evile: (dorothy)
I don't believe in being difficult to love. I don't believe in spending time with people who are difficult to love. If I want your company, I won't be an asshole to you. If you want my company, don't be an asshole to me. Seems pretty simple, doesn't it? And yet there are so many 'love stories' in fiction and literature, movies and music, where the person is a complete asshole who is somehow redeemed by being loved enough by the right person. That's not real life. That's not how sane & good people treat one another. Only evil, crazy people set up barriers and tests for people who love them. I'm not gonna prove my love to anyone, and anyone worth loving isn't going to demand it of me.

http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/are-you-difficult-to-love-or-easy-to-love/
evile: (bike)
Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:



That's what happens when you're angry at people. You make them part of your life.

--Garrison Keillor




Our problems with anger and our problems in relationships go hand in hand. Some of us have held back our anger, which led to resentment of our loved ones. Some of us have indulged our anger and become abusive. Some of us have been so frightened of anger that we closed off the dialogue in our relationships when angry feelings came out.



Some of us have wasted our energy by focusing anger on people who weren't really important to us. Do we truly want them to become so important? Yet, perhaps the important relationships got frozen because we weren't open and respectful with our anger. It isn't possible to be close to someone without being angry at times. We let our loved ones be part of our lives by feeling our anger when it is there and expressing it openly, directly, and respectfully to them - or by hearing them when they are angry. Then, with dialogue, we can let it go.



I will be aware of those people I am making important in my life and will grow in dealing with my anger.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Touchstones ©1986, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (Celtic Knot)
Today's thought for Hazelden is:



"Depressions are transition times for me," an older fellow stated. "I look at my lows as a preparation period, an inner time to grow and change even though I'm not consciously aware of what's going on inside me. But I didn't always think this way.



"I used to get terrified when I got into one of those low periods. Every time I did, I questioned everything I ever believed in. I doubted myself and my abilities, my opinions and values, my friends and my boss. Nothing escaped my painful questioning. I thought for sure I was going insane. The pain was so unbearable I wanted to drink, work harder, anything, to distract me from my anguish.



"Now when I get low, I take it more in stride. I think of my depression as part of a natural cycle. Just as nature has its fall, winter, and spring, I, too, have a period of shedding old growth for new growth. I just endure my grey days knowing the sun will shine again just as the trees will bloom after winter. As part of the natural world around me, I, too, have my seasons of joy and sorrow."



Today I will remember that my lows are as natural as my highs. I will not become overwhelmed and exaggerate the significance of my depressions. I will endure patiently, knowing that whatever faces me will pass in time.






You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes. © 1981 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (bike)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:



Let go of resentments



Resentments are sneaky, tricky little things. They can convince us they're justified. They can dry up our hearts. They can sabotage our happiness. They can sabotage love.



Most of us have been at the receiving end of an injustice at some time in our lives. Most of us know someone who's complained of an injustice we've done to him or her. Life can be a breeding ground for resentments, if we let it.



"Yes, but this time I really was wronged," we complain.



Maybe you were. But harboring resentment isn't the solution. If it were, our resentment list would resemble the Los Angeles telephone directory. Deal with your feelings. Learn whatever lesson is at hand. Then let the feelings go.



Resentments are a coping behavior, a tool of someone settling for survival in life. They're a form or revenge. The problem is, no matter whom we're resenting, the anger is ultimately directed against ourselves.



Take a moment. Search your heart. Have you tricked yourself into harboring resentment? If you have, take another moment and let that resentment go.



Grant me the serenity that acceptance brings.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

More Language of Letting Go © 2000 by Melody Beattie. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (Pippi Longstocking)


Real Love







Today's thought from Hazelden is:



It doesn't happen all at once.... You become. It takes a long time.

--Margery Williams




Our spiritual awakening is partly a process of becoming real. We're moving from the external controls of image and others' opinions to the internal controls of honesty, listening to our inner voice, and having true relationships. We are shedding the games that maintained our old style of life - "macho" or "hero" or "poor me."



