evile: (Creativity)
I was just going thru some old online journaling & came across this. I didn't take care at the time to note who sent it to me or where I found it, but it was good to re-read today:


01. You will recieve a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period, this time around.

02. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "Life". Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant or stupid.

03. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "Failed" experiment is as much a part of the process as the experiment ultimately "works".

04. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.

05. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

06. "There" is no better than "here". When "There" has become a "Here", you will simply obtain another "There" that will, again, look better than "Here".

07. Others are mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

08. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools or resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

09. The answers lie in you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget all this. Unless you consistantly stay focussed on the goals you have set for yourself, everything you've just read won't mean a thing.

BPAL order

Nov. 27th, 2004 10:37 pm
evile: (Default)
rec'd today, all listed below, PLUS:

MOON ROSE
A crisp, pale, almost translucent rose dusted by moonflower and
midnight dew.

[my first impression: too sweet & girly for me. I bet my sister H. would like it.]


and Old Madrid. Which, I think Is MADRID:

MADRID
Swarthy and vibrant! An elegant, full-bodied scent that ignites all
the darkest passions. Bold red wine, mimosa, and a trickle of clove.

[it smells like candy at first, but then you can smell the wine &
clove. kind of interesting?]
===================
> BLOOD AMBER -- Slivers of warm, pulsating blood forever
crystallized
> in golden amber resin.

[some sort of cleaning fluid, interesting color, though]

>
> BLOOD KISS -- Lush, creamy vanilla and the honey of the sweetest
kiss
> smeared with the vital throb of husky clove, swollen red cherries,
> but darkened with the vampiric sensuality
> of vetiver, soporific poppy and blood red wine, and a skin-light
> pulse of feral musk.

[cherry-vanilla]

>
> LEX TALIONIS -- The law of retaliation and perfect reciprocity: an
> eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, an arm for an arm, a life for
a
> life. The essence of blunt justice: dark myrrh, vetiver, cardamom,
> violet, black pepper, sage, cedarwood and black patchouli with a
> clarion note of sharp white grapefruit.

[more cleaning fluid, slightly pepper ish]


>
> HELL'S BELLE -- Sweet, smoky and sensually wicked. A thick, steamy
> scent, truly sinister in its voluptuous sexuality. The perfume of a
> demon's favored consort, or of the devil herself. Oleander with
> wet, sweet mandarin, lush magnolia, a rush of deep musk and a touch
> of spice.

[cedar & orange]

>
> MATA HARI-- A renowned exotic dancer and courtesan, possessed of
> aristocratic elegance, matchless charm, an iron will and a streak
of
> fearlessness. The actual events of her life have met with much
> speculation, and to this day it is unclear whether or not she was
> truly a German spy. Despite shaky evidence of her guilt, she was
> tried for espionage by a closed court-martial and was executed by a
> French firing squad in 1917. Her scent is striking and bold with a
> delicate yet dark undertone: five roses with soft jasmine, warmed
by
> vanilla, fig, tonka bean and mahogany, spiced with a drop of coffee
> bean.

[tuberose for sure. not much else.]


> PERVERSION -- The perfect scent to wear to your next bondage ball,
> dungeon adventure or sojourn to your favorite pleasure dome. Smoky
> rum and black tobacco with a whisper of steamy leather with a
splash
> of crystalline chardonnay, layered over a sensual, sweet, and
> deceptively magnetic base of tonka.

[smells like vanilla, and rum a little]

good stuff

Oct. 12th, 2004 09:25 pm
evile: (Default)
Placed an order with Black Phoenix Alchemy lab for samples:

BLOOD AMBER -- Slivers of warm, pulsating blood forever crystallized
in golden amber resin.

BLOOD KISS -- Lush, creamy vanilla and the honey of the sweetest kiss
smeared with the vital throb of husky clove, swollen red cherries,
but darkened with the vampiric sensuality
of vetiver, soporific poppy and blood red wine, and a skin-light
pulse of feral musk.

