umbilical cord from Mother, bringing us everything we needed and taking away all our filth. Mommy is bad, she doesn't love us, maybe Daddy will. If we are good enough.

It's exhausting and frustrating. I really would like to think (hope) that as soon as we're old enough to realize our parents fucked us up (even if they were doing their best), we are old enough to get to healing and forgiving and growing the fuck up.

comments

dreams

2021-10-05T18:27:15Z

had a bunch of strange ones. First about 'tink' the woman I was ...involved(?) with at the beginning of 2020 before the pandemic. All of her wierd messianic/empire building/mental breakdown stuff. So in my dream she was asking if we could be close again and I managed to make a very good boundary statement that offered no shame, blame, accusations, rehashing of past, but was just a very clean and clear message that I was not in a position to be able to offer her any sort of closeness or relationship or romance of any kind...but it was not mean or ugly or anything, it wasn't a 'door slam,' it was just this really lovely, simple thing. I wish I could remember exactly how I'd worded it.

And then either later in the dream or a new dream, i was on my tablet looking at my SIL skye_ds' business page online, and somehow I accidentally clicked the thing to call the business and it started ringing. I was mashing the power button, trying to turn off the tablet before the phone connected, and then I heard her ask "oh, is that E----?" and sonar0m saying 'Yes, I think so," and she said "don't answer it, then," and then there was just kind of a quiet engine noise/road noise for a while (as I'm still there, trying to turn off my damned tablet) and then they were chitchatting about some job they'd just done and sonar0m said he'd gotten a $5 tip, and skye_ds said she'd gotten a tip also, and they were going to use their tip money to go get Dairy Queen and they seemed very happy about having this tiny little extra dab of money. Then my tablet started playing music and they started talking about hearing the music, too "where's that coming from?" "is it the radio?" "turn off the radio," etc.
Then I was at an indoor pool/park thing and there were tons of dogs running around all barking and making a lot of racket. I think I was still trying to turn off my tablet, and they could hear the dogs barking and I was trying to explain that I had not meant to call them and was not trying to eavesdrop, but I could not turn off my machine or disconnect the call. So that was frustrating.

Anyway....bunch of weird stuff in my head. I think basically trying to process relationships that are over that may have been crazy/harmful but still had things of value and beauty about them that I miss even though I know they weren't safe or sane. I can't work up much in the way of anger or affection or much of anything towards these people anymore. I guess my heart is finally at peace with how things are. at least for now. So that's nice. Thanks brain o' mine

comments

3043 [brother A] - crap hitting the fan re: Paulie

2021-08-28T22:24:06Z

Mar. 23, 2005

evile wrote,
@ 2005-03-22 10:55:00

Current mood: blank

The phone calls last night from both brothers? You called it--useless
pointless drama!

Several months ago, The Pig insisted on moving them into an apartment
that didn't take pets. The problem with that is that my brother [brother A]
had a dog at the time, who was pretty much a member of the family &
her children loved, bla bla.

The dog was a pretty pitiful specimen--[brother A] adopted him when he was
living in New Mexico, living with a woman who had several dogs, and
the dog grew up roaming free over several acres with about 4 other
dogs. When [brother A] moved him to Austin, he was an only dog in a house
and a backyard. He was scared to go outside, he was scared to be on a
leash, he was pretty miserable until he moved to San Antonio and the
children became his new pack.

The Pig was making noises that sounded to me like she was going to
get the dog put down, and then of course that could be a nice big
guilt-chip to play against [brother A] anytime things got bad. You know she
would have found some way to twist it around and make it [brother A]'s fault.

So in desperation & perhaps an attempt at making common cause with my
brother sineater and his wife, I asked for their help to find the dog a
home. Turns out that they have a neighbor with 4 or 5 dogs, and
acreage, so we talked among ourselves, and worked out a plan with
[brother A], he would bring the dog to my aunt & uncle's in Austin, and then
sineater would stop by and pick up the dog and take him to Rockdale and
the cool neighbors.

sineater and his wife [told me that they] told my brother [brother A] that this
was a permanent situation, that the neighbors were adopting the dog,
and [brother A] agreed, apparently feeling at that time that a live dog you
can visit is better than nothing.

I made contact with the neighbor lady, promising to pitch in for vet
expenses. She took him in for a checkup later that week, got him
caught up on shots, and turns out the dog was riddled with heartworms.

I sent off a money order, the dog was treated, and a couple days
later he disappeared. Heartworm medicine is poison, and the dead
worms can clog the veins and arteries and kill an animal...I fear the
worst, but I don't really know.

A couple months after that, [brother A] started calling sineater and talking
like he wanted the dog back. sineater didn't know what to say, so didn't
say anything.

Apparently, it was decided by my mom and stepdad that it would be
better to tell [brother A] that the dog was dead, rather than disappeared.

And apparently sineater told [brother A] last night that very thing. So that
went over badly and now sineater and [brother A] are both calling me.

I have no doubt that it will all become my fault, and the dogs
disappearance/death will be on my hands. I find it rather hard to
care, honestly. And I'm not calling either of them back. I get to be
the big bag of shit no matter what I do, so may as well make the
least amount of effort.

--------------------------------------------------------------

nikiyoy
2005-03-22 19:09 (link) Select
*hugs* ....It's sad that they need to find things to have drama
about.. it seems like they are scraping the barrel here.

bramblekite
2005-03-22 20:50 (link) Select
Good timing on all of that--my aunt & her friend are going to San
Antonio for the day today, were going to drop by the apartment
(management of which STILL doesn't allow pets, BTW, so why the HELL
is this coming up now??) to drop off easter baskets for the children
and run...now that will turn into a "how could you do that to my dog,
how could you let THEM do that to my dog? wah wah!" session if my
Aunt isn't careful. (she got a psych degree, she can take care of
herself. I'm not too worried)

And of course my stepdad is in Houston Monday-Wednesday trying like
hell to get his mother's legal affairs and bills and whatnot in order
so he isn't going to want to hear all of this hysterical phone
calling from his sons over the damn dog.

And of course either/both brother may know that Mom and stepdad are
planning a nice stress-free couple of days at my house, so let's go
ahead and ruin THAT too while we're at it...

AND ITS ALL evilE'S FAULT!!!!!

Fuck. Me. Runnin.

onyxlynxx
2005-03-22 20:51 (link) Select
*hugs* No good deed seems to go unpunished with this group.

yup
bramblekite
2005-03-22 20:58 (link) Select
Sometimes the only sane response is withdrawal.

I am cleaning house & enjoying the sun and breezes; this too shall
pass.

kulilinei
2005-03-22 21:09 (link) Select
Sounds like a script from the Fox TV series "Arrested Development"...

***hugs***

ya know
bramblekite
2005-03-22 22:41 (link) Select
I wondered why I disliked that show so much...
==============================================

evile (bramblekite) wrote,
@ 2005-03-22 21:30:00
Current mood: crappy

It is as I assumed it would be: a Situation created in which my
brother [brother A] feels betrayed by his birth family and cuts them out of
his life. It didn't have to be the dog, it would have been something
else if that hadn't been so convenient.

