evile: (dorothy)
Had an 'interesting' online conversation with a nice older lady who was having conflict with her husband's ex wife and adult children. She proposed training the ex and adult kids as if she was training dogs, which she is apparently an expert dog trainer, with an expert bestfriend who is an experienced expert in training all animals, including marine mammals. I and a few others absolutely could *not* get through to this lady that treating people as if they are animals to be trained is a poor idea. It was 'interesting' to say the least. Boundaries, in her mind, meant that she would say "no cursing in my home" and deliver appropriate punishments if the ex wife or adult children engaged in profanity.

I have struggled, and continue to struggle with appropriate setting and maintaining of boundaries. What I do understand of them, they are not a means of controlling others behavior. They are a means of protecting yourself.

I like what this website has to say about boundaries. The language is simple and easy to understand, but the concepts are very profound. http://www.angriesout.com/DatingAbuse.htm

evile: (2014)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
--Marcus Aurelius



Anger shatters our calm. Some of us show it in loud bursts; others just quietly stew. Sometimes we feel angry inside but we still want to look kind and unperturbed, so our anger comes out sideways, hurting someone indirectly or in sneaky ways. We all have felt the pangs of regret after we said or did something in anger. We wish we could magically turn back the clock and undo the moment, gather up the pieces, and put them back together again.

No one can simply banish the basic human emotion of anger from his life. To be responsible, we must accept our anger. It arises from within us and handling it is our own responsibility, even when we are perfectly justified in feeling angry. We choose our way to express it. It is never responsible to say, "You made me angry, so it's your fault that I blew up."

After accepting our anger we strive to develop a space between the feeling and our actions. We learn to notice our feelings before they reach the explosion point. In that mental space we choose how to express them.

Today I will notice and accept my anger, than choose respectful ways to express it.





You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

Wisdom to Know © 2005 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (clutter)
There seems to be a giant rash of faux apologies going around my friends list in Facebook lately. People saying things like "I tend to be brash and don't realize I've hurt someone's feelings until after it's too late," and "I hurt you and you broke my heart and I know you won't forgive me," and "I'm such a terrible person," bla bla bla. And that is to say nothing of the sorrowful kittens and puppehs with cute little captions about "I sowwy"...e.Gads.

What is the point, exactly, of making such announcements to the world at large? Would it not be more productive to actually approach the person you think is angry with you, in a forum less public than Facebook, to try and sort things out?

But then I had my A-HA moment and realized that all these apologies are just dramatic productions with no intention of apology, forgiveness, or reconciliation at heart. Just a big show, oh poor pitiful me, look how hard I tried to get so and so to forgive me, and isn't so and so such a big fat stupid jerk for not forgiving me...uh huh.

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/apology.shtml
evile: (Bitchplz)
http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/03/poor-narcissist-feels-threatened.html

This one hit the spot today; I've had more than one person in my past tell me that I'm "intimidating," one of them mentioned that she felt threatened by the fact that I have "perfect hair"

At the time I didn't understand what was going on...but this hit the nail on the head.

They feel "intimidated" that you have perfect hair, and that justifies the subsequent attempts to destroy your fucking life. Because they felt "threatened" by you. Being happy. Having a good life. Having a loving relationship. Somehow that hurts them and justifies any goddamned horrible thing they want to do to you.

And, sadly, the nicer you try to be, the more supportive and kind and "Well, you have great hair, too," the more threatened and unhappy the malignant narcissist feels. They just cannot be happy if you are happy, if you have one good thing. You are happy, healthy, loving,and loved and they can't fucking stand it. You must be destroyed.

It's so crazy making. I'm so glad those persons are not part of my immediate sphere any more.

bleh

Jan. 29th, 2013 10:04 pm
evile: (Celtic Knot)
My aunt L. suggests that every time I'm at a steampunk gathering and a certain person gives me the stinkeye, I should smile and wave. haha. I may, at that. But mostly I'm going to try harder to ignore, spend time with my friends, be myself, have fun, and not worry about whether or not someone is glaring at me. (someone told me she wore a leash and collar to Clockwork Carnival at Elysium this past Friday. haa. I didn't notice. She was wearing her same old purple and black lack-of-coverage dress and her little stovepipe hat. she really needs more coverage of her boobs.) And, seriously, one of those pitiful, raggedy, hangdog men she slaps around physically and verbally was supposedly her "top" or something, supposed to be holding her leash?? It is to laugh. She may be lazy, but she is not a sub.