LEX TALIONIS -- The law of retaliation and perfect reciprocity: an
eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, an arm for an arm, a life for a
life. The essence of blunt justice: dark myrrh, vetiver, cardamom,
violet, black pepper, sage, cedarwood and black patchouli with a
clarion note of sharp white grapefruit.

HELL'S BELLE -- Sweet, smoky and sensually wicked. A thick, steamy
scent, truly sinister in its voluptuous sexuality. The perfume of a
demon's favored consort, or of the devil herself. Oleander with
wet, sweet mandarin, lush magnolia, a rush of deep musk and a touch
of spice.

MATA HARI-- A renowned exotic dancer and courtesan, possessed of
aristocratic elegance, matchless charm, an iron will and a streak of
fearlessness. The actual events of her life have met with much
speculation, and to this day it is unclear whether or not she was
truly a German spy. Despite shaky evidence of her guilt, she was
tried for espionage by a closed court-martial and was executed by a
French firing squad in 1917. Her scent is striking and bold with a
delicate yet dark undertone: five roses with soft jasmine, warmed by
vanilla, fig, tonka bean and mahogany, spiced with a drop of coffee
bean.

PERVERSION -- The perfect scent to wear to your next bondage ball,
dungeon adventure or sojourn to your favorite pleasure dome. Smoky
rum and black tobacco with a whisper of steamy leather with a splash
of crystalline chardonnay, layered over a sensual, sweet, and
deceptively magnetic base of tonka.
evile: (blinky)
dream: was at [livejournal.com profile] sineater's (looked like Uncle Bubba's in SA) & toilet had been modified so you could flush dead bodies. septic tank outside was broken, bodies & poop & green stuff oozing out of the ground. Sineater was vacuuming, said someone would be out to clean up the mess soon. ??

WTF

Random thoughts re:

honesty: everyone says they value it, nobody actually does. They'd
rather be lied to, manipulated, tricked, than asked straight out?
X. has gotten used to this form of communication, it wasn't really
her fault she couldn't come right out and ask for whatever she needed
from me...she has not ever been allowed to be honest. Her Mom. Her husband. No
honesty. Proz (?) in Livejournal got hollered at by [livejournal.com profile] ubiquity for being
anti-trans, after Pace apparently asked Proz' opinion on something &
didn't like Proz' honest thoughts.

abuse: I used to blame all of [livejournal.com profile] sineater's problems on [livejournal.com profile] skye_ds, say it was
her fault his life was bad, she is a terrible person for being so
awful to him & the bird & horses...but I have come to realize that
she is desperately unhappy, depressed, self-destructive, and possibly
mentally ill. Does it excuse or exonerate her behavior, to know that
she is at least as horrible to herself as she is to the people
she 'loves'? Is there a valid analogy to the way skye_ds abuses sineater
and the way Alzheimer's patients yell at people for stuff that
happened a long time ago? If you love someone, do you let them hurt
you, knowing they can't help it? Or do you remove yourself because
you know your love can't fix anything?

music: They are playing girlfriend songs on 101x flashback lunch: respect by
erasure-a J-Law song, and There is a light that never goes out, by the
smiths, a D. song.
evile: (Walls)
Found in diaryland diary, copied & pasted here with my answers:
======================

1. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?

Travel the world with a bevy of beautiful young people who all adore
me.

2. What is your ideal marriage location?

I guess this was suppose to read 'wedding'. But the answer is HELL.
Hell hell hell. I will be a woman slave when I die and go to HELL.

3. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?

None, really. I don't care about music in that way. I am a DJ.

4. What's your favorite day of the week, and why?

Sunday. Sweetie day, day of rest.

5. Favorite fabric(s)? Silk, Velvet, Cotton, Linen

6. Something you love and hate: My life.

7. What kind of bedding do you use? cotton sheets, satin pillowcase,
polar fleece 'greenie' to keep warm.

8. What kind of soap do you use?

I'm using something icky(fake vanilla crap) right now, but like
Caress bath gel.

9. Do you tell your friends about your sex life?

what friends? What sex life?

