evile: (dorothy)
Had an 'interesting' online conversation with a nice older lady who was having conflict with her husband's ex wife and adult children. She proposed training the ex and adult kids as if she was training dogs, which she is apparently an expert dog trainer, with an expert bestfriend who is an experienced expert in training all animals, including marine mammals. I and a few others absolutely could *not* get through to this lady that treating people as if they are animals to be trained is a poor idea. It was 'interesting' to say the least. Boundaries, in her mind, meant that she would say "no cursing in my home" and deliver appropriate punishments if the ex wife or adult children engaged in profanity.

I have struggled, and continue to struggle with appropriate setting and maintaining of boundaries. What I do understand of them, they are not a means of controlling others behavior. They are a means of protecting yourself.

I like what this website has to say about boundaries. The language is simple and easy to understand, but the concepts are very profound. http://www.angriesout.com/DatingAbuse.htm

evile: (Bitchplz)
Here's the entire text of the blog entry I quoted from in my last post. Lots of good stuff here.

The Psychopaths Word Games- Discerning The Motive Of Their Language
Posted on August 8, 2013 by theabilitytoloveRead more... )

Word Salad

Feb. 20th, 2016 07:45 pm
evile: (cookie Cat)
So...there's a thing I'm seeing, both in real life and online and on the political stage, that is a disturbing and seemingly all-pervasive thing. It is an abuse technique in which basically a person uses disjointed words and phrases that 'sound good' in order to hypnotize, lull, confuse, and/or control people. The "Salad-shooter" (if you will) just keeps talking in circles, round and round, up and down, backwards and forwards, either making no sense, or repeating a few central concepts repeatedly until the person listening to them will either a) give up trying to make sense of it and just obey & believe anything they're told or b) get so hypnotized by the cadences and sounds of the words, that they don't see the dagger going for their back.

For me, this explains why so many people have voted for the hateful talking yam; it's not that the yam has put forth any ideas or viable concepts...it's that he keeps repeating the same catchy and upbeat phrases again and again, pounding home the feel-good idea that 'we' are the 'smart' 'winners' and everyone who questions or disagrees with us are 'losers' and 'stupid'...it is dangerous and evil. It is terrifyingly effective. We have seen this before, and we have seen how it goes down. Which is not to say that it won't go down again, in our country, in our lifetime. I'm very worried.

Anyway, if you're interested in how Word Salad works, here are some quotes & articles.

from The Psychopaths Word Games- Discerning The Motive Of Their Language Read more... )
evile: (dorothy)
I don't believe in being difficult to love. I don't believe in spending time with people who are difficult to love. If I want your company, I won't be an asshole to you. If you want my company, don't be an asshole to me. Seems pretty simple, doesn't it? And yet there are so many 'love stories' in fiction and literature, movies and music, where the person is a complete asshole who is somehow redeemed by being loved enough by the right person. That's not real life. That's not how sane & good people treat one another. Only evil, crazy people set up barriers and tests for people who love them. I'm not gonna prove my love to anyone, and anyone worth loving isn't going to demand it of me.

http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/are-you-difficult-to-love-or-easy-to-love/
evile: (bike)
Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:



That's what happens when you're angry at people. You make them part of your life.

--Garrison Keillor




Our problems with anger and our problems in relationships go hand in hand. Some of us have held back our anger, which led to resentment of our loved ones. Some of us have indulged our anger and become abusive. Some of us have been so frightened of anger that we closed off the dialogue in our relationships when angry feelings came out.



Some of us have wasted our energy by focusing anger on people who weren't really important to us. Do we truly want them to become so important? Yet, perhaps the important relationships got frozen because we weren't open and respectful with our anger. It isn't possible to be close to someone without being angry at times. We let our loved ones be part of our lives by feeling our anger when it is there and expressing it openly, directly, and respectfully to them - or by hearing them when they are angry. Then, with dialogue, we can let it go.



I will be aware of those people I am making important in my life and will grow in dealing with my anger.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Touchstones ©1986, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (Celtic Knot)
Today's thought for Hazelden is:



"Depressions are transition times for me," an older fellow stated. "I look at my lows as a preparation period, an inner time to grow and change even though I'm not consciously aware of what's going on inside me. But I didn't always think this way.



"I used to get terrified when I got into one of those low periods. Every time I did, I questioned everything I ever believed in. I doubted myself and my abilities, my opinions and values, my friends and my boss. Nothing escaped my painful questioning. I thought for sure I was going insane. The pain was so unbearable I wanted to drink, work harder, anything, to distract me from my anguish.