I got a call from [brother A] on my home answering machine about 6pm
(luckily we were not home--on our way to dinner with Peglegasus at the time)
and the gist of it is "You've been making assumptions and talking
behind my back, I don't want you or anyone else in my family involved
with me anymore. Don't call me. I am not speaking to you anymore"
(more swear words than that, but there ya go.)

Interestingly, "Skye" called both my cell (with her cell--that's
NEVER happened before) and also left a message on the home phone
sometime after [brother A]'s call and before I got home this evening 9-
ish. "just wanting to check in"...this woman NEVER EVER calls me.
EVer. She has sineater call me to ask me stuff for her; I think this is
the second time in the entire time she's been with sineater that she has
actually picked up a phone and called me with her own hands.

I suspect that whatever conversation [brother A] and sineater had last night
(and maybe another one today?), I got painted in a very unsavory
light, indeed, thanks to the helpful background noise of Symmastia
NightmareScreecher.

So that puts me down one brother, and if I don't jump through the
next hoop very carefully, I suppose I'll be on the outs with both of
them.

Then again, inaction seems to be gaining me as much or more than
actually doing anything or calling anyone, so really, why should I
actually WORK at being the bad guy in all of this ridiculous garbage?

I called my Aunt this evening, and she said that [brother A] called her
earlier and started yelling and swearing at her (while holding
rubber_pig's newborn) and since she didn't want to hear it, and didn't
think it was good for the baby to hear all of that, she hung up.

Apparently, my mom & stepdad were going from his mom's house in
Houston to San Antonio so my stepdad could see the baby on Thursday,
and then to Austin to stay with me Thursday evening, Friday, and then
leave Saturday morning. Now, thanks to me, the dog-killer, Stepdad is
no longer welcome in their home and can't see the baby.

I love how this is all my fault. They were going to take the goddamn
dog to the fucking pound, and I at least saw to it that the dog's
last days were in an environment where he was comfortable, happy,
running with a pack, well-cared-for by people, etc.

*sigh*

In the good news, I am almost done cleaning house. The master bath
needs some work, the kitchen still needs mopped & swept (that's for
tomorrow evening), and hopefully Sweetie will at least get his stuff
that is on the dining table put away so Mom & stepdad will have a
place to sit and have coffee, or whatever, while they're here.

comments

icq w/skye_ds today

2021-08-01T02:22:29Z

2005icq w/skye_ds today

Mar. 9, 2004

evile: howdy :)
SkyeDS: good morning!
evile: how's your day going?
SkyeDS: it is a beautiful day, and when Hugh gets back from lunch,
I'm going to invite him to go for a half hour walk :)
evile: nice!
SkyeDS: how's you?
evile: sleepy. But OK.
SkyeDS: would be a nice day to take a nap under a tree
evile: I'd love to be outside. But the days are getting long enough
to where I might be able to enjoy nature after work.
SkyeDS: yep
SkyeDS: when DST kicks in, I'm pondering changing my habits and
coming in early (7ish) rather than late (9ish) so that I have
daylight after work.
evile: That would be cool. Waking up early is tough but it can be
rewarding.
SkyeDS: if I could get body used to it eventually it would be good
evile: yeah. It takes me longer & longer every year to get used to
the time changes.
evile: Sweetie wants to camp this weekend. I know several people going to
opening weekend of Excalibur. Oh well, i'ts only Tuesday, I can
decide later :)
SkyeDS: pace bend? either activity sounds good to me, decision
making isn't my strong point
SkyeDS: but then too, Excalibur is a more limited opportunity than
camping, and, opening weekend is even more limited, s ince it only
happens once a year.
evile: Sweetie's sister & brother in law are going to be here next
Wednesday. It would be nice to have him at home for part of the
weekend in order to help with getting the house ready for visitors
(dream on, right?)
SkyeDS: ::tongue firmly in my own cheek:: no comment.
evile: You're right about opening weekend. I haven't seen any of my
faire friends since November at TRF...so I'd like to go.
SkyeDS: using that particular logic, I would go to opening weekend
and go camping some other time
SkyeDS: and you and Sweetie do a good job of not being surgically
connected at the hips (as some have said disparagingly about me and
mine in the past), so he can do what he wants and you can do what you
want, and you can camp together another time, no?
evile: Yup. the only suck thing is Sweetie will probably be gone camping
all weekend & bring home a bunch of dirty dishes & dirty clothes to
clutter up the house . argh.
SkyeDS: speaking of which, since sineater and I do a lot separately these
days, I think people like to over analyze that too.
SkyeDS: just can't win with people
SkyeDS: either we spend too much time together or too much time apart.
evile: nope.
evile: Please yourselves and if other people have objections, tough
crap. If you're happy in the marriage, that's what matters.
SkyeDS: I like the fact that sineater has an office with a door that
shuts.
SkyeDS: if sineater did that, I would gently direct him to his room to
deposit said things and ask him to please shut the door.
evile: I don't want dirty dishes anywhere but the kitchen.
SkyeDS: and then I would ask him politely when he finished if he
would assist me because it just so happens that right now this moment
I am preparing for *his* family to visit.
SkyeDS: ok, sidetrip to dishwasher (rather than sink)
evile: I've been pointedly ignoring the camping dishes he brought
home sometime in January. Every other dish in the house is clean.
SkyeDS: I am so grateful to havec a dishwasher now, you know I didn't
have one in the old place.
evile: I'll be goddamned if I don't even have any of the fun of
camping and still have to do the cuntwork.
evile: We go camping together and it's pretty well a given that I
have to plan and shop and pack and shlep. But then we get there and
it's almost fun enough to make it worth my while.
evile: And I'm a puritan, I never feel good about having fun if I've
left a filthy house behind or work undone.
SkyeDS: if I were going to be sneaky
SkyeDS: and I'm not good at sneaky
SkyeDS: I would hug sineater when he came through the door