10. What's the one language you want to learn?

Any. All. Spanish would probably be useful..

11. How do you eat an apple?

Just bite it around the core, probably rather systematically.

12. What do you order at a bar?

Whiskey sours or (if it's John the bartender) Bloody Mary.

13. Can you count to 13?

Is this some kind of penis reference?

14. Have you ever pierced your body parts?

Ears only


15. Do you have tattoos?

Just one, and despite warnings that I'd get a jones for more,I haven't.


16. Would you ever admit to having done plastic surgery of any kind
if confronted?

a) I would never have cosmetic surgery it is too nasty & dangerous
b) but if I did, I'm sure I wouldn't be coy about it. I showed my
endometriosis surgery scar to everyone.

17. What's one of the "funnest" things you've ever done:

anything with my good friends. Driving around with the punk flock,
doing the Time Warp at the airport. God, I used to be able to have
fun without money. What changed?

18. Do you drive stick?

Yes. My current vehicle doesn't have it, though.

19. What's one trait you hate in a person?

Hypocrisy, doing one thing and saying another, etc.

20. What's the one trait you need in a person?

Honesty.

21. What kind of watch(es) do you wear?

None. I like this "eye of horus" swatch-type one I saw in a catalog.

22. Most frivolous purchase?

Face plates for my phone. Rilly stupid waste of $.

23. Do you consider yourself materialistic?

Absolutely. Money is my god.

24. What do you cook the best?

Lasagne I guess.

25. Favorite writing instrument?

A really nice ball point pen with a large ball, makes me look like I
write neater.

26. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?

I prefer to be invisible.

27. Do you have anything monogrammed?

No.

28. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?

It would be terribly unconvincing, but I have worn tux jacket & tux
shirt on occasion, does that count?

29. What's one car you will never buy?

Ford.

30. Have you ever done drugs?

yes. Not that great. I prefer liquor.

31. What kind of books do you like to read?

Ones that are well-written & well researched. Historical fiction,
biographies of interesting people, some mystery.suspense. Getting
away from sci fi these days. (originally typoed Sci fie. Hee.)

32. If you won the lottery, what would you do first?

Pay my debts.

33. Burial or cremation?

burial, as long as I can have it doen without being embalmed &
otherwise having my corpse defiled.

34. How many online journals do you read regularly?

all the ones on my profilelist,plus recently updated ones.

35. What's one thing you're a sore loser at?

Anything involving money, anything where the winner acts superior &
rubs it in.

36. If you don't like a person, how do you show it?

Ignore them. Possibly talk shit about them behind their backs.

38. Favorite kind of popcorn?

Caramel.

39. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?

Nah.

40. Do you cry in front of friends?

Sometimes.

41. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?

Aloof, cold, disapproving, boring, mean.

42. What's one thing you like to do alone?

Everything. Work, cook, beadwork, stained glass,
computer...everything.

43. What's the worst thing you ever said to someone?

Probably calling my little brother a bastard. But I've said alot of
nasty things to people, more than I can ever be bothered to remember
or regret. I'm a bitch. and now it's come back to bite me in the ass
& I have no friends & no life. Serves me right.

44. What's the worst thing anyone ever said to you?

Mom telling me that she feels like a bad mother, making me feel that
she's disappointed in me. Milan saying that it's too bad I haven't
done anything interesting with my life. General perception of male
father figures not thinking much of my accomplishments in life.

45. Are you a giver or a taker?

giver.

46. When's the right time to go to the bathroom in front of your
significant other?

when ya gotta go...

47. Favorite communication method?

Writing. Email.

48. What is one thing you don't leave home without?

Wallet.

49. How often do you call your mom?

Once a month maybe.