In place of the old phony surface, we are developing a real relationship with ourselves. We are becoming more aware - of emotions, of need for rest, of violations of our values. Sometimes change comes in a flash of insight or a moment of sudden, piercing awareness, but more often it comes a little bit at a time. As we work the Steps, as we are true to our inner voice, as we keep returning to conscious contact with our Higher Power, as we get closer to our friends, we become more real to ourselves.



As I grow, I see that I was always real. I was just looking at the outside.




You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Touchstones ©1986, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (freedom)
“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.” - José Micard Teixeira

http://blogs.indiewire.com/bent/let-meryl-streeps-wise-words-usher-you-into-september-20140901
evile: (Knight & his Lady)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:



Love at first sight is easy to understand. It's when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.

--Sam Levenson




True intimacy introduces us to ourselves. A loving relationship is the greatest therapy. When we first fall in love, we are filled with optimism and the greatest hopes for fulfillment of our dreams. We cling to all the best qualities of the person we fall in love with and we look past those things we don't like. But living in an intimate partnership takes us beyond the edge of what we have learned. It is truly an adult developmental challenge.



Most of us fall in love and soon find ourselves in over our heads. We haven't had experience as adults in sustaining the openness and vulnerability we have walked into. We may gradually begin to feel too vulnerable and exposed. The relationship tests our ability to trust someone who has this much access to our inner self. We are tempted to become cranky, edgy, or overly sensitive. We may test our partner's love by asking, If you love me, will you do such and such? We begin to try to control our partner so we don't feel so vulnerable. All these temptations are holdover behaviors from our less mature selves. So we must reach for our more mature selves, breathe deeply, and trust that we can survive while being so close and vulnerable.



Today I will turn to my Higher Power for guidance in going forward, in trust while being vulnerable.




You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

Wisdom to Know © 2005 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:



Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.

--Anne Frank



Anne Frank had good reason to be unhappy, full of fear, and deeply discouraged. Years of her life were spent in a small apartment hiding from the Nazis who wanted to destroy her and her family.



Yet even in this little hiding place she had happiness. It was something she had inside which did not depend on what happened around her. She had riches of the heart. She had faith that kept her going. She had love and concern for her family and others, which made even a restricted life very rich with feelings. It is tempting to believe that we will be happy when we have something outside ourselves, which will make us happy. But happiness is not something we have to find outside; the seeds are in our hearts already.



What happiness can I find in my latest setback?

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

Today's Gift © 1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (reading)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:


Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

--Oscar Wilde




According to a Japanese legend, two monks were walking down the road when they saw a finely dressed young woman standing before a large mud puddle. She explained that she had no way of crossing the water without ruining her clothes. Without saying a word, the first monk picked her up in his arms and lifted her safely across the obstacle.



A few hours later the second monk said in an accusatory tone, "How could you have picked up that lady? Don't you know that the rules strictly forbid us to touch a member of the opposite sex?" His friend smiled and then replied, "I put the woman down back at the puddle. Are you still carrying her?"



Like the second monk, many of us are still carrying old hurts, resentments, and lost opportunities that we picked up many mud puddles ago. As long as we remain stuck in the past, we cannot fully hear the inner voice, which speaks to us in the present. Thus, in order to tap our intuition, we need to release and heal our unfinished business.



By following the example of the first monk, we can put the past down and walk on. See your past experiences as teachings that have guided you to this present moment. An endless array of opportunities and possibilities lie before you. Immerse yourself in this good, and the old hurts will have no place left to make their home.






You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

Listening to Your Inner Voice © 1991, by Douglas Bloch. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Nice guys finish last.
--Leo Durocher

Some of us are habitually victims, doormats, and "poor things." No matter what, we never say no. The more we practice being nice guys the less able we are to cope creatively. We place the blame, along with the responsibility, elsewhere.