SkyeDS: use that as an excuse to take him by the hand
SkyeDS: use that as an excuse to guide him gently with his stuff to
his room
evile: hee
SkyeDS: while making a side trip to the dishwasher to at least hide
the dirty dishes (better than in the sink, which has no door)
SkyeDS: I don't know how well that would work in my situation, much
less anyone else's.
SkyeDS: and, if I have to, as much as I hate doing it, I can just put
my foot down and say, this is the way this is going to be, so do it,
now, please, thank you.
evile: Sweetie did dishes last night :) Having a houseguest brought out
the good in him :)
SkyeDS: even better
SkyeDS: you can pet him and praise him lavishly for that
SkyeDS: before you do the rest.
SkyeDS: "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" ~ Mary
Poppins
SkyeDS: I'm thinking I'm going to write a list of 10 things I love
about sineater and give it to him.
SkyeDS: except -- it isn't going to be things that he already does
unfailingly
SkyeDS: it's going to be a list of things he has done, that I would
like him to do more often
evile: Sometimes it's good to remember why you picked this one
particular ass-headed slob out of the hordes of ass-headed slobs :P
SkyeDS: I figure, he'll pride himself on that list, and then it WILL
become a list of things he does unfailingly - self fulfilling prophecy
evile: It's always nice to be appreciated.
SkyeDS: like telling someone at work, you know, I really like that
dress, or some other particular about their dress, and then they
become very aware of the way they dress and take even more care about
it
SkyeDS: kind of reverse psych or something
evile: except that there are some people who will hear things you're
not saying. You say "I like that dress" and they hear "wow, you're
not dressed like a slob for once!"
evile: With my coworkers, it's best not to say anything.
SkyeDS: but hopefully it will work on the menfolks
evile: Depending on the guy, but yeah, most men are a hell of a lot
more straightforward than most women.
SkyeDS: I'm not exactly going to lie
SkyeDS: I'm not going to list things he doesn't do and has never done
SkyeDS: I'm going to list things that he does that I want him to do
more often
evile: yup.
evile: Sweetie's finally tackling his work room. Unfo, that involves
moving stuff into the hall & living room to make room to organize
stuff inside the room. And making a Goodwill pile in the LR, etc.
*sigh*. It'll be great when its done, though.
SkyeDS: I'm trying to get around the cut in income and the increase
in expenses so that I can afford to buy the rest of the fencing
materials.
evile: Ah, the joys of property ownership.
SkyeDS: I think it's frustrating to me and him both to have half the
stuff in the living room
SkyeDS: 8 acres of grazing we can't use effectively
SkyeDS: etc.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: is nice arrangement. I did the original research into what
to fence with, bought it, paid for it, and he puts it up
evile: cool.
SkyeDS: I have all this mesquite that I have to chop down and dispose
of. Wish I could sell it. People bbq with it.
SkyeDS: I could always burn it in the fireplace I guess
evile: This is true.
SkyeDS: wouldn't take much time and effort to call the bbq places in
town and ask them if it would be worth anything to them
evile: there's an idea :)
SkyeDS: these kids that keep fishing on our pond despite the no
trespassing signs showed up again yesterday.
evile: oh, yuck.
SkyeDS: I told sineater he could charge them to fish if he wanted to, but
I don't think he wants to have to keep an eye on.
evile: yeah and if they drown while they're tresspassing, their
fucking parents can sue you.
SkyeDS: places that charge for fishing do a flat fee and then a fee
per pound per catch, and that's a nuisance
SkyeDS: that too.
evile: seems like a time-consuming enterprise, at best. Probably a
lot of retired folks run these fishing ponds.
SkyeDS: if I can find a way so that the legal ramifications aren't
too time consuming, at some point I may let people fish for money
SkyeDS: but just do a flat fee
evile: or people who enjoy fishing themselves, so they can fish &
keep an eye on customers at the same time.
SkyeDS: I don't want to weigh fish and deal with honesty issues and
blah blah blah
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: won't cost me anything, the state stocks ponds for free
evile: I didn't know that.
SkyeDS: something else I recently fo und out
SkyeDS: the state or some kin organization gives out 10 free saplings
on arbor day
SkyeDS: would make for a nice, free tree lined drive way
evile: I've gotten the arbor day trees before. Mostly they die.
SkyeDS: and I want to put up crepe myrtles or some other barrier
along the fenceline so I don't have to see Levi
evile: Then again, that could be just me. I plant 10 things, 9 die.
SkyeDS: what kind of trees do they offer?
SkyeDS: do you remember what the name of the place was exactly?
evile: I think it's the arbor day foundation, and I think it's 10
different trees, supposedly matched to your area so they'll be native
plants.
evile: It's been a while. I planted those things at our rental house
in Greencastle. So wer'e talking 1991-3, right in there somewhere.
SkyeDS: I think that purple flowering plant I like so much that
thrives in rockdale is wisteria
SkyeDS: and I've been wanting wisteria anyway
evile: wisteria is nice.
SkyeDS: and Karen has ivy that is invasive and thrives and will share
with me
evile: I've killed one o f those before :P
SkyeDS: and then I want that purple flowering tree, a redbud or
whatever it is to go with my beautiful apple and pear trees that
flower white in spring and turn flaming red in fall
evile: Our duplex had great soil. I regret wasting so much $ on
planting stuff down there..but it was nice that so much of what I
planted actually did well.
SkyeDS: Karen also has roses that she doesn't do a damn thing to that
are thriving
evile: redbuds are bloming right now. Sweetie likes those.
SkyeDS: I've offered to barter training for gardening
SkyeDS: I hate bartering but it seems like a good idea
evile: The home & garden show I went to on V-day had the City giving
out booklets on native plants & xeriscaping. There are several rose
varieties that do well here.
evile: There's a book by Neil Sperry on Texas Gardening that is
apparently the gardener's bible for our area
SkyeDS: I goin for a walk, bb in a few :)
evile: Ok, enjoy!
SkyeDS: [Auto Response] I am currently away from the computer.

