http://sineater.livejournal.com/43125.html( Read more... )
If any of you are curious about this or want my perspective, I'm here. Unlike Sineater, whose MO seems to be 'letting me have it' and then slamming the door on me, and Skye, whose policy of discouraging "negativity and nastiness" involves deleting LJ comments rather than responding...
I am not up to a point-by-point response to this at the moment, and I have other things to do.
Suffice it to say that I do not base my opinions on his relationshp on hearsay, but on what I have seen and heard with my own eyes & ears, theier own words and actions, which support my perception that his relationship is abusive.
Nobody wants to hear that about themselves or their SO. I wouldn't have believed anyone (and didn't believe anyone) when they tried to point out that fungus_finger
and I had an unhealthy relationship. I have wasted a lot of time and energy on saying flat-out what I think, which in hindsight was truly obnoxious self-righteous judgemental behavior...and it was totally the wrong thing to do.
I am not wrong in what I think and feel, but I was wrong in
how I went about
sharing it with him.
Damage is done, the relationship isn't fixable.
But I suspect that if he was as 'indifferent' as he claims, he would not have friended me on LJ in the first place [yeah, I don't know how you do that with a 'misclick'], responded to my private message sent to him telling him that I felt like I was being placed in a 'no win' situation, and then done this post in LJ to follow up.
Anyway...my friend lovely_fatima
posted in her LJ a few days ago about a similar situation she went thru and the lessons of hindsight. I can only learn and go foward. I can't fix or change what I did, and I can't build trust when sineater believes the worst about me no matter what I say or do. And I certainly can't relate to a person as vengeful and unforgiving as skye_ds is. She remembers every bad thing that was said or done to her as if it was yesterday, it still hurts and offends her, and she won't forgive, forget, or believe that someone is truly apologetic or has truly changed. You don't get second chances with her.
And, bottom line, I don't like the way she treats people, I don't want to be around her, and he's made it plain he's a package deal.
So, end of the story. I'll see him again years from now at her funeral, or I'll see him again at his funeral. But until then we go our ways. Sad. I used to think family shouldn't be that way, but I am starting to formulate a concept of 'family' vs 'relatives' and by making that distinction, I can live with the idea of not being in each other's lives, or not trying to save him from a burning building. He doesn't want to be saved. I don't understand it, but I have got to get emotional distance from it, because it isn't healthy for me to keep on worrying over him.