50. What's the most painful experience you've ever had?

So many. Physically either breaking my thumb or endometriosis &
surgery for it. Emotionally...who knows? Being rejected by Tex, being
rejected by male parent figures, being fired by my boss/friend, being
snubbed by my sis in law, being rejected by the TEPs, being snubbed
by AFR, failing in business...*sigh*
evile: (Bitchplz)
I have the worlds worst sinus headache this a.m.! Bleh. I am also
peeved at X & not really looking forward to spending the day with
her Saturday. I hope I get to feeling better & perk up by the
weekend. I was just talking to her yesterday about how disappointed I
am with the response to the TRF bus trips and about how poor I'm
gonna be, and she was all like "Well, you're not REALLY gonna be
poor. Nobody's gonna sell your house out from under you and you won't
have to borrow any money from friends like M. and I had to"...

Thanks for the sympathy. I could have really stood to hear a quick,
simple "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." or "That really sucks" but to
have someone tell me that my feelings are invalid just really makes
me angry and sad. Okay, so I didn't spend my teen years doing drugs
and getting laid, so I worked instead. So I got a credit card early
in life and have built up a credit rating so that I can charge things
when I have no cash instead of borrowing from friends (and never
paying them back, may I add), so I didn't marry a man with a 10 grand
debt to the IRS. So I didn't get knocked up 3 times in the course of
5 years. So I work for a living. I guess that means I don't know what
it's REALLY like to be REALLY poor and I should just shut up and
count my blessings. Well, I don't have fucking Anthax either, I
guess I should just go dancing out into the streets because I am just
so goddamned lucky.

She's right, I am not dead, and I should count my blessings. And I
do. But I just wanted a sympathetic ear, not a big lecture about how
I'm not REALLY poor, how my feelings don't really count.

No christmas for anyone. No birthdays for anyone. No traveling. No
eating out. No new clothes. No new shoes. No dental check up this
year or next year. No eye check up this year or next year. No vet
check ups for the pets. No going out. No gym membership next year.
No new books, no new magazines, no fun at all. No more classes for
getting my Travel & Tourism certificate at ACC. No new tools or
materials for Magpies. No traveling to trade shows. No money for
booth fees. No money for selling on ebay. Just pay my debts and work
and go home and that's it. For at least a year. This puts my being
able to pay my personal debts and quit my job and devote more of my
time and energy to Magpies off by at least a year. This puts off my
Real Life for at least a year. But, no, I'm not poor. I still have my
house and I won't have to borrow money from friends. So, fuck me, I'm
not poor at all.
evile: (Default)
The Online Predator

3) Predator Warning Signals:

While any of these phrases or actions may be acceptable in a
given context, pay close attention when seeing or hearing them.
Phrases:
1. Do not tell _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .
2. ( _ _ _ _ _ ) is crazy ! ( or psycho, sick, a liar, or out to
get me )
3. It would be best if you no longer spoke to _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
4. I do not need to defend myself against lies.
5. They are just jealous ( of me, of us, of what we have, that you
have me).

Actions:

1. May seldom be in the chat rooms. Operates from other areas or
private rooms.
2. Has personal information which is incomplete or not verifiable.
3. Becomes defensive or angry when questioned.
4. Questions your sincerity when questioned.
5. Will usually discourage or forbid the practice of reference checks.
6. Will usually discourage or forbid the use of Safe Calls.

4) Personal Warning Signals:

These are items that a person should pay attention to if s/he is
saying them to her/himself or hearing them from others.

1. I feel he/she is just too good to be true.
2. You are hearing consistent warnings from more that one person.
3. Your instincts are whispering something is not right about this
person.

5) Summary:

The final best defense any person has against an Online Predator
is his/her own common sense and judgment. The potential victim should
always remember that desires, needs, and the heat of the moment can
combine to drown that judgment. Always take a moment to step back,
take a deep breath and look at a potential partner with common sense
and not with passion.
evile: (Default)
The Online Predator

1) Definition:

The Online Predator is one who uses the mechanisms of cyber space to hunt human beings with the intent to exploit, rob, plunder and pillage their body, mind, heart and soul.