2007Re: icq w/a. today

Mar. 9, 2004

SkyeDS: I back, that was perfectly lovely
evile: awesome :)
SkyeDS: hopefully I can get him to go with me regularly, I am much
better with a partner
evile: me too :)
SkyeDS: where is your office again? I'm at 13th/Nueces
evile: 15th and Congress, right at the capitol, pretty much.
SkyeDS: wonder how long it would take me to walk there
SkyeDS: that's only two blocks up and not that many blocks over,
doesn't seem like
evile: downtown city blocks are large-ish.
evile: Looks a slight bit further to your office than to the main
library. It takes me about 15-20 min to get from my ofice to 8th &
Guadalupe
evile: maybe the same distance. I'm bad with maps.
SkyeDS: I will just have to try walking to the capitol and see what
happens
SkyeDS: we circled down to 8th and came back in 20 minutes from here
evile: When the weather's nice, I like to take a picnic over to the
capitol & feed the squirrels at lunchtime.
evile: I may start doing that again, once a week or so, like I did
this past fall.
SkyeDS: while we wouldn't be walking together, we could meet there
and eat
SkyeDS: I'm thinkin y ou likely have good reason not to drive/park at
work, so driving there to walk with you wouldn't be good
evile: That would be nice. The suck thing about being a state
employee is everything's so regimented. break 9:15-9:30, Lunch 11:30-
12:30, break 2:30-2:45, every day without fail.
SkyeDS: ick
evile: There is no parking around here, unless you want to pay.
SkyeDS: nah, I like being a ronin
SkyeDS: I like Hugh
SkyeDS: I like our offices
evile: Nice to have a workplace & boss you enjoy :)
SkyeDS: not much to look at on the outside but the landlord attorney
has classical tastes and the decor is impeccable
SkyeDS: it's a tradeoff. I don't get vacation, sick days, holidays
or benefits. But it isn't like I don't get anything.
SkyeDS: I get here when I want to get here and leave when I want to
leave and take lunch or don't for as long as I want
evile: very cool.
SkyeDS: and Hugh knows about just about all of my pasttimes and it is
no trouble and not uncomfortable to say hey, I'm taking off for a
three day weekend or whatever to go do this thing
SkyeDS: paid vacation also requires advance notice and most of the
time needs approval
evile: exactly
SkyeDS: and we do okay covering our own healthcare so far, and soon I
hope to have us where I can buy us catastrophic coverage
evile: Yeah, that is always a concern.
SkyeDS: life is good
evile: beats the alternative any day :P
SkyeDS: I have labor to do, and it pays (not well, but that can
change too)
SkyeDS: I can enjoy the fruits of that labor
SkyeDS: I can take walks, go riding, go skating, go swimming, go to
the store, go shopping, cook a meal and eat it.
SkyeDS: things Bob & Phyl couldn't/can't do.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: (Bob eats through a feeding tube. Or he's supposed to. He
eats what he shouldn't, but that's not the point).
SkyeDS: and I can go to the bathroom. (have you ever had experience
with dialysis?)
evile: Aunt L's best friend B. did. It was terrible.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: seems a sure way to make yourself unhappy is to focus on what
you don't have and can't afford. But the opposite of that is to pay
attention to the blessings that are usually taken for granted.
SkyeDS: I have pretty trees that bear fruit, and grapevines, and my
trees are all white flowery
SkyeDS: and a pond
SkyeDS: and a creek
evile: yup. all good things.
evile: I should definitely get out more & enjoy the weather while I
can. before it gets too hot to go outside :)
evile: want to make a lunch 'date' for Friday?
SkyeDS: sure
SkyeDS: I can try walking to the capital before then and see how I do
SkyeDS: sorry slow, we have a client waiting
evile: No prob :)
I go to lunch at 11:30 every day, I could be anywhere on the capitol
grounds by 11:40 at the latest.
SkyeDS: that reminds me, I have to go get the rent from Maria Friday
SkyeDS: I am bothered that she can't pay till midmonth, because I'm
positive we accrue late charges paying Oakwood that way
SkyeDS: I think may have to call Oakwood and ask them to make our
payment date the 15th or later
SkyeDS: if they play nice, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't
evile: hassle!
SkyeDS: I'll be happy when they're paid off completely
SkyeDS: whole reason I'm renting it out is because I owe more on it
than I could sell it for
evile: Yeah. That happens.
SkyeDS: if I can keep a renter, preferably just one, in it for five
more years I can sell it, burn it, whatever, and be done with Oakwood
at least
evile: That would be very nice :) I know the property management has
given you hassles in the past
SkyeDS: Maria keeps it in better shape inside than I ever did. If I
can keep her in it for the next five years, I should be able to keep
renting it either to her and then making complete profit because it's
paid off, or rent it to someone else easily because it's in good shape
SkyeDS: there are worse property management problems.
evile: That's good.
SkyeDS: in Leander, block house mud, lawyers send their minions out
to measure your yard with a ruler
SkyeDS: and that is not gemini hyperbole
evile: good lord.
SkyeDS: and they threaten you with lawsuit if the grass is too long,
or you have "trash" (completely undefined) in your yard.
SkyeDS: Nancy & Sheila know if they mess with me too much I'll make
lawsuit growling noises at them, and they know I'll do it, and they
know I'll win
evile: Yuck!
SkyeDS: most people have good understanding that you do not push me
to have to pursue my legal remedies, because when I start using that
language, you is in trouble
evile: I bet!
SkyeDS: I find it disgusting that David Boies bills $750 an hour and
his legal staff can't be bothered to put out correct documents
without major glaring mistakes in both form and content.
evile: how embarassing!
SkyeDS: I would find it so, mortifyingly and humiliatingly so.
evile: me too.
evile: BRB, potty break :)
SkyeDS: Hugh had a secretary once who got mortally offended because
he generously offered to pay for her to take a class in proofreading
(k)
evile: that seems kind of like a win-win, to me.
SkyeDS: I told him I would cheerfully go anywhere he paid for me to go
SkyeDS: (especially considering that part of our IC Agmt is that he
isn't responsible for my training)
evile: Oh, hey where on the capitol do you want to meet on Friday?
One of the entrances maybe & then we can pick our picnic spot from
there?
evile: I'd jump at a chance to grow my job skills on the employer's
dime, personally.
SkyeDS: I will be coming down 15th Street. Where will that put me on
the capitol grounds?
evile: There's a series of skylights and then the main north
entrance faces 15th
SkyeDS: /me nods
SkyeDS: I was thinking north entrance, where that circular opening to
the inground offices are, with the star
evile: Okay, I know where that is :)
SkyeDS: which would be a cool place to circle if they'd let you
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: a friend of Hugh's acquired that beautiful building that used
to be the ARC over here on MLK, the big greco roman antebellum
looking one and turned it into a hotel and restaurant
SkyeDS: food critic was talking about it on the radio today
evile: hm. I'll have to check that out sometime.
SkyeDS: I think occasionally that I would like to go to nice places
more often
SkyeDS: maybe just spend one night in the Driskill and eat nice place
SkyeDS: or the new place there on MLK, I have always loved that
building and never been inside it
SkyeDS: and they closed Basil's and Spiazzo :(
evile: That's why I like the No Kidding group, really the main
reason, because I like Restaurant Explorers & such.
SkyeDS: although Vespaio is owned by former owner of Basil's
evile: I guess the hard-core foodies will follow their favorite
chef's/restauranteurs wherever they go :)
SkyeDS: I haven't tried vespaio yet, or carmelo's on 5th
SkyeDS: or gone to what is it called, green pastures?
SkyeDS: one off of like live oak and oltorf, in an old house w/