Darlene modeled this for all of us at a recent meeting. She is well past fifty and has been divorced for twenty years. Yet she is still seeking sympathy for what her husband - and God -did to her. Twenty-five years ago she inherited fifty thousand dollars from her parents' estate. Bit by bit, as she said, her alcoholic husband spent it all. It wasn't that she gave it to him or failed to manage it herself, she explained. What happened was that he "just spent it all up. How could he do that?" The obvious, healthier question never occurred to her: How could she allow a sick person to eat up a small fortune?

The moral of the story is that being "too nice" isn't our problem.

Today, I will search my conscience for evidence of irresponsibility that I may have been filing under other names.

You are reading from the book:

evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.
--Will Durant

Sometimes we say bad things about others. When we do this, it makes us look bad too. Our friends worry what we might say about them behind their backs. They're afraid to trust us. We become known as gossips.

The things we say about other people tell a lot about us. We are kind or unkind. We gossip or we don't. This doesn't mean we have to say everyone is wonderful all the time. As we work our program to see ourselves better, we begin to see other people more clearly too. We see their strong points and their weak points. But we can know these things without gossiping about them.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me see others clearly, and in their best light. Let me bring out the good in others.

Action for the Day

Today, I'll list the people I'm closest to at work, school, and home. I'll think of how I talk about them to others. Am I kind?

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

Keep It Simple © 1989 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.


 

Good will

Feb. 4th, 2014 06:44 pm
evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Goodwill


Looking at other people with jealousy, envy, and mean and bitter thoughts isn't new to our world. The concept of giving other people the evil eye has been around for a long time. It's mentioned in almost every religion and culture in the world.

Sometimes we're not conscious of the darker thoughts we think. We might believe that ill will and the feelings connected with it - envy, jealousy, and resentment - are wrong. So when we feel that way, we push those feelings and thoughts aside.

"I remember lying in bed one night, tortured by my marriage, but believing it would violate my religious beliefs to get divorced," a woman said. "I started counting the years until I thought my husband might die. A light came on. I realized that wishing him dead was a lot worse than saying good-bye."

We want to believe there's a balancing force that prevails in the world. And while this force is balancing things out, we'd like to get some of the good stuff too. Hey, God, remember me?








Challenge:


The hardest thing about practicing goodwill is believing that when we're happy for other people - even when they're happier than we are - it will make us the happiest people in the world.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact © 2003 by Melody Beattie. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (Metal E)
https://medium.com/life-tips/494224e0f983

text of articleRead more... )

Yes. This.

Sep. 13th, 2013 07:04 pm
evile: (labyrinth)

Today's thought from Hazelden is:


Communicating


…when I finally gave up on my partner.

Read more... )

evile: (Celtic Knot)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

My parents believed in honesty and hard work and they passed that on to me.
--Monty Cralley



Most of us can think of a number of things we can credit our parents with. For some of us there may not be as many good legacies as bad, however. But time has marched on and we can't redo a bad past. Nor does it help to continue rehashing it in our minds. Our parents simply passed on to us what they had learned. If it wasn't all good, let's hope we learned enough from it to break the pattern before we passed it on to our children.

Let's focus on the blessings and the positive experiences in our lives. While it's true that we learned something from every experience, even the ones that seemed vile at the time, the more pleasant ones helped us interact in a more hopeful manner with others. The more hope we had, the more hope we inspired in our friends, too. There was no better quality to pass on to others.

We are still passing on ideas and impressions to others. Every opinion we share, every favor we perform, every moment we intently listen to someone talk about themselves is our opportunity to pass along something positive to a person who needs us. Our work isn't done.

I will pass on something I can feel proud of today.





You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

Keepers of the Wisdom © 1996 by Karen Casey. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.


 


=============================

So, yeah....basically you learn what you learn growing up and then once you're an adult on your own you spend hours and days picking through the lessons and discarding the toxic ones...trying to figure out what were the good things to have learned in childhood, and what things no child should have ever had to learn. About being unloveable. About being bad. About being touched or not touched.... ignored or not. And let's not forget the recently-discovered parental dirty trick of "Otherparent thinks you're------[insert terrible things here]" when Otherparent actually did or thought no such thing.

yeah. fun stuff.
evile: (Pippi Longstocking)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

What I said never changed anybody; what they understood did.
--Paul. P.