===========================================================
There's an annoying burner/steampunk/poly person/'famous' 'author' who has continued to slander the Austin Poly group, and to a smaller extent, the Flipside burner crowd. I was subscribed to her blog and comments for a while. Too long. I figured out today how to to unsub from all of that. She's a trainwreck. One of her most recent posts talked about how her husband had a really bad fall and injuries, and while she was at the hospital keeping him company or whatever, some of his family members were supposed to be taking care of her pets...and one of the pets died. I feel sorry as hell for the animal, and I offered condolences. I may not agree with things she says, and her slander makes me angry, but no animal should suffer like hers did, and it's always very sad to lose a four-foot.

She deleted my comment and wrote a follow up in which she paraphrased my comment, demanded an apology, and told me to Fuck Off.

Well...I'm not inclined to offer apologies to people who delete my actual words, put words in my mouth, and drop eff bombs on me. That's not how grownups deal with each other.

So....unsubbed. I can't stop her from slandering my friends, I can't make her grow the fuck up, get a job, and stop whining about everything. "My husband can't work for the next 6 months while he heals, we'll have no money, everyone is so meeeeean, whatever shall Pretty Pretty Princess doooooo?" Well, sweetie, you seem able bodied and you can read and write in English, so you're fucking employable. Go work and support your family. You know, like your husband has been supporting your no-talent lazy ass for the last however-long.

Someone else said "oh, she's bipolar, she can't work," to which I say Bull.Shiat.

I'm clinically depressed, have been for years, and guess what, I work, I pay bills, I take responsibility for my life, and I (generally) don't treat people like shit, let alone go around telling people to fuck off while demanding that they apologize to me.

Mental illness can be an explanation, it should never be an excuse.

I have friends on disability for mental health stuff and I don't guess I'd ever say any of that to their faces, but in all raw honesty, in my experience, having a job and plans and obligations out in the world is, if nothing else, a good bandaid for mental health issues. The more time you spend at home alone with nothing to do and no people to reality check yourself with, the more the worms can chase themselves around in your head.

Ok

Nov. 5th, 2012 11:10 pm
evile: (bike)
I've posted in LJ, FB, and G+ where and when I'm going to be this Saturday; those who fuss and whine that I'm 'harassing' and 'stalking' have no excuse to act surprised or upset if they arrive at the event and have to see me.

Fairly warned be ye, sez I.
evile: (monkey)
Someone who is a friend of mine and also a friend of my SIL skye_ds sent me what appears to be a cut and paste from "Skye"s facebook status. the message reads as follows:


Andrea 'Skye' Drake Stephan They're lucky I stopped with just Separated. Either of them so much as thinks about breathing in the direction of pushing me further, and it will be Single.

just thought you should know that she is basicly dumping eric and marcus dunno how long it will last she does this often but for some reason think this time its for real


So...first thought: BREATHE, BREATHE LITTLE MAN!!!!!

second: does she actually think that changing your Facebook relationship status is some sort of legally-binding action?

and third: the person who forwarded me this is the same person who told me I was a bad person for getting "skye" kicked out of the steampunk community [which I didn't actually do], because "skye" was just trying to help Pioneer Farms [whatever.]! and also bitched at me for telling her about the Sherwood Faire clusterfluff in which someone didn't get invited to the Sherwood celtic fest, threw a passive agressive hissy fit in order to get invited, and so apparently to get back at the hosts and other invited guests, extended an invitation to "skye." And what I said about that was basically something like "If 'skye' wasn't such a miserable bitch, I'd feel very sorry for her for having such a shitty friend, who is knowingly bringing her to hang out with a group of people who dislike her,"

Annnnyhoo....I am not holding my breath.