peacocks?
evile: I've been there, long time ago, back when L&B were meat
eaters. It was awesome.
SkyeDS: East Side is pretty, but I found the prices to be
unacceptable given the small portions and the quality of the food
SkyeDS: I mean it was good but it wasn't all that
SkyeDS: and I didn't like the service at all.
SkyeDS: I don't mind dropping that much money but I'd better get my
money's worth when I do.
evile: I've never been there.
SkyeDS: Basil's was worth at least that much.
SkyeDS: but I know, I'm hard to please.
SkyeDS: although I know people harder to please than myself, because
they are conoisseurs and I'm not.
evile: I'll try anything once.
SkyeDS: I just want not to feel like I wasted my money, on teh
quality and/or quantity of food.
SkyeDS: it's kind of across from Hoover's, east side is.
SkyeDS: and it's kind of cool, they grow all their own stuff and have
an old house and a shop and all
evile: I've driven past it a few times. I hear its good.
SkyeDS: and the food was good, but it wasn't great
SkyeDS: and the portions were tiny
SkyeDS: and the prices are high
SkyeDS: and the service sucked
evile: bad service is inexcusable.
SkyeDS: which is sad because it had a lovely patio and I'm always
looking for nice patio places
SkyeDS: as an IC I should also be able to write off certain expenses
regarding meals and entertainment and such if I can plausibly relate
them to business
evile: I would think so.
SkyeDS: going skating ona worknight while in austin already probably
wouldn't work too well
SkyeDS: given that I drive two hours a day, and when I get off work I
just want to go home.
SkyeDS: I should probably skate on a Fri or Sat night
evile: yeah. Long work day & commute pretty much wears you out by the
end of the day.
evile: I may not be able to do Tuesday skate night for a while,
anyway. Not just creepyJeff, but I'm thinking of taking a tues/thurs
self defense class.
SkyeDS: now if I could just get Hugh to move to Rockdale, Taylor,
Plugerville, Hutto or Round Rock (never happen LOL)
SkyeDS: that sounds like a great idea.
SkyeDS: they're teaching women who ride trails in Oregon & Washington
self defense
SkyeDS: I'm like ok
SkyeDS: you're on a 1000+ pound animal
SkyeDS: its first reaction to a threat is to run 35+ miles an hour
away from it
SkyeDS: if it can't do that, it will bite and kick, causing harm
and/or death
SkyeDS: so why would you not use your horse's natural habits as
defense.
evile: assuming you are attacked while mounted great. But what about
the trail rides where you camp out several nights.
SkyeDS: what I read was just about being attacked while riding on
trails
evile: you're in your tent, in your sleeping bag, and some cowboy
comes into your tent and pins you down. What is your horse going to
do?
SkyeDS: like, one lesson is, run away and don't let them pull you out
of the saddle
SkyeDS: I'm like people have to pay to be told this?
evile: You dismount to take a piss and some cowboy comes over and
tries to give you a poke. what does your horse do then?
SkyeDS: I didn't see anything about dismounting (other than they say
not to)
evile: It's great to have a thousand pound fast running friend, but
it's good to be able to depend on yourself, too.
SkyeDS: what I saw had to do with, don't get down, run away, let your
horse bite and kick if necessary
SkyeDS: all of which, to me at least, is homer simpson duh
evile: Sorry, I wouldn't piss my self or my saddle.
SkyeDS: I wonder if they cover another duh issue
SkyeDS: don't go trail riding by yourself
SkyeDS: (something I used to get lectured about all the time and I
finally quit)
SkyeDS: and that's not just self defense issue either, but a health
hazard and safety issue
SkyeDS: saw in an article elsewhere where it said, if you go riding
with a cellphone, don't get one of those gadgets that hangs it on
your saddle
evile: what if the person you trust to be your riding partner turns
into a predator?
SkyeDS: because if you come down it will run away with your horse
SkyeDS: another duh moment
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I don't know if they talk about that
SkyeDS: just, t he things they did cover, are duh things
SkyeDS: and things that if people can't figure out for themselves, I
don't know that they really need to be on a horse.
evile: It never hurts to be prepared, I don't think. And something
that's a 'duh' while you're talking about it may not be so obvious
once you are in the situation and feeling threatened.
SkyeDS: I mean, I don't have to pay someone to tell me that if
someone comes at me in a threatening manner that I shoudl run
SkyeDS: on the other hand
evile: example: I have been told a million times to call the police
when you're in a wreck. Every wreck I've ever had, I've neglected to
call the police.
SkyeDS: someone else do it?
SkyeDS: one of the first lessons about riding is or should be, what
to do in dangerous situations
SkyeDS: whether that be run away, walk away, get down, don't get
down, whatever
SkyeDS: and a lot of people for example won't bail when they ought to
for whatever reason
SkyeDS: tough it out on top of an out of his head emotional dangerous
horse
evile: It happens. Nobody knows how they will be in a panic-type
situation until it happens.
SkyeDS: I'm a fraidy cat, and my method of dealing with scarey is, if
I don't have to, I don't deal with it. So, if horse panics, I get
down.
SkyeDS: if someone threatens us, or makes me feel like they are, we
go away, far and fast.
evile: yeah. as you know, common sense ain't so common.
SkyeDS: I don't have a lot of common sense but I have some.
SkyeDS: but I think mostly that I'm just a fraidy cat
SkyeDS: like I tell the people I see every once or twice a year on
the Cbar trail ride
SkyeDS: I ride the baby trails
SkyeDS: because I KNOW I'm a baby
evile: Hey, whatever keeps you alive & well
SkyeDS: but I do my damndest not to be a WHINY baby
SkyeDS: you aren't going to hear me whining about being in the
creekbed once it's too late
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: if I can't do it (because I'm scared), then I turn around if
I can without causing trouble to others
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: and if I can't, I secure reins, grab mane, bury face so I can
relax, and I let Mirage do what she does best
SkyeDS: because she doesn't need me to be scared
evile: right.
SkyeDS: I don't know if you'd like trail ride &/or campouts or not
SkyeDS: I do though
evile: camping, no. trail rides, maybe.
SkyeDS: lots of places not too far away to go day trailing, like
McKinney Roughs
SkyeDS: Pace Bend too, I think
SkyeDS: although just the gate fees sound stiff there
evile: That's why the Chenonceau ride is so attractive. You ride for
the day, then spend the night at a chateau eating and drinking
wonderful things, get a nice shower & a comfortable bed...best of
both worlds.
SkyeDS: and you would probably enjoy happy horse hotel, just down the
road from McK Roughs
SkyeDS: run by rennies
evile: The county parks are 'pay by the carload' mostly, so the more
people you can get to go with you the cheaper it gets per person.
SkyeDS: only have two horses, no point in taking more than two people
SkyeDS: unless people are willing to wait and take turns
SkyeDS: but then we did three days of rides that way, with sineater me
and sonar0m all taking turns, and everyone got riding in
SkyeDS: and, saved us from being as saddle sore as we would have been
if we'd all been riding the entire time
evile: Or unless people want to camp & hike and not ride.
SkyeDS: zactly
SkyeDS: when each of us weren't riding we were happily entertaining
ourselves otherwise, drawing, reading, whatever
SkyeDS: babysitting the tyrannomacaw
evile: yup
SkyeDS: now, if you and me, and sineater and Sweetie, went, t hat might be
good?
SkyeDS: I want to get Randy and Princess to do that sort of thing
with me at Somerville
SkyeDS: I even have a name for our little cavalry unit
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse :)
evile: awesome ;)
SkyeDS: we haven't figured out who's which yet, but who cares
evile: too funny!