"Now when I get low, I take it more in stride. I think of my depression as part of a natural cycle. Just as nature has its fall, winter, and spring, I, too, have a period of shedding old growth for new growth. I just endure my grey days knowing the sun will shine again just as the trees will bloom after winter. As part of the natural world around me, I, too, have my seasons of joy and sorrow."



Today I will remember that my lows are as natural as my highs. I will not become overwhelmed and exaggerate the significance of my depressions. I will endure patiently, knowing that whatever faces me will pass in time.






You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes. © 1981 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (bike)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:



Let go of resentments



Resentments are sneaky, tricky little things. They can convince us they're justified. They can dry up our hearts. They can sabotage our happiness. They can sabotage love.



Most of us have been at the receiving end of an injustice at some time in our lives. Most of us know someone who's complained of an injustice we've done to him or her. Life can be a breeding ground for resentments, if we let it.



"Yes, but this time I really was wronged," we complain.



Maybe you were. But harboring resentment isn't the solution. If it were, our resentment list would resemble the Los Angeles telephone directory. Deal with your feelings. Learn whatever lesson is at hand. Then let the feelings go.



Resentments are a coping behavior, a tool of someone settling for survival in life. They're a form or revenge. The problem is, no matter whom we're resenting, the anger is ultimately directed against ourselves.



Take a moment. Search your heart. Have you tricked yourself into harboring resentment? If you have, take another moment and let that resentment go.



Grant me the serenity that acceptance brings.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

More Language of Letting Go © 2000 by Melody Beattie. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (QThinking)
http://www.michaellutin.com/nextweekreview.html



TAURUS AND TAURUS RISING

Persistence and endurance,
your two great assets,
have alwyas pulled you through
every storm.
While loved ones and
some associates
have sometimes found you to be
inflexible
and obsessively self-serving,
you strive to be remarkably fair.
Fairness demands
you pay no attention
to any fears that you are being
fooled or decieved
or plotted against.
Retaining an unemotional balance
and ability to
assess a situation,
strip it down
to its bare bones and essentials,
and rationally approach
a solution
that will be acceptable
by all the parties invovled
requires
work without distractions..
PERIOD.


Keep it together. Keep it together.
It’s probably bedlam
to the tenth power right now,
and the chaos around you on the outside
is not doing a darned thing
to calm your interior mind.
Or maybe it’s the other way around.
Maybe it’s your inner Self that is
roiling and rolling and pulling
every which way to Sunday.
Maybe the simplest thing is
to suspend your projections, fears, paranoia or real,
all the noise and clanging going on within you
and just do one task at a time.
Deal with the kids.
Deal with work.
Keep your regime.
Get exercise.
That will definitely do more
than chewing on it over and over and over.

********

GEMINI AND GEMINI RISING

We all agree that when situations get hairy,
there's usually safety in numbers.
If you can find enough allies
to support your position
you won't be drummed out of the Corps.
There are times, however,
when the politics of associations
can become so byzantine
and imposisbly complex,
that you find you suddenly
do NOT belong
where you once found comfort.
It is then that you must resort
to withdrawal,
the better part of valor,
and turn to a more
private,
intimate sort of
relationship.
Love
and your own personal
self-expression
could be your answers now.


There's little doubt that
you've had your issues with
working nicely with a certain group of people.
There are moments when
politics do not mix with
human dynamics.
Can you just pick up your marbles
and go home?
Now you are seeing how difficult it can be
and how sometimes
maybe you have to do just that--
pick up your marbles
and go off into the sunset.
As much as you may have
avoided the more intimate
forms of relationship,
you need to turn to them now
and
find out what
love is truly all about.


evile: (Pippi Longstocking)


Real Love







Today's thought from Hazelden is:



It doesn't happen all at once.... You become. It takes a long time.

--Margery Williams




Our spiritual awakening is partly a process of becoming real. We're moving from the external controls of image and others' opinions to the internal controls of honesty, listening to our inner voice, and having true relationships. We are shedding the games that maintained our old style of life - "macho" or "hero" or "poor me."



In place of the old phony surface, we are developing a real relationship with ourselves. We are becoming more aware - of emotions, of need for rest, of violations of our values. Sometimes change comes in a flash of insight or a moment of sudden, piercing awareness, but more often it comes a little bit at a time. As we work the Steps, as we are true to our inner voice, as we keep returning to conscious contact with our Higher Power, as we get closer to our friends, we become more real to ourselves.



As I grow, I see that I was always real. I was just looking at the outside.