Apparently this is a pattern for "Skye", to get mad and throw man or men out, and then to eventually get over it after said man or men has groveled about, posted in their LJ or the Poly Austin Yahoo group, or wherever, about what a terrible person he is for making "Skye" so mad she had to beat him (or whatever), and after some public humiliation [often involving her forcing them to kneel and apologize in front of everyone, from what I've been told by members of her HFS kingdom]...everything will be 'forgiven' {read: she will save this misdeed to throw back in their face another day, but for now they will be permitted to once again live in her home, serve her, feed and care for her animals and vehicles, pay her bills, and enjoy her company. ugh.}

Anyhoo..........whatever whatever. I don't know why the person sent me that info if she doesn't want me talking shit about "skye" to her. I thanked her for the info and left it at that.
evile: (blinky)
http://www.wheresthemoon.com/

Is it loyalty?Or sado-masochism?


The Art and Politics of saying Good-byeRead more... )

all of which reminded me of reading this a few weeks ago.

FWIW

Aug. 3rd, 2012 06:59 pm
evile: (cookie Cat)
I have had an experience with A person, B event, or C place that is not the same as yours.
That does not automatically translate to “I think you’re lying”

I have an opinion that differs from yours.
That does not automatically translate to “I am attacking you.”

A bad thing happened to you.
That does not automatically mean that you get to go around saying “I am a good person, and other people are bad people.”

Bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to everyone, all the time. Sometimes as a result of bad decision. Sometimes you're doing something stupid. Sometimes because you’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes you’re trying to do something good and it blows up in your face. Sometimes the bad thing that happens is something that the other person isn't even aware of at the time, and it's in no way aimed at you, personally (standing at the bus stop on a rainy day, someone drives by in a hurry and splashes water on you...) Shit happens. All the time. To everyone.

Demonizing others does not help your cause. Attacking others does not help your credibility. Deciding you’ve been attacked and demonized and running around screaming “I’m a victim!” does not invite people to admire you.

You have the right to your thoughts and feelings. But please realize that putting aside your feelings, organizing your thoughts and presenting events as objectively as possible is the best possible way to win friends and influence people.

Unless you just want headshaking and pity. In which case, just keep on doin' what you're doin'.

Oh, FFS

Apr. 6th, 2012 11:16 am
evile: (dorothy)
Got an email yesterday from Parents Magazine thanking me for my recent 2 year subscription.

Really, Crazy Bitch? After all this time, still takin' these mean spirited, fuckin stupid potshots at a woman you've NEVER MET IN PERSON EVER? Goddamn.

I remain eternally grateful to my lovely sister in law Skye_ds for befriending her and giving her more information about me than is generally available in LJ, so that Crazy Bitch could send magazines to my house, send me email at an email address not attached to my LJ, make threats to my life, and try to get me fired from my job.

But "Skye" magnanimously let me know a couple months ago that she has "forgiven" me my "trespasses" so I guess I just need to shut up and let bygones be bygones, right? Right. I'm sure we all have our little moments where we get a teensy bit upset at someone and talk about killing them horribly and make false reports to their employer so as to deprive them of livelihood. It's a perfectly human failing that we all succumb to from time to time. Completely understandable, reasonable,and sane. Of course. yes.

grr.

.

um...what?

Aug. 25th, 2010 08:55 am
evile: (Bitchplz)
so...someone I dislike, who also dislikes me (and, let's not ever forget 'has threatened my life and tried to get me fired from my job') apparently likes to tell people that the first time we met, I hit on them and offered to sleep with them AND the person they were dating...(um, what? I was a virgin at that time and yes I was a flirty virgin, and sometimes a drunk flirty virgin, but such kinky stuff had never even crossed my pure and somewhat prudish little mind at the time.)

I mentioned this to [livejournal.com profile] idiomagic last night, because I was totally perplexed as to why someone would say that...when it's a damn lie, PLUS they hate my guts.

Idiomagic is a pretty brilliant judge of character; she suggested that the person says this because in their mind, everything I do and say is because I was scorned and rejected...so I'm just mad because they didn't sleep with me, and that's why I don't like them. Has nothing to do, of course, with their unfortunate personality or the inappropriate way they behave and the shoddy way they treat people. Nope, nope, it's cuz I wanted them terribly and they turned me down.

hahah. Brilliant.

ya know...