SkyeDS: is interesting, Merrick is freckled gray like Mirage, but his
mane and tail are black
evile: pretty
SkyeDS: and Strider is a blue roan but looks nearly black and is
gaited (like Jezebel)
SkyeDS: you'd think I did it on purpose
evile: that's cool, nice coincidence :)
SkyeDS: a Paso like Strider would be perfect for you too.
SkyeDS: he's a Peruvian.
evile: nice.
SkyeDS: but I don't know if Peruvian or Fino would make a difference
to you.
evile: I don't know enough about it to say
SkyeDS: Peruvians are built like Jesse and Finos are built like Mirage
SkyeDS: but they are gaited, flashy as hell, high spirited but gentle
souled and can and will do anything and do it well.
evile: cool
SkyeDS: I keep telling Meghan, now if you decide you don't want
STrider anymore, I'll take him off your hands
evile: hee
SkyeDS: (I suspect there will be snowflakes in hell first)
evile: more than likely :)
evile: It would be fun to go for a 'test drive'....but that's pretty
dishonest since I'll never be buying. And while I wouldn' t mind
inconveniencing an auto sales person, I would feel bad about doing
the same to the horse-sellers
SkyeDS: when one of two things happen, and one or both will happen,
it's just a matter of time
SkyeDS: either I will breed the girls so I can have babies
SkyeDS: and/or I will acquire a Friesian, a Gypsy, and an Andalusian
SkyeDS: I will need help
SkyeDS: because I can't ride them all at one time :)
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: what kind of sucks is that the horses that I helped Randy
with are now both bonded to me
SkyeDS: not to the exclusion of others, I hope, and maybe part of it
is that no matter how much I try to teach it, some people just don't
snuggle horses as well as others.
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: I don't completely get it
SkyeDS: they saw more of sineater than of me in terms of time because he
fed them
SkyeDS: they see more of Randy & the kids than they do of me
SkyeDS: but they seek out snuggles when I'm around, and I've tried to
get Randy & Meghan to snuggle, but it isn't quite the same
evile: hopefully with some time & use they'll bond better with their
own people.
SkyeDS: they love their people, no doubt about that
evile: Both cats like Sweetie better than they like me. That's life, I
guess.
SkyeDS: I don't understand cats as well as I would if I'd had them
SkyeDS: I was making friends with what appeared to be a large
domestic cat in the yard the other day
SkyeDS: and sineater came home and freaked out
SkyeDS: here kitty kitty, scritch scritch
SkyeDS: what the HELL are you doing?
SkyeDS: I'm playing with the cat
SkyeDS: that's a BOBCAT get away from it
SkyeDS: I suppose that means you don't want me to feed it milk.
evile: bobcats can be domesticated. And they breed with domestic cats
SkyeDS: he was less than pleased.
evile: (as domesticated as cats get, anyway, I guess I should say)
SkyeDS: I swear though, it looked just like a different cat I thought
I knew
evile: But wild cats do carry diseases. 'cat scratch fever' is n't
just a song.
SkyeDS: it wasn't like I went out to pet a bobcat on purpose
SkyeDS: I was playing with what I thought was a husky once, and he
said, that's at least half wolf, leave it alone
evile: wolf/dog hybrids seem to have some behavior issues
SkyeDS: I'm not entirely sure it's good to have hybrids and I know
the law doesn't allow fullblood wolves as pets unless they were born
and acquired by the owners prior to 1972
evile: they can be skitzy and/or interpret some body language as a
dog would, but other gestures as a wolf would & you can find yourself
missing digits.
evile: But...cats are skitzy regardless. So... you're just as safe
with a bobcat as you would be with a stray.
evile: (not very)
SkyeDS: it looked like the cat that belonged to Harold & Fandy
SkyeDS: I am so looking forward to a tree lined driveway that they
can't use anymore, and privacy trees/bushes like crepe myrtles or
something else so I can't see them anymore
evile: big tabby with no tail? Not unheard of
SkyeDS: Harold, Fandy, their kids, Theresa and her son are all living
on that place now
evile: wow.
SkyeDS: Sineater told Levi that if we saw the dogs on our place again,
without the tags Levi says he has for them (rabies) then we will
dispose of them (without being more specific)
SkyeDS: Levi swears they've had shots and have tags but they don't
wear them and he also says that they're strays anyway.
evile: yuck
SkyeDS: Sineater wanted to use the horse trailer to haul them off with
SkyeDS: I'm like, um no.
SkyeDS: matter of fact, I'm not sure how to catch the mangy one or
transport it without contagion.
evile: I really wish the animal control folks out there were more
reliable!
SkyeDS: I'm not even sure if we have animal control for dogs in the
county since the sheriff told Wayne & Connie just to shoot them.
SkyeDS: I told Sineater, you want to catch & transport fine
SkyeDS: but you aren't using Arthur's cage
SkyeDS: or the horse trailer
SkyeDS: and you aren't coming anywhere near the rest of us until you
find some sure way of decontamination
evile: I'd keep checking with city officials and see if you can get
some kind of professional to take care of it.
SkyeDS: city's out. we don't live in the city.
evile: county. Somebody who has the equipment to deal with diseased
animals.
SkyeDS: not sure who t hat would be
SkyeDS: when Connie told the Sheriff that she didn't know if they
were protected against rabies, he called the Mullins himself
SkyeDS: and they haven't gotten back in touch with him
SkyeDS: so the Sheriff seems to be under the impression that it's his
bailwick
SkyeDS: don't know if it really is or not
evile: well, it's certainly not worth risking yourselves or your
animals' health & well being.
SkyeDS: it isnt' something I felt like debating
SkyeDS: so I just laid down the law as far as I saw it going
SkyeDS: Arthur's cage and the horse trailer are off limits
evile: What are your taxes paying for, if not professional services
to deal with public health issues?
SkyeDS: you want to catch the dogs and put them in the truck bed, fine
SkyeDS: but you aren't coming in the house till you're positively
clean, h owever you have to get that way
evile: yuck.
SkyeDS: he also said he'd mentioned to Wayne that one of the dogs had
mange which is highly contagious
SkyeDS: but he said that Wayne didn't seem to find that problematic
because he didn't think there was contact enough
SkyeDS: all of this second/thirdhand conversation of course
evile: right.
evile: ooh, interesting new post on the voyagers yahoo group. I
probably shouldn't answer...
evile: A guy found himself fascinated by/attracted to the TV guys at
the party.
evile: & is kind of freaking out because he considers hmself hetero.
SkyeDS: I refuse to freak at anything sexually
SkyeDS: safe sane and consentual is a perfect motto just the way it is
evile: It's probably easier when you're bi. :P
SkyeDS: it's all a labeling thing
SkyeDS: and I hate labels
SkyeDS: they are too related to pigeonholes and box restrictive
thinking
SkyeDS: and the Celts said, never name the well from which you will
not drink
evile: sure. But...what if you woke up one morning and everyone was
calling you 'he' and 'him' even though you were still exactly what
you are now?
SkyeDS: and it's certainly an invitation to trouble when you do it
with sex
SkyeDS: I wouldn't know until it happened
SkyeDS: but I did have a conversation with Tom about th eterm "lady
lawyer" once
SkyeDS: I don't want to be a "lady" lawyer
SkyeDS: I would want to be a lawyer. Period. No distinction.
evile: It's cool that the Voyagers group exists as a place to find
new and interesting things and ask questions without feeling judged.
SkyeDS: one of the contradictions of our founding
SkyeDS: our founders wanted political and religious freedom
SkyeDS: but were Puritans
SkyeDS: and hence really inhibited about sex, and so the populace is,
right down to today
SkyeDS: leave our guns alone, leave our religion alone, and don't
show us nipples on tv or we'll die
evile: I'm a puritan in some aspects of my life. But I also see that