You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Touchstones ©1986, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

Let go.

Nov. 15th, 2014 06:50 pm
evile: (2014)



Today's thought from Hazelden is:



Some of us have an insatiable desire to do something about every situation that occurs in our lives. We fret about this, we rush into that, and we push our confused minds to the edge of despair. Weary from our relentless struggling, we become short-tempered, highly critical, and completely irrational. Little things become big things. Everything in our lives becomes too much for us.



When this happens, we need to "Let Go" of our false pride and admit that we alone cannot understand or solve our present difficulties. Only when we have the humility to admit our limitations can we receive the help we need.



Letting go of our false pride, however, is merely the first step. We also need to "Let God" take a hand in our affairs. When we give our burdens to God expecting God's help our problems often solve themselves without our ever making any conscious effort. Leaving our troubles with God frees our minds to receive new perspectives which we could not receive while we were busily clutching our sorrows and frustrations to us.



Today, I will ask for God's guidance and help in every area of my life. I will not try to solve all my difficulties at once. I am not expected to handle more than my share. I will work on one or two things and leave the rest to God.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes. © 1981 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.


______________________________________________________

evile: (Creativity)
by Nancy Woods

My help is in the mountain
Where I take myself to heal
The earthly wounds
That people give to me.
I find a rock with sun on it
And a stream where the water runs gentle
And the trees which one by one give me company.
So must I stay for a long time
Until I have grown from the rock
And the stream is running through me
And I cannot tell myself from one tall tree.
Then I know that nothing touches me
Nor makes me run away.
My help is in the mountain
That I take away with me.
EARTH CURE ME
Earth cure me. Earth receive my woe. Rock
strengthen me. Rock receive my weakness. Rain
wash my sadness away. Rain receive my doubt.
Sun make sweet my song. Sun receive the anger
from my heart.
evile: (freedom)
“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.” - José Micard Teixeira

http://blogs.indiewire.com/bent/let-meryl-streeps-wise-words-usher-you-into-september-20140901
evile: (Knight & his Lady)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:



Love at first sight is easy to understand. It's when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.

--Sam Levenson




True intimacy introduces us to ourselves. A loving relationship is the greatest therapy. When we first fall in love, we are filled with optimism and the greatest hopes for fulfillment of our dreams. We cling to all the best qualities of the person we fall in love with and we look past those things we don't like. But living in an intimate partnership takes us beyond the edge of what we have learned. It is truly an adult developmental challenge.



Most of us fall in love and soon find ourselves in over our heads. We haven't had experience as adults in sustaining the openness and vulnerability we have walked into. We may gradually begin to feel too vulnerable and exposed. The relationship tests our ability to trust someone who has this much access to our inner self. We are tempted to become cranky, edgy, or overly sensitive. We may test our partner's love by asking, If you love me, will you do such and such? We begin to try to control our partner so we don't feel so vulnerable. All these temptations are holdover behaviors from our less mature selves. So we must reach for our more mature selves, breathe deeply, and trust that we can survive while being so close and vulnerable.



Today I will turn to my Higher Power for guidance in going forward, in trust while being vulnerable.




You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

Wisdom to Know © 2005 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:



Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.

--Anne Frank



Anne Frank had good reason to be unhappy, full of fear, and deeply discouraged. Years of her life were spent in a small apartment hiding from the Nazis who wanted to destroy her and her family.



Yet even in this little hiding place she had happiness. It was something she had inside which did not depend on what happened around her. She had riches of the heart. She had faith that kept her going. She had love and concern for her family and others, which made even a restricted life very rich with feelings. It is tempting to believe that we will be happy when we have something outside ourselves, which will make us happy. But happiness is not something we have to find outside; the seeds are in our hearts already.



What happiness can I find in my latest setback?

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

Today's Gift © 1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (QThinking)
So, these two items landed in my in box within a few days of one another. I think there's definitely a Message from the Univere here, someplace.....


Today's thought from Hazelden is:



God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.




--The Serenity Prayer



Newcomer






What if the person to whom I'm trying to make amends is still too angry to accept my apology or doesn't want anything to do with me?



Sponsor



This is an important question. When we speak our amends aloud or write them in a letter, as long as we have acknowledged the harm we've done and are committed to doing things differently, then our amends are genuine and we've done our part.



One of the things over which we have no control is the way another person reacts to our amends. He or she may be understanding, even loving and generous, or may not be as ready to forgive us as we are to acknowledge the harm we've done. Hearing from us may revive old anger or pain. Some may think we're trying to get off easy. Our recovery itself may cause resentment.