2) Characteristics of a Predator:

1. Liar: ( Self explanatory )
2. Deceiver: self situation is presented as other than what it is.
3. Betrayer: is likely to break trust.
4. Insecure: is worried that others will be faithless.
5. Inconsistent: will say one thing while doing another.
6. Lacking Honor: Usually while protesting that s/he has honor.
7. Lack of Respect: will tend to denigrate others.
8. Transient: is unlikely to have many long term friends.
9. Manipulator: calculates and contrives for her/his own benefit
to the detriment of his/her partner.
10. Secretive: will tend to cloak self and activities.
11. Charming: If s/he could not steal your breath away, s/he would
not be a successful hunter.
12. Selective: will pick victims carefully, looking for weaknesses and
filling those voids completely.
13. Chameleon: will appear to fit any need perfectly and adapt to
fill any desire.
14. Lacking in Self Control: Although at times, may have extraordinary
self control and discipline.

A predator probably exhibits these characteristics in all aspects of his/her life. It may be that the only place the predator seems to have honor and value Truth is in the Relationship s/he is developing with his/her victim. When developing a new relationship, a person should make a conscious effort to observe his/her partners interaction with others, not just how s/he interacts with her/him. The predator may well reveal his true self through her/his
interactions.

But, the victim may only see this revelation if s/he is committed to taking every precaution for her/his own safety.
evile: (Default)
There are men and women out there ready to con you and break your
heart without a second thought. Given the chance, they will use your
kindness and affection against you, taking advantage of your love and
your assets. It's hard to believe that you might fall head over heels
for someone who has intentions of hurting you, but the truth is that
it happens all the time.

The people who use your love to get what they want from you are
called "love bombers." Before they get you in their clutches, they
shower you with love and affection, but once they have you enmeshed
in their webs, their black-widow natures emerge.Read more... )
The above quote taken from:
Cheap Psychological Tricks: What to do when hard work, honesty, and
perseverance fail
by Perry W. Buffington, Ph.D. Atlanta: Peachtree
Publishers Ltd, 1996.
evile: (Default)
From: "Match Girl42" <matchgirl42@h...>
Date: Fri Mar 30, 2001 9:34pm
Subject: Fw:WIFE FINALLY SEES THE LIGHT ABOUT HER CONTROLLING HUSBAND


Please pass this on to everyone you know, male and female. You may
save a life!

-original feature-
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "At My Wit's End," whose best friend's
husband was insanely jealous, prompted me to write.

For 13 years, I was married to a very controlling, much older man. A
woman named "Helen" from church would call me occasionally. Since I wasn't
allowed to have friends, each time she called, my husband would make a scene
in the background. I was extremely embarrassed, but one day she said: "He's
trying to run me off. He may have been in your life a long time before me,
but I'll be around long after he's gone!"

That statement caused me to review my situation and realize the
extent to which I was being controlled. Suddenly, I experienced a feeling of
power where before I felt helpless. I came to realize that I was miserable
in my marriage, but I had believed it was all my fault. Had it not been for
Helen's comment, I might still be in that abusive relationship (which
it was).

That was 20 years ago. I divorced him, and my life has changed
tremendously since then. Please, Abby, tell "Wit's End" she may be her friend's
only link to a new life. -- BEEN THERE IN TEXAS

DEAR BEEN THERE: I'll do better than that. I'll point out that being
isolated from friends and family by a partner -- male or female -- is
one sign of a potential abuser. Read on for some other signs (adapted
with permission from the Project for Victims of Family Violence in
Fayetteville, Ark.):

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've
never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner
for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits
unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet
someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're
late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money;
insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and
meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses
people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive
you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone
else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser
says, "You make me angry," instead of, "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me
by not doing what I tell you."

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when
he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just
a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals
brutally. Also, may expect children to do things that are far beyond their
ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper), or may tease them until
they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse
children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or
holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape
exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel,
hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve
sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID SEX ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says
the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck,"
or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way,"
or "I didn't really mean it." If the abuse has gone this far -- it's time
to get help or get out!
-----

[[Edit: Threats of Violence, in my experience, can also include threats of violence against the self or other family members/pets/children. "If you leave, I'll kill myself," "If you leave, don't expect to see [pet, child, other family member] again in this lifetime"]]

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