my standards are not universal nor should I judge people by them.
evile: YKIOK
SkyeDS: /me blinks at the acronym she's never seen before
evile: Your Kink Is O K
SkyeDS: way I figured it, before I realized even that I had strange
tastes (I'm always discovering new ones, wh ich is fun if you don't
get weirded out)
SkyeDS: is, I have vices
SkyeDS: I don't care to be lectured about them
SkyeDS: I don't lecture others about theirs unless or until they
cause harm to others
evile: yup
SkyeDS: far as I'm concerned if there is no victim there is no crime
(why I hate drug, gambling, prostitution and other "vice" law)
SkyeDS: the war on drugs is a waste of resources...time, money,
people, everything
SkyeDS: and an excuse to throw out civil rights
SkyeDS: bad things that come from drug use are already against the
law anyway....assault and battery, weapons, stealing, etc
SkyeDS: and prohibition in this country has never worked, it made the
mafia laugh all the way to the bank the way the drug cartels do now
(surprise surprise, quoteth gomer pyle)
evile: I guess the main problem is that a lot of people have no
border between 'indulgence' and 'addiction'. And being addicted to
sex, gambling, and drugs *can* hurt other people, like family members
who are depending on you to provide for them with the $, time, and
energy you are wasting on sex, gambling,and drugs.
SkyeDS: but harming other people is already against the law
SkyeDS: existing laws outside of possession and selling laws I mean
evile: true.But some of the stuff is hard to pin down. And I'd argue
that there are plenty of legal things that are just as destructive to
relationships as drugs, gambling, and seeing whores.
SkyeDS: and I don't notice the existing war on drugs stopping
families from being destroyed by those things either
evile: Lisalotte's endless EverQuest playing comes to mind.
SkyeDS: zactly
evile: Could Thax divorce her on grounds of lack of congress, maybe.
But not likely.
SkyeDS: and if you legalize drugs and prostitution you can regulate
them
SkyeDS: and gasp profit from taxing them
SkyeDS: in Texas he could divorce her "just because"
SkyeDS: insupportability (which isn't defined, at all)
evile: sure. And since there's no kids, no pesky child support. And
since it's texas, no alimony.
SkyeDS: insupportability = I don't want to be married anymore, no
reason given.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: and I don't think the government needs to be social
engineering
SkyeDS: vice law is social engineering
SkyeDS: and who gets to decide whose vices are against the law in the
first place
SkyeDS: public schools are now social engineering (they were good
once, but not now)
evile: indeed
SkyeDS: telling consenting adults who can and can't get married is
social engineering
SkyeDS: gov shoudln't even call it marriage, that's a religious
institution
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: gov's deal in domestic contracts
SkyeDS: and should either honor them all or none
SkyeDS: and I don't know why it should be important whether I get
called "he" or "she"
evile: As long as it doesnt' fuck with my tax rate or my property
values, whatever my neighbors do should be OK.
SkyeDS: even where dress code is concerned
SkyeDS: I can wear a suit with slacks and a tie, and that is
appropriate regardless of my gender.
SkyeDS: of course, then you have the theoretical reverse, which is
that men should be able to wear a skirt suit with hose and heels, and
we know that dog don't hunt and probably never will, unless he never
reveals that he is a he.
SkyeDS: but it should.
evile: yup
evile: personally, I dont' see why anyone would want to wear
pantyhose unless they had to.
SkyeDS: on the other hand, there are many idiosyncrasies I have in my
private life that I don't "wear" to the office
SkyeDS: I can now, because Hugh doesn't care
SkyeDS: but in most places I couldn't
SkyeDS: my ren stuff
SkyeDS: so it could be argued, that you wear what the boss tells you
to wear and if you don't like the gender specificity, tough.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: there are judges in dallas that throw women lawyers out of
courtrooms if they're wearing pants, to this very day
evile: well, it's 'their' court, right. They could throw anyone out
if they wanted
SkyeDS: that's what the rules of procedure state
evile: One would assume that the women would know the 'rules' or
quirks of the judges and deal with it. Either by conforming to the
judges dress code or finding other employment. By agreeing to work in
XYZ environment, you are agreeing to the working conditions, whatever
they may be.
SkyeDS: and if you are a man who likes to dress like a woman, that's
tough, you don't get to do it at work.
SkyeDS: you don't get to wear sleeveless sundresses or open toed
shoes even with hose, no matter how tasteful they may be, no?
evile: I like wearing my pajamas, but I dont' get to wear them at
work.
evile: OTOH, if I started wearing PJ's and my boss didn't say
anything for a set amount of time, they'd lose their bitching rights.
If they tried to enforce dress code after letting me wear PJs for a
while, I could sue :)
SkyeDS: I didn't know that but it doesn't surprise me
SkyeDS: I know if someone breaches a contract and you don't do
anything about it in a certain amount of time, you lose your right to
evile: yup. 'acceptable business practice' or somesuch.
evile: and it has to be universally enforced. I could sue if I wore
PJ's and someone else did too, but I ws the only one reprimanded.
SkyeDS: I knew that
SkyeDS: that is true for example of religious jewelry (crosses v
ankhs v stars of david v pentacles v yin yangs etc)
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I think the laws for what can and can't be done in state &
federal offices is different th an what the private sector employer
is allowed to do, I'm just not sure how
evile: I should know this, but I'm lazy!
SkyeDS: private sector isn't nearly as regulated as public sector
SkyeDS: because as you know better than I, we are at will a dn right
to work
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: I dont' know if I would be bothered by someone mistaking me
for a man or not
SkyeDS: I don't think so, though, but I don't know
SkyeDS: it wouldn't make me feel threatened or insecure though, I'm
pretty sure, and it's hardly an insult
evile: I think I have enough secondary characteristics that ti would
never happen in the flesh. It's happened online & just made me laugh
SkyeDS: I hope for his sake that he learns to be comfortable with
this newly discovered facet of himself
SkyeDS: and all others he discovers, because I"m sure there are
probably more
SkyeDS: accept yourself first, then accept others.
evile: me too. I did post a reply. Mostly what we said here. YKIOK,
and really there are enough jerks in the world judging you adn
calling you names, don't do it to yourself.
evile: Did I tell you about that part of the Voyagers party? Very
uncomfortable for me: people started introducing themselves & it
mutated into not only names, but orientation & kinks as well. I
said "if you wanna know, ask".
SkyeDS: amen
SkyeDS: good lord, if I had to start applying labels to myself
SkyeDS: in general, much less just specific sexual labels
SkyeDS: I'd have to write a resume and say here
SkyeDS: I hate labels and pigeonholes
evile: I like the voyagers,and I am sure that none of my interests
would seem too out of place, but...it's none of anybody's business
but mine and my playmates'.
SkyeDS: if you want to know something about someone, how bout just
watching and listening (how I learn lots)
evile: Or initiating a one on one conversation, maybe? Jeez, how
novel.
SkyeDS: I couldn't any more answer such a question succinctly than I
could succinctly name my favorite food
evile: exactly. :)
evile: well, it's about time for me to make the rounds.
SkyeDS: I just tell people I'll try anything once and if it hurts I d
on't do it again (within boundaries - some things I won't even try
once)
SkyeDS: yep
evile: Good talkin with ya :)