Feb. 23rd, 2010 03:10 pm
evile: (Bitchplz)
When someone has made threats in their LJ, enjoys bragging about being an expert with firearms, enjoys telling stories about defacing property with bladed weapons, threatening strangers in public restaurants with bladed weapons, and you know that they dislike you and blame you for a good number of their personal problems...it seems like a smart thing to do to just kind of send out feelers every once in a while to see what they're blogging about publicly, where they might be planning on going (just so you can decide whether or not it's worth it for you to also be there), and, if possible, where they ARE at any given moment, just to have some peace of mind that they haven't been driving by your home or workplace with any sort of frequency.

It's like...I don't think I have enough tangible info to take out a restraining order, but I don't have 100% peace of mind that you're not going to flip your wig someday soon and come by my house or workplace with weapons of some kind and malicious intent.

Does it count as 'stalking' to check up on someone who has made those sorts of threats in the past (and, for all I know, is continuing to make them)?

I am just looking. I'm not saying anything to them, not leaving comments in their LJ or replies to their comments in mutual friends' LJs...just trying to stay aware of where they are, what they're doing, and whether or not they are working themselves up into a potential deadly temper.

And all of this is exacerbated, of course, by their convictions that I am out to get them, plotting against them, poisoning or attempting to poison mutual friends against them, etc etc etc. Because the 'they' of which I speak has little to no understanding that when people don't like them, it is based on what they, themselves, say and do, and not on my say-so.

Warning:

Feb. 11th, 2010 09:41 am
evile: (TX)
There are two legged humanoids walking this earth who are not human. Whether they are sick or evil is a pointless distinction, and while you're arguing about it, they'll rip your throat out. They are predators. They affect human language and ape human behaviors, but have no human feelings whatsoever. They merely use the words of emotions and caring and kindness in order to get close to victims so that they may feed. Their sustenance may be any or all of the following: attention, sex, drama, money, power, your unhappiness, 'narcissitic supply' or other.

Kindness, attempts at understanding, and attempts at respect will only get you mangled by these things. They view love, empathy, kindness, and caring as 'weakness' to be exploited, rather than positive traits to emulate.

Avoid or put down as if they were rabid dogs. Those are the only options you have when dealing with such. They do not think or feel as humans do; it's a pointless waste of time to try and figure out why they're doing what they're doing. The answer is relatively simple: They are trying to prey on you or someone you care about. Trying to give rational explanations won't help you, stopping to try and figure it out just slow you down enough so that the creature can catch you and drain you dry.

whoa!

Aug. 7th, 2009 11:15 am
evile: (static)
So....I hadn't logged in to OKCupid in a couple months. I did so this morning to make up a flowchart thingy and what did I find?

My stalker list showed that 'bramblekite' looked at my profile. I thought, 'gee that's wierd, why is it showing me that I looked at myself?', and then I went on to my OKC inbox. Where I found that bramblekite_ had added me to their favorites on 7/26 and 'winked' at me on 7/28.

Look carefully. I'm bramblekite. They are Bramblekite_.

Going to their profile page shows that they cut and pasted my info on to their profile. But they didn't have the tits to steal my photos. Which is good, I guess.

And, for even more fun, apparently "bramblekite_" placed a craigslist ad, as referenced by several messages from some squiffy-looking old doods who mention that they, too, are just looking to get laid and can we hook up?

LOL!

Well-played, cyber stalker, whoever you are! (I have some ideas, but no proof obviously. heheehe.)

so...

Sep. 12th, 2008 12:06 pm
evile: (TX)
As I was walking toward the bus stop yesterday afternoon, I realized that there's a very real chance that Palin will be the first female president in United States history. She doesn't have the experience to do a good job by herself, and her much-touted 'maverick' tendencies indicate she won't evne take the advice of seasoned White House personnel like Shrubby did. So we're kinda fucked if that happens.

And whose fault is it going to be? The Women. Us uppity bitches who nagged and bitched and whined and moaned and picketed and protested and suffered until we got the vote.

Watch it happen.

Only a politician/fratboy/abusive asshole (of which our leadership is all of the above) could give us what we said we wanted and manage to turn it around so that it hurts us badly*.

I know this trick. I know this game. I was in such a relationship in my personal life. Everything I asked for got turned around and used to punish me. I know this trick. It works.

Watch it happen.