In time, friends' or relatives' attitudes may change – or they may not. We can't force other human beings to forgive us or to want us in their lives, and we can't make things happen on our timetable.



Today, I do my part by taking appropriate actions; I turn over the results of those actions to my Higher Power.






You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

If You Want What We Have © 1998 by Joan Larkin. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.



& then this

"Terminally Forgetful: Taking a look at the harm we’ve done to ourselves and others
evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:



If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



Most of us make trouble for ourselves by over-reacting to what others say or do. We have conditioned ourselves to see everyone else as "the enemy" rather than look within ourselves for the real cause of our distress.



If we can pause long enough to uncover our own hidden discomfort and distorted attitudes before we react with harsh criticism or vindictive silence, we can change our destructive first impulses into a loving interchange between individuals.



Today let me not be quick to criticize or condemn another. I will look at others as friends, not as foes, on my journey toward self-discovery.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes. © 1981 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.


 

evile: (reading)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:


Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

--Oscar Wilde




According to a Japanese legend, two monks were walking down the road when they saw a finely dressed young woman standing before a large mud puddle. She explained that she had no way of crossing the water without ruining her clothes. Without saying a word, the first monk picked her up in his arms and lifted her safely across the obstacle.



A few hours later the second monk said in an accusatory tone, "How could you have picked up that lady? Don't you know that the rules strictly forbid us to touch a member of the opposite sex?" His friend smiled and then replied, "I put the woman down back at the puddle. Are you still carrying her?"



Like the second monk, many of us are still carrying old hurts, resentments, and lost opportunities that we picked up many mud puddles ago. As long as we remain stuck in the past, we cannot fully hear the inner voice, which speaks to us in the present. Thus, in order to tap our intuition, we need to release and heal our unfinished business.



By following the example of the first monk, we can put the past down and walk on. See your past experiences as teachings that have guided you to this present moment. An endless array of opportunities and possibilities lie before you. Immerse yourself in this good, and the old hurts will have no place left to make their home.






You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

Listening to Your Inner Voice © 1991, by Douglas Bloch. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Nice guys finish last.
--Leo Durocher

Some of us are habitually victims, doormats, and "poor things." No matter what, we never say no. The more we practice being nice guys the less able we are to cope creatively. We place the blame, along with the responsibility, elsewhere.

Darlene modeled this for all of us at a recent meeting. She is well past fifty and has been divorced for twenty years. Yet she is still seeking sympathy for what her husband - and God -did to her. Twenty-five years ago she inherited fifty thousand dollars from her parents' estate. Bit by bit, as she said, her alcoholic husband spent it all. It wasn't that she gave it to him or failed to manage it herself, she explained. What happened was that he "just spent it all up. How could he do that?" The obvious, healthier question never occurred to her: How could she allow a sick person to eat up a small fortune?

The moral of the story is that being "too nice" isn't our problem.

Today, I will search my conscience for evidence of irresponsibility that I may have been filing under other names.

You are reading from the book:

evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.
--Will Durant

Sometimes we say bad things about others. When we do this, it makes us look bad too. Our friends worry what we might say about them behind their backs. They're afraid to trust us. We become known as gossips.

The things we say about other people tell a lot about us. We are kind or unkind. We gossip or we don't. This doesn't mean we have to say everyone is wonderful all the time. As we work our program to see ourselves better, we begin to see other people more clearly too. We see their strong points and their weak points. But we can know these things without gossiping about them.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me see others clearly, and in their best light. Let me bring out the good in others.

Action for the Day

Today, I'll list the people I'm closest to at work, school, and home. I'll think of how I talk about them to others. Am I kind?

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

Keep It Simple © 1989 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.


 

evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people's issues.
-- Melody Beattie



Learning to respect boundaries, our own and other people's, eliminates much of the stress that hinders relationships. Accepting the behavior and the opinions of our friends as legitimate for them allows our relationships to teach us tolerance and patience and love. Our journey on this planet is not about "fixing" or controlling others, but about loving them wholly, just as we want to be loved.

We need other people. Our humanity is enhanced by our mutual experiences. But we also need to let others learn from their mistakes and their own experiences, rather than to help them avoid what they need for their growth. We hate to see our friends in pain. Our compassion is triggered when trouble trips them. But their journey must be inviolate. We'll only prolong their struggle by intervening where we aren't needed.

It's hard to back away when a friend is in trouble. But telling a friend you love and support him or her may give them the strength they need.



You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey. © 1994 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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