SkyeDS: sees ya tomorrow or whenever, and Friday unless circumstances
prevent
SkyeDS: ciao bella :)
evile: Yup :)
evile: *hugs!*
SkyeDS: hugs

comments

3336icq w/A

2021-07-31T04:26:22Z

Jun. 30, 2005

evile: hi there :) Your friend Robin was at poly dinner again last
nite.
SkyeDS: he didn't say much at Poly Mongolian, of course I wasn't
sitting where I could hear him and he is softspoken.
SkyeDS: speaking of dinner, on a tangent, I had a question for you
evile: Ok
SkyeDS: if you were going to go grocery shopping and wanted to stick
completely to organic everything, where would you go? Whole Foods,
Central Market, somewhere else?
evile: probably WF.
evile: or Sun Harvest
SkyeDS: never been to sun harvest
SkyeDS: I was just wondering where the least expensive organic route
was, if there is such a thing
evile: don't know about prices, WF probably has a better selection,
SH has been in business longer. CM is gourmet, so they have some
organic, but not the best selection if you are doing organic only.
evile: HEB has a small organic section, so not the best selection,
but probably the best prices
SkyeDS: I know the regular HEBS and Wallyworlds have small sections,
so I had pretty much resigned myself to WF, CM, and I had forgotten
about SH
SkyeDS: where is it?
evile: ther'es one over by Northcross mall.
SkyeDS: SH = cheaper than WF?
evile: no clue.
evile: I would say it depends on what your'e buying, I guess. I
really don't go to SH for much of anything, and if it's something
only they have, I pay whatever they want.
evile: (coffee flavored Emergen-C, for example)
SkyeDS: WF is close to work
SkyeDS: I could go shopping at the end of my halfday shift
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I'm thinking I want to do my first shopping trip on a
Saturday. I know it will cost a day's extra gas to and from Austin,
but I don't want to be rushed.
SkyeDS: tomorrow is my halfday and the spare time is taken by the
farrier already
evile: WF is very cool, but pretty overwhelming.
SkyeDS: I've reviewed with a finetoothed comb the list of things I'm
going to be allowed to have, and I think I'll do ok
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: for two weeks I can have whole grain carbs and potatoes
sparingly
SkyeDS: I think I can live without white bread and pasta if I can
have potatoes
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: the other thing I want to do is get the recipe for the
California salad at the melting pot
SkyeDS: that was nummy
SkyeDS: I'd eat that twice a day every day
evile: everything at the melting pot was good.
SkyeDS: nodnodnod
SkyeDS: spinach and potatoes are two of the four most heavily
pesticided veges, so I have to have them organic if I'm going to have
them at all...
evile: are you doing fat flush ?
SkyeDS: I'd just as soon buy organic as have to wash everything
evile: I wash everything anyway.
SkyeDS: I bought & read fat flush, but I'm going to combine that with
her detox book
evile: dirt and insects are 'organic' but I don't want to eat them.
SkyeDS: and give myself cheat days if I can do so responsibly (like I
have before)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: her detox is called a one day detox but it really takes 11
days
SkyeDS: I figured I'd try that and then go to Phase 3 of her Fat
Flush and not bother with the first two phases
SkyeDS: it's more rigorous by far than either Zone or Atkins or South
beach or anything else, so we'll see if ms indecisive wishy washy no
backbone can stick to it
evile: good luck :)
SkyeDS: what I foresee for the near future is, I intend to keep in
the house good things
SkyeDS: I'm not going to make effort when we go out to eat, but I'm
going to make sure that that is the exception and not the rule
SkyeDS: what I meant by I don't want to wash everything is, I don't
want to have to soak it in "food wash"
SkyeDS: of course I wash stuff, but food wash is more time consuming
and complicated
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: the food wash that gets pesticides off, and having to wash
meats is even more time consuming, so easier just to buy them clean
in the first place
evile: yup
SkyeDS: found a water purifier I can carry with me everywhere I go
for just over $100, which is about 1/2, 2/3ds MSRP, so that's good
SkyeDS: a three stage ceramic purifier, not like Brita
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I researched all her claims, and she has done her research,
about the liver and estrogen dominance specifically
SkyeDS: and what she suggests is also good for the thyroid
SkyeDS: and should be good for my migraines too
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I already knew bits and pieces, and she fits what I already
knew together with a whole lot I hadn't learned yet
evile: that's cool.

comments

3305the weekend (from LJ, additions)

2021-07-30T23:15:23Z

Jun. 20, 2005

I had a really nice weekend. Saturday I cleaned house. My friend D
will be visiting this week with her 11 year old and her 4 month old,
and maybe their dog. I don't think I can really childproof our house,
but at least the child won't catch a disease from the floor at this
point. Tom, of course, hasn't done a damn thing.

Saturday evening, Jon, Niki and I shopped for dinner stuff and toobin
lunch munchies, and grilled on the pit. Shishkebobs--beef & chicken,
and veggies. small taters in foil with butter & garlic. It was yummy.

Sunday we went toobin' in San Marcos. Me, Nikiyoy, Jon, Peglegasus, his
friend/coworker Dan, Cousin B, Sweetie. This will be B's last tube trip for
a while; he's going to New Mexico for a while with his father,
leaving on Wednesday. When he talks about his mother and father, he
becomes a different person. It's sad to see. With us, he's normally
such a fun person: spontaneous, goofy, fun, sweet, easygoing,
enjoyable. And then his parents get brought up and he turns into your
typical sullen foulmouthed teenage boy. It's really heartbreaking.
Any idiot with gonads can make a kid, but the people who made him
really aren't worthy of being called 'parents.' He is a wonderful
person, in spite of his parental issues. I am glad and grateful for
him in my life, but my uncle and his ex wife had no business
reproducing.

Tonight I need to go grocery shopping and maybe give in to the tiki-
lust. (Big Lots had a bunch of fun tiki stuffs...I really might need
some of it for Tuesday's full moon gathering :)

Dreamed about Aunt L calling me at some ungodly hour of the a.m. I was
in my room from the house we lived in on Jackson st. in Indiana, but
it was on the new house on Elm, and there was a giant storm outside
and I could see the power lines crackling and sparking with
electricity, and L's voice kept fading out as she was talking to
me. It was wierd.

I called home yesterday to wish dad/G happy father's day. until my mom
said something I hadn't even thought to call or email my father. Oh
well. They said brother A and sineater had both called, and I probably screwed
up by telling Mom that Aunt L was trying to stay in touch with brother A for
her sake. agh. family bullshit.

comments

evile

evile @ 2026-04-13T12:38:00

just bitchin'

evile @ 2025-07-23T16:36:00

evile @ 2025-01-01T15:53:00

Project 2025 - The Advisory Board List

Project 2025 - The Advisory Board List

Full list with hyperlinks and additional information on each organization.

The Project 2025 Advisory Board

Organization led by former Trump Admin. officials who promote Christian Nationalism

ugggh

Quora: Is it common for a possible narc to threaten calling the police and your place of employment

2622Re: E & A's posts re: whatever happened at polydinner

2621E & A's posts re: whatever happened at polydinner

2620icq w/A

3250icq w/A

3239ICQ w/A (teh crazy 'snarking' and 'egging')

3236bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

3237Re: bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

3238Re: bullshit w/sineater re: 'snarking'/'egging on', I suspect.

JD vs AH, final thoughts

hm.

The Amber Heard-Johnny Depp trial was an orgy of misogyny

3193my weekend

AH vs JD

How Bad Does It Need to Get Before You Leave?

Trust me, it’s not worth the wait

Suzanna Quintana

We stay.

Here’s why:

The “love conquers all” belief

You don’t want to “give up” on them

Staying for the kids

You don’t want to break up the family

Waiting for them to change

You made vows

They have anger issues and you want to “help” them

You don’t believe you’re worthy of anything better

There are good times too

You think you’re the problem

Stop.

So, why wait?

been trying to pound this one thru my thick skull for the last 20+ years...

8 Things People Need to Understand About Sibling Estrangement

7. Yes, you can mourn for a living person.

Posted February 11, 2022 | Reviewed by Ekua HaganKEY POINTS

ugh. why????

"Mourning the mom you deserved"

dreams

3043 [brother A] - crap hitting the fan re: Paulie

icq w/skye_ds today

2007Re: icq w/a. today

3336icq w/A

3305the weekend (from LJ, additions)

Posted February 11, 2022 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

KEY POINTS