---
* just one example, from personal experience:

"You ASKED me to come with you to this thing with you, and here I am at this thing with you, [half an hour late, after kicking furniture and yelling at the dog and breaking things because you couldn't find your shoes/wallet/keys, then getting in the car and driving like a maniac and screaming loudly--right in my ear--at the other drivers for being in your way, then proceeding to make me pay your admission because you 'forgot' to have cash, be ugly to the employees at the venue, and bitch about our seats the entire time so that there was no way in hell I'd enjoy the thing I asked you to attend with me.] NOW what the fuck are you complaining about!? It's just a no-win situation with you all the time, isn't it?"
evile: (Pippi Longstocking)
LJ is now fixed so that if you're not authorized to view an entry, it doesn't show up as a highlighted date on the user's calendar/archive page.

You used to be able to see highlighted days of WHEN someone makes posts without being on their Friends List. So you can't see the subject text or anything else, but you can see the fact that they posted on a certain day or the number of posts they made on a certain day. At one point fairly recently, I saw [livejournal.com profile] sineater had sporadic posts as recently as 5/16, and then they all seemed to disappear. I kind of freaked out because it looked like he'd deleted all entries since January and I was really worried about him, but of course have no way to communicate with him (his choice).

ANYWAY, Mystery solved. New LJ feature, not him deleting in preparations for another shit-storm. All good. I hope. It's a few days to their anniversary, about a week to her birthday, so if he survives that, I guess he'll be OK until the crisis period of his birthday/Thanksgiving/Xmas.
evile: (Default)
http://sineater.livejournal.com/43125.htmlRead more... )

If any of you are curious about this or want my perspective, I'm here. Unlike Sineater, whose MO seems to be 'letting me have it' and then slamming the door on me, and Skye, whose policy of discouraging "negativity and nastiness" involves deleting LJ comments rather than responding...

I am not up to a point-by-point response to this at the moment, and I have other things to do.

Suffice it to say that I do not base my opinions on his relationshp on hearsay, but on what I have seen and heard with my own eyes & ears, theier own words and actions, which support my perception that his relationship is abusive.

Nobody wants to hear that about themselves or their SO. I wouldn't have believed anyone (and didn't believe anyone) when they tried to point out that [livejournal.com profile] fungus_finger and I had an unhealthy relationship. I have wasted a lot of time and energy on saying flat-out what I think, which in hindsight was truly obnoxious self-righteous judgemental behavior...and it was totally the wrong thing to do.

I am not wrong in what I think and feel, but I was wrong in how I went about sharing it with him.

Damage is done, the relationship isn't fixable.

But I suspect that if he was as 'indifferent' as he claims, he would not have friended me on LJ in the first place [yeah, I don't know how you do that with a 'misclick'], responded to my private message sent to him telling him that I felt like I was being placed in a 'no win' situation, and then done this post in LJ to follow up.

:(

Anyway...my friend [livejournal.com profile] lovely_fatima posted in her LJ a few days ago about a similar situation she went thru and the lessons of hindsight. I can only learn and go foward. I can't fix or change what I did, and I can't build trust when sineater believes the worst about me no matter what I say or do. And I certainly can't relate to a person as vengeful and unforgiving as skye_ds is. She remembers every bad thing that was said or done to her as if it was yesterday, it still hurts and offends her, and she won't forgive, forget, or believe that someone is truly apologetic or has truly changed. You don't get second chances with her.

And, bottom line, I don't like the way she treats people, I don't want to be around her, and he's made it plain he's a package deal.

So, end of the story. I'll see him again years from now at her funeral, or I'll see him again at his funeral. But until then we go our ways. Sad. I used to think family shouldn't be that way, but I am starting to formulate a concept of 'family' vs 'relatives' and by making that distinction, I can live with the idea of not being in each other's lives, or not trying to save him from a burning building. He doesn't want to be saved. I don't understand it, but I have got to get emotional distance from it, because it isn't healthy for me to keep on worrying over him.
evile: (Default)
For some reason This keeps coming up in conversation. I swear to god, I am not always the one bringing it up.

But I just can't shake the mental image of some limp-dicked little looney with his calipers and snippers in hand, measuring submissive wifey's pudenda* hairs. The mind boggles. Who DOES this? Who would LIKE doing this? Crazy. All I got to say is if he's down there and he doesn't have anything better in mind than clipping...well, that's just sad. He's Not Marriage Material, IMHO.

*Oh, my god! I used my favorite word!

yay!

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evile: (Default)
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