How often have we given our all to change somebody else? How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light? How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern - perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience - bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?

All of us have.

We would do anything to save the people we love. In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words in just the right way, our loved ones will understand.

If change happens, we think our efforts have succeeded.

If change doesn't happen, we think our efforts have failed. But neither is true. Even our best efforts don't have the power to change someone else. Nor do we have that responsibility. People are only persuaded by what they understand. And they, as we, can understand a deeper truth only when it is their time to grow toward deeper understanding. Not before.

Today, I will focus on changing myself and entrust those I love to the Higher Power who loves them even more than I do.









You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty. © 1987, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

Apologies

May. 28th, 2013 09:48 pm
evile: (Celtic Knot)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:


Apologies



Sometimes, we act in a manner with which we are less than comfortable. That's human. That's why we have the words: "I'm sorry." They heal and bridge the gap. But we don't have to say, "I'm sorry" if we didn't do anything wrong. A sense of shame can keep us apologizing for everything we do, every word we say, for being alive and being who we are.

We don't have to apologize for taking care of ourselves, dealing with feelings, seeking boundaries, having fun, or getting healthy.

We never have to change our course, if it is in our best interest, but sometimes a general apology acknowledges other feelings and can be useful when the issues of a circumstance or relationship are not clear. We might say, "I'm sorry for the fuss we had. I'm sorry if what I needed to do to take care of myself hurt you; it was not intended that way."

Once we make an apology, we don't have to keep repeating it. If someone wants to keep on extricating an apology from us for the same incident, that is the person's issue, and we don't have to get hooked.

We can learn to take our apologies seriously and not hand them out when they're not valid. When we feel good about ourselves, we know when it's time to say we're sorry and when it's not.

Today, I will try to be clear and healthy in my apologies, taking responsibility for my actions and nobody else's. God, help me figure out what I need to apologize for and what is not my responsibility.









You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

The Language of Letting Go © 1990 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (Knight & his Lady)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:



There can be a lot of hurt in love, and there is always risk, and one can't help wondering sometimes if there couldn't be a better way to live.
--Merle Shain


We want to love and be loved, and we mistakenly believe the right significant other will complete our world. The pain and troubling times that fester within a growing, changing relationship aren't really part of the bargain -- or so we think -- and the decision to stay eludes us sometimes. We run, and then we find ourselves once again longing for completion with another.

What we must understand is that the journey, alone or in partnership, will be uphill at least half the time. But we must also believe the path will only be as rugged as it needs to be to ensure our fullest development.

We simply must trust that it's worth the effort to love, and love some more, even when it hurts, even when we see only darkness at the end of the tunnel. The light will dawn.



You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey. © 1985 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (snake)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:


Recognizing Choices


We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.

We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors such as caretaking or controlling.

Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say, I have to take care of this person . . . I have to say yes . . . I have to try to control that person . . . I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way . . . we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else's rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.

Today, I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.









You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

The Language of Letting Go © 1990 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (snake)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Love cures. It cures those who give it and it cures those who receive it.
--Dr. Karl Menninger



Love is no mystery, but its results are magical in many ways. It's generally accepted that many illnesses are psychosomatic. Because we often feel anxiously alone, lonely, fearful, and unloved, we express our need through our bodies. How sad so many of us are so hindered. But we can each be willing participants in a solution. The action called for is simple. All it requires is the decision to act with favor toward one another.

A look through loving eyes on a struggling person offers him or her the strength to try and try again and thus succeed. Lovingly moving the barriers to another's achieving spirit will benefit all who share this journey.

Love multiplies the great and simple acts of goodness in the world. Each of us, with no more effort than a genuinely warm glance, can change the course of history today, tomorrow, always.



You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey. © 1985 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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